#explicitly even after being told that i am sikh and not interested and continued to be harassed

[handweavers]

when reading scripture or religious texts in my studies from a variety of religions (a not-insignificant part of my education has been religious studies) i can appreciate and understand the beauty and appeal of it and make sense of its internal logic system and worldview and feel that i'm picking up what it's putting down even if i don't necessarily identify with it on a personal level, but i gotta be honest i always feel like i'm missing something or losing my mind when i read christian texts like i don't get it and it doesn't make sense to me and nothing about the trinity makes sense to me and the entire worldview feels so harsh and terrifying and bleak for no reason and every time i've asked anyone in my family (on the christian side) to explain any of it to me like sincerely i just feel more baffled and whenever i've had to read passages of the new testament i dont get it at all like even abstractly i don't understand and it makes me feel crazy like what i'm looking at has to be completely different from what other people are seeing and i don't mean it in a reddit atheist smug asshole way like it's genuinely beyond my comprehension I Don't Get It and i don't think i ever will

#and this is solely looking at texts/scripture/writings like i understand its historical and material context and aesthetics #i appreciate the way thay different ethnic groups have adapted xtianity to their culture and find it fascinating when it is syncretic #with ancient traditions and respect peoples right to practice and understand many xtian minorities have faced persecution etc #but every time i read something from the new testament im like is this really...??? uhhhh #and i dont feel that way at all w any other religions texts i can vibe with it i see what its doing and understand it and appreciate it #i find it so deeply unappealing in every possible way . truly just not for me sorry #it doesnt help the sheer amnt of bad experiences ive had with xtians targeting me for conversion #explicitly even after being told that i am sikh and not interested and continued to be harassed #and a genuinely traumatic incident w christian family counselling ive blocked out lol