#but idk i think less nowadays. it helps to figure myself an unsocialized dog. something to be solved by careful hands

[angelhound]

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#have been writing lately instead of painting and idk…. how i feel about that #never have i considered myself a writer #i mean i write bad romantic poetry sure. but im writing fiction. novels if u will. and i Like it. :/ #its uncomfortable. idk. maybe if i make companion paintings itll feel less obscure. perhaps a web comic will come out of it #ive never been into structured writing ever ever. but it felt… salty. like sweat drying on your skin. gratifying. to finish a whole piece. #it was a fit of mania perhaps. and i have more still bubbling there is much to create. i just have never created in this format before #hate it almost. digging my heels but its pointless to resist where the water knows to go you know? i cannot feel this way about painting #if that is not what is meant to be made at this time. the wild horse of inspiration will not bend to my comfort #yes i know i am an artist in the worst way. yes im aware of how i sound. i am not proud but i suppose i cannot either be ashamed #if i cannot be another way #idk i always wanted to be an airhead lol. before anyways. my grandfather does not understand his gift is as enviable as my own #hes not an airhead you could not imagine so after listening to him. but he is enigmatic in that way. #socialized better maybe. the gift of living as you imagine because you are not imagining at all #i never wanted to be reclusive. driven by fits of madness. but i dont have another way known to me #the life i imagine is lived by those who are not imagining it #but idk i think less nowadays. it helps to figure myself an unsocialized dog. something to be solved by careful hands #ugh. god with how i talk sometimes i wonder how it surprises me to become a pos writer. who else talks like that #anyways im incredibly ill still lol going to again attempt to shower the virus out of me