#either way i welcome our new bot overlords

[georgecrecy]

Charlie 7

James and Charlie emerged into the bright light provided by the dozen flood lamps on the cave roof above as the roar of thousands of spectators thundered around them. Charlie and his human friend were guided to opposite starting positions on the stained dirt of the arena, and James watched as Lord Takrex reappeared from another set of stairs next to the announcer’s podium, the multi-armed announcer leaning in to converse with the Straxhi overlord. Takrex finished speaking and headed to his own customary position in his personal viewing box above the podium as the announcer’s voice boomed through the various projecto-bots floating high above. “Ladies and gentlemen from across the vast reaches of space! We at the Hub have a special event lined up for your viewing pleasure! Our reigning champion, the vicious Rang’var, will be facing off against a perilous human from among the crew of Captain Choep in a fight of life or death! Can he tame the beast, or will he be ripped to shreds?”

The jeers and shouts from the uproarious crowd indicated they would prefer the latter, betting girls raking in the credits as they were called from all sides. James looked askance at the crowd around him and at Lord Takrex, who he saw had just sat down with his many attendants around him, and another human seated beside him in a grey suit. His eyes squinted momentarily trying to better see who it was before he realized the owner of the slicked-back hair was none other than Crassus Jaul! He cursed to himself and hoped that Jaul wouldn’t realize it was him. As Takrex and Jaul laughed and spoke like old underhanded friends, James could see that Jaul looked puzzled and annoyed as if he had forgotten something but couldn’t remember what, though the miner knew all too well what it was. The little charade he could have done with Charlie wasn’t going to work.

The announcer’s fatal words rang out once more around the boisterous arena atmosphere, “It is time for a fight! All bets are now final, and let the best fighter win!”

The guards hurriedly cleared from around Charlie after unlocking the collar remotely, rushing to the nearest exits, while the guards near James also hurried to get away. The hush of the expected audience was interrupted by the sound of distant thumps and booms from outside the station. The audience muttered and looked around as Takrex and Jaul both put fingers up to earpieces, Takrex looking confused but unperturbed once he had gotten a report, and he motioned to the announcer to continue.

With a start, the announcer looked back to the arena, his voice echoing as he said, “Nothing to worry about, as I said, ahem, let the bout commence!” However, James and Charlie were far ahead of him.

Moving forward at a trot, Charlie had already picked up speed until he was galloping toward the comparatively tiny figure of James, who was similarly rushing headlong towards the charging freighter’s worth of weight in muscled mass. The audience cheered or held their breath in anticipation as the two met, expecting a very flattened human pancake to result from this. At the same time, Jaul in his comfy leather chair on the podium suddenly had a spark of memory that made him haul up from his seat in a flurry, pointing at the impending clash below. “Kill that man! He is in league with the Dragon!”

Instead of a pancake, Charlie abruptly stopped, sending a cloud of dirt up into the air around them. James instead directed Charlie’s via his muzzle, back out of the dust cloud and toward Charlie’s starting position and the collar that was on the ground. Searching hurriedly across the ground, he cast about for the small device as the first bolts of murderous laser light plodded into the ground around them from combi-blasters. Blasts from outside the station were growing closer, even rocking the station itself and sending twirls of rocky dust descending from above as all could now hear the whir of energy coursing through the station as the massive defense grid powered up. Jaul continued to point and shout to the arena below as Takrex shooed him off, too busy listening to the feed in his ear and heading towards the nearby set of stairs.

Finally, James found the glint of steel from the device, and more importantly found the button on it. Pressing it, he immediately felt the station vibrate as explosions were set off at several important points in the power grid. The spotlights above flickered and almost died before backup systems kept some power running, but the power necessary to keep the station’s defense grid running was now gone. Charlie roared as several bolts found their mark finally in his tough hide, the guards having better luck now that they had cleared past the jostling crowd who were running for the exits. In his ear, James heard a welcome voice say, “Thunder.” The human shouted over the cries of the crowd, “Airlock!” Charlie closed his eyes and held his breath while James reached to the very end of his arm’s reach on either side to close over Charlie’s ear holes, doing his best to use his arms to cover his own ears and squeezing his own eyes shut.

The rock in the ceiling exploded, sending rock flying throughout the room. From the several holes then opened were black cans that fell several hundred feet. Within a few seconds the cans exploded with loud BANGS and flashes of bright white light, blinding everyone in the room. Chaos exploded as soldiers of various species descended into the arena, further explosions rocking the arena as well, sending more chunks of the ceiling to fall from above. James looked up in time to see a good-sized piece detach from the ceiling above and head straight for him, attempting to duck out of the way but was not fast enough, the chunk barely glancing off his head was still enough to knock him out. His consciousness faded to nothing as he crumpled to the floor, his vision fading to black as he saw Charlie stand over him protectively, a clarion howl escaping the large Tilluxian lungs.

Sitting on the grass in the bright sunlight, James scratched absentmindedly at the sore spot on the back of his head, which had been pronounced ‘fully healed’ by the Vlexeene doctors just a few days ago. Again, James thought, while many considered the humans almost exaggeratedly extraordinary in their capacity to heal, they might have been too optimistic. But he was happy, especially since he was leaning up against the heaving side of his leathery, humongous friend.

A ways down the hillock from where they sat resting, the two watched contentedly as the lithe form of Princess Saevi maneuvered skillfully in and among the tree-like legs of the female Tilluxian that had been rescued from the Hub, which Saevi had decided would be named Gresi after a breed of flowers that bloomed only in the darkest winters on Vlexia. Gresi looked a lot better than when James had found her, though there was little that the vets on any planet could do to patch the many scars or the missing eye. But Gresi had taken to Saevi surprisingly quickly, and much to the palace guards’ dismay was loathe to let her leave her large side whenever the Princess had to go inside. Saevi climbed along the neck of the Tilluxian, swinging confidently underneath despite the one arm. Seeing James and Charlie looking their way, Saevi let go with her hand and hung by just her legs, waving at the two up the hill while upside down. Gresi twisted her neck and licked the hanging Vlexeene princess, causing her to giggle and let go, plopping very unceremoniously on the ground, still laughing away.

Up to their side, Colonel Eahn sidled up from the glittering palace behind them, looking at the scene below with a smile. Patting Charlie’s side, he looked down at James below him. “I’m glad you are finally well enough to be out with us in the sunshine.”

James nodded in assent, wincing slightly as his head throbbed a bit. “Yep, it is certainly nice, I must say. Now I’ve been missin’ out on the news of what happened after I got conked out. You wanna fill me in?”

Eahn threw up a hand in disgust. “We needn’t speak in detail on such a nice day, but needless to say the Hub will no longer be operational if the five systems have any say about it. Once we were able to get them to stop squabbling, they finally acceded to working together against a common enemy, especially once they knew who they were fighting for. The Yallarians and humans from Arta 6 were the first to agree, and then the Vasha once we had explained more of the situation. We were able to smash the fleet easily enough once their defenses powered down, and good job on that, by the way. Once those hell-born human marines of yours got into the fray, what we didn’t wrangle up or kill in the confusion, flew off to the three winds like Narx Rats from a flame.”

James nodded, glad that the scum had been sent packing. He broke his gaze from the antics of Saevi and Gresi to look worriedly at Eahn. “And what about the worst of the bunch? Did you guys bag those monsters Takrex and Jaul?”

Eahn pursed his lips, a hand going up to reflexively twirl one of his whiskers. “We did get Takrex, though it is currently a fight with all the systems claiming jurisdiction to put him on trial. All the worse for him. As for Jaul, I’m afraid that blaggard managed to escape, but not before we saw him and his personal ship. He is now a wanted man, while Southtech has disavowed all knowledge or involvement in his ‘activities.’ They have bigger worries on their hands considering the investigations now slated their way, I would suppose. I understand the Yallarians and Vashans are rather displeased with how their accounts were handled. Apparently they found documents to support their claims to fraud.”

James looked up with a smile. “I suppose that means your boys were able to figure out that mess I gave ya?”

Eahn smiled back slyly. “Officially, I have no idea what you are talking about.”

James merely nodded and smiled, and looked back at the endearing scene below. Saevi and Gresi were framed by the city in the background, a shining white mass of buildings, streets, and causeways. Above the city were jumpcars and freighters that moved across the various skylanes as they followed their courses through life. James reflected on the course his own life had taken him, from the first meeting of the gargantuan Charlie some years ago, to all the adventures they had gone through together, and all the people they had the good fortune to meet, and he couldn’t help but smile contentedly. The light throbbing in his head seemed to disappear entirely as he felt the breath of his humongous friend bellow in and out. He hoped it would never end.

FIN Read the other parts of the series!

Part 1: https://georgecrecy.tumblr.com/post/183762132696/charlie-1

Part 2: https://georgecrecy.tumblr.com/post/183787102041/charlie-2

Part 3: https://georgecrecy.tumblr.com/post/183794906326/charlie-3

Part 4: https://georgecrecy.tumblr.com/post/183805565796/charlie-4

Part 5: https://georgecrecy.tumblr.com/post/183818824461/charlie-5

Part 6: https://georgecrecy.tumblr.com/post/183819131196/charlie-6

#hfy #haw #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #earth is space australia

[ber39james]

7 Ways to Write an Effective Out of Office Message

When I was working full-time in media relations, exchanging emails with journalists all day every day, I learned one thing—out-of-office messages don’t have to be boring. Although most of the out-of-office replies I got were pretty standard, a few stood out by either making me laugh or providing me with interesting information. Here are some ways to make good use of your own out-of-office message.

7 Cool Out-of-Office Message Examples

1 The Social Media Booster

I’m always trying to amplify my social media signal. (Ahem! Follow me on Twitter if you like information about writing and productivity.) Your out-of-office message can help you accomplish that.

Hey, there!

I’m out of the office this week, but my Twitter signal is always on. Seriously, I’ve got robotic wonder thumbs! (No, not really.) I never fail to tweet fascinating stories about how people can win big with their marketing efforts. So, until I’m back at my desk, won’t you follow me [link]?

Whether you follow me or not, I’ll get back to you as soon as I can upon returning to my desk on July 17.

2 The Hand-Off

Sometimes your position is so crucial that people will need to have someone to turn to in your absence. When that’s the case, it’s often best to keep things professional by telling people when you’ll return and who they can contact in your absence. But, if your situation is a bit less formal, you can also have some fun.

I’ll be out of the office until Monday, July 24. If your message is urgent, please reach out to the lovely and talented Bob Smith at [email protected]. If you have breaking news to share, contact Big News Journal’s hard working managing editor, Ashley Jones, at [email protected]. Just make sure your news is juicy. Ashley has no time for your shenanigans!

3 The GIF

We work hard and we take our work seriously. But sometimes it’s okay to have a little fun. If your job position is such that you can get away with it, why not dig up a fun gif to go with your out-of-office message? It’ll lighten someone’s day and make your email memorable.

I’m out of the office until Monday, July 17 without email and WiFi. I’m sure to return tanned and refreshed, at which time I’ll reply to your email cheerfully. I will not, however, be able to get away with wearing my vacation shirt once I’m back to work. RIP, vacation shirt.

https://giphy.com/embed/xUA7aSnoYKYew32T28

via GIPHY

Here’s a tip: Get cool gifs to use in your email at Giphy or Tenor. Just don’t get too crazy and make sure the gif is appropriate for the culture of your office and your professional field in general. You don’t want to inadvertently send the wrong message.

4 The Networking Opportunity

If you’re going to a professional conference, odds are good that a lot of the colleagues who email you will be there, too. Conferences are a great place to ramp up your networking efforts, so let people know where they can find you.

Greetings! I’m out of the office July 24-28 attending the Epic Professional Conference. Are you there, too? You’ll find me walking the floors with a Starbuck’s coffee in my hand, comfy kicks on my sore feet, and a bag full of brochures and swag. (I hope someone’s giving away those light-up bouncy balls again this year. I burned mine out.)

If you’re at the conference, I’d love to meet up to chat about your email marketing strategies. Feel free to text me at [phone] so we can connect.

Here’s a tip: Be careful giving out phone numbers. Remember that complete strangers may send you email, and your auto-reply could be sending them information you’d rather keep private.

5 The “Read My Stuff”

If you write, and you publish, then you’ve got content to promote. Why not use your out-of-office message to make anyone who reaches out to you aware of it?

Hello! Thanks for getting in touch. I’m out of the office until August 5 with limited access to email. But never fear! I’ve left you with some helpful writing tips to read and share.

Improve Your Writing Time with Quick Recipe Ideas

How to Give Writing Feedback That’s Constructive, Not Crushing

How to Improve Writing Skills in 15 Easy Steps

I’m looking forward to connecting with you when I return.

6 The Bot Acknowledgement

While you’re away, your email is going to be handled by a bot. Everyone knows it, so you might as well acknowledge it in a fun automated email.

This is Jane’s bot. Jane is indisposed and unable to respond to your email. I’m replying to let you know that she will return to her desk on August 1. It is her intent to attend to your request promptly at that time.

Meanwhile, Jane leaves you with the following message. Please ponder its significance:

“I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.” —Jane

https://giphy.com/embed/HaHRyK97IFKa4

via GIPHY

7 The Lead Generator

There’s really never a bad time to collect leads or subscribers. Your out-of-office email can be a handy tool for lead generation. When someone tries to connect with you, why not tell them how they can stay connected?

Hi, and thanks for writing! I’m out of the office with no access to email until August 3. If your request is urgent, you can contact [email protected] for assistance. Otherwise, I’ll get back to you as quickly as possible when I return.

While you wait, why not subscribe to our fantastic newsletter? You’ll get actionable tips once per week geared toward helping you grow your online business. Join us here [link].

Do’s and Don’ts for Out-of-Office Emails

It’s okay to have some fun with your out-of-office message in most cases, but there are a few simple rules you should always follow to make sure that, ultimately, your message is both useful and professional.

Do check your company’s policy on out-of-office messages. If there’s no firm policy, it might be best to check in with your supervisor and have your message approved in advance.

Don’t reveal too much. Strangers, spammers, and maybe even scammers could potentially see your auto-reply. Keep that in mind before you tell all and sundry that your house is vacant.

Do know your audience. If you send more formal emails during your working hours, don’t create an informal out-of-office email for your downtime.

Don’t make typos. You don’t want to be blasting out the same spelling mistake or grammar error for a week, do you?

Do consider a message rule. If your email client will handle it, consider creating a message rule where your auto-reply goes out only on the second message from the same person. That way, you won’t be oversharing your status with spammers or colleagues who really don’t care that you’re away.

Now, go enjoy that vacation! You’ve earned it.

The post 7 Ways to Write an Effective Out of Office Message appeared first on Grammarly Blog.

from Grammarly Blog https://www.grammarly.com/blog/how-to-write-out-of-office-message/