#damn... i rlly do have a shitton of water trauma huh.... whats up with that why does water hate me

[winderrific-moved]

am having thoughts

#wind howls #im feeling pretty neutral/positive so im not upset but like. hm #trauma tornado #i think that just might be bc i have like. no access to the specific memories to some specific stuff #like for example i know very cold water immediately sends me into a panic attack and i found that out bc like #during my summer job we had the 'privilege' of doing a leaking ship simulation but the water was fuckin freezing #and the second i went in i had to immediately leave because i had a massive panic attack and i know smthn triggered it #that was years ago and like i KNOW what the cause of it is but i dont remember past instances. i cant remember them #man wtf i have so much trauma with water. its a miracle im able 2 get wet at all at this rate #automatic flushing toilets is another trauma thing that like i KNOW what happened that made me afraid of them #but i dont REMEMBER it bc my brain wont allow it ? or maybe i was just 2 young. i was like 5 #some of them are more obvious where i dont need 2 remember 2 know what happened but like #idk i guess i didnt realize just how many memories i dont have access to ? not sure if thats normal #damn... i rlly do have a shitton of water trauma huh.... whats up with that why does water hate me