#but i keep expecting to hear my garble boy meowing for breakfast upon hearing me awake

[orcelito]

And here I am awake again

Life goes on

#speculation nation #you can have one of the most painful and miserable nights of your life. & then you wake up and it's a new day. #and your head hurts and your bed is one cat less full #it's less miserable than after sammy. at least marginally. because i do still have tally. #but i keep expecting to hear my garble boy meowing for breakfast upon hearing me awake #he was so much more aware than sammy was right before putting him down. which kinda makes it feel worse. #he didnt have hope for a happy life. it would've been expensive and miserable. and he was Already miserable. #but that was my boy. he was awake and purring as i showered him with as much love as physically possible #so it feels like i killed him. i know there wasnt any other choice but i killed him. and he had no way to know what was happening. #he was feeling shitty. then out of nowhere i grabbed him and put him in a box where he was poked and prodded at by strangers #and then hours later i came back. he was still in a strange place but i was there. so he was purring. #and then another strange person came in. started touching him. and then that was it. #i have a reinforcement of the bad association for cat tongue sticking out. both sammy and cassy ended up with theirs out. #a cat blep is much less cute if it makes you think about how your boys looked when they died. #suffice to say. i started crying while typing these tags. thats cry number 15 i guess. #it just sucks. it really really sucks. #animal death ment/ #negative/