#cause I’ve seen people reblog in support of both ‘sides’ quote unquote & I just wanted to sort of reconcile that

[cindysnuts]

I can’t say I’m a big fan of the whole “just call me a slur” trend on tiktok right now. Like even though it’s a real good and punchy finisher for your joke, and I have to admit I’ve found it funny, it’s kinda emblematic of a hatred of anything soft or joke-y regarding their gender, ie saying “I’d rather you call me a slur than ‘theydy or gentlethem.’” Like cmon it’s just a cute and kinda funny thing to say! Let your guard down a little lol.

However, I cannot fully condemn the trend either, because I do see where it is coming from. There is a large trend of these cutesy nicknames infantalizing gay or trans people, which can be frustrating for the young adults just coming to term with what their gender and sexuality are, relative to each other. Not only is being belittled very frustrating at that age (which is an age group very common on tiktok), it is even more frustrating when it comes at an angle that specifically infantalizes your queer identity.

And that’s without mentioning the infantilization that trans men have to put up with, and, from what I’ve seen (though this is kinda speculation), amab enbys have to put up with too. Something about being seen as a “diet man” makes people belittle or infantilize these trans people in order to circumvent their own feelings on men and toxic masculinity? And I think the discomfort that comes from being treated like they’re either going be “dangerous men” or else the less threatening “UwU precious baby they/them bunny” is definitely a valid response to this stifling dichotomy.

And let me be clear here that it’s not really anyone’s “fault,” because our society just has a Man Problem, and we all know it, so these sorts of things are bound to arise. For the people who actually make those tiktoks, well they aren’t all just fun hating pessimists, they’re also people who are upset with how “theydy” or “gentlethem” lowkey genders them, or how it can infantilize them against their will! (Tho they probably should stop saying to call them a slur, tbh. like, I get it, but your whiteness is showing; you should probably not keep doing that lol. I’m not as familiar with how it could be interpreted by nonwhite people, and/or their exact feelings on it, so I can’t really expand upon it from that angle too much. But, as a white person, I can definitely recognize the white privilege that is necessary for you to be able to say something like that.)

And for the people who say “theydies and gentlethem,” many are enbys themselves who think it’s cute or funny, not just cishets who don’t understand and want to belittle you. I would just say to them, yknow, don’t ask people if you can address them this way or that, just let them lay out on their own terms what they’re comfortable with! If they ID as a “theydy” good for them!! If they say “use they/them pronouns ONLY! Do not get cutesy with my gender please” then good for them too! You have to respect both because you have to respect others!!

#long post #use of queer #talking about slurs #I think I’d rather you just call me a slur #just some thoughts I had late at night and thought I’d write them down #cause I’ve seen people reblog in support of both ‘sides’ quote unquote & I just wanted to sort of reconcile that #feel free to discuss just know that I’m shit at responding!!! aksbsksbsksbs #also I’m verrry sensitive to rejection so if you have any comments or critiques please just make them constructive!! lol #also ty for reading this far 🥺🥺💖 even if it is only just future me that reads this again lol #but if it’s not then ty!!