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dimples-of-discontent · 7 years

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For anyone who wants it here’s video of the “toys” exchange about Misha from the J2 panel at Nolacon with the audio synced up (the other clip going around was slightly off. Jared launching into the standard bit about how Misha has such a great job because he never works etc etc starts around 10:57.) I feel like to actually meta this properly I’d need gifs and I am technologically incompetent but maybe someone else wants that? (also I’ll happily take recs for easy-to-use gif programs). BUT I have THOUGHTS on the timing and most notably all the significant pauses in this exchange. [I’m a smol baby tumblr and not sure about etiquette--hope it is ok to tag some bloggers/meta writers whose stuff I love reading and who might enjoy this and/or like to have the better version of this video. Sorry if it’s not--I am learning! @weathergirl83 @castiel-left-his-mark-on-me @cocklesheadboop @destiel-cockles-shippers-connect @ozonecologne] First off, once again it’s Jensen who opens the door to this kind of teasing from Jared like the sweet baby angel that he is because he’s so psyched to be talking about Misha that he takes a fairly innocuous joke, Jared’s “That was actually just the nest cam footage from his house,” and turns it into something that invites innuendo, “That’s his bedroom.” He obviously thinks it will end there and gives a sunshine grin for making Jared laugh out loud until Jared’s quick wit catches him again with “They VFX-ed out all the toys.” Then there’s a face-scrunch-half-unicorn-laugh-turn-from-the-audience-and-WALK-THE-FUCK-AWAY reaction because (I’m guessing) he doesn’t want his full and honest reaction to that comment endlessly giffed all over the internet (ahem). But the best, the BEST, are the faces Jared is making at the audience as Jensen paces the stage behind him. They are the literal embodiment of “wink-wink-nudge-nudge” and say “whatever you’re thinking about why my buddy had to get up and walk away from the cameras--yeah, it’s right. I know you know too. We’re all thinking it.” At this point there’s a full 12 seconds where nothing is said while Jensen paces, composes himself, and does the nervous neck-rubbing thing before Jared steps in to pretend that they just meant “his kids’ toys.” I actually think that comment, and how he picks up the narrative thread about Misha not working much, was Jared’s apology since there’s probably literally nothing Jensen could have said *without* sounding incriminating (because we all have trash minds and also because, well, he IS incriminated). Jensen thinks it’s over; he’s safe; he can do the self-soothing thing where he readjusts his clothes and/or does the thigh touch and move on (all while looking down and doing the little derpy Misha grin of course). But WAIT! Jensen has been SO DISTRACTED by the fact that Jared mentioned Misha + sex toys ONSTAGE that he can’t think of a good way to answer a really simple question (albeit one that was framed in an unnecessarily complicated way) about what supernatural creature he’d play. (Side note: can we have a list of blacklisted questions that have been answered too many times before? If they can blacklist for other content why not that?) He hmmms for 10 seconds before Jared steps in with, “Couldn’t have said it better myself.” For context, both for this and for the 12 second pause above, studies in speech patterns consider 4 second pauses “long.” Theater is obviously less exact but I can confirm that 10 seconds is absolutely a long pause in a performance too. (I have lots of academic thoughts about pauses and silences. I will not inflict them on you.) These guys have a great stage rhythm and are suuuuppper practiced at it and I think you’ll find that neither of them will ever let a pause go for longer than about 10 seconds because they are aware of it as a sign that the other is kinda struggling. And since they are ride-or-die buddies who always want to help out the other will typically come to the rescue if the pause is too long. So Jared steps in to help fill the silence, which is very considerate. But then he DOES IT AGAIN by proposing that Jensen would play “one of the toys.” There is NO REASON WHATSOEVER to bring this up again especially since it sent Jensen off into this distracted state in the first place. No reason unless you are a little shit-stirrer (which Jared definitely is). Jensen reacts to this with either a “woah” or a “no” before the little theatrical shudder that we’ve seen him do before (as in the Western/Romcom clip) that is his stage shorthand for “ewwww gross I definitely never think about Misha that way no siree bob nothin’ to see here move along.” Another 5 seconds from the shudder (again, already “long pause” territory) he gives another “no” (or a no-like noise) and then freezes and thinks for another 5 seconds before offering “Donatello.” There’s about 15 seconds between “one of the toys” and “Donatello” during which all we can do is watch Jensen squirm and Jared turn his chair back and forth and stroke his face “innocently” (although clearly it’s all exaggerated I think he maybe regrets taking it that far and is pretty relieved that his friend can save it with the Ninja Turtle joke). They laugh, share some kind of inside joke (my head constructed the joke as one of them saying “that sounds like something Misha would name a dildo” and the other agreeing) and then Jensen turns back and says to the original question-asker, world-wearily, “I don’t know.” The whole thing from the VFX comment to “I don’t know” takes about 1 minute and 40 seconds and literally nothing is said that is *not* pure innuendo about Misha. Which is a not insignificant amount of time for an hour-long panel. Draw your own conclusions. Tl;dr Jared is both wonderful and a total asshole and the long pauses surrounding these comments betray the extent to which Jensen finds the idea of Misha and sex toys incredibly distracting.

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