#even though my f/os face ‘shadow games’ and dark ancient egyptian magic on a daily basis… they felt more relatable somehow

[ectoplasmer]

I don’t think I’ve ever truly articulated just how special these characters are to me. I’ve never stayed this interested and invested in a piece of media before, at least within recent memory

#i’m always talking about how the way i feel towards my f/os is ‘different’ but like #i don’t think i’ve ever really explained why it’s different?? #with my past f/os even though i would insert them into my life *occasionally* everything i did with them was mostly contained to an s/i- #-that i just projected heavily on #most of the time i wouldn’t even imagine them in my house or with me unless i was having a really hard time #my love for them was still there of course but it wasn’t as nearly direct as it is for my current f/os #with my current f/os something was just… different. that’s what i keep saying #the way i felt towards them was different. the way i approached calling them an f/o was different #i didn’t look at them and immediately go ‘yeah that’s gonna be my favorite character’ like i did for most of my other f/os #this was… different. it felt almost more personal somehow #heck i think the whole reason i got so attached to ryou was because i played nightmare troubadour and got him onto my friends list #maybe it’s because they might’ve played a role in my childhood maybe it was because there was more about them to learn about #the way my love grew for them was just… that. it grew. it wasn’t there from the start but it’s definitely there now #most of my other fictional crushes didn’t work that way. is that weird? #it felt more personal because it took longer for me to feel what i feel for them now. there’s also something about them that just felt more #i almost want to say ‘real’? something sbout them felt more real to me than my other f/os were #even though my f/os face ‘shadow games’ and dark ancient egyptian magic on a daily basis… they felt more relatable somehow #when you really get down to it they’re just… teenagers. teenagers that are lowkey messed up and probably need help #and y’know what? on a much smaller scale i might be exactly that too. and maybe that’s why they felt much more real and understandable to me #any ‘issues’ or similar problems i share with them are obviously much more smaller when compared to their versions of it but #seeing someone else face those issues (even on a much larger scale) makes me feel less isolated in it. less like no one could understand #because i see that *they* can understand how i feel. *they* can feel just as alone as me with a problem despite the both of us sharing it #i can understand them and why they do things because we’re both just. absurd teenagers. and that gives us familiarity #my feelings towards my f/os are ‘different’ because they’re different. they’re more real and feel more familiar than any of my other f/os #and in someway… i think my love for them feels more real too. #quartzshipping #anyway it is absolutely horrific yet amazing that i have been interested in this series for a year and (almost) five months now #i’m happy regardless that it’s gone on this long. sometimes i worry that maybe it’ll end at some point but #i think i need to stop worrying about it and just enjoy it as it is now #it’ll fall off when it falls off. all that matters right now is that it makes me and others happy and that i feel something towards it