#but shhhh not gonna mention that til after thursday

[never-not-ever]

Do you know what really strikes me as odd.. how I remember ah yes this was the CVS I bought self harm supplies when I relapsed during the Summer of 2018...

Earlier tonight I got Chipotle and went next door to CVS and as I’m walking in I’m reminded of that Summer. I was saving up to get my tattoo and then I ended up taking a leave from work, canceling my tattoo appointment and going into treatment. I don’t know why but I remember specifically it was that CVS that I went to and said fuck it and wasted money on self harm supplies and a bunch of other shit, probably binge food back then. 

When I walked into that CVS tonight this intrusive thought popped into my mind go to the stationary isle and buy a ____ just like last time. You’re stressed out today so it makes sense that today would be the day you relapse. 

Like ew, no, get the fuck out. I’m trying to prove to my psychiatrist that I’m “in a better place” so that I can start a new weight loss medication. Not trying to screw up this chance at losing weight. 

#personal #laughing at myself because sure I'm not self harming #but like uhhh clearly my mindset is still a bit fucked when it comes to body image and weightloss #but shhhh not gonna mention that til after thursday #just like last time with the surgery