#esti still will always feel safer pinned between a wall and Pavo than anywhere else. and he just needs to feel safe.

[bitchfitch]

For all the teething I've been doing on Pavo and Esti i haven't been able to like, actually write any thing for them recently mostly because I've been Busy.

But also because I'm snapping between like 3 ideas for them at terminal velocity and haven't been able to actually get anything written for them and it's like having pumas bouncing around my skull at mach fuck as though theyre house cats at 2 am when you're trying to sleep,

#idea one is the day after things start changing and they haven't discussed it fully yet. #Pavo is mulling over some things and Esti is too nervous to ask about it. but they're alone out hunting #its such a nice day. and Esti thinks hes going to be saying goodbye soon. and hes making himself sick with anxiety over it #and they're alone together like old times but its Not like old times because Esti remembers how sweetly Pavo had kissed him that #morning after and how good it had felt to spend the whole morning in bed cureld up against him. #and Esti doesnt think he could stomach the idea of leaving without getting another kiss or at least finding out if Pavo regretted it or not #and the story is them being sweet on each other and avoiding the big heavy topic until Esti can verbally ask about it. because like Pavo #knows him well enough to know whats eating him up. but he wants to hear Esti say the words #and then the second idea is Esti waking up from a nightmare after hes been brought home from that hell. he screams for Pavo and #like of course pavo is on his feet and at the door that separates their rooms in an instant. but its locked and Esti is too #scared to navigate to it because hes already wound up and hes still not used to life as a blind man. so the idea of getting out of bed #and crossing an open room with nothing to help him orient himself is Terrifying. #probably more than it should be but the nightmares are still fresh in his head and hes having to make himself focus and ignore them #and just reasure himself that it Actually is Pavo and not one of those monster that had used his voice. and its hard hes crying and Pavo #has to take down part of the fucking door frame to get the sliding door off its tracks without just busting it down since Esti didn't #need that particular audio experience right now and he liked that doors painting and Pavo had already sent for the craftsperson who #made his eyes to commission them to make a set for esti. and he doesn't want to destroy something pretty esti likes when itll only be a few #until esti can enjoy it again. and he gets into the room and esti scooches over in bed to welcome him into it because despite Everything #esti still will always feel safer pinned between a wall and Pavo than anywhere else. and he just needs to feel safe. #and the third thing is because of something deardest said a yesterday i think about Pavo in his old age. and im just Chewing on the image #of him and esti in his carriage. Esti's hair has gone white and hes nearing his end. and thentwo of them are together and happy #and able to reflect on the lives they've had together. and its mostly just the idea of Pavo being glad hes so much older than Esti. because #it means despite Esti only being half demon and having a much shorter life because of it. Pavo isnt going to outlive him by very long. #and All of this. Everything was because of how scared Pavo was to be alone. and hes not going to have to be in his last days. #so Yeah. thats been whats on my mind when im not devoting it to like lame shit like work #wow im bad at reading #their url is derederest #not deardest