#close friends they were fandom mutuals. btw this isn't about anyone in particular this has happened for most fandoms i've been in

[eggmeralda]

can you get burnout from doing nothing

#or am i going through a mental breakdown. based on the symptoms matching whatever the past week has had going on #unless it was caused by trying to socialise online #which i am so bad at and i guess seeing other people easily be all friends with each other kind of made my brain go 😨😱😖🤯 #<- along with various other surrounding emojis #i'm stuck at uni rn bc my band has 2 gigs coming up + rehearsals so i have to be here. but there is nothing to do except Think #but yeah there was the alienated fandom feeling bc idk it always feels like everyone speaks to each other in dms and has all this like #lore with each other and i have no idea what's going on #and trying to actually interact is soooooooo exhausting and i always feel like i'm too slow or behind everyone else and yeah #and then camp weehawken began and i couldn't even deal with seeing everyone doing that and all knowing each other really well and idk #so i just left tumblr briefly. bc of everything. bc i'm irrational #basically the worst feeling is when you have friends in a fandom but then your hyperfixation starts to wear off and turns out they weren't #close friends they were fandom mutuals. btw this isn't about anyone in particular this has happened for most fandoms i've been in #it was more of a sudden realisation that's been creeping up on me for years. so to deal with the fading hyperfixation i just had to Go #and now i'm obsessed with threads. which has like no fandom. so at least the hyperfixation fadeout will be easier to deal with lol #but yeah it's that sort of feeling when you finish at some place and you make some friends but once you leave you never talk to them again #and knowing you didn't really leave a strong enough impact on them that they still wanna keep in contact with you #pretty much like that #at the same time though there's nothing to do atm so maybe i am just bored and overthinking #but still it's annoying to go through especially when it's happened for almost every experience in my life #also like I'd occasionally log back into tumblr to see what's going on but i'd see people liking posts on the swag archive and it's like #cool at least people like the archives :') but anyone could've done those #idk it's like i have to do something like that for people to actually care and as soon as i'm not contributing anything then i'm just #forgettable or something #i wanna come back to tumblr but idk if my brain is ready for that dsjkljf. i told myself i'd only come back when things feel stable #but also i'm impatient lol #again this isn't about anyone specific my brain just LOVES to malfunction it's actually its favourite pasttime <3 #but either way if i seem really negative lately or just. weird. it's just my brain being its classic overdramatic self #i mean the thoughts are very real and based on vaguely true evidence but also my brain loves to exaggerate things to sabotage my life #i'm hitting tag limit so anyway. at least threads isn't happening rn so that's pretty good #ramble