#chrys is NEVER gonna beat back the catboy allegations

[mirage-of-the-virtuoso]

Chrysallus stares at the mirror, uncertainty in his eyes as they drift up to his hair.

A twitch of an ear. A swivel of the other.

Swish... swish... a cat tail dragging on the fabric of his coat, hidden from sight.

He's not sure why he went through this process. The mesmer had been tinkering with cosmetic tonics, for partial transformations, for little bits of entertainment here and there.

After that damn courtier (ex-courtier, he reminds himself) dropped a potion near him, Auri, and itself, they had sprouted cat ears and tails for a short time.

He's not sure when they wore off (each sylvari's partial transformation had worn off at different times, and no one really pointed it out to him), but he supposed he had gotten used to being... obvious to people.

Chrys reached up to touch the leafy cat ears on his head, almost feeling shy about them.

Something about these little additions made him feel... real. Felt seen.

He had been so used and bogged down by how "powerful" and "unreachable" he is in status, in power. He's so used to having to play the part of the unaffected commander, the unbreakable champion of Tyria. So used to being alone...

One would think he'd be better at managing the stress of it all, or getting help from all the trauma.

Since when has the Commander ever been in need of saving? Especially from himself?

Chrys shook the thoughts from his mind, then looks back at the ears on his head, seeing them fold back.

Before the ears, the only indication of his stress were the flowers that bloomed in his hair, or worse, the flowers that shredded his throat and incapacitated him afterwards.

When the "cat incident" happened, people seemed to understand his stress a lot better, especially any charr in the area (or anyone who's had a cat) were able to translate his body language with ease.

It no longer felt like he had to speak what was on his mind, or wish that others could read his mind.

Even before this incident, the mesmer had heard others refer to him as "Catmander" when they think he can't hear them.

The blue sylvari crosses his arms, still contemplating the ears that are now fully grown and visible on his head.

He feels people would judge him differently.

They would think him childish.

Acting like a sapling.

Acting a fool and treating everything like a joke.

Why did he even bother with this? Others would just make fun of him for this.

He just wants to be seen and understood when common socializing is difficult.

Is that so much to ask...?

His hands tightly grasp the sleeves of his coat, the anxiety gnawing on his mind with every second.

Chrysallus hears a loud noise and hides the cat ears and tail with mesmer magic, his thorns fluffing up.

Turns out it was one of his many cats knocking over something. He exhales, his ears and tail reappearing as he catches his breath from being startled.

He glances back at the mirror. Should he keep it? Should he get rid of them?

Chrys feels... well, not "whole", but like he doesn't need to hide, that he'll be treated better with them, expressing his emotions better than he can say.

On the other hand, his anxiety and paranoia is whispering into his mind, making the blue sylvari fear about being treated like a joke, and bringing down the rest of his friends, of his loved ones.

... Maybe he needs to hide out somewhere for a while, so he can think about this in a place where he can't be seen and judged by others before he's ready.

Auri might be upset, though. They said something about a mender appointment, but Chrys had forgotten when that was supposed to be; knowing his luck, it's sometime this week.

Oh well. He's- sure(?) they'll understand. Hopefully.

#catmander chrysallus #au!chrysallus #or maybe it can get folded into the actual canon...? 👀 #ramblings of chrysallus #chrys is NEVER gonna beat back the catboy allegations #what better way than to make him an actual catboy #still thinking about it tho #sylvari commander #gw2 pact commander #chrys writes #my ocs