#cynply rambling

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I go back and forth all the time about the notp and I hate it. Listen I get it, I understand the allure even if it squicks me out cause I think it’s so grody and toxic. But I can see why people ship it. There’s definitely a story there, and it’s how I feel about ships. That there are stories that we are drawn to/ want to tell/explore. Which is fair, I mean it’s literally why sometimes I think about a darker setting for my ship. But I just can’t support the notp. Part of why I love CoAi so much is that they can fit so many different tropes, it’s superior to me. I’m sure others see it differently but the notp dynamic is just a shinshi au to me, and while I’m a massive shinichi hater. He’s still better than that character to me. But also I hate villains, I never understood the appeal. And while I definitely believe his “love” or infatuation of my queen is “real” or he just believes it is, I just can’t see her reciprocating. It’s done damage to her and I’m sure she’s questioned it, but the way my queen longs to be in the light and is so affected by kindness. I just can’t see her turning to him and thinking it’s what she wants. She may think she belongs in darkness, but that’s not where her heart lies. She will always choose to be good, because she is a good person and that’s why I love her so much

Update 2: another day and I’m once again thinking about break up fic vibes but also the difference between my ship and the canon ship. Choice and being present is super important. Adding to this to think about the girl chat blowing up when the canon ship inevitably takes a break. I love my ship I do, but there’s a part of me that wants my queen to find happiness elsewhere with someone who makes her the obvious number one priority and is loud in their love for her without messy drama making her wonder if it’s real. It’s why in all my fics you see him go full pursuit for her to wash away any doubts and because he knows that she is the one for him and he would be an idiot to let her go. So I want this emphasized if I ever write the comparison fic with this route of her moving on. I have so many feelings about these characters and how they would interact. I really do think they would be great friends, but I hate the angle that she’s supposed to replace her sister cause that’s a disservice to me

#cynply rambling #I’ve been seeing why too much notp propaganda lately I had to block the tag #now it doesn’t piss me off as much as the canon ship which is wild cause though it’s toxic it’s not necessarily grody to me #idk I’m just thinking too much again. I read a fic I missed cause it wasn’t tagged and I’m thinking thoughts #I spend way too much time some days thinking about the difference between these two ships #it’s the obsessive nature of it all that gets me. in the name of protecting her but it’s selfish #I could go on but I should sleep it’s like almost two in the morning

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I got absolutely no writing doneeeeeeeee BUT guess what???? I finally got the shirts from Uniqlo and I am obsessed!!!! I love this ship so much. I’m a liar when I say I’m over them, I’m too damn loyal to truly stray okay

LOOK AT THEM!!!! THEYRE SO CUTE AND SO REAL I CRY 🥹🥹🥹

#cynply rambling #this literally made me so happy #coai forever #updating in the tag but I’ve started CoAi week things… but again no promises #I will definitely be reading fics from the event though!!!

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I know I keep saying just one more scene, and I hope I mean it this time. But there’s just one more scene for me to write for the solstice event. I haven’t even changed the ending, and I haven’t exactly diverted my path towards the ending, it’s just I keep adding extra details and thoughts, so it’s taking longer. I’ve almost doubled what I was at before when I claimed I was almost done. I just broke 6k, what is happening here. I don’t write things this long, I’m comfortable in the 1 maybe 2k range. This fic also feels different to me too. But then again I try to diversify my writing, I tell the same story over and over so I have to switch it up some how. It’s very midnights-esq which make sense cause that was the vibe I was going for but also very typical of my Christmas fics too. Almost feels like my roots, but like adjacent to it cause it’s not just all fluff, it’s more like pockets of it? Idk who I’m even trying to explain this to, I’m just rambling. Okay bye, it’s almost Pen time. Let’s Go Pens!🤍🖤💛🐧

(While I’m here. I was onto something with my hockey AU. Idk all the details but yeah, though I think it’s more similar to the former Canes drama. My fic idea that is. Actually it may be similar to this current drama too? Idk)

Update: it’s under 7k but I’m done with the first draft. Idk how I feel about the bonus scene though… I kinda wanna rewrite it cause I envisioned things a little differently, but I won’t worry about it right now since it’s done. In unrelated but sorta related news, kinda wanna write the rescue me song fic, the song by OneRepublic not the other one.

^ignore all of that cause I went back and added more, so now we’ve broken 7k but at least it ties in with midnights better now *sigh why am I like this. Okay let’s try and work on other WIPs now

Update 2: went on Twitter and I desperately still need to watch m26. Honestly how are they not real. Why does this keep happening to me. All my fav ships are not canon when they all should’ve been. It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me 😭

Update 3: finished (probably) the next chapter of the sibling verse too! Now let’s see if I can work on devour or I wish I cared less… (so I went and reread what I had written for devour and it kinda feels wrapped up in a way? Like there’s still a lot of shit, but the part of the story that I wanted to tell seems to be finished? I suppose I could circle back to kaishi, but I fear it’ll lose the focus cause I get way too into kaishi whenever I mention them. Idk. I’ll put a pin into it for now and say it’s maybe done?)

#as soon as I’m done with this I can work on the sibling verse before November ends #there are so many good 1R songs that are just peak otp vibes #I wish more people would give them the credit they deserve. they’re my favorite band. I love them so much #cynply rambling

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Okay i know I keep talking about how much I’m enjoying this month’s prompt, but it is starting to get out of hand so I had to just end it. There’s like so much I could add to and ramble about, like this is definitely a long game one (I mean they’re always meant to be slowburn but I’m impatient), the potential for drama and everyone else getting into their business! The denial, the whole fuck it we ball, adding different characters and playing with the dynamics! There’s just a lot okay, and this is only one of the sports I love. I’ve already plotted in my mind the other two sports AU’s and the vibes and roles they have there is just everything to me. I’m well aware no one cares, and I do want to finish my WIPs before I even think about starting a whole sports series. But yeah, I’m just very excited cause my fandom is colliding and it’s so self indulgent. Even more so than anything else I’ve ever written. My American is definitely showing and I don’t even have to try and tone it down, it’s part of the fic, I get to be as biased as I want with absolutely no shame. Love this for me <3

Update: what a wonderful sports day, and I finished the October prompts! Which means I get to focus on my WIPs hopefully… I’ve got a lot of fun things to do this month so I’ll probably be distracted. But I’m hopeful I’ll finally be done with IWICL, or at the very least update Devour (I’m like two chapters ahead I believe but I haven’t edited, so I’ll have to get on that.)

#cynply rambling #I always get weird looks when people find out I’m into sports and not just as a casual fan #like my friends get it and love seeing me get excited but it’s also terrible cause I will scream and cry in public too #and I know tumblr hates it and I don’t exactly fit in with the sports side here either #so i constantly feel out of place like I’m too crazy which fair but I also have no chill in general #and really with all the negativity I receive from it I really shouldn’t be a fan anymore #not to mention it is my most toxic fandom #but I just can’t let it go. it’s like telling me to stop listening to music. impossible #so yeah make fun or continue to ignore me whatever. I’m still going to root for my team and be loud about it #side note I actually really miss flufftober but there’s no way I can participate cause I’m doing this #but I really miss fluff. there has not been enough of it lately and it’s low key killing me #I already think this ship is so tragic so it really brings me down when I see more misunderstandings and angst #don’t get me started on mcd. absolutely not #so yeah. I miss fluff and I wish we got more of it. no more drama I’m tired of it #I just want my ship to be cute together and kiss #(I say as this months prompt does not follow a fluff route either. it’s why I’m deprived okay)

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I’m watching a new drama and I just really love fake dating/marriage verses… we need more of these for CoAi cause they are so perfect for this trope!!!

Update: I did some writing for my December fic, so yay! But then I spent the rest of the time watching the drama *sigh curse my obsession with laws and relationships. I’m invested not even because I like the ship, I like them both separately but I don’t necessarily root for them. Or even the second lead. I just have so many questions. And of course my brain is like how would CoAi fit in this verse and some parts I can see, some not so much… either way I’m invested as per usual

#I’m hoping I can get my shit together and be productive today since it’s my day off #*sigh I’m still sad I had to change my ao3 to registered users only #I like to keep my fangirling separate and don’t like to focus on my writing #this is just a hobby man. but I fangirl full time #cynply rambling

[letstrywritingmaybe]

For someone who used to love watching romance dramas, I lose interest in them so quickly now. Just tried to give this Chinese drama a chance, but one episode in and I’m like ew it’s a love story. Which makes no sense cause I’m literally lots of love… I’m definitely not gonna watch the rest of it, but it did present me the two male leads and the end game guy is the one who saved her life like ten years ago, versus this other guy she sorta grew up with and is hella rich now and has been carrying a torch for her forever. Why am I rambling about this? It’s because I got a fic idea where all the girls are watching a romance drama and of course they talk about the leads and who the main girl should end up with. I have two different ideas, but basically should you go for the guy who saved your life (cause it’s his job) or the rich dude who’s totally in love with you. But alas I do not have time for this so I’m just kinda noting it down here in case I wanna revisit this one day

Update: I am not very productive writing wise though I did finish a scene. I’m trying to catch up on commenting. I don’t comment on everything I read, only the ones I love but I admit when a work gets me thinking about something even if I don’t feel inclined to comment. I’m thinking about masks and what it means for my ship…

#cynply rambling #at first I was thinking Shiho would be pining cause you know #that one is definitely a more feelsy type #but then I thought it would be more fun for her to be like marry rich or die trying besides she deserves to be pampered #basically I just want all the girlies to get together and discuss this #and yes shinichi gets roped into this because as always he’s in love with my queen so he’s surprised to see this side of her #but yeah one is more emotional and the other is less serious

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I literally cannot remember where I was going with this breakup fic… I’m pretty sure I changed my mind a million times so I didn’t even bother making an outline. I have so many questions and I’m the author? Like why did they break up??? And I mean since it’s me it’s obvious they have to get back together but like… how much do I want to torture him? Cause clearly he must have done something wrong. I’m so biased towards my queen, y’all should know. I don’t even try to hide it. So then like how does he get her back though…? *sigh

Meanwhile Marcy is making me think about my comfort ship. But I’m low key not into writing right now cause I did it like almost everyday for a month and it was a lot for me. Even though I didn’t write a lot. But anyways. KaiShi 🥺🥺🥺 god I’m so soft for them. They’re so fucking cute I can’t! They really could be everything. Honestly I should just be all about them. It’s tough cause it’s a crack ship (like Trentney. You know it’s true Mars!) but also when has that stopped me? Catch me writing like a hundred fics for them out of spite. Anyways, I just saw a line from one of those prompt list things that said “can I love you?” And immediately I was like this is them. I could go on about how they’re the perfect ship but I’m also really sad cause it’s been a shit sports day *sigh

#cynply rambling #it’s tough being depressed but also looking forward to a bunch of shit #it’s like hey I hate it here someone end me. but then I’m like I have so much to look forward to! #my fandom friends are visiting. I’m going to Boston next year. Tay is touring. I’m going back to the motherland #like I can’t die yet. but man does my mental health mess with me during the colder months

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I’ve been meaning to do an extras/what if series. Lord knows I never follow my outlines, there are so many possibilities and different scenarios I could play with in my own established versus. What would I name it though? The rating might be an issue too. The idea is that most of these will be G or T but some of them could go higher and I hate making new works (obvi my own issue). Idk. I should finish the first extra scene before I even worry about this. I may not even get to post it

#cynply rambling #once again talking to myself cause I can #idk why but I’m feeling very anxious… normally I would just be sad but this time I’m shaky

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Someone tell me why every time there’s a fake marriage trope in play, they have to get a divorce then get married for real again? I think it’s so stupid! Just have a real vow renewal! Like it became real! Besides I think a wedding isn’t for the couple, it’s an excuse for your loved ones to get together. It’s for them. So who the fuck cares??? Like as long as it’s real to you two then it’s real. Like yes I believe that you probably should break up once or twice, like that happens. This is so stupid. I hate it. This is literally why for my green card verse, I didn’t do this.

Update: so I was trying to do the math and I’m all lost now. So that kid can’t be his, can it??? Like it doesn’t make sense? But they’re very similar… but idk. Could be a coincidence. But it’s a drama so I wouldn’t be surprised. Also I think I have a slight ship preference now… like it’s obvious the main leads will be together cause duh, that’s how dramas work but… I do really root for her ex. I’ve seen other people say stuff about how they hate him and stuff. And yeah he has his flaws (just as the main guy has his), but I feel really bad for how they ended. I truly believe they could’ve been happy and ruled the world together. They were so in love, and he still loves her. Honestly I’m more interested about an AU where she does marry her ex and then she meets the main lead, like what happens here? I will admit to being biased though cause I low key view the two ships through the lens of my own ships in dcmk (very low key okay. It’s nothing alike beyond a love triangle. And the only one I accept is shinshi versus kaishi). It’s just super fascinating to me cause it’s clear she’s better suited with her ex, but I get the whole two sides of the same coin dynamic (an otp must) so I see the appeal of the two leads. Like there isn’t a wrong answer here between the two of them. That being said, the way they do their jobs as lawyers can cause conflict. But I love that they can give each other insights and a different perspective, the support even when they were low key rivals. Now of course I feel bad for the new gf, but also she’s very entitled and bratty but so so relatable. Cause I understand why she feels that way, she’s always going to root for her man and stand by him, so yeah it fucking hurts when you see that he’s still in love with the main girl. I don’t want them to work it out. But not because I don’t like her, I actually don’t mind her. I just like him too much for him to settle, even though it guarantees him a bright and easy future. And yes I believe that it’s better to be loved more than to love more yourself, but idk. I guess I’m biased in having the guy love the girl more always. It’s why I hate ships where the girl is the one putting in all the effort and chasing after/waiting for the guy. You can do better Babe, you’re more than a love interest.

Update: okay so like all dramas, the ending is the shittiest part. Everyone gets their happily ever after and it’s still yay marriage and have kids and shit. Which I like happy endings but when it’s like this it’s unrealistic to me. But whatever you know how it’s gonna end going into it. That being said I really did enjoy watching it for everything else. Still didn’t care for the ship, but I don’t hate it. Gives me some thoughts about my ships for my fandom, so there’s that. Now I gotta finish the stupid summer series book. I swear I’m never reading anything by this author again. I literally read the summary and I was so pissed, I’m sorry not sorry but I fucking hate when the girl has to be with her first love. Like why the fuck is it cool for the guy to fall for someone else first and blah blah blah but not the girl? First love being the only love trope is the fucking worst! I hate it with a passion! Plus the main character is so annoying to me. Ugh and don’t get me started on the character regression. And there so much projecting and ideals in this story and I hate all of it. But again I know I’m not the target audience, so it’s whatever. But yeah I would definitely never recommend this book/trilogy to anyone. I haven’t even touched the last book since reading the summary, and I don’t even wanna read it but I also hate not finishing things. Ugh.

#cynply rambling #yes this is in regards to the drama I’m watching #I think it’s so dumb #I realize I’m thinking too much about this cause this is just a drama but I can’t help it #it’s so fascinating to me. the way these characters are written and their dynamics #I really love this world that was built. like every character is so well done and that’s rare for me to see

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Alright I’ve officially finished the first book and I stand by my decision! The summer I turned pretty things

If I had to pick one of the boys for her, it’s definitely Jeremiah. But lord there’s like so many things about it that makes me second guess. But the outcome is either Jeremiah or some other person, never Conrad. And idk this could be an unpopular opinion! I have no idea! Tbh I think it’s best for all of them to move on, but I get why you can’t. Suzanna is such an important part of their lives! And her wish was that she would get with one of the boys to make them family for real. Which I get but also I know if it didn’t work out it wouldn’t make their relationship any less real. Belly is definitely her daughter too. And Omm I was crying literally at work after seeing what happens to her.

Ugh I just have too many feelings about all this. And me being older now makes me see relationships so differently. I want the healthy ship, I don’t want the super passionate one that kills you but also brings you to all these highs. (See reasons why I strayed from CoAi to kaishi). Idk man, I just don’t know that I’ll be happy with whatever outcome happens. It’s messy because they’re practically family, and we all know how much of a hot mess family can be sometimes.

#cynply rambling #this is like the first book I read in forever and I just don’t know man #it didn’t quite get me obsessed which is what I’m used to when I read a book book #but maybe cause I’m too old for teenage romances #and my thoughts on romances and relationships have changed #though I don’t think the old me would’ve gone for Conrad. I didn’t go for Peter in TATBIB either #my curse of never getting a canon ship continues I suppose

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I wish I cared less indeed… I’ll finish this verse I promise. Unfortunately my entire focus is in sports and I just don’t know man. I realize no one cares and this is my own problem, but this is my blog so I’m gonna post whatever I want. So yeah, I really wish I cared less

So much for not crying. I can’t do this. I think I have to go, this is not good for my well being

#cynply rambling #I’m very down and I really don’t wanna go down this path again #I’m basically going to be useless until Sunday but maybe longer depending on how this goes #I’m too invested and I want to cry. No one talk to me. I really can’t deal with this right now #sometimes I wish I didn’t use sports as a coping mechanism. but I refused to use reality tv

[letstrywritingmaybe]

In a mood, just rambling

There’s a reason why KaiShi drew me in and casted doubt into my head about why CoAi isn’t a true otp. You’ll notice in all of my fics Conan/Shinichi is always more forward and yeah it may be ooc but it’s the only way I could think of for them to be truly together. He has to want her so much that he no longer has control of his emotions or perhaps he logically goes through it and finally takes the step forward because he knows she will not relent.

With Kaito though? He’s such a flirt, he would have no problem displaying his affections and even if he didn’t mean it in that way initially how could he not be drawn to her? I have that much confidence that my Queen is enough to make anyone waver. It’s hard not to fall for her, and yes I’m biased but no I don’t care that I am.

Besides I don’t deal with tragedy well and unfortunately they were my grey otp to begin with. Because of their circumstances I really can’t see her ever confessing unless she was certain he would never know, and he’s too much of an idiot to realize she’s not the type to wait for his return from his hero journey. Yes she does a lot for him, but maybe partially because of the red in her ledger and she wants to pay back for her sins and she knows he can do no harm. He’s the savior of Japan, he’s on the right side.

I don’t really know what the point of this is anymore. I suppose it’s just another one of those I’m tired of their sorrowful endings. I’m lots of love for goodness sake! I need all the fluff and happiness! I need my otp to be together because they’re meant to be in every single universe

Some days I question my devotion to this ship, how could I stray and be tempted by another? But then I look at all the fics I’ve posted and it’s heavily biased towards CoAi. And how I’m still a big baby and will be upset when I see a fic where it ends badly for them or I see other ships and I get annoyed cause how could they compare? It brings me pain to witness other ships that aren’t CoAi, I can’t stomach the idea. I wouldn’t go as far to hating them, but it’s pretty damn close.

But then I think to myself why does it have to be Shinichi? My Queen deserves so much better and can surely have anyone she wants. I just have to write the fics and make it so. Yet my muse keeps pulling me back to what was once my otp, feeding me ideas until I can no longer keep up with them. I think about them every single day as this point, and I wish I could escape. I was much happier in my other fandoms, I had a sense of community too but I dare not join in one again. It’s not the same and it won’t ever be the same though I still keep in contact with those who’ve touched my heart and whose presence I miss.

I’m getting off topic, but yes why Shinichi? Especially when I’m not officially a KaiShi shipper too. I’m quite obviously a Shiho stan, it shouldn’t matter who the other person is. But it does. And while a major influence is from canon cause for some odd reason she does seem to like him, but also because I’ve brainwashed myself into separating his characters. I make it a point to note that it is Conan she likes and not Shinichi, very obvious in my last fic. Yes they’re the same person, but to me they’re vastly different. Even in my ShinShi fics I write them with him as Conan in mind, yes even the AUs. And I’m only beginning to realize this but… CoAi is still an otp, but ShinShi isn’t. And this must be why I prefer the no antidote route. Because then there is no doubt.

My otps have always consisted of my two favorite characters. I won’t get into other ship types that are requirements for my otps, but that’s the gist of it. I like them together because there my favorite so naturally they need to be together. Obviously Shiho/Ai is my fav and then it would be Conan. Not Shinichi, but Conan. Shinichi is the boring typical story line with the happily ever after and everything works out hero. I’m not interested in that. Give me Conan’s storyline where he meets his match, realizes his world is much smaller than he thought, and everything is not black and white and happiness and sunshines.

I guess that leads me to why I still get pulled by ShinShi though. My fav fics are still canon compliant. And I love when he finally gets it, and sees that he’s not the same as before and he doesn’t relate to his old life. His troubles seem trivial. He gets tired of it naturally progressing to seeking the one person he knows he can confide in because they shared the same fate once upon a time. Because Kudo Shinichi’s life was no longer his own the moment he swallows the toxin. He became indebted to the woman who made this creation, she completely changed his world. Sure you would think it’s the other way around but I’ve never thought so. She saved his life, he wouldn’t even be breathing if it wasn’t for her drug.

Which is what leads me to my absolute favorite and only valid Shinichi who is utterly in love with my Queen. Now as for whether or not she reciprocates, that’s a different story. I am both a ShinShi and KaiShi shipper after all.

#cynply rambling #all this to say yes they’re an otp but also these ships are different #I do wonder if I could fully embrace them as a true otp again if I wrote a ShinAi or CoShi fic #but KaiShi can be so cute! idk. we’ll see #is KaiShi just a fling? stay tuned to find out

[letstrywritingmaybe]

It is too early for me to be awake but I randomly woke up, and normally would just go back to sleep cause I am not going to be awake when it is still dark out but… I was consumed with a fic idea, I really don’t want to write it though so instead I’m just gonna complain about it here.

Idk what to title it, originally I just thought something along the lines of Under The Influence, Drunk On You, or Intoxicated. But what’s it matter if I’m not gonna write it?

What’s terrible is I thought it was a one shot, but the more I think about it, the more I’m like okay two shot. It’s annoying cause this is an idea I’ve thought about a lot already, but I’ve not been in a writing mood! Anyways, I touched on it in What Do You Want? But the idea that Shinichi refuses to get trashed or basically even indulge a little when Shiho is around cause man is hopeless and doesn’t want any excuses while he works up the nerve to pursue her. That’s the entire idea, so it would be doable cause it can be short. Which is apparently all I’m capable of these days (side note, I am on day six of CoAi week. They’re all like only 500 words, but at least I might actually finish it in time) Now this is not new information, but I’m here typing this instead of trying to write it cause now I’m like what if… we have the opposite here? Cause listen I am a sucker for different povs of the same situation for my ships. So of course we now have the flip of Shiho being tipsy (cause my girl has self control okay, plus there is no need to be sad drunk here cause he likes her and she’s free! and I’m rather fond of a happy drunk Shiho cause I swear most of the time I read those fics she’s sad, which I get but I just want her happy okay) feeling a type of way about Shinichi, but I mean she already does feel something for him so it just intensifies. As a Shiho stan, it is so easy for me to write anyone falling for her cause listen, she is superior okay! But I have a tougher time doing the reverse cause I’m low key a hater. Bro you could have it all if you would just realize that the first love is not the only love (Omm I have a whole other thing about this, like how the canon ship isn’t even the first love, but this is not the focus of this post! I am burden with too many ideas that I do not/ cannot possibly write). Antyways, this would be an opportunity for me to write that I guess. Like yes he does actually have good qualities and they could be unstoppable, so yeah he’s worthy of her love. (Ugh but sometimes I’m like is he? Cause I am super fond of her moving on despite what my fics say. It’s the effort okay. Like when he puts in the work and chooses her over and over again, that’s when I’m like okay yes. We can support this. But then I see canon or some other fics and I’m like guys let’s not. My Queen deserves better)

#cynply rambling #meanwhile I’m also like I still need to finish I Wish I Cared Less #but also I’m like technically I’ll be free once I finish that fic (and the one kaishi divergence #it’s kinda the only reason I continue to let this fandom/ship consume me. there’s unfinished business #so idk. maybe it’s a good thing it’s not done? cause that was the one thing I promised to finish and I am a person of my word #okay I’m gonna try and go to sleep again cause I have to work till my vacay #I’m very excited cause it’ll be my birthday again and I love birthdays!!! canon give me an actual date for Shiho’s birthday then I’ll stay

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I just made myself mad by clicking into something I knew would upset me. I have no one to blame but myself. Why am I like this??? Anyways, I know they’re not an otp anymore, but I still really love CoAi. That is all

Update: I’ve since calmed down and now I’m hoping I can figure out how to start chapter 8? We are approaching the part where I no longer have a clear outline of specific things I want to happen. So here’s hoping the fic will write itself?

#cynply rambling #I’ve been thinking a lot about how soft they can be and I miss it #I’m still really annoyed at myself. ugh. I should know better! #it’s times like this that makes me an aggressive shipper though #the canon ship is such a trigger. like I hate it. I can’t stand it. but I did this to myself. ugh

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Anyone else following Never Let Me Go by lotus451 cause I am amazed. I’ve always said reading CoAi fics in Chinese hits different but man this one is just… I don’t even have words. I should really leave a comment at this point, but I’m afraid it’s going to end badly and I don’t deal with that well. Plus there are certain things that I just don’t enjoy reading, like I get why it has to be there but I’m not fond of it (basically any mention of the canon ship being a thing is an automatic no for me. I could care less. If they’re going to break up then I need to see it happen already, I don’t want to see them be cute together. Literally nothing makes me nope out quicker. Except for maybe first person pov in English. I’m really not fond of reading that in fics. I’ve been so spoiled in my main fandom that my standards are too high) But this author has written fics I’ve really enjoyed so I’m still continuing to silently read. Again bad habit I know, cause it’s fun to comment on every chapter and cheer the author on, but man I can’t. I’m already too invested as is, if I leave my long comments every chapter and it ends badly? I’m going to lose my shit and maybe swear off fics forever. I can’t deal with it. I hate bad endings, they hold no value to me and will never make me think oh yes this is how it’s done. The fics that stay with me and I think of as masterpieces are the ones that give my ship the happily ever they deserve. Few exceptions cause I do have favorite authors I would read just about anything for, but there’s currently not one for this fandom that is active. My favorite fics will always be the ones that end happily even if they’ve been through some bullshit. But again I read fics for comfort and for stuff that canon won’t give me. If I wanted to be sad and angry then I would just follow canon cause that’s a bunch of bullshit at this point. Just end the series. Stop dragging it on and making everyone suffer.

Anyways, still all about self indulgent writing and the author being the one to make their choices for their story. I just don’t have to like it and that’s fine as long as I’m not being an ass and commenting unsolicited thoughts to them. People who do that suck and for real need to get a new hobby. It’s not hard to just shut up and press the x to close the tap. Go rant about it with your friends or ramble like I do on my blog that no one reads. But don’t be an asshole to the author. Just don’t.

#cynply rambling #I really do enjoy seeing more fics pop up in our tag #I don’t always vibe with them but hey it’s just not meant for me and that’s totally fine! #they do make me think about how I would make the verse though #most of the time it’s I wouldn’t cause I don’t like those things #but sometimes I’m like oh but what if it went this way? to something I prefer #I’ve been thinking about more risqué fic ideas lately but I think it’s cause the fake dating one is dicey #and also the rated ones are hit or miss with me #like yes I’m happy to see it cause we need more smut for this ship cause they’re definitely sexually compatible #I say this as a person who identifies as ace #but also because I’m ace I’m like um yeah no. that’s too much for me #and I know I shouldn’t be saying shit cause I’m guilty of this too but man the ooc annoys the fuck out of me #but again I’m forever a hater and refuse to believe he’s cool #canon tries to sell me on that too much and I’m just rolling my eyes and saying next #and on that note it’s time to sleep and continue planning my stories in my mind that I won’t write #if I wrote down every fic I play out in my head I would have thousands of fics posted #cause I go through a new verse every few days sometimes weeks if it’s a longer idea with sequels and such

[letstrywritingmaybe]

I complained on my main blog already but I’m gonna complain here too. I’m trying to read more book books cause I do miss the days when I was reading one a day. I still read everyday cause of fics, but it’s not quite the same. But man is Great Expectations hard for me to get through. I literally do not care! I should’ve started with a different book of his. But I’m in it now and I’ll finish it but I’m so indifferent I’m reading it super slowly. I only like nice characters okay, so when I’m presented with an annoying character who looks down on others I mentally check out. Being smart and rich now doesn’t make it alright for you to be an asshole, you’re not entitled to anything. And I get he’s a teenager and all and doesn’t know any better but I wish he stayed naive and kind hearted and childish. I’m not far enough into the book yet and I really can’t be bothered but I’m gonna finish this so I can ready other Agatha Christie book <3

Writing wise, I’ve drafted the next part of the fake dating fic. I think I should update the sibling verse at some point too… I do have chapter 11 done but I’ve not finished chapter 12… I should also finish writing Vigilante Shit for midnights, and that’s about it as far as my ongoing WIPs go. I’ve not started the next chapter of the powers verse yet but I know I need to. See I start a bunch of things and then I get distracted by more verses. It’s why I have to be kept accountable by either collabing or gifting a fic or else I’ll literally put it off and go at my own pace which could take forever. There’s like a million more things I think about, but I don’t have the time/motivation to write all of them. Isn’t it enough that it lives in my head? Must I actually write them?

#cynply rambling #I get to go to the knights game tomorrow though so that should be fun #I do love being a sports fan but man is it painful to ride for Pittsburgh right now #anyways I will actually be cheering for the home team cause I need the devils to lose so get it together VGK! #I feel that time is both moving too fast and too slow lately and idk what to make of it #I’m in my late twenties now and it’s a trip. I really never thought I would make it this far but I’m here living my best life #but I fear as I get older it becomes harder for me to be a fangirl #except for sports luckily. my connection has only strengthened and is it a lifesaver #but yeah I feel like if this continues I’ll have to change this side blog to a sports blog instead #imagine I start writing rpf? cause listen I’m still amazed by the endearing look in Jimmy g’s eyes at Russ #but I wouldn’t be serious about it cause I have no ships in any of my sports fandoms #oh! I could finally write general fics and strictly platonic ones!