#correspondance de Savigny-sur-Orge

[perdicinae-observer]

med vänlig hälsning ,

@france-hater

Before Davout was even about to open the letter, he took notice of a particular...stench coming from it. An awakening of his inhuman ability to sniff out traitors, if you will...or perhaps just of a certain crown prince of Sweden.

Davout took a sniff and a moment to process, before his expression twisted into sheer disdain and he gutturally uttered;

Berna-dotte.

#correspondance de savigny-sur-orge #échanges avec le vautour suédois

[perdicinae-observer]

What do you think of Junot ?

I'll bite back my criticisms for now and say I'm unnerved by his state of mind.

#échanges avec des anonymes #correspondance de savigny-sur-orge

[perdicinae-observer]

why does bernadotte love you so much

[*Confused squinting, mumbles*] "Love"? This must be a joke...Is hostility seen as romantic nowadays? Bon Dieu, these young folks should get off their romance novels more often...

[*Clears throat*] ...Very...absurd choice of words, anonyme.

I reckon it's the loneliness getting to him however...you're better off asking the man himself, in my opinion.

#correspondance de savigny-sur-orge #échanges avec des anonymes #échanges avec le vautour suédois #[[literally cannot escape this man]]

[perdicinae-observer]

Hey, Louis - good to have you back with us.

@your-staff-wizard and @chicksncash send their regards;

Mme DuQuay, ADC to both of those old bastards...

Much obliged, Mm DuQuay...it has been a while, yes.

Kindly thank your marshals for me for their regards, I'm sure they are quite busy...whatever it is that they do now.

Praying For your sanity and health,

L Davout.

#échanges avec les aides de camp #Mme DuQuay #correspondance de Savigny-sur-Orge

[perdicinae-observer]

[ bernadotte silently materialised in davout ‘ s room ; he found himself behind a tirelessly working davout & decided upon a sneak attack being the best course of action

as bernadotte approached the unsuspecting man , a creaking floorboard gave him way . alas , davout was unable to react any more than a snap of the head to face his enemy in time to prevent the larger lad from pouncing on him and biting his nose ]

@france-hater

With his attention fixated on writing his correspondence to Soult, Davout didn't notice his nemesis' sudden appearance and approach until it was too late.

WH―

His loud exclamation was cut off as Bernadotte landed a successful chomp on his nose which elicited a loud yelp of pain from Davout. Despite the awkward state of his body and this odd position they were in, Davout was not about to sit there and take it. Knocking down his ink bottle in the process, Davout's hands flew from their original place and dug their nails into his attacker's scalp, yanking at his...her hair harshly.

UNHAND ME, YOU SAVAGE!

#correspondance de savigny-sur-orge #échanges avec le vautour suédois #event - princesse d'eckmühl #subevent - encounter with the devil

[perdicinae-observer]

Welcome to this... Hellsite, duke d'Auerstaedt.

Perhaps this would be a good time to get to know each other, as we never really did in life. Feel free to come for a visit if you are wounded- or just in need of a Hot drink and someone to talk to.

-@trauma-and-truffles

Welcome Duke of Auerstadt! I'm so glad to see you here!

-Larreys Assistant, Hopster

[*rubs head, sighs*]

Mm, surely it can't be as bad as my daily turmoils...

Thank you for the welcoming, doctor...Larrey? Was it? Baron Larrey? The man himself? And his assistant of course, thank you mademoiselle. I've yet to conclude if I regret making my presence known here.

It was a shame I did not frequent your service– wait, no that sounds dumb...

Doctor, I recalled hearing your name many times amongst the soldiers about amputations and other various terrifying subjects, some from these books regarding battlefield medicine I've been reading in my past time, and even from l'empereur himself— he's quite fond of you. [*chuckles*]

But now that you mention it, I never had the chance to thank you face-to-face for the work you've done for our men...I'd like to change that, if you have the time to spare.

How does a lakeside stroll sound?

With care,

L Davout.

#échanges avec le baron docteur #correspondance de Savigny-sur-Orge

[perdicinae-observer]

Wait...if you're Davout...then who am I?? Because I'm also Davout but you're also Davout! Oh my gosh I think I'm going mad!!

[*sips tea*] Ditto.

#échanges avec des anonymes #correspondance de savigny-sur-orge

[perdicinae-observer]

How about I show you some birds too?

- @generaldesaix

The way you phrased that question, I'm beginning to suspect I'm being set up for one of your shenanigans...

I do hope you meant to show me pictures of birds. If so, I certainly wouldn't mind that, Desaix.

With affection,

L Davout.

#échanges avec le sultan juste #correspondance de Savigny-sur-Orge

[perdicinae-observer]

SACRE BLEU

DAVOUST

YOUR SURPRISINGLY HOT!!!

-- The Duke of Montebello, @armagnac-army

...Thank you, Lannes. I feel like shit.

#correspondance de savigny-sur-orge #échanges avec le duc de montebello #event - princesse d'eckmühl

[perdicinae-observer]

Okay so I’m gonna try to explain it (assuming nobody else is gonna do it)

Bessie and Duroc got married and had a baby

Then someone turned Junot into a hamster 🐹 then, to turn Junot back, Duroc tried kissing 💋 Junot. It worked Junot turned human🧑🏻‍🦰 BUT he was naked and he took the opportunity to flirt a bit with Duroc.

THEN Bessie walked in on them 🙀and got jealous

(Bessie is also kinda mad because he feels like he has done most of the work in taking care of their child (🥚Bessie laid an egg🥚 ))

The child’s name was Napoleona BUT then Napoleon started acting like a dick (which was new to these people apparently) and now her name is Helene (I think)

Also Murat has a dinosaur

Also Soult and Ney have fought a few times (but I know deep down inside they still love each other sexually)

The marshal sat up in his seat and gawked at the letter for a long time. Rereading it multiple times and trying to process the information, a stern 'what the actual fuck?' expression remained on his face and he looked like he was either holding in a laughing fit or a cry of terror. (Likely both.)

Anonyme, I have my doubts if your words are true because your explaination is, excuse my language, batshit insane.

I am not a man who frequents the theatre much, but this sounds like a plot of a convoluted comedy play and not something I would expect the esteemed officers of the empire to be up to in our freetime...though I suppose there isn't much to occupy our time in the first place, so I cannot judge them sufficiently. Perhaps I'm not the only insane one these days.

Nonetheless, thank you kindly for your synopsis, anon. Some of the keypoints you provided will be useful starting points for me in my endeavour to get a full understanding of the situation. I'll pretend I didn't see the whole 'romantic subplot' and wonders of our ghostly biology as that can be looked into on a further date. Rest assured, I will be caught up in a few days.

Sincerely,

L Davout.

#échanges avec des anonymes #correspondance de Savigny-sur-Orge #[[“damn is he homophobic” it's complicated...]]

[perdicinae-observer]

My dear friend,

Welcome to this site. It is a strange new place and I am afraid that me and you share similar feelings about this matter.

Thank you for defending me. I am sorry I could never tell you before.

Beware. It is a strange new world and weird things tend to happen here.

I wish you well

Ney.

@le-brave-des-braves

PS: regarding the Russian retreat, I am over it. You did what you had to. It pissed me off, but I won’t hold it against you.

Ney Michel, I'm glad someone here shares my sentiment regarding this place...our reality seems to shift with it, does it not? But perhaps I'm overthinking things again.

You needn't thank me for that, I did what I know was right for an honourable man of France and a friend I cherish deeply. (Who I personally believe that being charged with treason and an execution was utterly bullshit unjust.)

My only regret is that my cause was ultimately for naught as I still failed you. But enough of that...I heard you've been out cold for a while? I'm not sure exactly what happened but I certainly wouldn't mind listening to your anecdotes.

Speaking of anecdotes, do you know anything regarding...giant cats?

As absurd as it sounds, just a few days ago my gardens were littered with giant paw patterns that were far bigger than those of the animals in the local area and...giant furballs.

Not to mention how I didn't even hear any of the ruckus happen...which is why I speculated that such absurdity can only come from this platform.

I've been trying to coax my partridges to return to their wicker huts since then and it has proven to be a very slow process. The poor things are scared senseless- My work around the household has only doubled since then...

Ah...I'm babbling again, aren't I? I'm doing that a lot nowadays- I won't keep you any longer then. Please don't be afraid to let me know if there is anything I could help with, mon ami.

I wish you nothing but a speedy recovery to your normal self.

💐

Take care,

L Davout.

P.S. Likewise. Russia was a shithole an unpleasant experience for all of us. Despite my frustrations and...disagreements with your methods, a century-long grudge against each other would be pointless and I am glad we can both agree on that.

Aside from the flowers, the letter also came with a neatly tied box of biscuits.

#échanges avec le duc de elchingen #correspondance de Savigny-sur-Orge #[[the man. the myth. the legend. the ginger. vine boom sound effect.]]

[perdicinae-observer]

HOT HOT HOT HOT

Davout did not reply. Only grunted and held onto his cloak like a grumpy, wiggling cocoon. Mumbling about how he has work to do and that maybe he should get some alcohol into his system.

#correspondance de savigny-sur-orge #échanges avec des anonymes #event - princesse d'eckmühl

[perdicinae-observer]

🪄 When you read this letter, you will instantly become the complete opposite gender of your normal self 🪄

(OOC This will last as long as however you please!)

Upon opening the unsuspecting letter, Davout was attacked by a cloud of blue glitter which was spat from the paper and straight into his face.

ACK! [*COUGH*]

BON S― [*COUGH-COUGH!*]

["Crap! Was this an ambush?!"] He tried to look around while swatting away the huge cloud in a great deal of panic, but nothing seemed to be coming out to get him. (Aside from Lenoir chirping curiously after being stirred in his nap.)

This must be some sick prank then—he felt...strange sensations in his bones; not the good ones.

His coughs sounded like they were rising in pitch, something was tingling his cheeks, and his chest was tightening. Not the familiar, anguished ones―this was physical.

His chest felt like they were expanding and threatened to break his coat. Glitter cloud be damned, Davout was suffocating. He hurriedly yanked his coat open and took a breath of air.

That would no doubt leave some damage on the coat...at least the feeling of imploding was gone now. Left with only something heavy—

Wait, heavy?

The cloud dissipated and Davout looked down.

Why are his hands small.

... ... Holy shit, he has breasts. ... ... His other hand went flying to his head on instinct. ... ... ... Holy fucking shit, he has hair.

Krah?

He cursed himself. Damnit, why did he think he was going to be spared? He thought this was airborne...!

In the silent panic, Davout bolted to the full length mirror in his study and yanked the covering opened to examine himself.

His height remained largely the same except for a smaller frame, but this bob cut and this cumbersome bosom...

...Why the hell does he actually look attractive?

Oh God.

He needed his cloak. Now.

#correspondance de savigny-sur-orge #échanges avec des anonymes #event - princesse d'eckmühl #[[making fem!Davout hot might be my peak funnyman joke yet]] #[[witness the peak of my comedy career]] #[[would've use this as an excuse to draw but. alas.]] #[[I don't know how to draw women...sorry women....💔💔]]

[perdicinae-observer]

do you fw lox bagels

med vänlig hälsning ,

@france-hater

You're obsessed with me. I've never eaten them. What does "fw" mean?

L Davout.

#échanges avec le vautour suédois #correspondance de savigny-sur-orge

[perdicinae-observer]

What do you think of these

Barn swallows.

Ferocious, ferocious creatures. The formidable cossacks of Russia I've clashed with pale in comparison to these feathered beasts of Hell. Their appearance is simple, and so are their demands; your distance, your earthly possessions called "food", your soul and your attention as you heed their songs. For it is inescapable, resistance will be futile.

Do not try to get near their nests as they will dive bomb you. If you respect their boundaries, they can be pleasant company in early mornings and breezy afternoons as their singing is quite pleasant. 💐

Warmly,

L Davout.

#correspondance de Savigny-sur-Orge #gallerie d'oiseaux #[[this man has a very strange sense of humour please do not take it seriously]]

[perdicinae-observer]

Here are some cute birds to add to your collection

!

Ah, the red legged variant...you can never have enough of them. [*chuckles*]

Some of them are even going out into the world and exploring things, awhh...look at them go! I disapprove the questionable environment in the second image just to look at the grumpy little angel in the fourth image...hihiihi. Wait. I'm supposed to be professional. Urgh, focus Louis—

These are just adorable mademoiselle, I appreciate the addition. In return, I sent some flowers to your address which I've harvested from my garden myself to show my gratitude. They may not be the prettiest flowers in Savigny, but I hope they are to your liking.

💐

Best regards,

L Davout.

#correspondance de Savigny-sur-Orge #gallerie d'oiseaux #[[davout fanboying over tiny little birds moment]] #[[if you send him bird pictures he'll send you flowers...the trade of the lifetime]]