#doctors wouldn't clear me for a surgery consultation until i tried birth control after my firm insistence it wasn't an option for me.

[heirloommtomatoes]

i think i’m gonna give birth control three months and then say byeee!! i miss myself! i miss myself so much! 

#where did she goooo! #she's still here but i feel so. out of it and dissociated. i'm on autopilot and half focused #or i'm off the deep end and anxious and sad about everything for no reason and insecure and doubting myself #girl............this ain't it !!!!!! #it's just complicated cause like. #i've been resisting birth control for SEVEN YEARS! #because i've had awful awful awful experiences on it in high school trying every pill under the sun #and it's just never ever worth this :( #i wish it worked for me i really do. i reaaally do. #i REALLY do! gd that would be so nice. #but finally i caved because i just needed to do SOMETHING about my chronic illness. #i guess this finally means i can get surgery #doctors wouldn't clear me for a surgery consultation until i tried birth control after my firm insistence it wasn't an option for me. #and lo and behold i finally cave and try it. #and guess what! i was right about my own body! crazy how that works. #anyway. we'll see maybe it'll get better. but good god. this is........something else #ellie yodels