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curedwritersblock · 2 years

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TW: parent causing trauma. Bigger TW: my mother being an absolute Karen in 2015. If this story didn't have a happy ending I wouldn't be sharing it.

Thought I'd start this blog with a wholesome teacher story that I cannot tell anyone in real life without it being an exposition dumb irl about why my middle school teachers, specifically the 2 I had from 7th-9th grade, are the greatest teachers I have ever had. I would say will ever have but the education story no longer ends with me dropping out of community college twice.

My last year with this teacher as her student had me very anxious since she and the other teacher, gonna call them MM and MA in this case, were the first and only teachers I've had and have had since who cared enough about me as a whole person, not just as their student; and cared on some level about my succes. The only thing stopping them from being there every step of the way was that I was getting older and aging out of the ability for them to teach me with everyone else. I did go to a very small school where there was no separation in buildings from middle school and high school. At that time I only would have had to walk downstairs during a period where we are free to talk to either or them. MA had left in the middle of 10th grade, she wouldn't have been my teacher anymore but still cared enough to tell me before she went and give me more time than other students who had her in the past and didn't get anything out of her teaching them to say goodbye. MM was still a viable option to speak to regularly until my senior year. I didn't get back from summer vacation in time to know she was leaving and that was the one year out of 6 that I wasn't in any way told over the summer that something was going to change in a way that couldn't be fixed by talking to her

One time, at lunch, which was a free period for both of us but a treat if I could eat in her classroom with her without anyone else. If it was a punishment, I would be in ISS. For some reason this school didn't do OSS so it was already a huge deal that I was able to eat with her and just talk freely without being disrespected or disrespectful to anyone who could listen. We were talking about picture day being on Monday. This was a Friday. I said I needed my eyebrows waxed before picture day. I had gotten them waxed on Monday. The only way she could have known about my insecurity and cared enough to do anything was if she listened to me speak of my eyebrows needing to be waxed around my friends in the class, or if the class didn't make it incredibly obvious that they don't care what my eyebrows looked like. She knew I did and did not want to do anything to get me upset. She looked at me. "I want to show you something." She took a tissue and some misceller water out of her bag and wiped away her eyebrow. It had looked natural so it was incredibly shocking to me that her brows were blonde. "I can help you with this." She handed me a brand new, unopened eyebrow pencil that she had very clearly bought with her own money. Nothing in the schools budget would let her go to sephora to shop for everybody and I had never even been inside a sephora, but it was a brand that sephora sells and ulta or more likely at that time the lady in the lab coat at the Macy's would not have sold and still doesn't. "I'm gonna show you what to do on me. Your eyebrows are a lot darker than mine so be careful not to go too dark." It was a very dark brown. My eyebrows and hair are ginger, but not like completely pure bright ginger. I swear this is important. At that time I had never even put on mascara by myself so going "too dark" was very hard to tell. She didn't try to take it from me and do it herself. She sat with me for her entire lunch hour trying to show me how to do it right, eventually decided she couldn't see on a tiny compact mirror, and sent me to the bathroom to finish it. It looked good. I got a lot of compliments from people but for me and MM it was our secret.

I had accidently gone too dark. MM tried to give me misceller water but I wanted to (stupidly) show my mom that I could fix my own makeup. I wasn't even that young to where I couldn't wear it without her killing me, I had just never been able to do it without her before. My mother took one look at me, then my eyebrows and gone absolutely batshit crazy. Asking who did that to me, why I would let some jerk from school dye my eyebrows, shit that she didn't even understand at the time because until I turned 18 and we had our first hair dye fail and it was her fault, we didn't know that ginger hair didn't take any pigment without bleach. Brad Mondo didn't come into my life until college attempt 1, forgive me hair gods!

I told her MM gave me-

My mother picked up the phone, called MM directly, since I had taken into her office hours to learn this and she answered at 3:15, almost an hour after the last student left. "Mrs *blank*, hi, what can i-"

Proceeded to spend the next hour and a half after she would have had to stay an hour late be attacked by my mother telling her that she must know that I'm not even allowed to get highlights in my hair and what the f*** could make her so stupid to dye my eyebrows for me if I asked her to and after literally being threatened with going to court, MM finally was allowed to say "its eyebrow pencil. She was sad about her eyebrows for so long that I wanted to help her without her feeling the need to rip her hair from her flesh this afternoon when she had just done it Monday afternoon."

"Oh, when did the school give you the money to do that?"

"They didn't. I did it myself."

"Why?"

"I won't get into that with you without Mr. (Blank) present or without hearing your child crying her eyes out in the background. I know she misbehaves and I know you don't see her potential but this is hurting her more than giving her a little makeup ever will."

My mother doesn't even get another word in before MM hangs up. She searches my bag for the eyebrow pencil, takes it away from me despite hearing me crying my eyes out and not having the strength or energy after sobbing for over an hour and a half while she was berating my teacher, and takes it to an electric pencil sharpener that we used as a family. Puts the brow pencil into the sharpener that we all had been using for years, makes it completely unsafe to use on my skin without the chance of led poisoning anyway, and snaps it while it's in the sharpener so that the sharpener can be replaced but my dad would come home and see me sobbing on the floor and she could (and would have at that point since I was 15 and would not be able to leave a situation by choice or be believed by anyone) make some sob story about how I had attacked her because I had come home with eyebrow pencil and she had not wanted me to wear it on Monday. And also said "if you try to tell him anything that happened I'll give your teachers a real reason to fear your safety." Implying that she would beat me so they would call CPS.

Nobody from CPS came. I don't even know if anyone else from the school knew about what happened next but it is a level of love and respect for me as a person that I haven't had in a long time.

MM took it upon herself to get me something I could never really use at the time but could give me in good conscience without my mother freaking out. If any reason to tell my mother where I got that comes up, she was giving me permission to lie and say someone else got it for me. And then she handed me a little box that had a big effect on me. "I know you love Peggy Carter. This was so hard to find. I went to 3 different sephoras to ask for this. It took me so long to find the right brand of lipstick in the exact shade you would know about because I didn't think to just look up what lipstick the actress wore. I finally found it at the last sephora I was able to go to last night. They were starting to close and I asked for "that Peggy Carter lipstick" and they had every lipstick she wore in the series. I couldn't get you every one but I know this one is in a scene you talk about a lot. Don't let your mom take it." I was so close to tears by that point that any other word would have broken me over the edge. "You want to go to cosmetology school right?" I said yes. Without hesitation she said "I will hold onto this for you until you're able to wear makeup." And she put it in her desk. And that was that.

My senior year, she had left something with my guidance counselor with the exact instruction to tell me she left but not give it to her right away. He asked if I wanted it after telling me and I said "if she doesn't give it to me what's the point?"

A few months ago, it had been 3ish years after I graduated and she saw me at a wholesale club. She was with her husband, 2 young daughters who I have met before and a newborn son. She had seen me, knew I had seen her and was with my dad. So she approached my dad. "HI mr (blank) it's been a while. I know you're busy shopping and I'm busy with everything else...just thought I'd say hi. I'm gonna have to go to the bathroom. Gotta change him. Have a good day!" She didn't want to confront me in front of my dad, she didn't want to make it awkward for her husband. I asked my dad if it would be weird if I talked to her. "We'd both know if she had to change her kid. Go on." Went into the bathroom to say hi, her son wasn't even in there with her. I saw her kids and some man who must be her husband (I've only seen photos) outside the bathroom. "I didn't want to bring this up in front of your dad and didn't want to put you on the spot if we had had to leave right away. Did you ever finish nursing school?" "Oh...I dropped out of college...twice..." "Did you want anything else?" I look at her. She couldn't possibly remember this. "I...wanted to go to cosmetology school...but..."

"I don't need to hear any more. My husband and kids are probably confused. I want you to meet them but not right now. What's your address?" I gave it to her without hesitation. I would not have any reason not to trust her. She put it in her phone, said "okay, see ya later." And walked away.

I got a message forwarded to me from my dad today. "Hey Mr (blank) don't be alarmed but a package that says it's for me is arriving at your house on Tuesday of this week. It took me a very long time to be able to find this again. I don't know what you guys are all going through and don't want to overstep anything. Hope (name she knew me as) enjoys it and is able to move forward in life."

He asked if that means anything to me. Couldn't have said anything about the lipstick and when it happened without it being just another rant about something that happened on a Friday afternoon in 2015 and was super traumatic for me.

He also showed me a picture she had sent with the text. "If she's confused at all. It's this."

I had to Google it but it is that image.

After having a conversation with mom if Miss Megan had ever given me any makeup, and mom literally needing to remember any specific time that was something traumatic that she did that is her fault and has any effect on me now, literally started sobbing. I had never seen my mother cry about something she had done to me before and these were not crocodile tears. Came clean to my dad years later about the eyebrow pencil and her thinking someone at school dyed my eyebrows and berating MM on the phone for over an hour after school was over and I could not have done anything except cry in the background.

Did nothing to change my perception of what happened and did nothing to change my dad's stance on if mom leaves, he's next and if I do anything to make her want to leave, I'm next. My behavior lately has not been good in a way MM would be happy with but I am going to therapy and I am working on myself for the first time in years. Literally since any of this had gone down and could have been changed.

I'm 22 now, just starting therapy for the first time since I was 16 and am, while nothing could have prepared me to have this conversation on my own because if I spoke to them about it without MM sending my dad a screenshot of a lipstick that is not mass produced anymore, couldn't have any conversation with them about something traumatic that happened to me that could have been avoided if they had known literally anything about what happened to me in school turned into them

Agreeing to send me to cosmetology school with no concern for paying all at once or anything I could be doing if I had stayed in a situation that was getting me nowhere for the same price over time.

#literally nothing to do with anything this blog will actually post about #just a dramatic way of saying im finally going to cosmetology school.#wholesome teacher story #every teacher i had before or since has not given a shit #ahhhhhh #anti college

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