#but i live for the angst so i like it kspskapakapaka

[lover-of-mine]

Buck breakdown fic :3

-@try-set-me-on-fire

Okay, that one is me trying my hand at diving into Buck's head, as far as I can go. The general concept is Eddie and Chris are caught in a really bad pileup, the 118 is actually one of the houses that responds to it, and Buck doesn't know how to handle the situation, triggering all sorts of stuff. I wanted to play with Buck getting triggered by someone else being in danger and it's easier for me to direct these feelings to Eddie, but if Eddie was the only one hurt, Buck would still bury it for Chris' sake, so I had to make Chris the trigger. It actually started because I kept thinking about Buck in the hospital waiting room waiting for news and someone telling him he is Chris' emergency contact and later finding out that Eddie's advanced directive names him as responsible for Chris' and Eddie's medical decision. I have honestly cried writing most of what I have written kspskspskpaka. My goal is to have Buck screaming, crying, and throwing up, and get him back in therapy. I'm also diving into one layer of the will reveal that I think exists from Buck's side, because I think Buck resents Eddie a little bit for it, because Eddie is forcing Buck to be okay with the idea of him dying, and I have this scene where Buck's yelling at Eddie about it that's the thing that keeps me going, I am writing this fic to reach that scene lol. I'm going back and forth with how badly injured Chris is in this because Eddie is in bad shape, so realistically Chris would also be quite hurt, but I feel so bad hurting him, I keep changing his injuries kspskaakap. If I can make it look half as good as the story I see in my head, this is gonna be my favorite thing I've ever done, but I write it in little bursts because it is emotionally heavy. But I do love this concept so much. Here's the last snippet I've posted. And a little bit of the fight that's actually the climax of the story but it's also the first thing I wrote because I wasn't sure if this idea was worth writing but then I got too attached kspkappakapa

"I knew how-" Eddie cuts himself with a sigh, running a hand over his face, "I thought I knew how you were going to react." "Don't, okay?" Buck shakes his head, trying to keep himself calm, but he's not sure if he actually can, "I'm not the unreasonable one here, were you ever gonna tell me about any of it? If you hadn't been shot would you even tell me about Chris at all? Or if something had happened to you, was all the warning I was gonna get a lawyer saying good luck you're a parent now? After finding out I was responsible for you too? Congratulations you get a kid and a life without him?"

#i like the idea of writing Buck mad with a reason and just fully loosing his filter #just saying everything #and thats whats happening im this scene #and eddie is really confused about the extent of bucks reaction for a while there before he gets what he's saying #its a fun one that i think its gonna be too angsty for most people #but i live for the angst so i like it kspskapakapaka #brick 💜 #i really need a tag for asks #buck breakdown fic #wip ask game