#can i please find the first man who smoked tobacco and mass marketed it

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god oh my god this sucks so fucking much, i knew today would be the worst day so far but holy fucking shit i truly just wish i was fucking dead!!

#i have a job interview tomorrow and there was ONE THING that i needed to do this weekend to prepare for it #and we were both going through withdrawals so badly that i DIDNT FUCKING DO IT #im literally just so angry at myself and at everything else in the world and i've been so fucking mean to the cats today and i hate myself #about it #i dont even WANT to go to the fucking interview tomorrow i just want to kill myself and cry and die and fucking give up on it all #this sucks so fucking badly oh my fucking god and i would bet you all like 500 fucking dollars #that ethan relapses on it today while he's at work and comes home fucking STINKING and making it worse for me #YET AGAIN #oh my god im so fucking angry im so fucking angry i just wanna scream and punch and throw and smash #AND I JUST HAVE TO KEEP IT ALL LOCKED UP INSIDE ME THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION NO FUCING OPTIONS NO CHOICES NOTHING #there will never be anything for me in this life and i dont know why i've been pretending otherwise #GOD it hasnt even been 72 hours yet can i please just be done #can i please find the first man who smoked tobacco and mass marketed it #AND FUCKING STRANGLE HIM TO DEATH???????????? #im gonna kill and cry and die and hate my life my self my everything #ive just been crying so many fucking angry tears #like i'll be so angry and when it does come out it comes as tears and i personally???? hate that shit so much #makes me feel so fucking weak #fuck everybody fuck god fuck nice people fuck mean people fuck the normalizing of horrible drugs fuck addiction and fuck myself #just gotta keep telling myself i dont need it