#doesn't certainly help that yday my doctor gave me an appointment for next year and it'll be on what'd be my grandma's bday

[sonego]

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#actually the reason why i said goodnight and was ready to go to bed but i still hadn't is that i got sad abt my cat #and i couldn't move from the couch for half an hour i was petrified by grief #i still can't believe i will never cuddle with him again. like ever ever #it's horrible to even think about for 2 seconds let alone spend half an hour doing that #i feel mynheart so heavy in my chest like there's a massive rock on it #doesn't certainly help that yday my doctor gave me an appointment for next year and it'll be on what'd be my grandma's bday #which i guess is good cause that means i won't forget about it #but it's also making me think of her and especially lately i feel so.. idk. sad i guess #i think of her and feel like a void a hole in my chest #bc i forgot so much. so so much. it's been so long #i just idk grief has been consuming me lately #sounds dramatic what can i say i feel like everything is missing nothing makes sense i am not a person life is a waiting room i can't leave #i'm in bed now listening to eden hoping i'll fall asleep soon and sleep well