#ening because i'm slowly killing myself trying to not lwt it. i fuckin hate confrontation. don't wanna deal with it.

[g0reoz]

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#idk man like i've been in pretty rough shape lately but it's hard bc. as bad as it is #i don't want to die. i am not suicidal. like. we've been past that already the problem is that i DO fucking want to be alive yk #and to do that i have to burn all this fuckin energy being someone my parents don't hate and like #i wanna get out. i know it'll happen eventually. but it cannot fuckin come soon enough #i'm so tired of this!!i'm tired of sitting there crying in the bathroom i'm tired of lying in general like i am So Bad At Keeping Up A Fron #t and yet #here we are. here we are #and then i feel stupid for complaiing because not much is Actively Happening to me right now which like!!!! thats the point. it is not happ #ening because i'm slowly killing myself trying to not lwt it. i fuckin hate confrontation. don't wanna deal with it. #but. fuck. i really want to just tell em sometimes!!! i want to fucking explode and i know that my likelihood of being alive and well would #drastically decrease and my future would be fuckin OVER so i just have to make it a little longer. #i know i can do it. but will i. will i fuckin do it #how am i gonna not burn myself out yk!? like it does take massive amounts of energy #i don't even know. i want someone to tell me they love me and mean it. that shouldn't be too much to ask. #especially because this empty bullshit hurts just as much as someone saying they hate me. because they do!!! #that's the thing. they love me because i am not all the things they hate and threaten violence over. #which tbh. isn't me at all. #feels bad man idk #.woof.