#ctj7

[clarenecessities]

i got a bonus at work and made some

⋆★irresponsible purchases★⋆

bc i feel weird and guilty about being rewarded for my hard work despite decades of therapy but i don't feel weird or guilty about buying dolls

#ctj7

[ptk50715]

비내린뒷 연꽃 https://www.instagram.com/p/CTj7-MAle8z/?utm_medium=tumblr

[ekfrasoupsiximou-blog]

Μόνον εγώ και 'κείνος βλέπαμε πόσους τόνους αγίασμα ξοδεύτηκαν σε μια άγνωστη φιγούρα. Γιατί οι φιγούρες χάνονται στο χρόνο, το βλέμμα όμως σταματάει ότι το κοιτάζει κατάματα χωρίς φόβο και πάντα με αγνή καρδιά! Φαίη Σουρή Βρείτε μας και στο Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ekfrasoupsiximou/ YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UC3kplD70JSvByDUzzSmGRdQ https://www.instagram.com/p/CTj7-C7IqRu/?utm_medium=tumblr

[clarenecessities]

10/19/23

so you know how i've been organizing/inventorying the garage at work? guy who asked me to do that had his employees put everything on random shelves, effectively undoing everything except all the shirts i folded. and then left town until tuesday.

i know rationally that it was disrespectful (like he could have at least... told me he was having them do that? when we talked about it? yesterday?) but also that i had an overly emotional reaction and killing myself in his office would be "bad", or whatever.

so i didn't come back from lunch bc i was like, unstable, and took a nap for six hours. and it helped. but now idrk how to handle this going forward. like do i pretend he just didn't do that? do i talk to him about it? to HR? my supervisor? like i think even a completely normal neurotyppie would have been upset about this, this isn't just an issue of me being territorial and having OCD and being so goddamn fucking depressed all the time, those are just compounding my reaction.

like more than anything it's the communication you know? he didn't tell me i was taking too long, even if he apparently told other people. he didn't ask me for any updates until yesterday, and the plan was still very much for people to come down and review shit next week. so he didn't want to talk to me about it, which i'd understand in a conflict avoidance way, but then he just took matters into his own (his employees') hands? which not only provoked the conflict but removed all of my agency in the situation & undid 80% of the work he asked me to do.

so i don't know. i guess i'll need to talk to my supervisor about it bc all i really told her was that everything was put away & i had to go home bc i was upset. but i don't see myself being able to confront him directly, and HR works in a different building so i'd have to like, email them to come mediate, which is absurd. i'm honestly still pretty upset but it's my weekend now so... yippeee

#daily clare #ctj7

[clarenecessities]

Presenter: Okay, everyone pick a type of pasta you identify with. A pasta that matches your vibe.

Me: oh, easy.

Presenter: Now, stand up and compare pastas and why you chose that one

Me: 😧

Coworker: So, I’m bow ties because they’re fun!

Me: I’m. I’m fusilli

Coworker: How come?

Me: ….. because I’m silli 🥺

#ctj7 #i thought we were just gonna find a pasta soulmate i didn’t expect explanations

[clarenecessities]

cheerfully assuring HR that I’m on “a lot of drugs”

#ctj7

[clarenecessities]

My not-supervisor cautioned me against over-sharing with our “internal clients”. Like first of all. You mean our coworkers? You want I should share less info with our coworkers? Second. Baby girl. You have no idea how far over I will share.

#‘oversharing’. pfft. not until they know my entire medical history it’s not #ctj7

[clarenecessities]

Is there a polite way to suggest a coworker use the built-in spellcheck in Outlook? She’s very nice and seems p smart, it’s just like. Every email I’ve seen her send to clients has at least one Glaring Typo. And idk how to say like “hey outlook has this cool thing where it will underline mistakes in red” without sounding condescending af? Like she knows how to spell. She does great in Teams. It’s email specifically where she seems to trip up & I don’t think her supervisor is going to be thrilled if she notices external communications going down like this you feel me?

#ctj7 #google was unhelpful so i’m turning to my maladjusted blogosphere for social advice

[clarenecessities]

I’m really cold today (I’m under an AC vent) but I made the mistake of getting a blanket out of my car and now I keep Almost nodding off bc I’m so cozy snuggly 😔

#ctj7

[clarenecessities]

I’ve been organizing and inventorying the garage the past couple of weeks. It’s been at least 8 years since the last time this happened (if it ever has) and it is a gd disaster. The dust on some of this stuff is so thick that I can blow it off like I’m a child discovering a treasure map in an 80s movie. There are boxes from the year 2000. I found a couple of PS4s?? For some reason?

Anyway the CEO ran over some of the boxes I had staged for inventorying yesterday. Oops!

#ctj7 #just t shirts fortunately but lol. lmao

[clarenecessities]

I was lingering awkwardly in the kitchen while two of my coworkers were talking & one asked if I wanted coffee. And I had to admit I’d heard the other one’s voice & just wanted to talk about the Queen t-shirt she was wearing

#ctj7 #i think she’s a casual fan but i will take any excuse #queen

[clarenecessities]

My coworker’s supervisor keeps calling her out for shit & CCing the programs team but then when my coworker explains herself suddenly it’s all “please don’t CC them on internal communications”

Like girl I’m not gonna deny that my coworker made a dumb mistake but what is the narrative you’re creating here? Why only show us the “you fucked up” emails?

She’s been weirdly hostile to her but like praises me constantly and it’s uhhhhhh Awkward

Like I step in where I can but my coworker is a bit shit at framing things in such a way that she looks good, so it’s. An uphill battle. I’m gonna bring up the spellcheck thing this afternoon it’s like the only thing I think I can actually change if she keeps explaining herself before I get in there and spin things

Like she’s not dumb? She’s just bad at spelling and her supervisor gives vague/contradictory instructions. And both of them are kind of code-locked on written communication so they straight up don’t understand each other. I just want to sit them down for like a vocab standardization session or something but it’s not exactly my place & I doubt HR could mediate properly. So I’m just trying to fuckin puppet master them into understanding each other by playing my favorite card: pretending to be an idiot. It’s worked when I’ve actually been able to employ it but lord knows what they’re saying in their 1x1s.

God. Offices.

#ctj7

[clarenecessities]

My coworker: So I hear you’re a Masters of the Universe afficianado?

Me:

#ctj7 #i perked up so dramatically my chair squeaked

[clarenecessities]

7/18/23

Shit is getting MAD uncomfortable at work. My not-supervisor’s lack of boundaries continues to include CCing me on reprimands for other people. Today I found out she’s driven a coworker to start therapy, and medication. She tells me every time she sees me that she wants me on her team and I’m increasingly scared of the prospect.

Like I need to talk to HR at this point. She drove one employee to resign, fired another, is pushing a third towards a mental breakdown, and literally Will Not listen to me despite insisting on pulling me into meetings I shouldn’t be in. She spent half an hour today explaining why she felt justified in taking me away from my job duties. Like. Literally said to me “I don’t regret it”. Girl, I do! Just because people keep assuring me I’m not in trouble, that doesn’t mean it feels true.

God I should probably talk to my actual supervisor first. I know her better and I trust her more than HR. Not that I distrust HR so much as I know exactly how not-supervisor is going to spin things and I want to head that off at the pass. HR is always going to be a department which follows the documentation. So I need to formally document things. Sighs so loudly

On the bright side, I informally document everything, so really it’s just a matter of translating that into a log of sorts. If she’s gonna write my coworker up in retaliation for them going to HR then she should have criticized me more, bc there’s Nothing she can do to Me when all our communications are effusive praise and me spelling out shit she tried to keep implicit under the guise of confusion.

Like I was on the neotag, I know what receipt harvesting looks like. And I can damn well do it better than she can.

#daily clare #ctj7

[clarenecessities]

7/12/23

sman work is like... i had a presentation this morning, right? and my not-supervisor, who’s basically convinced i’m her employee at this point, spent 40 minutes nitpicking it with me yesterday only to concede upon seeing the version where i implemented her suggestions was Stupid and Unnecessarily Complex.

she’s one of those “let me write an essay and divide it between 17 slides” people, whereas i’m a “slap up a graph or a visual aid and go crazy” kinda bitch.

presentation went well. i had to repeat a bunch of shit because of the aforementioned essaying but whatever, it’s not like i’m being graded.

enough people told me i did a “great job” throughout the rest of the day that i suspect i fucked it up & they’re trying to encourage me but that could just be the paranoia talking

anyway. had a meeting with my actual supervisor and she stressed that while i definitely definitely wasn’t in trouble, there’s no universe in which i (a receptionist) should be creating and giving presentations for the head of contracts & compliance. except the head of c&c doesn’t know shit about the software i was presenting on and she fired the only actual c&c employee who did, so it’s just me. 

well, apparently my company “cares” about its “employees” because now i have to be retroactively compensated for all the shit i did outside my scope of work, which is indisputably great for me but is making me feel like shit for reasons i’m still trying to unpack. and by trying to unpack i mean ignoring in favor of making impulse purchases and watching video essays.

man i like. i love my supervisor, she respects me as a person and not as an asset. but i’m just inexorably moving towards contracts & compliance because i can’t say no to people and my not-supervisor repels potential employees.

including me! i don’t want her to be my supervisor!

hm. so now i have to go back and estimate how much time i’ve been spending on this shit per week so i can get some kind of... i don’t even know what to call it. back wages for a job i don’t have? and i have to decide if it’s worth it to just move over to c&c anyway.

i am kind of a shit receptionist. but as i said, the supervisors.... god, this is such a stupid thing to agonize over. why can’t i just be happy

#daily clare #ctj7

[clarenecessities]

Fuck it. I’m translating.

#ctj7 #coworker got fired for bullshit reasons and i ain’t doing her job #got an old irish poem calling my name