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smoochkooks · 4 years

Text

— lost stars, part 1 (m.)

⟶ pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

⟶ genre: smut, angst, (troubled) idol au, childhood friends to lovers

⟶ word count: 20k

⟶ summary: in dead hours of the night he stumbles upon the bars, reaching, searching, trying to feel something, for once forget about consequences and taste the bittersweet freedom. between sips of addiction and faint touches of nameless lovers he finds you again: his own long-lost star on a blackboard sky.

⟶ warnings for part one: explicit sexual content, dom!jungkook, rough sex, oral (m receiving), fingering, dirty talk, degradation, light breath play, unprotected sex, infidelity, mentions of mental health issues, smoking, drinking etc., this is sad im sorry

⟶ music: lost stars, young god, the hills and more here.

PART TWO (FINALE): HERE!

Jungkook can’t sleep.

Moonlight is gradually slipping through the unveiled curtains that he hasn’t even bothered shutting out for the night, letting the silvery luminescences gleam over the expanses of his room callously. It's the first full moon of the month, an argent king on the cloudless sky preventing many people that particular night from falling asleep.

Jungkook lays on his bed, long body slumped on unmade, messy sheets. Brightness illuminates over his features, making his skin glow in porcelain white. Every edge of him is chiseled. From his thin lips, through the slope of his nose and paleness of his forehead, Jungkook might be a beautiful imitation of a marble sculpture. Although he isn't, heaviness of his limbs and suffocating pressure weighting down on his chest like tons of rocks make him feel like one.

Digital clock on his bedside table reads midnight, four red zeros signaling change of the date. It's so painfully silent in the confines of his room, yet Jungkook doesn't sleep. And it's not because of some scientificly proven theory connecting insomnia to the full moon. He hasn't shifted on his bed since he laid there an hour or so ago. He stares blankly at the ceiling, inhaling the chilly air of March flowing inside through the open window. There is without a doubt too cold to lie uncovered like that, with bare legs and thin t-shirt thrown on, but he doesn't seem to care, not when shivers run down his arms, not when the sudden puff of wind blows the strands of raven hair off from his forehead. He stays like that, hands folded on his stomach, eyes glued to the silver lights on the ceiling, and time ticks.

Jungkook doesn't remember when was the last time he has gotten some good amount of sleep in the night. Perhaps it was a year or two ago, when after particularly hectics days it took him only a few seconds to fall into the peaceful slumber as soon as his cheek met the cool material of his pillow. A lot of has changed since that; it's bitterly oblivious he has changed too. His insomniac tendencies are only a small part of the whole spectrum.

Jungkook doesn't wish the sleep to come and cure him. He has stopped a long time ago, when he realised it's just pointless. There are times when it gets better, when he doesn't need to nap uncontrollably during the day instead of doing that while it's dark out. Tonight seems like one of those dead end situations. Maybe after a few hours his eyes will tire out enough to flutter shut on their own accord and bring him the awaited couple of hours of mindless numbness, and the sun will raise again, as it always does.

However, that night, like many of them before, Jungkook doesn't wait helplessly.

A sigh and a minute later, he kicks off the sheets and stands up from his bed, walking to the nearby closet. He puts on the first pair of black jeans he manages to find and replaces his worn out t-shirt he wears to sleep with a new, fresh one. He flicks the lights on for a brief moment to examine himself briefly in the mirror. He needs haircut, loose strands are falling on his forehead and he swamps them off, running his fingers through the black locks. He looks even more tired in the artificial lighting of his room, definitely not like the marble sculpture, certainly not like the spot-on idol this country loves and admires. The skincare products his stylists have given him to put on his face everyday are doing a quite good job, but not good enough to fully hide the bangs underneath his eyes. This kind of magic only stage makeup can provide.

Now, Jungkook looks painfully ordinary. He isn't Jeon Jungkook of BTS, he doesn't want to be during nights like this one. That's why he fishes out of the drawer his black mask and puts it in the pockets of his denim jacket. There is probably too cold outside to go out dressed like that, but Jungkook doesn't falter.

He doesn't falter opening the door to his room and stepping into the dark hallway of the dorm. He doesn't falter putting on his shoes as silently as he can. He doesn't falter reaching for the knob to the main door and twisting it. Even if he has promised he won't do that again, that the last time when he came home at ungodly hour, smelling of sleazy bars and cheap alcohol, with faint reminiscences of the touches of nameless lovers on his skin, was truly last.

Even if the pang of guilt is still there, at the back of his head, when he exhales the air of the night, it fades away.

If someone ever asked Jeon Jungkook to describe freedom, he would say it smells like Bongcheon Underground Station.

He’s never been there before or at least he doesn’t remember doing it. The sign indicates it’s the line number two, a green one to be more exact. He doesn’t know in which part of the city he is, maybe half an hour away from the luxurious housing estate he lives in with the rest of the boys, maybe further. At some point during the train ride he's lost the track of time.

It’s probably irresponsible, careless, unwise and stupid to be a widely-known figure using public transportation in the middle of the night completely alone, but this run-down underground station in Jungkook's head is his own manifesto of mock freedom, consequences to be damned.

Jungkook knows he's risking a lot right now. The sick thirl is already there, boiling the blood in his veins. This is all he has; the mirage of liberty, his own revolt against the unfairness of the world. His testament of lost youth.

Before someone will see him standing on the platform and staring ahead of himself with blank eyes like a mad man, he decides to walk out of the station.

A young couple around his age passes him on the stairs and he can’t help but spare a glance in their direction. They aren’t aware of his presence, holding onto each other and giggling drunkily. Something squeezes in Jungkook’s chest at the sight. It’s not any kind of jealousy, no. He’s grown up from being a rebel teenager. He’s grown up from the dreams of college parties, going on dates with pretty girls and having late-night snacks with his friends after gaming sessions.

Now Jungkook is just angry. Someone may say he doesn’t have the right to, he has everything an ordinary twenty-two year-old can desire. Yet, Jungkook is the one calling the world unfair while being on top of it.

There is a poster with his face hanging just above the entrance to the station. He stops in his tracks, scoffing cynically. Poster-Jungkook, spot-on idol from the biggest boyband in the country smiles at him, showing a row of blindingly white teeth. He has a face cream in his right hand, the softness of his photoshopped face and boyish glint in the eyes trick thousands of people into buying whatever he recommends.

What would Poster-Jungkook say seeing him now, Jungkook wonders. Barefaced, with mask covering half of his features, ruffled hair that he should have hidden underneath a cap. Poster-Jungkook probably wouldn’t like to make friends with someone like him. Poster-Jungkook is here to sing his heart out, to entertain fans and make his parents proud. Poster-Jungkook has never been at Bongcheon Underground Station.

With one last glance, Jungkook exits the station, stepping into the streets of Seoul.

The clock on his lockscreen reads 1am, Saturday, March 21th. He reaches to his face, pulling the mask down a little to inhale the chilly air. The smell of nearby Chinese restaurant reminds him it’s definitely a terrible idea to drink on an empty stomach but he shrugs off this thought, walking ahead of himself, with no plan in mind.

It’s not everyday he uses underground to travel around the city like most citizens do. Ironically, this mundane thing is a luxury he normally can’t afford. But nighttime has it’s own rules.

Using his car isn’t a debatable option when he knows he's going to distract himself with numerous sips of alcohol later. He cannot use taxi as well. Not when he hates having small talks with middle-aged men while being half-wasted, half-asleep on the backseat, head buzzing, world spinning. In worst case scenarios, the said taxi driver might be a dad of one of his fans.

(Yes, it happened before. It caused a lot for Jungkook's intoxicated brain to make up some silly story and convince the poor man he was coming home from his friend's birthday party, not running away from his one night stand's place.)

Asking one of their personal drivers to lift him up somewhere won’t do any good too because one: it definitely isn’t an emergency situation, although Jungkook would most likely argue it kind of is and two: going out in the night is too risky and most importantly, strictly forbidden for him since the last time Jimin found him unconscious on their doormat.

He wants to laugh at himself, remembering the very first time he tried to sneak out of the dorm without permission.

He was merely eighteen back then and his friend from Busan came to Seoul to celebrate his acceptance into the university. Of course, teenage Jungkook had asked for approval like the well-raised young man he was. That’s impossible, Jungkook, was the answer and I really hadn’t seen that friend for a long time, please, wasn’t enough to change minds and melt hearts. And that was when eighteen-year-old Jungkook decided it was the final straw. He had enough of watching snapshots from his friends, living their teen years to the fullest. He wanted to live too.

He had planned everything in details. Namjoon and Yoongi were at the studio, Hoseok was visiting his family in Gwangju, Seokjin went to sleep early, Jimin and Taehyung were playing video games in their room. All occurrences seemed to be on his side. Until they weren’t.

He announced to everyone he wasn’t feeling well and locked himself inside his room. He waited for the right moment, then opened the door and peeked his head out. It was dead quiet, beside muffled bursts of laughter coming from the other end of the hallway where Taehyung and Jimin were still playing. Holding his breath, Jungkook tiptoed to the entrance.

It felt so electrifying back then, when he took the handle into his hand and pushed, doing something that he wasn’t supposed to. When he found himself taking the cab to his hyung’s place, fingers drumming the unknown rhythm of excitement on his jean-clad thighs.

It doesn’t feel like that anymore. There’s a rush of adrenaline but not the good kind. What was once a silly rebellion of a boy with romantic soul, is now nothing but a routine.

That night didn’t turn out as he wished. It ended with him getting wasted to the point he had to call Seokjin to pick him up. He still remembers the furious scolding the older one gave him. He remembers how he promised it was a one-time thing, how he regretted his childish actions and irresponsibility.

But it happened again and again. And it got only worse over the years.

Jungkook keeps marching ahead of himself, looking around the unfamiliar neighborhood. It's a more industrial part of the city; it doesn’t look like leafy, peaceful area he lives in. He can only imagine how the flats inside those buildings look like - cramped, cluttered. Maybe they look just like their old dorm when he was merely sixteen, with head full of dreams, sleeping every night on a bunk bed underneath Taehyung.

Upon seeing a fluorescent, red neon sign, he stops in his tracks. The club looks nice from the outside and even though it stopped being an indicator for Jungkook some time ago, he decides to step inside with the same goal in mind as usual: get drunk and then leave.

Loud, thumping music fills his ears as soon as he enters the building. He passes the mass of nameless silhouettes, heading straight to the bar and slumping down on one of the stools.

“What can I get you?”

Jungkook looks up, meeting the eyes of friendly-looking bartender who seems not to recognize him or just doesn’t give a fuck. Both options are more than anticipated when you’re a well-know celebrity who decided to get drunk on a Friday night.

“Doesn’t matter. Just give me something strong.”

Bartender nods in understanding and Jungkook sees him reaching for the bottle of whiskey and pouring the substance into a glass already filled with ice cubs.

I don’t even like whiskey, Jungkook realizes. But at the same time he knows he hasn’t come here to sample. He’s here to let loose, to taste the bittersweet freedom this umber alcohol provides and represents. Each sip burns his throat stronger, yet it’s always welcomed.

After the third glass, his head starts buzzing. The world spins a little when he closes his eyes; everything becomes a blurr of colors, shapes and sounds. It’s should be a sign to slow down but Jungkook automatically raises his hand to bartender, ordering another glass.

He hasn’t even registered he’s not alone by the bar anymore.

She’s pretty. Maybe not exactly his type, whether he has one or not, but he can’t help but spare a glance anyway. Even in his drunken state he notices she’s a foreigner; blonde locks are cascading down her back and shoulders, milky skin glowing in the fluorescent lights. He doesn’t see her face clearly yet, but he observes in the corner of his eye as she bites her plump, cherry-coloured lips, while staring down at her empty glass.

Then, his eyes wander lower, to the smooth column of her throat, her provident collarbones and rich décolltage. Her black dress doesn’t do quite good job covering her cleavage and Jungkook has to swallow at the sight.

He’s fucked, buzzed and that irritating, tiny voice at the back of his head is telling him to get his shit together but every rational thought is wiped off his mind when the girl whirls around and faces him fully now. She smiles at him, or his blurry eyes are deceiving him already. Nevertheless, he smiles back at her dumbly, doing his best to maintain the enigmatic façade.

“Hi.” he says.

It’s not the first time he’s hitting on a foreign woman. It’s very much asshole of him, but he thinks it’s easier to get laid that way. In most cases he’s not the one to start a conversation, yet this time, here he is.

“Hi, stranger.” she answers and licks her lips languidly. The raw eroticism dripping from it makes Jungkook shift on his seat. If she wants to play this game, he’s ready to make another move.

“Can I buy you a drink?” he asks. It’s so goddamn blunt and brusque, but always works. Something about his flat English and the way he subtly smirks saying it makes women intrigued.

She contemplates for a moment, batting her eyelashes at him until she eventually agrees. “Yes, sure.”

He waves at the bartender, slurring his words a little. He hears the girl giggle and somehow, his next words leave his lips without a second thought.

“You like Korea?”

She’s very talkative when she’s drinking, Jungkook notices. The question seemed to elicit something in her and she started babbling, spitting her words so fast he couldn’t catch up even if he wasn’t drunk (and knew English better). All this time he smiles at her, nodding his head and occasionally muttering “yeah” and “oh” whenever he feels like it’s the right moment.

At some point his eyes wander to the other part of the club, where the sign shows the way to the bathroom. The girl takes a sip of her drink, showing a row of her perfectly white teeth when she catches him staring at her. And at this moment, Jungkook decides is time to interfere.

He leans closer to her, his hand ever so slightly brushing the place where the material of her dress meets her thigh. She bites her lip, waiting for his another move. Jungkook is now mere inches from her face, lust swimming in his orbs when he whispers, “You’re so beautiful.”

She says something to him but he doesn’t register it. His hand is now fully placed on her thigh and when he opens his mouth to ask if she would like to dance with him, he feels a pair of strong hands placed firmly on his shoulders, pulling him away from her.

“What the fuck, man? What are you doing with my girlfriend?” He hears a male voice saying behind him in English.

Jungkook blinks, trying to comprehend what have just happened. His head spins from the sudden motion and he feels like throwing up any second. He lifts his head, meeting the terrified expression of the girl he talked to just seconds ago.

“Are you deaf or something? I’m talking to you.”

Someone pushes him forcefully again and that’s when he turns around with reluctance, standing face to face with very much pissed off white guy. He’s taller than him and the deep furrow of his brows tells Jungkook he’s in for a trouble.

“James, it’s okay. We were just talking.”

“Well, it didn’t look like that!”

“Just let him be. He’s drunk.”

Jungkook feels like his soul has left his body and now he’s staring at the whole scene from the side. The muffled voices reach his ears but he cannot fathom anything. He pinches the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes.

Another shove at his shoulder coerces him to regain his senses a little.

“I’m not letting that fucker go that easily until he apologies. Hey, shithead!”

Jungkook feels hands grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket. And then, when he thinks this is it – Jeon Jungkook of BTS is going to get hammered in some sleazy club by a foreigner because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself, because he’s useless peace of shit instead of the It Boy of his country, everything stops.

He knows this voice. Maybe his drunken brain is deceiving him, maybe he’s hallucinating or dreaming because he’s already lying bruised on the floor and unconscious. But he hears you and feels you, touching his arm and saying, “It’s alright, sir, he’s here with me. He doesn’t feel well. I apologize for his behavior.”

Your grip is stronger than he remembers to be. It hurts like you’re mad at him. But is it really you, dragging him across the room, away from those people through the crowd of sweaty bodies? He squints his eyes, focusing them on your silhouette, but what he sees is merely a blurry sideprofile of a young woman.

“I can’t believe the first thing I do after not seeing you for three years straight is saving your ass.”

There’s a wave of fresh air hitting his face. He inhales it greedily, hands extending to stabilize himself until he feels the rough texture underneath fingertips. He leans his head on the wall, eyes squeezed shut. Seconds pass, maybe even minutes, until something nudges him on the side.

“Do you feel better now?”

To be completely frank, Jungkook is scared to open his eyes. His sanity is slowly coming back to him and he hears you now loud and clearly. Maybe he’s really dreaming but if that’s true, why does he feel like he has a full control on his next move?

It’s really you. Three years older than he last saw you, arms crossed over your chest and evident frown on your face. He doesn’t know why but he wants to smooth the crease between your brows. It doesn’t suit you. Your hair is shorter, your features sharper and more mature.

You’re definitely not dream-__. His dream-___ would have scratches on her knees and some fantasy book in her hands. She sometimes visits him at dead hours of the night, asking why he hasn’t answered her calls and messages. Sometimes she stares at him from the photograph he carries in his wallet because he cannot bring himself to get rid of it.

He probably should hug you, run into your arms and thank for saving his reputation. He should hug you because it’s been three goddamn years and you were his best friend once. One of the most important people in his life, his partner in crime (and professional math tutor in primary school). God, you were his first, silly crush when you were merely ten, hair braided and pimples on your cheeks. His shoulder to lean on when he needed to cry. The girl who played football with him because there was no boys in your neighborhood with whom he could do it.

Instead, he asks, “Did you cut your hair?”

The first thing you do is raise your eyebrows, as if you’re genuinely confused he’s able to form full, coherent sentences. Next, you scoff. “Seriously? We meet for the first time in three years in a club where I work because I need to save your ass since you’re completely pissed and tried hooking up with taken woman, and that’s the only thing you have to say?”

He doesn’t like how you sound already. Your tone matches your expression, stern and slightly irritated. But at the same time, he’s not surprised you’re acting like this.

“I’m sorry, I’m just…” he hesitates. He’s just what? Pathetic? Stupid? Reckless? Or maybe–

“Crazy?”

He smiles sheepishly. “Yeah. That’s a good word.”

You take a step closer, standing right in front of him. “So are you going to tell me what are you doing in this part of the city, getting drunk while being a freaking idol?”

“Isn’t it what all celebrities do?” he asks sardonically.

You roll your eyes at that, and he takes a moment to look at you more carefully now. Your cheeks are rosy from the cold and he notices a smudge of mascara underneath your left eye. And there’s another thing he remembers about you; the weird habit of staring at him intensely whenever he wasn’t aware because you were terrible at keeping eye contact.

But it seems like a lot of has changed in that department and now you’re meeting his eyes without a hint of shyness.

“Yeah, maybe they do. But not when they have a reputation to take care of.” you counter.

Jungkook sighs, closing his eyes for a second. It’s still hard for him to produce logical thoughts but he knows he’s slowly sobering, the chilly air clearing his mind. You hug your coat tighter against your body and he wonders for a moment if it’s really that cold outside and he just doesn’t feel it because of the alcohol swimming in his veins.

He’s not capable of having this kind of conversation with you under those circumstances. While you’re outside of some niche club in a part of the city he doesn’t know, reunited after three years of silence.

You have that look on your face, the one you used to wear every time he got on your nerves and he was in for good scolding. His head pounds too much to bare with it now.

He needs to smoke a cigarette.

He fishes a pack, placing one between his lips. He feels your eyes on him the entire time and after taking the first drag, he offers you to light up one as well.

“I quit.” you say curtly.

“Okay.” The smoke swirls around his features and you take a step back, cringing. You never really could stand the smell.

“Is smoking even allowed for you?”

He snickers, shaking his head. It’s funny, how you’re asking him this now, when you were the one he used to smoke occasionally with at the docks every time he visisted Busan. Eighteen, listening to Arctic Monkeys and Coldplay on his old iPhone and watching the sky burning when sun was hiding behind the horizon.

Jungkook smirks. “Out of sight, out of mind.”

As a matter of fact, he doesn’t smoke often. It’s more like a sporadic trespass when he’s out for the night than a regular craving. Leaving aside his favor for cigarettes, he shouldn’t let himself become addicted, not when it might easily influence his lungs capacity. And Jeon Jungkook's velvet voice can’t have a hoarseness to it.

“So, you work here?” he opts to ask you, avoiding the set of questions probably already itching to leave your mouth all at once.

“I do. I actually ended my shift few minutes ago. I had some work to do at the storage room and when I walked out, I saw that guy ready to beat the shit out of you,” you say, grimacing. “To be honest, I didn’t recognize you at first. You looked… different.”

“I guess that’s what they call the magic of stage make-up.” he jokes but his comment doesn’t make you laugh. If anything, you look even more puzzled.

Then, his phone buzzes in the pocket of his jacket. He pulls it out just to be met with tens of notifications, mainly texts and unanswered calls from Jimin. He must have found out somehow he’s been gone.

“Fuck.” Jungkook mutters under his breath, locking his phone.

“Something’s wrong?” You always could read him like an open book. He wasn’t very talkative kid back then and you, somehow, found a way to communicate with him on non-verbal level.

Jungkook scratches the back of his head, smiling lopsidededly. “You’re going to laugh at me,” he sighs.

“No, I’m not.” you promise. There’s sincerity in your voice but he knows better. You’re definitely going to.

“I’m scared to come home.” Jungkook says, entirely serious. His doe eyes widen for emphasis and you’re sure he’s shitting you yet you decide to play along.

“And why is that?”

He leans closer, smelling of cigarettes and his musky cologne and you almost wince. “Because I’m gonna have my ass whipped.”

He waits a moment, and then breaks into a grin. It’s his drunkiness still speaking through him and maybe a tiny bit of curiosity how you were going to react.

You snort loudly. “That was terrible.”

“You smiled. I saw the cornes of your mouth moving.”

“You’re wasted, Jungkook. I’m surprised you’re standing on your own feet right now,” He pouts and you sigh, shaking your head. “So are you going to tell me what is it really about?” you ask.

He shrugs, blowing out the fume from his cigarette. “I just don’t wanna go home drunk. It will be worse than coming back in the morning, believe me. I’ve been there before.”

Something flashes across your face hearing his last sentence but it quickly disappears, replaced by your usual, unreadable expression. You seem to think about what he has said, until you exhale loudly, making him look at you with raised eyebrows.

“Fine. You can crash at mine.”

Jungkook knows he might have misheard you. But you’re still staring at him as if you’re waiting for him to respond. He feels dumbfounded.

“What?”

“I saved your ass today once, I can do it again. That’s what friends are for, right?”

He hates how bitter it sounds coming from you. He knows it’s very much what he deserves. You don’t own him anything after all he’s done to you yet here you are. Offering him help even though you don’t have to do anything.

You’ve always been too good for him.

You cock your head at him, a small smile dancing on your features he wishes was genuine. Maybe you still have a sentiment for him, after all. “You coming?” It’s what you ask, and he tosses the half-burnt cigarette, following you without a word.

And that’s how your story starts again, with reckless decision, cigarettes and underground stations.

Ironically, Jungkook ends up at the Bongcheon Underground Station for the second time that night.

You led him wordlessly out of the building, taking a turn into direction he was familiar with. On the whole ride back to your home, you were silent. You didn’t utter a sentence to him, even when you reached your stop, you just stood up from the seat and he followed you like a lost puppy.

Walking from the station to your flat, Jungkook decided he’s had enough of this awkward silence, breaking it first.

“So, how have you been?”

It’s such a stupid question to ask someone you haven’t talked to for such a long period of time. Of course you can’t catch up all that have happened in last three years during ten minutes-long walk. Jungkook bites his lip, peeking at your side profile.

“It’s actually funny you’re asking this now. I’ve been good, and you? Or actually… wait! You don’t have to answer that because I know you’ve been good too, thanks to your mum who is updating mine about everything what’s going on in your life,” you say sarkily. “Oh, not to mention I also have Internet and it’s really hard to avoid news about nation’s favourite boy group, right?”

Your harsh words make him grimace. He knows he fucked up royally and your bitter attitude towards him is the effect of his wrong doings. Yet, he can’t help but feel a little bit irritated.

“You know I’m sorry.” he mutters under his breath.

“Oh, are you? Was it really that hard to call an old friend once in a month?”

Jungkook looks up at the sky, as if he was wishing it could give him strenght and fill his mouth with words that will make your stony façade break just a little. “I was busy,” he answers, regretting it as soon as it slipped of his tongue.

He hears you scowl. “Busy? Doing what? Drinking and hooking up with women?”

Now it’s his turn to roll his eyes. “Are you really patronizing me right now? We just came across each other and I’m trying to be civil here. We’re not thirteen anymore, loose up.”

You stop in your tracks abruptly. “I see. You don’t need my help anymore and you’re okay with sleeping under the bridge, fine.” you spit and turn your back on him, quickening your pace.

“What? Wait!” Jungkook calls after you because one: you might be not joking and two: he’s too startled to react in time and now he has to jog up to you. “You aren’t serious, right?” he asks after catching up with your hurried movements.

You sigh, taking another turn. “God, I can’t believe you’re still that childish.”

Jungkook frowns. “What does that suppose to mean?”

“You know damn right what I mean.”

You’re now walking through a typical, industrial looking neighborhood. He used to live with other boys in an area like this, back when their name meant nothing to the world and industry, when you used to talk practically every single day on the phone.

Suddenly, you stop in front of one of the buildings, digging in your purse and pulling out the keys.

Jungkook silently follows your figure when you enter the tenement house you’re living in. He squints his eyes, trying to remember the street name and building number. For some reason he feels like this information might be useful for him sometime in the future.

You quickly climb up the stairs until you reach the forth floor, Jungkook running out of breath with mouth hang open, and that’s when you turn around to face him.

You don’t say anything to him. You just stare, expression stern yet unreadable at the same time. Your gaze is challenging but eventually you give up, sighing and opening the door to your flat, letting him in.

The first thing he notices is that your flat is tiny.

There’s barely enough space for one person in the hallway when you hang up your coat without a word, bumping into his unmoving figure when you’re trying to walk into what is probably the smallest kitchen he has ever seen.

You pour yourself a glass of water, chugging it greedily while he still stands dumbly three meters away from you, fully dressed, unsure of what to do.

He jumps, hearing you put the glass on the counter loudly. “So, welcome in my humble abode, I guess,” you say. “Are you going to stand there the whole night?” You cock your head into his direction and Jungkook shakes his head, shrugging off his jacket and kicking off his shoes.

“I know it’s small but the rent is cheap,” you add, referencing to the size of your apartment. You don’t need to explain, he wants to tell you but he doesn’t. Instead, his eyes wander to the other part of the flat where your bedroom is, as he assumes.

“Ah, yes, that’s my bedroom. And living room, and bureau,” you confirm, voice laced with apparent sarcasm. “Make yourself comfortable.”

Jungkook hesitantly enters the room. There’s nothing much there beside your bed, wardrobe and a small desk with your laptop and other belongings on. One thing he realises is that you keep everything clean and tidy, despite the limited space you have here.

“But the view is nice, isn’t it?” you ask suddenly, startling him a little. Jungkook, encouraged by you, glances out of the window and he has to admit that yes, indeed, the view is beautiful. You can see the city quite clearly from the forth floor. “I’m still surprised when I look out of the window and see rooftops instead of brick walls. I guess I’m kind of lucky.” you chuckle.

That’s when he realises just how much more you deserve than you have. It hits him how privileged he is now, living in a luxurious area for rich snobs and celebrities who look out of their windows and see green hills. And one more time, his anger for the unfairness of this world only boils stronger in his veins.

“I gotta go the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

You leave him alone again, and now he has an opportunity to look at the corkboard you have above your desk. There is plenty of photos and polaroids pinned to it and he finds himself examining them without a second thought.

It seems like you have them organized chronologically. They start with you as a little kid standing in front of your house in Busan, front teeth missing and clutching your favourite doll. Next, you’re in school and surprisingly, he finds himself present on most of these photos along with you. Playing football at the backyard, eating ice cream at your favourite parlor (he has smudges of chocolate on his chin but he smiles to the camera like it means nothing). He recognizes a photo he took of you when you where in middle school, dressed as Anne Boleyn for some history project he doesn’t remember what was exactly about.

As years pass on your polaroid timeline, his face is slowly disappearing from your captured memories. He smiles when he sees his favourite photo of you, the one he also carries snuggled deeply in his wallet. It was taken by your mum on your seventeenth birthday. You went on a picnic by the sea and Jungkook surprised you with an unexpected visit, coming home back from Seoul. He gifted you a bracelet bought with the first money he had earned in his life.

He wonders now if you still have that bracelet somewhere, hidden among many other things reminding you of your past together, just like the creased photo in his wallet he still hasn’t thrown away.

Then, Jungkook eyes land on the most recent picture. You’re grinning to the camera while being hugged from the back by a man he doesn’t know. He presses his lips to your cheek in a fleeting kiss. An affectionate one.

“I see you’re enjoying yourself.”

Jungkook jolts a little hearing your voice. You come up to him and he notices you have changed your clothes for something looking much more comfier. “Remember this one?” you ask, pointing at the photo of you sitting on a beach next to the sand castle you built.

Jungkook smiles apologetically. “Yeah.”

“Ten seconds after taking this photo, you decided to ruin my sand castle and made my cry.”

He can’t help but share your grin when your eyes lock. There’s the same sympathy in them he’s grown to known. It feels familiar, almost domestic. He likes it.

“So,” He nudges your side, pointing with his chin at the corkboard, “care to tell me who is this guy?” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and you roll your eyes in response at his antics.

“That’s my boyfriend Minho.” you answer.

Jungkook doesn’t know why but for some reason, he feels uneasy now. He’s mad at himself he’s been really missing out what’s going on in your life. He shakes off these thoughts quickly though, mastering an amusing attitude.

“That was a very poor introduction, ma’am. Come on, you can do better than this. Tell me more about him.” he teases, making you sigh loudly.

“Minho is five years older than me. He’s working as a police officer. We’ve been together for almost a year. Are you happy now?” you grumble.

Jungkook smirks. “Very much.”

“He doesn’t sleep over here so I don’t have any of his clothes you can change into,” you add awkwardly.

He furrows his eyebrows. What are you talking about now?

You shift on your feet, turning to face him properly and now he realises why did you say it. The clothes you have on are actually your pyjamas. Right, it’s almost two. You’re probably sleepy after your night shift and he’s keeping you up. And you’re kindly reminding him it’s time for him to rest as well.

“It’s okay, I can sleep naked.” Jungkook says. Your eyes widen almost comically at that. “Relax, love. I’ll stay with my boxers on. Unless you want to see my without them.” He raises a single brow in question.

You grimace. “Jesus, Jungkook, you’re still drunk. Go take a shower. You can use the blue toothbrush and white towel.” You slump down on your bed and he leaves the room without another word.

Jungkook has been in many bathrooms in his life but yours can only be describe as microscopic.

He feels almost claustrophobic when he’s standing underneath your shower. The water is splashing on everything and he panicks for a moment if you will be angry at him for the mess but then he realises it’s practically impossible to keep everything around dry when he’s showering without any curtain or glass door around him.

He uses your shampoo and body wash, cleaning himself as fast as possible. They smell nice, flowery and exotic and somehow like you. Quick shower definitely has drained him from most alcohol he has in his system. He can now think through the situation he’s in with clear mind.

After drying himself up and putting on his boxers, he stands in front your sink. He wipes off the moist on the small mirror, just to be met with his blank, tired eyes staring back at him. He really should use some good sleep. He uses the blue toothbrush just like you told him to and in the middle of the second round of brushing, he chuckles to himself at the surrealism of this whole situation.

He’s met you for the first time in three years after not speaking to you at all. You don’t own him anything and here he is, already having enormous, unpayable debt because you saved his life from the embarrassment and possible scandal.

You were always like this, ready to put on your superhero cape and save him. Just like years ago when you stood up from your seat in math class and told the teacher you didn’t feel well right before she was about to check his homework, or rather the lack of it which was going to result in another low grade on his account. You, scaring off his fifth grade bullies. You, paring up with him for every school project and doing most of the work selflessly and without a word of complaint because you’ve always liked working alone.

Jungkook spits the rest of the toothpaste and water mixed together to the sink and splashes his face. He really doesn’t know why he deserves you.

The question is simple. He doesn’t. Not after being a total prick to you. But in some strange way, you took him back again, like nothing ever happened.

When he exits the bathroom, he sees you kneeling on the floor and putting a bunch of pillows on the carpet that lies next to your bed.

Jungkook frowns. “What are you doing?”

You look up at him. Your eyes widen visibly when they land on his exposed chest but you quickly compose yourself. “What does it look like? I’m setting up a bed for you.” you reply, patting the pillows, still refusing to meet his stare.

“Am I not going to sleep with you on the bed? We slept together before and it wasn’t a problem then,” he says with furrowed brows.

“Are you kidding? My bed is for one person only! And you’re… you’re–“

“I’m what?”

“You’re big! Bigger than you used to be.” you breathe out, standing up from your kneeling position and sitting on the bed instead. There’s a tingle of barely noticeable rednees on the apples of your cheeks and he fights an urge to tickle your sides just to see you trying not to break into laughter so he could get away with your stubbornness.

“Okay, Miss Grumpy,” he grumbles, kneeling on his make-shift bed. Upon hearing that, you freeze on your spot and then he realises what he has just done.

He called you the old nickname he’s made for you. He hasn’t done that in years.

You bite your lip, acting as if it hasn’t affected you even the slightest. Clearing your throat, you reach for the lamp on your bedside table and switch it off.

Twenty minutes after that, Jungkook finds himself lying on his back in complete silence and staring at the ceiling. You have a few fluorescent stars attached to it, the ones that shine when it’s dark. You had probably ten dozens of them in your old room in Busan, too. A whole constellation.

Jungkook won’t lie, it is a little uncomfortable to sleep on the floor. He tells himself he’s fine with that, though. It’s what he deserves for being an absolute asshole to you. The sleep will come eventually.

Another minutes pass and he’s still very much awake. Then, Jungkook thinks ‘fuck it’ and decides to shoot his shot.

“___?”

You hum sleepily in response after a short while. “Yeah?”

“I cannot sleep.”

“Not my fault.”

He bites his lip. “Can I sleep with you?”

“Jungkook…”

“Pretty please?”

There’s a long pause before you say, “Fine.”

He hears you shifting on the mattress, making a room for him. The bed creaks under his weight when he places himself right next you, back to your back. He wonders if he isn’t squishing you to the wall right now.

“Are you okay?” he asks, just to be sure.

Your comforter ruffles when you try to move but there’s no use for it, not when he’s practically pressed flush to you. “Yeah. I’m good. You’re just really hot.”

“Thanks, love. No need to flutter me like that.” Jungkook murmurs, a hint of smug smile on his lips you cannot see.

“I was taking about four freaking body temperature!”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to pretend you didn’t mean it.”

“Go to sleep, Jungkook.”

There’s mute between you for a while. Nothing but deep exhales and inhales and occasional sounds of cars or wind coming from outside of your window.

It’s been really a long time since he’s slept in the same bed with other person. He's not the type to stay over after casual fuck, he’s never done that. But when he lies next to you, he can’t help but longe for someone to just hold him; nothing more, nothing less. He wonders what would you do if he turned around and snuggled into your backside. Would you yell at him? Kick him out?

But you used to be so close together once. He won’t find out unless he tries.

Carefully, with limited space, he changes his position, mattress protesting under his weight but he rolls to his other side anyway, until he’s facing your back. He feels your body tensing a little when his breath fans over your neck but you don’t say anything, letting him cuddle up to you.

It feels intimate this way, perhaps even too intimate for both yours and his liking but Jungkook can’t help but relish in your close proximity. When he senses you’ve relaxed a little, he shuts his eyes tightly.

“___?” he murmurs. It's barely a whisper but you heard him loud and clear.

“Mhm?”

“I’m sorry for ruining our friendship like that.”

You’re silent for a moment and he thinks you might have fallen asleep but then, you let out a long sigh that sounds awfully audible in the small space of your bedroom. “You still have time to fix this, Jungkookie.”

You haven’t called him that in three years. It’s good to hear that again.

He smiles to himself, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You don’t protest. If anything, he feels you breathe out with relief.

Next morning you wake up feeling like the temperature in your room has risen to fifty degrees. You’re still wrapped tightly in your comforter and facing the wall, which means you haven’t moved even an inch in your sleep. The cause of it being a very much large, male body practically crushing you with its weight.

You let out a shaky exhale. Jungkook’s front is not only pressed flush to your back but somehow, his muscular leg is thrown over yours, successfully trapping you in.

You wiggle, trying to free yourself from his hold but when you hear his quiet groan, you abruptly stop your movements. And then, you feel it. An apparent hardness poking your backside.

You can’t help but blush, reminding yourself not to make this situation even more awkward than it already is. It happens sometimes, you tell yourself, it’s completely normal for men to pop a boner when they’re in such close, intimate position with another warm body.

But when you feel Jungkook unconsciously seeking friction and pressing himself even firmer against your bottom, you can’t help but yelp in response, throwing off the material covering your body and elbowing Jungkook's unsuspecting face in process.

“Fuck! What time is it?” he mumbles groggily, narrowing his eyes when they’re met for the first time with the sunlight gradually slipping through your unveiled curtains.

“Quarter past your dick poking my ass!”

Jungkook furrows his brows but when his eyes land on his crotch, he smiles sheepishly at you. “I’m sorry,” he mutters. “It’s just been a really long time since I slept next to someone like that.” His cheeks are flushed in pink and he rubs the back of his head in a bashful manner.

“What about your one night stands then?” you can’t help but ask.

He shrugs in response. “I never stay over.”

“Oh.” You don’t even know why you’re strangely surprised. Maybe it comes from the fact that you’ve always pegged Jungkook to be the rather romantic type. People change, they say. Or sometimes your assumptions about someone you thought you know like the back of your hand happen to be wrong.

You clear your throat. “Anyway, get up. It’s time for breakfast.” you say and disappear from his sight but he still hears you fumbling in the kitchen, popping the kettle on.

He raises from the bed with reluctance, bending to lift the puddle of his clothes he left on the floor last night.

“Hey, what do you want to–“ you begin but your voice involuntarily trails off, seeing him in rather exposed state now in broad daylight. “–to drink?” you finish almost breathlessly.

You’ve been aware Jungkook's good looking. He’s started attending gym long before you stopped keeping in touch with each other. You just didn’t know he is that ripped. It’s not a surprise that his fans go nuts every time they see even a small glimpse of his muscles.

You really shouldn’t be staring but it’s too late when you see a sly smirk on his face. “Like what you see, buttercup?” he asks like the cocky bastard you didn’t know he’s capable of being. “I would like a black coffee, please.” he adds.

There’s a roll of your eyes in response to his teasing tone. “Oh, stop with these nicknames.”

Jungkook grins. “Why? Hyung used to call you that and you blushed every time.”

“Because I had the biggest crush on your brother when I was eleven, dumbass.” you scoff, shaking your head. You leave him, heading back to the kitchen to finish preparing food.

“I know you had a crush on him,” Jungkook shouts after you, putting on his pants and t-shirt. “I’m just curious why him, not me.”

“Seriously? You had emo fringe and pimples back then!”

He laughs, making his way to the kitchen where you’re standing by the counter and mixing something on the frying pan.

“Hope you don’t mind eating scrambled eggs,” you say, sparing him a quick glance. “It’s probably the only edible thing in my fridge right now beside instant ramen.”

Jungkook settles himself on the stool by the small, wooden table situated right by the window. This time, the view is a greish wall of another building. He takes the coffe cup from you and adds a generous spoon of sugar. “I don’t mind. It smells really nice.” he answers, calming your concerns. “So, am I not crushable in your eyes?” He takes a sip of his drink, peeking at you curiously.

You take out the plates from the cabinet and start putting the food you’ve prepared on them. “What kind of word ‘crushable’ even is? Beside, you have millions of fans gushing over you, I’m unnecessary in this equation.” you say, placing the plate in front of him.

“But you aren’t saying no,” he counters.

“Jungkook.”

“I know, I know,” he chuckles. “I’m just teasing you.”

You look at him then, observing thoroughly for the first time since you saw him last night. He’s indeed handsome, there’s not a hint of doubt about that. His features are more mature, the baby fat on his cheeks gone and replaced with chiseled jawline. But if there’s one thing which stays the same, it’s his eyes. Still gleaming with misheviousness when he laughs and holding starry skies in them when he’s astounded by something.

“Didn’t know you were such a great cook, ___,” Jungkook’s voice brings you back to the reality. He sends you thumbs up with his mouth full and you can’t help but crack a smile at his goofiness. Old habits die hard, they say. “Aren’t you eating?” he asks, staring at you with wide eyes.

You glance at your untouched eggs and opt for taking a sip of coffee instead. “I’m not that hungry.” you respond. He shrugs his shoulders at that, taking a bite of the toast.

You nip the inside of your cheek, hesitating, before asking him a question that have been sitting on the tip of your tongue since last night. “What are you going to tell the rest of the guys when you come home?”

Jungkook's expression immadietly shifts after registering your question. “The truth.” he says like it’s the simplest thing in the world.

You don’t even try to hide your puzzlement, repeting after him, “The truth?” in bewildered tone.

“They aren’t going to buy that anyway. But believe me, it’s better if I came back in the middle of the night completely wasted.”

Something’s telling you not to dread that conversation longer so you don’t press him about it any further, instead focusing on changing a topic. “Do you have anything planned for the rest of the day?”

He nods, swallowing. “We have a dance practice later.”

You raise your eyebrows. “New comeback?” you smile teasingly and he sends you a wink.

“That’s a secret I’ll never tell.”

“Oh, come on. You know I can keep my mouth shut,” you pout.

He rolls his eyes at first but then a small smile appears on his lips. “I know you can. You’ve been covering for me in school all the time.” he murmurs. At that, something warm spreads in your chest. “Come on, buttercup, I’m not spilling anything until you start eating.” he warns, pointing at your untouched food.

When you grin at him and he reciprocates the gesture, it feels like you’ve turned back the time.

“And... five, six, seven, eight!”

Jungkook doesn’t know how many times he has repeated the same sequence of movements but he feels like passing out anytime soon. He asked Hoseok to help him practice but it looks like his older friend is in rather bad mood today and he seems to lose patience even quicker.

“...and spin–no! Jungkook, you’re not supposed to do it like that.” Hoseok sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Jungkook grimaces, collapsing on the floor. “Give me a few moments, hyung. I’ll do better, I promise.” he mutters.

Hoseok crunches down next to him for a moment, patting him on the shoulder reassuringly. “You did good, Kook-ah. We can call it quits for today.” he says.

Jungkook doesn’t even have strength to answer him verbally. Instead, he shuts his eyes tightly and nods. He hears Hoseok walking away and talking in the distance with Namjoon about something.

“Are you okay?”

Jungkook cracks an eye open. It’s Jimin this time. He kneels on the floor, observing him with worried look on his face.

“Yeah. Just need a minute to catch a breath.” Jungkook responds.

Jimin nods but Jungkook knows him well enough to sense that there’s another question at the tip of his friend's tongue. And he’s not wrong.

“Jungkook, you know you should stop doing that.”

Jungkook sits up, turning his head in Jimin's direction, eyes narrowed into slits. “What, hyung?” he asks, not hiding is irritation. He’s heard it too many times not to feel it already blubbering inside his chest.

“You know exactly what I mean. Partying, getting drunk, sleeping around like a–“ Jimin stops himself in time, seeing Jungkook's expression.

“Like who?” Jungkook scowls. “Come on, hyung, end the sentence.”

Jimin shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m just worried about you. We all are.” He puts his hand on Jungkook's shoulder and squeezes.

“No need to. Besides, you’re the last one to lecture me about smart life choices.” Jungkook spats harshly and gets up, leaving Jimin staring at his disappearing figure with defeated expression.

Back in the confines of his room, Jungkook finds himself lying on his bed again. At some point, his thoughts wander back to you. He had to leave your flat quicker than he wanted because of the scheduled practice (and the hint of guilt he felt for his hyungs).

He wonders if you can still be friends together, just like the old times. He needs it. Needs you by his side. He didn’t even know he’s been craving it unconsciously. But then he realises he didn’t even ask for your phone number. Maybe you still have the same one?

He reaches for his phone and unlocks it, searching through his contacts. He has you saved under ‘Miss Grumpy'. It makes him smile involuntarily. His thumbs hover over the screen before he starts typing.

[21:08pm] me:

hi, it’s me Jungkook. I don’t know if that’s still your number but I decided to give it a try. I wanted to say thank you once again for yesterday. and today’s breakfast.

Few minutes later, his phone buzzes.

[21:11pm] Miss Grumpy:

you’re welcome, buttercup

Seven days later, Jungkook is at Bongcheon Underground Station again. This time, it’s not his recklessness and cynicism that led him here. He climbs up the stairs and walk into the half-asleep streets with purpose in his mind.

He remembers exactly the path to the club you’re working in. Now he can only hope you have a shift tonight as well.

You haven’t talked a whole week. He felt too insecure and scared to call or text you. What if you don’t want him to keep in touch? What if your last meeting and sleepover at your flat was just a favor for old times’ sake?

That’s why he needs to see you in person. He thought about visiting you in your flat but his intoxicated brain betrayed him and he couldn’t recall your address even if he tried and he did, sitting in front of his laptop and wandering through the streets on Google maps.

When he enters the club he’s met with the familiar buzz of electronic music and the smell of sweat mixed with nicotine. It looks like it’s his lucky day though, because here you are, talking with a client behind the bar.

Jungkook can’t help but smile to himself. He observes you for a while from afar, watching you listening to someone’s tipsy rambling with a polite, yet forced sympathy. He decides to save you from the uncomfortable situation, marching to the bar and sitting on one of the stools.

He sighs to himself, remembering the pieces and bits from his memory of the last time he was there, making a total fool of himself. If it wasn’t for you, his foot would never step here ever again.

You excuse yourself and leave the drunk man, just to be met with Jungkook's smiling eyes. Somehow, his brain short circuits and he sends you a wink.

You roll your eyes, approaching him. “What can I get you?” you ask. “Although after last time I suggest a glass of water.”

He chuckles, pulling his face mask down. “When do you finish?”

Sparing a glance at the watch you have on your wrist, you answer, “In forty minutes.”

“A beer it is, then.”

You hesitate, reaching for the glass. “And you’re just going to sit here the whole time, waiting for me?” you ponder with a surprised expression, just like you’d never thought he could do something like that.

Jungkook only grins in response.

For the next half an hour he watches you work; serving drinks to clients, polishing glasses, occasionally giving a love advices to some teary-eyed girls in a short, black dresses. Just when he’s chugging the last sip of his beer, you come up to him.

“I’m done for tonight. You can wait for me outside.” you say.

When his in front of the bar, he pulls out his cigarettes and lights up one to pass the time. He wouldn’t call himself addicted. He smokes rather sporadically, mostly when he’s out getting wasted or when he’s stressed about something. Or just like now, when circumstances are conducive.

Few minutes later you appear by his side. He takes one last drag and whirls to face you. “So you really quit, huh?” he asks, making you nod curtly. “And you don’t smoke even when you’re on a party?” He's almost astonished.

“Nope, even then.” you confirm, hearing him mutter a ‘Wow’ under his breath. “Well? What now?” You cross yours arms over chest, eyebrows lifted in question.

He tosses the cigarette to the ground and tramples it with his foot. “I thought we could go to your flat, eat late night ramen and just talk.”

“So we're hanging out now?” There’s a slight sarcastic lilt to your voice and he worries for a moment you are going to tell him to fuck off but then, your features soften. “It sounds nice but I know a spot not far away from here when we can sit and talk. If that’s okay with you.” you say.

“Lead the way, then.”

You didn’t lie when you said the place you were taking him wasn’t far away. What you didn’t tell him though, was that getting there meant climbing up the fire escape all the way to the rooftop of a run-down tenement house.

“Care to explain me how do you know about this place?” Jungkook asks once he’s seated comfortably on an old, emerald sofa next to you. It’s a mystery to him how this peace of furniture was brought here but nevertheless, it was someone's good idea.

You were right. It is nice here. You have a full view to the city from up there and he’s sure it would be easy to see the green hills in daylight or watch how the sky burns during sunsets.

“Minho took me there first,” you explain, answering his question. “His police department is few blocks from here. One day they got a call from some angry, old lady, saying that someone was playing music very loudly nearby. When they arrived, they found out a group of teenagers had organized a party on top of the rooftop.”

Jungkook hums. “He’s quite romantic,” Upon seeing your clueless expression he adds, ‘’Your boyfriend, I mean.”

“Ah, yeah,” You crack a smile, although he thinks it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “He is. Sometimes.”

He decides not to press you about it any further.

He leans his head back, closing his eyes for a brief moment and inhaling the chilly, pre-spring air. Then, he feels you nudging his side. “So, what do you want to talk about?” you ask, staring at him in anticipation. Jungkook lets out a groan in response and runs his hand down his face. You chuckle, “Hey, we didn’t come here to sit in silence. Entertain me a little, would you.”

He sighs your name. You aren’t prone to giving up easily, he knows it. You’re probably the most stubborn person he’s had a chance to encounter and that is also one of the main reasons he came up with the ‘Miss Grumpy’ nickname when you were in fifth grade.

“I’m pretty sure the golden maknae of BTS has more interesting life than me,” you snicker and he knows it was meant to sound playful coming from you, but he feels something heavy in his chest hearing your remark.

He musters up a small smile. “You would actually be surprised if I told you that my life isn’t as exciting as it may look.”

It hasn’t missed your eye how tired Jungkook seems. No matter how much he tries, he can’t possibly hide fully the bangs underneath his eyes or the greish complexion of his skin. It’s weird seeing him in person like this; without stage make-up and plastered smile reserved for the fans. Seeing him so humane.

For the last three years, you only watched him on your phone's screen. But it wasn’t really him. Your Jungkook is sitting right next to you and silently observing the city during the night. Your Jungkook smoked cigarettes with you by the beach in Busan and got you an autograph from one of your favourite artists he had met personally at the backstage after some award ceremony.

Your Jungkook would never got himself drunk to the point of unconsciousness, risking his reputation. But again, you might only think you know him.

“Let’s talk about you instead,” Jungkook says suddenly, pulling you out from your thoughts. “What do you do beside working in that club?”

You sigh. “You know I don’t like talking about myself either,”

“I know, but we haven’t seen each other for so long. I need to catch up with you.”

You fight an urge to scoff, “And whose fault is that?” but you’re not in the mood to argue. Nor is Jungkook, as you suppose. “I’m studying journalism. Bartending is my part-time job. I had to start working because I couldn’t afford to pay for rent just from my poor scholarship. Prices have increased so if I wanted to stay in Seoul, I needed to work, whether I wanted or not.”

Jungkook knows there’s no words that could somehow lessen your struggles. It’s been a long time since he worried about money. Now, he can have everything he’s ever wanted yet something’s always missing. And he still hasn’t discovered how to fill that void.

“You’re still writing?” he asks instead, referring to your hobby you’ve picked up when you were kids.

“Yes, I am. That’s actually what most journalists do, Jungkook. We write.”

He laughs boyishly, high-pitched and you recall that pleasant sound from the back of your memory. He used to be embarrassed of it when he was younger and often hid his mouth behind his hand to muffle it. You’re glad he doesn’t do that anymore.

“What’s so funny in that?” You sound slightly irritated, although you’re trying hard to stop yourself from smiling too. It just comes naturally when you’re around him.

He takes a deep breath and then says, “Nothing. I’m just thinking,”

You raise your eyebrow. “Thinking? About what?”

“Remember how you’ve always dreamt about becoming a writer when we were teenagers?”

You nod. That’s still very much your goal. Albeit you’re aware it might as well not come true, sadly. “I do. And what about it?”

Jungkook doesn’t respond right away. Instead, he places his arms behind his head and leans back on the couch with a coy smile. “Maybe you will write my biography one day.” he says after a moment.

“Only if you pay me shit tons of money for that.”

“Agreed.”

You find yourself coping his position and slumping on the couch as well. His eyes are closed, and you watch him from the corner of your eye. Despite the dim lighting, he seems glowing in the darkness like a single, silver spot on the noir sky.

“I think I know how would it be called.” you say suddenly.

“Hmm?”

“Your biography. I came up with the title.” you clarify.

“What is it then?” Jungkook hums with his eyes still closed.

You take a moment to answer, looking up at the blackboard night sky above you. Smiling to yourself, you reply. “I would call it ‘Lost star’.”

His brows furrow slightly. “Why is that?”

“That’s my secret for now.”

“I don’t know. I think this song needs something more.”

“It’s fine for me, Namjoon-ah. The bridge is great, stop worrying so much. We still have a lot of time before the deadline.”

“Thanks, hyung. Jungkookie, have you spoke with Hyowon-hyung about your solo?”

“Kook-ah? We’re talking to you.”

“Jeon Jungkook!”

Jungkook looks up from his phone at the sound of Seokjin's harsh voice. He sends his older friend a clueless look. “Hmm?”

Namjoon sighs. “I asked you a question, Jungkook.”

Jungkook puts away his phone. “I’m sorry, hyung. I wasn’t listening. Can you repeat it?”

“Of course you weren’t, you’ve been staring at your phone for the past twenty minutes instead of paying attention to us.” Seokjin scoffs, digging his chopsticks in the kimchi he's eating.

It’s a little past seven and they are having late dinner at their dorm after a whole day of schedule. Jungkook doesn’t even know what type of commercial they were recording. He just kept reading everything from the monitor behind the camera as he always does, trying to make it seem as unnoticeable as possible.

Truth to be told, Seokjin's right. He hasn’t been paying attention to their conversation, although he definitely should have. Telling them he was texting you this whole time is a pathetic and dumb excuse, he knows that. He doesn’t want them to ask him questions about you. Not yet.

“I asked if you talked to Hyowon-hyung.” Namjoon repeats after a moment.

A hint of realization crosses Jungkook's face at that. “Yeah, I did. He played me the first draft and told me to work on the lyrics.” he says, reaching for his chopsticks.

Namjoon nods, humming. “Do you want me to help you with that?”

Jungkook shrugs. “No, you don’t have to. I’m just waiting for the inspiration to kick in.”

And he hopes it’s going to enlighten him soon. He has a few songs written on his own but creating music for an album it’s different. The standards are higher, expectations bigger. Restricted time always makes him jittery, too.

Taking a mouthful of his bibimpap, a smile flashes across his face. He glances if anyone is looking at him now but his friends are busy talking about something regarding the next release. He reaches for his phone and writes a message to you.

[7:16pm] me:

do you remember the time when you cooked a bibimpap for my goodbye dinner at home?

Not even a minute later, he receives a response from you.

[7:16pm] Miss Grumpy:

yeah I do

why are you asking me this tho

[7:17pm] me:

I’m eating it know and it reminded me of that day

sorry but god, it was awful

[7:16pm] Miss Grumpy:

excuse me????

He remembers probably every second of that day. His mother’s tears, your extremely undercooked meat and his father’s affectionate hug.

Smiling to himself, he taps another sentences.

[7:18pm] me:

I couldn’t tell you that. you looked so proud of yourself

I just ate everything like it was the most delicious course on this planet

best acting of my life

[7:19pm] Miss Grumpy:

you asshole

i poured my heart into this

you’re right, that was your best acting. definitely better than war of hormone playboy jungkook

He rolls his eyes. The amount of times you joked about this particular moment of his career is neverending.

[7:19pm] me:

can you please stop

[7:20pm] Miss Grumpy:

fuck off. of course I won’t

how was it?

ah I know.

I’m a bad boy so I like bad girls

showstopping. truly

He tries to muffle his laughter but there’s no use for that. He snickers under his breath, hoping no one have noticed but he was oh, so wrong. Because as soon as he looks up from the phone screen, all eyes are on him.

Namjoon clears his throat. “You’re not eight anymore, Jungkook, so I won’t lecture you like a father but please, don’t use your phone while we’re eating.”

“Who are you texting this passionately anyway? You never put anything before food.” Hoseok adds, frowning.

“My hyung.” Jungkook answers casually.

In the corner of his eye he sees Taehyung leaning to whisper something in Jimin's ear and they both giggle quietly. Jungkook sends them a glare.

They stop but few seconds later, Taehyung breaks into his signature boxy smile.

“What is this, Taehyung?” Namjoon asks, frowning.

“It looks like our Jungkookie is lying.”

Jungkook grips the edge of the table tightly. He searches for Jimin's eyes but he looks away quickly, as though almost guilty.

At the other end of the table, Yoongi puts away his chopsticks and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “Care to elaborate on that, Taehyung-ah?”

“He isn’t texting his brother. I think Jungkookie might be in love,” he sing-songs, giggling to himself.

Jungkook’s first instinct is to smack his friend's in the head. And so does he. “What the fuck, Tae?” he snaps.

“Language, kid!” Seokjin says automatically.

“I'm twenty-two!”

“And I’m twenty seven, so shut your mouth and listen to your elders. What is Taehyung speaking about?”

Jungkook shakes his head. “I have no idea.”

“Oh, stop bullshitting us. I looked at your phone screen when it was lying on the table. You don’t call your hyung ‘Miss Grumpy'.” Taehyung says, his fingers doing the quotation mark in the air.

“You’re not supposed to look at my phone! It’s called privacy!” Jungkook exclaims, however it’s pointless. Everyone now is focused on him and you.

“Can someone tell who the fuck is ‘Miss Grumpy’?” Seokjin asks, looking around the table.

Jungkook runs his hand through his hair in a nervous manner. He screwed up, and now they won’t let him breathe for at least five more days. “Her name is actually ___. She’s my childhood friend from Busan.”

He hears Taehyung chuckling next to him. “Oh, come on. You can tell us you’re sexting her. We won’t judge.”

“I’m not!”

“Shut the fuck up, all of you!” Yoongi says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Can’t we for once eat in peace? Jungkook, please, kindly explain us who this girl you’re texting with is.”

Jungkook pursues his lips. “I told you. She’s just my old friend. Why would I lie to you?”

Seeing their uneasy expressions, he realises he said the wrong thing. He has lied to them before about many things. It isn’t anything shocking that they doubt his words now. They have all rights to do it.

Namjoon is the first one to break the uncomfortable silence. “Jungkook, you know the rules. We can't freely date like we would like to. I suggest you should end things with this girl, whatever you're both doing, before it escalates into something more serious. Before you hurt her and yourself in the process.” he says.

Hoseok nods at his friend’s words. “Namjoon is right, Jungkookie. Serious relationships are just going to make everything more complicated.”

Jungkook grits his teeth. “We aren’t dating.” he spats.

“Sleeping together also isn’t a good idea.”

“We aren’t having sex,” Jungkook's eyes narrow. “Why didn’t you tell the same thing to Yoongi-hyung when he was seeing that blonde girl? He sneaked her into his room one day and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t just playing her his music.” he scowls, shaking his head.

“Hyung's older than you. Besides, he ended things with her some time ago.” Namjoon counters.

“It’s true, Jungkook-ah. Namjoon is right. No matter what you’re doing with her, you should always be careful.” Yoongi adds.

Something breaks in Jungkook at that. All of the pent-up frustration seems to leave his body at once. “You know what? Fuck off, all of you. I’m not a kid anymore. I can make my own decisions and they are none of your fucking business.” He stands up from the table abruptly.

“Jungkook, wait. Let’s talk without fighting now,” Namjoon pleads but he isn’t listening to him anymore.

Jimin, who was silent this whole time, puts his hand on Jungkook's shoulder. “Jungkookie–” he starts but his immadietly cut off by Jungkook's harsh tone.

“Stop calling me that!” Jungkook snaps and walks away, slamming the door to his room behind himself.

There’s a knock to his door an hour after.

This pattern feels familiar. He messes something up, they give him some space to think and reflect about it on his own and then, it’s time to sit together and discuss it openly almost like a peace treaty. Jungkook says sorry, promises he will be a better person and everyone moves on.

He doesn’t bother getting up until he hears a voice behind the door speak up. “It's Yoongi-hyung. I’m not here to force you to apologize. I just want to talk.”

Jungkook's brows furrow. He stares at the door, imagining Yoongi standing behind it with his hands in pockets and eyes glued to the ceiling. He debates whether he should open the door and let him in or keep sulking just a little more until the atmosphere will loosen up on its own.

Somehow, his thoughts wander to you. You would probably tell him that communication is the key to solving problems, or something along the lines. That he can’t shut himself from the world because he feels like no one really gets him. You would also call him childish but he doesn’t dwell on that more.

“Jungkook-ah? Please, open the door. I promise I won’t patronize you.”

He exhales loudly and gets up from the bed. If there’s one person in this house whose words he can trust wholeheartedly, it’s Yoongi. He twists the handle and walks back to his bed.

The door clicks shut a few moments later, mattress dipping where Yoongi makes a room for himself next to him, clearing his throat. “Listen,” he begins but Jungkook cuts him off with a scoff.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t give me patronizing ted talks.”

“Yeah, I did. But I won’t stare at the wall in silence either,” Yoongi says. Few deep breaths later, he continues. “Jihye was a nothing but a good friend to me with whom I had sex sometimes, no strings attached. Until one day I realised our relationship stopped being solemnly based only on physical attraction. That’s why I decided to end things with her.”

“Did you fall in love with her?” Jungkook asks.

Yoongi shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. But I could. And that’s what scared me the most.”

“Why?”

In the corner of his eye, Jungkook sees him smiling sadly. “It's simple. Because being together would only lead us to heartbreak. I cared about her too much to make her hurt like that due to my selfishness.” he says. “This is the same reason why Jimin didn’t continue his relationship with our make-up noona even after she left the company. And that’s exactly why you shouldn’t get any hard feelings involved with that friend of yours.”

Jungkook pursues his lips. He understands Yoongi's concerns but his situation is different. Jimin was in love with that woman. He was ready to buy an apartment for them and move out from the dorm. If someone from the company hadn’t found out about their secret relationship, he would have still been sneaking around with her.

Jungkook though, doesn’t have any feelings for you. He’s gone past his silly crush when you were younger a long time ago. Besides, you have a boyfriend and he doesn’t chase after taken women. At least not intentionally.

“She’s just a friend, hyung.” he says finally but it sounds more like he tries to convince himself, not Yoongi.

Yoongi pats him on the shoulder. “I know. Just be careful, okay?” And with that, he leaves Jungkook's room.

Jungkook knew it was a bad idea as soon as he stepped into the club and loud, thumping music filled his ears.

He knew it when he ordered a round of shots and gulped them down one after another. When he found himself in the middle of the crowd of sweaty bodies, head buzzing and arms around a nameless brunette, his tongue between her lips.

And he knows it right now, when he’s sitting in a booth, her ass placed directly over his crotch where he’s already sporting a hard-on. The girl (Eunbi? Or maybe it’s Eunji? He hasn't registered when she shouted it to his ear because he was too busy staring down at her cleavage) grinds herself with eagerness against him and he lets out a groan, leaning to plant kisses on the side of her neck. And in that exact moment, when his chapped lips meet the porcelain skin of her throat, he locks eyes with you.

(And he’s once again reminded how stupid it was to go to the club where you work.)

After his conversation with Yoongi he felt like he needed to prove something to himself. That he’s not the one to fall in love impulsively, that he can fuck and not get feelings involved. He could have gotten himself drunk in in any other place yet here he is, a random girl straddling him while he blinks his bloodshot eyes at you.

Your gaze trails down from his face to his palms splayed on brunette’s bottom and you scoff to yourself, averting your attention somewhere else. If he’s disappointed, he hides it pretty well, sucking yet another purplish mark on the girl's neck she accepts with another roll of her hips.

Whimpering into his ear, she moves herself faster against his hardness but he doesn’t pay mind to her anymore, not when he catches you looking at him again in the corner of his eye.

The girl leans to kiss him and he obliges, tongue darting to lick into her mouth but his eyes remain trained on you the whole time. You see him slipping his fingers underneath her skirt and smirking when he feels the evidence of her lust between her thighs. He wants you to watch him making her come undone on his lap, he craves to relish in the sick thrill of having you witnessing what he’s capable of doing. But when he’s about to pull the girl's lingerie to the side, you’re turning away and disappearing from his sight.

His fingers stay pressed to the flesh of brunette's thighs, unmoving, until she purrs into into his ear. “Oppa, please. Want you so bad.”

Jungkook tsks to himself, rolling his eyes at her saccharine sweet, high-pitched voice. “Not here.” he mutters.

Minutes later he’s in the club's bathroom, his head thrown back and grunts escaping his lips. He looks down at the mop of her hair as she swallows around his cock, bringing him closer to the release. She peeks at him from between her eyelashes, teary-eyed and already fucked-out.

He threads his fingers through her hair and pulls hard, until she moans around him. “That’s it, baby. Gonna fuck your mouth now.” He pushes himself deeper, feeling her choke. She welcomes the pain without complaint, tears flowing down her cheeks and palms pressed obediently on his thighs. Jungkook clenches his jaw, focusing on his pleasure until he groans lowly and comes down her throat.

He pulls away from her mouth, tugging himself back into his pants. She stands up from her kneeling position on wobbly legs and wraps her arms around his neck. “What about me, oppa?” she giggles, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Won’t you fuck me now?”

He sighs, staring down at her. There are smudges of mascara underneath her eyes, her cheeks are wet with tears and her lipstick is smeared. He reaches with his thumb to wipe it, and she leans into his touch.

He feels guilty telling her to be quiet and hiking her skirt up. He feels it when she climaxes around his fingers with a cry of his name on her lips. He feels it too even stronger, cleaning her up and leaving to fix her make-up in front of the blurry mirror, but that’s all he can do. That’s everything he can provide.

Later that night, when he's finally in his own bed, your face flashes behind his eyelids. He's sick of himself, of his actions, that he let his weaknesses got best of him again.

Before he could even think of it, he types a message to you.

[3:45am] me:

I’m sorry. I was drunk and couldn’t think straight

Few bits of silence later, his phone buzzes.

[3:47am] Miss Grumpy:

I know you were

Did you at least thank her?

He scoffs to himself, thinking about proper words to answer you but strangely, he recalls your wide eyes transfixed on him and the way you held his challenging gaze when his lips kissed another woman. He’s never seen you looking at him like that before. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t affect you even the slightest.

[3:48am] me:

don’t worry. she had a good time

[3:48am] Miss Grumpy:

goodnight, jungkook

[3:49am] me:

sleep tight, ___.

There’s something apprehensive in the perpetual ticking of the clock when it's silent in the room. It almost feels like the sound keeps getting louder and louder as the time passes by, as if it’s expecting a storm to occur and shatter the calm.

“___?”

You’re brought back to the reality from your thoughts by Minho's voice. He has a questioning look on his face, watching you with raised eyebrows.

“I’m sorry,” you say sheepishly. “I was lost in my thoughts for a moment.”

“I could see that,” Minho reaches for his tea cup and takes a sip. “Is everything alright?” he asks, but you shake your head with a smile.

“Just university stuff.” you say vaguely and he doesn’t press you about it any further, nodding in understanding.

Minho left his work earlier today, coming straight to your flat. It’s Wednesday and Wednesdays are dedicated to spending your time together on dates. Today, you’re going to the cinema and to your favourite sushi bar. For the second time this month.

“I’m going to use the bathroom now and then we can head out, okay?”

You answer him with a nod. Standing up, you gather your cups and place them into the sink but right when you’re about to wash them, you hear Minho's phone buzz with single notification.

You bite your lip. You know you shouldn’t look but you push it to the back of your head for now, sparing a quick glance at his lockscreen.

Sooyoung: when you will be free next time?

You frown. You’ve never heard him taking about any woman from his work with a name like this. The message sounds ambiguous but it doesn’t have to mean anything to worry about at the same time. You just have to ask to be sure. That’s what couples do, right? They communicate.

Taking a deep breath, you wait for Minho until he comes back from the bathroom.

“Are you ready to–”

“Who’s Sooyoung?” you cut him off before you’ll lose your courage and let the anxious thoughts consume you without asking him first.

He furrows his brows but then his eyes land on the phone lying on the table. He pursues his lips. “You’ve been snooping through my phone?”

“I didn’t have to snoop. I just looked at the screen when you got a notification.” you say as calmly as possible, trying to hide your nerves. “I just thought it’s a little weird that some other woman is asking you when you will be free next time.”

Minho's eyes narrow. “What are you insinuating?” he asks.

“I’m not insinuating anything. Just tell me who she is, it’s simple.”

He looks uneasy, tongueing the inside of his cheek but nevertheless, he’s still as composed as ever, gauging you with tentative expression. “Sooyoung is my friend from work. She’s a new recruit and we go to the shooting range to practice once a week,” he explains. “And before you will ask: we aren’t there all alone. Kihyun accompanies us. So you don’t have to worry about anything. Can we go now, honey?”

You lower your eyes to the ground, nodding. When you try to move past him, Minho catches your wrist. “Do you have anything more to add?” His voice is stern and you gulp.

“I'm sorry.” you almost whisper.

“It’s okay. Just don’t jump into conclusions next time, okay?” he says, hand still wrapped tightly around your hand.

“Okay.” you repeat and he releases you.

A smile appears on his face after that, and he cocks his head at you. “Let's go.”

You exhale a shaky breath you didn’t even know you were holding and follow him.

There are some things in our lives that we cannot predict.

Like the heavy traffic on the way to work because of the car crash happening somewhere in the city or meeting your ex you’d rather forget about in a shopping mall months after break up. And when they do happen, we can only confront what the faith has in store for us, no matter how much we resist.

You certainly couldn’t predict that after sending a ‘god I want to get drunk so bad’ message to Jungkook he would actually appear hours later on your doorstep with grocery bags in one hand and pizza box in another, grinning broadly when he saw your genuinely surprised expression.

That’s when the surrealism kicks in, when you’re sitting on the floor of your bedroom, one empty bottle of suju on your account and the second almost drained to the half. When Jungkook is right by your side, tomato sauce on his chin you wipe out for him with a grimace, talking about some dumpling incident that caused a huge fight among his friends.

But no matter how much you try, how much alcohol you pour into your system, you’re unable to fully get rid of the anxious thoughts sitting at the back of your head.

It’s been a while since your argument with Minho and even though you want to believe him, the creeping feeling that something’s off won’t leave you. It’s easy to say to always trust your intuition, but what if it prompts you scenarios you wouldn’t like to become real?

Jungkook must have sensed that something doesn’t feel right because he stops his rambling mid-sentence, clearing his throat. “Are you even listening to me now, buttercup?” he asks.

You snap out of your thoughts at that, mustering an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I was but–”

“But you zoned out for a moment,” he finishes. “It’s okay. I know you since we were kids, I can tell when there's something bothering you. It’s all in your eyes.” he says, making you furrow your brows in confusion.

“What’s in my eyes?”

“They look sad.”

You shy away from his piercing stare, looking at your lap instead. You’ve always proud yourself that you can read people like an open book. That’s why you can so easily hide your true emotions at bay before the whole world. But if there’s only one person who is capable of seeing through you, it’s Jungkook.

You can open up to him, you remind yourself. You’re safe, he’s been your friend for such a long time, he won’t hurt you.

You take a deep breath and say, “Minho and I have some trouble. I mean, it’s nothing serious but he’s been acting weird lately and few days ago we got into a fight, so yeah. I’m just... a little stressed, that’s all.”

“Should I kick his ass?” he suggests and knowing him, he might as well be serious so you brush it of with a chuckle.

“Maybe not yet.”

You reach for the empty pizza box between you, putting it to the side. You debate taking another shot of soju but eventually you refuse, placing the bottle next to the carton. You’ve had enough alcohol for tonight anyway.

“Are you happy with him, ___?” Jungkook asks suddenly, and you feel like all the air in the room has been sucked off.

You turn to face him, heart rickocheting faster in your ribcage. If you’re truly shocked he’s had an audacity to ask this, you hide it pretty well. Something in your head is telling you that the best defence is attack, so you aim.

“Are you happy?”

Your question stirs something in him. You don’t know what you expected but you could never imagine him actually catching the bait and answering you with honesty. Yet he does.

“You know, I’ve been asking myself the same question a lot lately,” he says, smiling lopsidedly. “There are days when I’m the happiest person on this planet, when I feel like I can do everything. But sometimes, when I step down the stage and lights go out, it just gets harder.” There’s a slight crack to his voice at the end and when you look him in the eyes, they’re glassy. “If I knew it could be so lonely, I wouldn’t have signed up for this. Ever.”

Some things in life we are able to predict. We know the road leading to success and accomplishment might be bumpy, yet we cannot truly be prepared for the outcome of all the difficulties we come across along the way. Jungkook was aware of the consequences his popularity may cause in the future, but he simply didn’t think it could be so overwhelming.

You scoot closer to him, your hand finding his amid your bodies. He looks down and intertwines his fingers with yours with a hint of smile in the corner of his lips. “You have all rights in the world to feel the way you do, Jungkook, remember that. But you’re not alone in this. I’m always here, okay? I’ve been for the past three years and I’m not going anywhere soon.” you say firmly, closing the distance between you.

He accepts your hug with eagerness, wrapping his arms around your frame with desperation, pulling you closer. It’s been so long since you’ve talked like this, since you’ve comforted each other and shared deepest fears.

Jungkook buries his face in the crook of your neck, where you feel him breathing out shakily. He rests his palms on your back, tracing soothing patterns over the material of your hoodie and that’s when you realise he wasn’t the only one who needed to be held like this, even just for a moment. It’s exactly what you’ve been missing, the sheer intimacy of a simple hug.

“Sometimes I just wish it was different.” he whispers into your hair and you close your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“Me too.”

Somehow, it seems like the most honest thing you’ve said.

Even when you pull away, you’re still mere inches from him. You feel his breath on your skin, his hands travelling from your backside to your hips. Jungkook's eyes are focused on your face but there’s no sadness or melancholy in them now. In his deep brown orbs you recognize something akin to longing.

And maybe the alcohol running in your veins is deceiving you, but when his gaze drops to your lips, you can’t do anything; you’re paralyzed, barely breathing. It’s electrifying, crawling in your skin. His right palm finds the apple of your cheek, thumb stroking your bottom lip until he releases it and tilts your chin. The moment your eyes meet his comes with realization that maybe you were right - you see the yearning in them. But it’s mixed with desire.

The first touch of his lips on yours feels almost exploratory. He kisses you so softly and carefully you might believe it’s his first kiss, but you know this is only a false inkling. Truth to be told, his experience in this area is incomparable to yours. With the shy press of his lips on yours he’s only testing the waters, sensing if you want to push him away. Yet you don’t.

You succumb to the way his chapped lips move against yours, like they’ve always belonged there. You want to be as close to him as possible, feel the heat radiating of him on you. Nothing else matters beside you and him right now, the reality outside doesn’t exist as long as you’re in the confines of your small bedroom, lips colliding and rational thoughts gone.

When your fingers almost hesitantly thread into the locks at the back of his head, Jungkook deepens the kiss. Your body is moving on your own accord, knees sinking onto the floor on either sides of his thighs until you’re straddling his lap. You taste the desire on his tongue as he runs it through the seam of your lips, seeking entrance you provide.

His hands find purchase on your hips and when he nips on your bottom lip you let out a silent moan, leaning your forehead on his. “What are we doing?” you whisper, breathing heavily down his flushed cheeks and parted mouth. You’re trying to grasp the meaning behind all of this: of your quickened heartbeat, of the evidence of his desire where you groins meet.

“Something we are going to regret later.” It’s the answer Jungkook gives, connecting your mouths once again in a searing kiss.

Everything seems to crush around you. Erupting volcanoes, cascading waterfalls, tsunamis consuming the land. It’s dangerous, Jungkook thinks to himself, kissing you like that, nibbling on your bottom lip and eliciting a moan. But he can’t help but drown in it.

You’ve never felt quite like this; consumed by the flames of forbidden desire, ready to burn into ashes. Jungkook’s palms shift underneath your hoodie and you’re surprised how warm they feel against your skin, caressing your stomach and underside of your breasts. He’s touching you with ardour, like he doesn’t believe you’re in his arms, like you’re going to disappear the second he lets go of you.

You place sloppy kisses on his cheeks, jawline, down his neck, relishing in the way he seems to be affected by your caresses, tightening his grip on your waist with every press of your lips on his skin. He grasps the hem of your hoodie, looking for any sign of discomfort in your eyes but when you nod your head, he doesn’t hesitate to lift it off you, uncovering your bare cleavage.

Biting your lip, a sudden wave of insecurity washes over you but it quickly vanishes as soon as his palms engulf your breasts almost roughly, thumbs brushing your nipples until the peeks harden under his ministrations and you can’t help but gasp. He trails kisses down your throat, teeth grazing your skin almost feather-like and you know what’s that for. He doesn’t want to live a visible mark there.

In one, swift motion, Jungkook puts his hands underneath your thighs and stands up from the floor, lifting you up with ease and placing gently on your bed. He hovers over your half-naked figure, eyeing you with the carnal hunger that makes your chest raise and fall with heavy intakes of breath, core pulsing with want.

He takes off his shirt and tosses it somewhere on the floor, and now you understand why all these girl are so drown to him. Jungkook's probably the most good looking man you’ve ever laid eyes on. Everything in him is crafted with perfection, from the prominent outline of his jaw, through the column of his throat and collarbones, to the sculpted expanses of his chest and abdomen.

Your fingerstips are itching to map every ridge and deep of his body but you remain still, anticipating his next move with rapidly beating heart. Dominance and power radiating of him nearly make you squirm underneath his scrutinizing stare. His dark eyes are telling you to obey him, and you give yourself to him without resistance. You’ve never felt this way, not with anyone. Yet here you are, stripped from the innocence and bared to the pleasure.

Jungkook reaches to the waistband of your leggings, pulling them down and leaving you with nothing but your underwear on. He straddles your thighs, his palm pressed flat to your stomach until he slides it lower, to the dip of your body where you drip with the need of being fucked until you forget your own name.

The first press of his fingers on your pussy makes your limbs jerk uncontrollably and he smirks at your reaction, seeing the material of your panties dampening with his small, teasing strokes. It’s almost embarrassing how quickly it wounds you up, blame it on your uncontrollable celibacy or maybe something else entirely.

“What do you want me to do, doll?” His question makes you whine, hips raising to feel more of his touch on you but he only chuckles at your apparent eagerness, patting your folds in reprimand.

“Anything,” you breathe out in response, looking at him with frenzied eyes and hoping he will be merciful to you.

Jungkook tsks, his fingers leaving your cunt and grasping your jaw tightly. “Be a good girl and use your words.”

You gulp, a humiliating blush reddening your cheeks. You’ve never really been a vocal person during sex, nor were people you had slept with but you can’t deny how much of a turn on is Jungkook's commanding voice.

“Please, Jungkook. Want you to touch me.”

“Where?” His other hand wanders down your body until he cups your center. “Here?” he asks in a mocking tone, making you nod silently. “You want me to touch your pretty pussy with my fingers?”

“Yes, please.”

He grasps your underwear and shruggs it off your legs, smirking when he sees you so affected by his words. He then shoves his index and middle finger into your mouth and watches as you obediently lap your tongue around them, looking at him with hooded eyes.

“Fuck.” he curses, pulling his fingers out of your mouth.

You look so pliant and submissive lying naked underneath him, so willing to let him do with you whatever he pleases. His cock throbs in his pants at the thought. He’s had girls at his beck and call before but it’s a different kind of lust with you. A strong yearning, consuming him from the inside, a desperation to be as close as two humans being submerged into carnality possibly can be.

Your back arches when his calloused fingers finally make contact with your bare pussy, slipping between your folds to gather the wetness dripping from your hole. You gasp at the feeling of his thumb circling your clit, biting your lip until you taste iron. He easily finds the right way to make you moan, to make your legs shake with want.

You cry out his name when he pushes the first digit inside. He swears under his breath when he feels your warm walls flattering around him. “M-more,” you whimper, hips lifting of the mattress and seeking friction.

Jungkook smirks at that. “You’re so wet, baby. You like it, don’t you? Such a greedy slut.” You’re mewling at his words, grasping his wrist when he roughly plunges another finger into your cunt and starts shoving them in and out, not sparing even a second to let you adjust to the punishing pace he sets.

He leans his body closer over yours, eyes focused on the way your face writhes in pleasure while his fingers are abusing your pussy. You’re dripping, your arousal coating the his palm and the insides of your thighs. When he sees you reaching to squeeze your breasts, he swears he’s never seen anything sexier than this in his entire life.

“Jungkookie–nghh, please,” You’re a blubbering mess, moaning incoherent sentences. You could sense your orgasm approaching, you’re feeling it warming your body from the tip of your toes all the way to your core where you’re gushing around his long fingers.

“Come on, doll. Be a good girl and cum for me.” Jungkook murmurs. With his words and his thumb flicking your bundle of nerves with practiced ease, you’re pushed over the edge, tears spilling from your eyes and coating your cheeks. He watches with parted mouth as you come with his name on your lips, your velvet walls deliciously tightening around his digits. He gives you a moment to ride out your high, stroking your side with his palm soothingly.

Pulling out his fingers, he places them in his mouth, humming lowly at the taste of your arousal on his tongue. He wants nothing more than bury his face between your thighs and lick you clean but right now, he needs to fuck you.

He stands up from the bed, taking off his pants and boxers along with socks and catches you peeking at him from the corner of your eye. Your chest is rising with laboured breaths, lips swollen from the way you’ve been biting them to stop yourself from letting out any loud noises that could potentially be heard through the thin walls of your apartment.

He digs one knee on the mattress, his other hand wrapped around his thick cock. You lick your lips at the sight, nails digging crescent moons into your palms.

“On your fours, baby.” Jungkook commands and you oblige with flushed cheeks, maneuvering your body onto your hands and knees. You feel him behind you, his palms stroking the skin of your bare ass. A sick thrill runs through your body at the prospect of being taken in such a humiliating position.

Groaning, Jungkook rubs the mushroom head of his cock through your folds, collecting the juices spilling out of you. That’s when you come back to your senses and your whole body stiffens. “Wait,” you call out, making him pause. “We need a condom.”

“I’m clean. Besides, I never fuck anyone else without protection.”

“Fine, just–” Closing your eyes, you release a shaky breath. “–you need to pull out, okay?”

Jungkook leans over your body, placing a kiss on your shoulder blade. “Relax, ___. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.” With one hand on your waist and the other on your hip, he positions the tip of his cock at your entrance and pushes agonizingly slow inside, making you moan at the stretch. You’re grasping the sheets underneath between your fingers, knees threatening to give away after another measured stroke that leaves your heat pulsating.

“Fuck, you’re so tight. When was the last time he fucked you?” he grunts, digging his fingers into your flesh. At the mention of Minho, your body tenses. You breath heavily, trying to push the unwelcomed thoughts aside.

“A m-month ago?” you utter, recalling the last time you had sex. Or rather when you sucked him off and he didn’t bother reciprocating the favor.

Jungkook shoves his cock deeper, scoffing to himself. “His stupid for not appreciating this enough.”

You bite your lip, focusing on the feeling of him inside you. His words sound affectionate, too affectionate for your liking and you don’t want to think about this moment like it means more than what it is. Your hands tremble and lose balance when he fucks into you harder, until he’s filling you to the brim. You’ve never felt so deliciously full. A few bits of ragged breaths later, you mumble, ‘’You can move.”

He tightens his grip on you, bottoming out. He sets a steady pace, fucking you slowly but deeply, making you cry out into the pillow at the sensation of his cock dragging through your walls, making sure you feel every inch of him. “You feel so good, doll. So wet and tight. I’m gonna make a mess of your pretty pussy.” he says lowly.

The sounds of skin slapping against skin echo through the room with the promise of merciless fucking. Jungkook is relentless, pounding into you faster and faster, like he wants to ruin you, imprint himself on your body to make you remember how easily you can give into vulnerability. His hand slips underneath you and he lifts your upper body up, pressing your back into his chest. The new found angle causes him to hit the spot inside you that has you putty in his arms.

“Don’t–nghhh–stop, fuck!”

He grunts into your ear in response, sweaty bangs ticking the side of your neck. He sneaks his other hand around your throat and you gulp. “Is this okay?” You hear him whispering and you’re nodding, tears gathering in your eyes from the immense pleasure he is bringing to you with every snap of his hips that threatens to make you lose it on his cock.

His fingers apply a slight pressure against your neck, enough to make you lightheaded with unfamiliar yet ecstatic feeling. He overwhelms you in every way possible and you’ve never felt like this; so powerless yet alive at the same time.

Jungkook releases the grip on your throat but he’s hand still remains there as if in warning. “Look at you, taking my cock in your slutty cunt. You’re close, aren’t you? Gonna cum all over me?” he growls, fingers rubbing your clit in fast circles until tears are spilling down your cheeks and you’re keening.

“God–yes, fuck! Please, I want to cum so bad.” you whimper, squeezing your eyes shut. You’re on cloud nine, trembling in his arms. He tightens his hold on your throat again and with one last, final flick of his digits on your pussy you’re reaching your second orgasm this night.

Jungkook releases his hold on you, helping you lay down on your back after riding out your high to the brick of oversensitivity. His palm caresses the length of your body soothingly, calming you down. You’re eyes are still closed when he bends and kisses you. Surprised by his sudden gentleness, your breath hitches in your throat. He coaxes a small moan out of you when you finally relax, wrapping your arms around his neck blindingly and pulling him close.

You break away the kiss, feeling his stiff length pressing into your stomach. His cock is covered in your slick, thick and hard against his toned abdomen. Biting your lip, you sit up and enclose your fingers around his sex. Looking up, you're met with his dark orbs watching your movements. With his raven hair falling down on his face and sweaty chest, Jungkook looks painfully beautiful.

He lets out a hiss when you lean down and take him into your mouth, swirling your tongue around his velvet tip. “Fuck, just like that.” he murmurs. Gathering your hair in his hand, he makes a makeshift ponytail and stares down at you bringing him closer and closer to the edge with every drag of your pink muscle on his cock.

Feeling him twitch in your mouth, you take him deeper, ignoring the ache in your jaw. “Gonna cum.” Jungkook grunts and moments later he releases his seed down your throat. You swallow the bitterness of his arousal, lapping your tongue around his tip until he pulls out of you, wincing with oversensitivity.

Silence takes over the room. You don't dare looking at him, staring at your naked lap instead, thoughts screaming in your head. You know you’re going to feel the aftermath of your rough fucking tomorrow, and it won’t be only physical pain. You sit up, ready to go to the bathroom but a hand on your wrist stops you.

“Wait, I’ll do it.” Jungkook murmurs and you nod absentmindedly.

He gets up from the bed and disappears in the bathroom. Unsure of what to do, you force your muscles to move, sitting at the edge of the bed. Jungkook comes back a minute later, carrying a dump towel.

Your head drops to the ground immadietly. He kneels before you and you desperately avoid his eyes. You notice he’s put on his boxers already and now he’s cleaning you gently off, removing evidences of your sins from your skin. You will take a shower later, the water will wash you off from each other’s scents and lingering touches. Love bites will soon disappear, bruises on your hips fade. Yet the scars you left on your hearts won’t heal that easily.

Jungkook puts his hand on your knee and you bite your bottom lip. He takes your hoodie lying on the floor and puts on your naked, marked body. Your heart clenches in your chest at the simple gesture.

“___,” he calls your name. At that, you finally look up at him. He seems worried, you must tell, millions of thoughts crossing his mind at the moment as well as yours. “Let’s go to sleep for now, okay? We will talk about this in the morning.”

You don’t say anything, nodding at his words. You crawl onto the bed, trying to create as much distance as possible between your bodies but it’s pointless. You feel his breath on your neck and you're sure his itching to hold you, but he doesn’t know if he should, so he stays mere inches from you, until you both eventually fall asleep.

Jungkook wakes up hours later with a raging headache. He grunts to himself, rubbing his face with grimace and making another meaningless promise about drinking less alcohol. When he open his eyes, he realises he’s staring at the fluorescent stars attached to the ceiling. Your ceiling.

When he turns his head to the left, he finds the other side of the bed empty. It’s almost bright in the room, which means he’s stayed overnight again. And he didn’t do just that.

Bits of memories flash behind his eyelids: him coming to your flat to hang out, your conversation, the kiss that led to naked bodies and breathy moans. He fucked up royally this time.

Throwing the comforter off his body, he feels a sudden rush of coldness raising goosebumps on his skin. Frowning, he picks up his discarded clothes from the floor and starts putting them on. The door to your bedroom are cracked open, just like you haven’t closed them to not wake him up.

Jungkook raises from the bed once he’s fully dressed, and pushes the door. He finds you standing by the fully opened window in your kitchen, staring outside.

He understands now why there was so cold before. The fluffy, blueish robe wrapped around your body is probably doing little job at providing warmth, but you don’t seem to mind it at all. You don’t see him yet, your back facing him until he takes another step and the floor creaks underneath his weight.

He sees your shoulders raising and falling, as if you’ve just let out a sigh. Then, you turn around cautiously, a greish puffs of smoke swirling over your features. Jungkook raises a brow.

“I thought you said you had quit.” It’s the first thing he says, his voice still groggy from sleeping.

You shrug at that, averting your gaze to the view behind your opened window again. “I always smoke after making a bad decision.”

It sounds bitter coming from you. A testament of your recklessness and weak hearts. He could read the regret straight from your face. It’s all in your posture: you look broken. And he is the reason why you’re hurting. The guilt is almost eating him up from the inside. He needs to try fixing this before you will push him away and he’ll lose you again.

“I think we should forget about that.” you speak after a moment of silence, still refusing to meet his eyes. Your voice trembles and he feels it stabbing him right in the middle of his chest, depriving him of hope to make things good between you. “It’ll be for the better for of us if we act like nothing ever happened. We got drunk, we let our emotions get the best of us. That’s all.”

You and him both know it wasn’t just alcohol which made you let him touch you like that, fuck your worries away for a few bits of pleasant oblivion. It meant so much more but you’re too afraid to confront this. You aren’t ready yet.

When you close the window and finally look at him, Jungkook's shoulders are slouched. Defeated. Something aches in your heart at that. “I’m sorry. For everything,” he tells you. He’s clenching his fists by his sides and you know he’s hurting too, more than he could ever let anybody realize. “I should get going then.”

He exits the kitchen with one last, small smile reserved only for you. You didn't mean to handle the situation like that, like you’re quickly ripping off the band-aid, but you couldn’t think of a better way. Closing your eyes, you let your emotions decide once again. “Wait,” you call out after him, stepping into the hallway. “Maybe you will stay for breakfast.” you propose and Jungkook shakes his head.

“No. It’s okay. I don’t want to keep you busy.” he says, putting on his jacket. Reaching for the handle, he turns to you and smiles. “Take care, ___.” When the door close behind him, you let out a long exhale.

What Jeon Jungkook couldn’t predict, is that he will be the one doing walk of shame out of your flat.

#jungkook smut #bts smut #btswritingcafe #ksmutclub #bangtanarmynet #smutcentralnet #maknaesmutsociety #btsbookclub #bangtanhq #btswriterscollective #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x you #my writing #lost stars

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lang-queen · 3 years

Text

🎉1k+ Followers Language Resources Masterpost🎉

First of all, I want to thank you all for following this tiny blog! Without you, anything of what’ve done here wouldn’t have been possible. If I’ve ever been of help for any of you, I’m very much glad and I hope I can continue helping you for a long time more!

[DISCLAIMER: My current main languages are Japanese and Portuguese right now, so I have more resources for those. I’ll try to maintain this post updated whenever I find more for other languages]

Uploaded at: 24/December/2020

* sites in the language they’re listed in.

JAPANESE

Nihongo Ichiban - List of all particles. The site offers lessons.

Ehonavi* - Has interviews and articles. No kana on top of kanji.

Matcha Easy* - Has articles, most of them from the Matcha brand of icecreams. It’s written in easy Japanese with kana on top of kanji.

Matcha* - Same as above, but written in advanced Japanese.

Yahoo Kids* - Educational site for children that has articles, lessons and games. Written in easy Japanese, but not all kanji have kana.

NHK Web Easy* - Japan official news in easy Japanese. Has kana on top of kanji and audio version for the article.

Asagaku* - Online newspaper. No kana on top of kanji.

Japanese IO - One of the best sites for reading practice in Japanese. Has reading material for all levels and their interface allows to see the meaning of a word by clicking on it. You need an account and there’s a paid version, but the free one offers almost everything you may need.

Locari* - Site for fashion, food and beauty articles. No kana on top of kanji.

Watanoc* - Online magazine in easy Japanese.

Renshuu - Site for practising and learning kanji. It tracks your learning as long as you use the site and has several ways to learn kanji, it also has some games. You need to create an account.

Jtest4you - Has tests for al JLPT levels, grammar and vocab lists for those levels and some resources.

TV Japan Live - Watch Japanese TV live!

Traditional Japanese Children’s Stories - Site that offers a list of stories in easy Japanese, written in kana and with English translation.

JLPT Study Page - Recompilation of study material for JLPT levels from N5 to N2. IT’S NOT OFFICIAL.

Ameba* - Site for popular articles and news. It’s in advanced Japanese and no kana on top of kanji.

Rawdevart - Read raw manga in Japanese and Chinese.

Love Heaven - More raw manga.

Wasabi - Paid lessons, but has some that are free.

Tofugu - Japanese learning site. Not only has grammar lessons, but also cultural articles and offers new resources every month or so.

Japanese with Anime - Lessons that are inspired in the Japanese and cultural marks we see in anime.

Irodori - Free textbooks for beginners.

Japanese Lesson - Lessons for beginners.

JGram - Japanese grammar database.

Fontbear* - Japanese fonts! As far as I can remember, some are free, some are not.

Coliss* - More fonts!

Nishinippon* - News and articles in easy Japanese. No kana on top of kanji.

IGN Japan* - Videogame and pop culture articles. No kana on top of kanji.

Entabe* - Food articles. No kana on top of kanji.

KanjiTomo - Software that recognises kanji in images.

Wanikani - Site to learn kanji and vocabulary. You need and account and you need to pay to get access to all the content.

Try it* - Japanese Khan Academy. It offers lessons for subjects Japanese children have in school, like math, science or English!

NHK for School* - More school lessons.

Book Share ZIP - Download raw magazines and light novels.

Kabegoe* - Travel articles. No kana on top of kanji.

Travel Lovers* - More travel articles.

Marshall’s site - A very complete site that offers Japanese lessons and quizzes for all levels. You need an account.

Maggie Sensei - Great blog that gives grammar lessons with tons of examples.

Jmagazine scans archives - Download raw Japanese magazines.

Hukumusume* - Site for children, it has stories for 1st to 6th grade.

Animelon - Watch anime with Japanese subtitles. The interesting part is that you can look up the meaning of an unknown word by clicking the subtitle.

Youtubers I Watch for Listening Practice - Check out my post! I still have to update it and do another ones for more languages.

[PARA HISPANOHABLANTES]

Libros de texto gratis Este blog tiene un montón de libros de texto de japonés completamente descargables en formato PDF.

Descarga libro de texto Tobira.

Mexico Shimbun - Revista de noticias mexicanas en japonés. La página está caída, pero su sitio en FB sigue en pie, aunque no tan activa.

NHK en Español - Lecciones básicas.

Kira Teachings - Lecciones básicas y artículos.

Guía sobre la gramática japonesa - Sitio muy completo con explicaciones de gramática.

Japolatino - Más lecciones de gramática!

Portugués

R7 VIRTZ* - Good news.

Easy Portuguese - Basic to intermediate lessons.

Aulas de Português* - Japanesse ortography lessons for fanfiction writers!

Público* - News.

Learning Portuguese - Lessons site from basic to intermediate.

Maiores e Melhores* - Tops and tops.

Cultura Genial* - Pop culture articles, tops and other interesting trendy stuff.

Revista Bula* - Online magazine, most articles are about pop culture.

Yahoo Notícias* - Brazilian news.

iG* - More Brazilian news.

IGN Portugal* - Videogame, movies, music and pop culture articles.

Máxima* - Online fashion and beauty magazine.

Activa* - Fashion and beauty blog.

Ímpar Público* -Lifestyle articles.

Elle Portugal* - Online fashion and beauty magazine.

Vogue Portugal* - Online fashion and beauty magazine.

[PARA HISPANOHABLANTES]

Bab.la Diccionario - Ofrece distintas combinaciones de idiomas.

Bab.la Conjugador - Conjuga verbos, se tiene que escribir en portugués y aparecen todas sus conjugaciones en todos los tiempos.

Estudiemos.org - 18 lecciones con mucho vocabulario.

Portuguesweb.com - Tiene bastantes lecciones.

GERMAN

Wolkenkratzer - Online textbook.

Essential German - Another textbook that is very complete.

FSI German Basic Course - Free textbook. It’s old, but very complete.

A Foundation Course in Reading German - Free online textbook by the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Deutsch im Blick - It’s supposedly an online textbook, but seems more like an archive. Has exercises, videos, audios and lists.

Learn German Online (ielanguages.com) - Offers lessons separated by subject, i.e, weather, seasons, transportation, etc.

German Language Guide - More lessons!

Sesamstrasse - Sesame Street in German!

German Lessons (DW) - Lessons offered by a popular German broadcaster.

SWAHILI

Learn Swahili (ilanguages.org) - Grammar and vocabulary for absolute beginners.

Learn Swahili (mylanguages.org) - It’s really similar like the one above, but it’s more complete.

Learn Swahili (Magical Kenya) - Basic phrases by a travelling agency at Kenya.

The Kansas University Textbook - This completely free textbook has 65 lessons.

KIKO: Kiswahili kwa Komputa - Three years worth of material by the University of Georgia.

BBC Swahili - Read news in Swahili!

FSI Swahili - Free textbook from 1950 by the government of the USA.

Swahili - English Dictionary - There aren’t that much dictionaries for African languages as far as I know.

NAHUATL

[PARA HISPANOHABLANTES]

Nawatl - Es un curso muy completo.

Matinahuatlahtolzalocan - Libro de texto de parte del gobierno.

Lectura del Nahuatl - Libro de texto gratis. Tiene vocabulario linguístico avanzado, puede ser difícil de entender.

Ejercicios para el aprendizaje de la lengua nahuatl - Libro de texto de parte del gobierno.

GREEK

Learn Greek Online - This site offers 105 lessons.

Learn to Read Greek - Free textbook by Yale.

From Zero to Greek: An Introduction to the Language for Everyone - Another free textbook, this one is smaller in volume.

New Testament Greek for Beginners - Free textbook that says for beginners, but seems pretty dense; however, it looks very complete.

[PARA HISPANOHABLANTES]

Cultura Clásica - Lecciones básicas.

Academia Latin - A diferencia de otros cursos que ofrece esta página, su curso de griego moderno es bastante básico.

Manual para Aprender Griego - Libro grátis con ejercicios.

Lengua Griega I - Libro grátis, es una guía de estudio.

LATIN

Learn Latin (mylanguages.org) - Lessons and lessons.

Learn Latin (Learn101.org) - It’s similar as the one above, but it’s not that complete.

[PARA HISPANOHABLANTES]

Academia Latin - Las lecciones son más completas que las de griego antiguo.

Linguim - Lecciones para principiantes.

RUSSIAN

Learn Russian - 100 lessons!

Master Rusian - Lessons, poadcasts and other resources.

Russian for Speakers of English - Tiny free basic guide.

Russian for Dummies - No explanation needed!

[PARA HISPANOHABLANTES]

Ruso Gratis - Es un sitio bastante simple que ofrece lecciones básicas, vocabulario y ejercicios.

ASL

MasterpostnStuff masterpost for ASL

Sign School - Free online courses from beginner to advanced. You need an account. Has app version for both iOS and Android.

Master ASL: Level One - Free book for the very beginners.

The Everything Sign Language - Free book that also teaches sign etiquette and other important factors to communicate with deaf people.

Learning to See - Free book. Rather than a book to learn ASL, it’s an analysis of acquiring it as a second language, or foreign language.

LSM (Lengua de señas mexicano)

[PARA HISPANOHABLANTES]

Manos con voz - Diccionario gratuito por Conapred.

Diccionario de Lengua de Señas Mexicana - Diccionario de parte del gobierno de CDMX.

ALL LANGUAGES

International Children’s Digital Library - Books for children in several languages.

Lingolia - Has lessons for English, Spanish, German, French and Esperanto.

Lexicity - Resources for ancient languages.

Tuna’s masterpost of resources for classic languages.

Studens docere’s masterpost of resources for Latin and Ancient Greek.

101 Languages - site that has lessons for TONS of languages.

Lovely Blue Panda’s guide to keep a journal in your target language.

Langcorrect - Write something and natives will correct it; you can also correct others in your native language.

If one of the links doesn’t work, DM me to either change it or remove it.

#lang-queen #masterpost #language masterpost #language blog #langblog #tongueblog #japanese #portuguese #ASL #Swahili #greek #latin #resources #studyblr #langblr

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nexusnyx · 3 years

Note

hiiii nyx. im back again w some notes from my notepad on this new update hehe <3 thank you for taking my request into consideration. its always a pleasure getting to interact w you.

the whole nat and sarah and yelena thing!!!! its so cute to see reader interact w other women and just enjoy herself. truly the pinnacle of post breakup reconciliation and repair if I’ve seen it myself.

‘intimacy when it reaches certain levels, it never leaves’…. yeah that one stings a bit and i know its a foreshadowing that’s gonna pop up either as i read this chapter or the next installment, but gosh darn are these words ever true. in real life, when you share intimate moments w others and reveal parts of yourself that the moon and stars could only wish they could bear witness, it’s difficult for that intimacy—in any which way, shape, or form—to really dissipate. sometimes that’s what hurts the most when you wish the intimacy wasn’t there still, and i hope that’s not the case for reader n james

the rain bit and how it parallels readers relationship to bucky in a way. intense heat with no break and then the signs of a storm brewing, only for it all to push everyone back into their comfort zones… what a beautiful lit device whether it was intentional or not!

also…also i have noticed a motif in your writing nyx bb!! ‘a ghost of something passes on x face’. i see it… im intimidated by it. but i love it all the same. it gives us a little insight into other characters’ thoughts and emotions as we are really only in one pov the entire time. its only when we get sweet little blurbs that we can really understand what’s going on in someone else’s head. which storyline aside, its a true testament to how well you characterize everyone in the story. with this many people, i would have imagined id be lost trying to remember who’s who—even though i know who everyone is but more so id get lost in what each character says and does. with the way you write each character, im never jarred by what they do or say bc its fitting for them. you blend it all so well and im glad others have taken note to that!

bucky’s neck scratching :(((( poor stupid baby ugh but that quickly turned into absolute anGUISH when ‘you really screwed that up for me, didn’t you, doll?’ WHAT THE FUCK NYX. WHAT THE DUCKVMDKM FUCKTITY FUCK FUCK. you CANNOT do that. my heart fell out of my ass. genuinely i needed a minute bc I’ve never felt my heart swell up that quickly and it would not relax UGHGUFJHNJ

also. since you said every book and quote has intention behind it. i did some digging on that ig caption. nyxxxx…. for realsies this shit hurt. especially w the context of bucky’s racing and how he felt that the universe just took things from him. truly you’re a master nyx! never forget it plsssss.

and finally… we have come to the point of repair consolation. if only my post breakup blues and adventures mirrored those in this chapter sigh. whatever closure i could imagine and need, im always able to find in your writing. with this story reflecting so much of my first love, i have constantly found myself taking your musings and wisdom and wistfully applying them to my own grievances and healing process. i didn’t know id need this series when i first stumbled upon it in the bucky x reader recommended tag, but here i am bleary-eyed and with w weight lifted off my shoulders that i didn’t know i still carried. can’t wait to see how you wrap this series up and whatever blurbs are sure to follow. take care my beloved <3 - 🌙

hello, Moonie <3

Gosh, I loved writing the girls so much?! I think I'll do some drabbles involving them, to be honest. I hate when stories focus too much on the main pairing or the romance of it and forget the other aspects of a person's life. It leaves me feeling empty and just meh, so I'm happy someone else enjoyed that important friends time!

Intimacy is a bitch. Once it exists, it never leaves. My discord group (which all of you guys can still join if you'd like) were all joking about the coffee sharing when they were reading the last chapter and it's funny 'cause like... just like them (hello to my Nexus babies) I can't share things with people I haven't exchanged body fluids with LOL. And Bucky and Reader sharing coffee and just slipping back into the easy habits they've developed, I think that was my way of showing that they had routines already, yk? They had a connection.

You'll definitely get lots of blurbs from Bucky's POV! That boy has some interesting way of viewing things and although he's such a private and quiet character, on the inside he's just (if not more) as loud as Reader.

He's a nervous baby :(( His anxious mannerisms that she's so familiar with... I kinda love them.

"here i am bleary-eyed and with w weight lifted off my shoulders that i didn’t know i still carried" YOU! I hope you have an excellent, blessed, beautiful and weigh-free week, Moonie. Take care as well, beloved <33

#🌙 nonnie #nyx mail #feedback

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team-zoey-has-two-hands · 4 years

Text

writing max richman as jewish: a beginner’s guide

hey y’all! as a jewish person, i haven’t really seen much content in this small but still growing fandom we have that depicts max as jewish other than an offhand mention, and while that’s also essentially what we have in canon, i thought it would be nice for goyim (non jewish individuals) to know how to write him in accordance to judaism.

let’s begin!

a bit about denominations

there are multiple branches of judaism, just like christianity. the most notable branches include:

orthodox (traditional judaism, these are your people going by the old law and believe that old laws hold true and don’t change)

reform judaism (your people that believe that judaism Has to change and evolve with the times)

there are other branches such as conservative and reconstructionist that are kind of in the middle of these two, but reform and orthodox are definitely the largest and they’re essentially the furthest to each ‘side’ of judaism (conservative errs a bit more to the orthodox side, and reconstructionist to the reform side).

the creator of the show, austin winsberg, grew up a reform jew, so one could assume that max, too, is reform.

one more thing about denominations: messianic judaism is NOT a form of judaism. messianic judaism is both a way to forcibly convert jews to christianity and for goys to appropriate our culture by slapping jesus on our culture and holidays with little care or kindness. do NOT have max as a messianic jew, and remember that they are NOT actual jews.

a bit about holidays

hanukkah (also spelled chanukah) is not, contrary to popular belief by goyim, the largest and most important jewish holiday. basically, it is not jewish christmas, nothing is jewish christmas. hanukkah is actually a rather small holiday in the grand scheme of things. do NOT, however, make max celebrate christmas, no matter how small hanukkah actually is. he and zoey can have joint hanukkah & christmas celebrations if they want, but under no circumstances does he celebrate christmas.

the largest and most important jewish holidays are the high holidays, rosh hashanah and yom kippur . rosh hashanah is the jewish new year (judaism has a different calendar, at the time of writing this in july 2020 it’s 5780, but jewish people use the secular calendar. the jewish calendar is used mostly for ceremonial purposes, such as determining holidays, torah portions, and the like). yom kippur is the holiest day of the year, and it’s when jewish people atone for their sins in the old year and start fresh for the new year.

the high holidays fall usually in september, and last three days. most jewish people, even those who don’t usually go to temple, will go to temple for these holidays. a thing you’ll see jewish people doing on these holidays is tashlikh, where we symbolically cast away our sins by throwing bread crumbs or rice into a body of water, which is a thing max could mention doing. another thing is that yom kippur is a day with a 25 hour fast, usually spent almost entirely in temple (yes, the entire day). after the fast, there’s a huge feast.

every saturday is shabbat, which is technically jewish sabbath, but it takes place from sundown friday to sundown Saturday. while christians can use electricity and even work on the sabbath, there are a whole list of things that you are not supposed to do on shabbat that qualify as working (called the 39 melachot), including using electricity and cooking. however, some modern jews have made allowances for using cars to get to shabbat services, since many people do not live within walking distance of a temple.

max says that he goes to temple, but we can probably assume that he’s not the most hardcore practicing jew, and you do not have to say that he’s not doing anything on saturday because of shabbat. many jews do not observe shabbat due to practical reasons, because we live in a secular world, where once it was very easy to practice shabbat, it is not now. many events in america are scheduled on saturday for christians who go to church on sunday, so keep that in mind.

another jewish holiday, passover, has a tradition of a ritual feast, called a seder, max could specifically invite zoey to his family’s seder. for more info on seders & other jewish holidays you’d like me to talk on, send me an ask!

a word on stereotypes

there is no law saying that you cannot portray a jewish character as a stereotype. but that doesn’t mean you won’t hurt people by doing that, especially if it’s a particularly harmful stereotype.

if your jewish character is dirty rich and horribly greedy with money and has no redeeming traits, that is not okay. that doesn’t mean that your jewish character cannot be rich. the DIFFERENCE is that you need to not portray things in a harmful way. so that greedy jew could be rich, but it would mean a lot, if you are a goy writing a jew, not making the character greedy. if your character HAS to be greedy and HAS to be jewish, something is wrong.

you can give max a jewish mother as a goy if you don’t go too over the top with it (take pointers from jewish writers, im glad to help you with this, myself), but please don’t give him a JAP sister if you can help it. also, don’t describe any family members as having hooked noses or droopy eyes or, god forbid, horns, and don’t have them constantly saying mazel tov.

something you CAN do: go ahead and use oy vey, if you’d like. you may also say oy vey gevalt, which is an oy vey telling of impending doom, and oy vey ist mir, which is just the non-shortened version of oy vey. it is also a YIDDISH saying, not hebrew, please keep that in mind.

religious texts

the torah is NOT the same thing as the bible. the torah itself only includes the Old Testament, but the torah is not the only bit of religious text.

the jewish bible is known as the tanakh, and it has three parts: the pentateuch (torah), the prophets (nevi'im) and the writings (ketuvim). the torah is the most important piece, however, and torah portions are read at temple every saturday from a priceless torah scroll, usually very old and always very very sacred. the other most important piece of jewish religious texts is the talmud, which is basically a bunch of books interpreting and explaining the tanakh. we love our religious texts so much, that we even have a whole holiday celebrating our religious texts where we take the torah scrolls out of a special case and parade them around with pride.

in conclusion:

if you have Any questions, any questions at all on how to write max (or any other character) as jewish, feel free to dm me or shoot me an ask! i would love to answer your questions, and no question is stupid. this is just the beginner’s guide, judaism is very complex and very rich and honestly amazing, and i do love to talk about it.

#zep #zoey’s extraordinary playlist #max richman #zoey clarke #zoey’s extraordinary glitch #jewish #dev talks about judaism

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imagineurfavs · 4 years

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Pentagon Kino - Birth Chart Analysis

“Hi! love ur writing huhu do you think u could do a birth chart analysis thingy on kino from ptg??? ik hes an aquarius but he doesnt really seem like one??? sdfd thank u :)”

aaaaaah thank you so much for requesting this, ive been aching to write sth like this for ages lmao. i didnt know from which angle you wanted it, like relationships, sex or whatever so ima just do an overall kinda one. lmk if you want something more focused aha Also i agree lol, hyunggu doesn’t really seem like a straight up aquarius, i wish i knew what time he was born i could see his ascendant lmao ALSO. I’ve just done the first 6 placements as they seem to be the ones most people care about lmao, lmk if you want me to do the remaining ones

Sun (our true self, the soul) - Aquarius (1st Decan): This is what makes Hyunggu the social butterfly he is lol, what’s probably responsible for him being in so many different social circles. Aquarians have many many varied fields of interest, which usually end up being quite niche or “out there” lol, just like how Hyunggu, the 22 year old man in 2020, LOVES old school jazz music and classic movies. 1st decan Aquarians are (mostly) open books who really do shine more when they have an audience, or at least with a lot of people surrounding them. But with that being said, they're also totally happy to be in their own company bc they know themselves so well, they’re comfortable with themselves. They also have persistence like no other lol; when they set their mind to something, there’s no lengths they wont go to to achieve it. AKA Kino the workaholic who spends his life in the studio lol

Moon (emotions, instincts, our vulnerable side) - Capricorn: Much more emotional than people think, but he prefers to keep it private. He’ll only let his emotions out fully if he totally trusts the people he’s with. (the fact that unis have seen him cry numerous times is a testament to how much he trusts us ig sdgjsg so sweet) He loves taking care of people; he likes to feel needed. With that in mind though he can be a bit of a “fixer” lol which might not always be a good thing, he’s attracted to people who look like they need some help. One of the most devoted placements in terms of relationships, they aren’t ones that really go for one night stands or short fling type relationships. This placement makes him surprisingly traditional in relationships lol, like he loves homely warm kinda vibes in that sense. Likes to show off any relationship he does have though lol, like he wont air out any private details, but he does want the world to see how well yall are doing lol.

Mercury (How we communicate & express ourselves, intellect) - Capricorn: DONT EVER BREAK A PROMISE WITH HYUNGGU OMG. He’ll never forgive you. This boy takes promises so seriously, and takes any secrets with him to his grave. If he ever gives you his word on anything, you best believe he means it with every fibre of his being. Kino isn’t someone to mince his words, he always means what he says. He’ll still try his best to not hurt any feelings, but he won’t lie. This is what helps him follow through with all the ideas that he gets, he’s great at planning and knowing what’s worth seeing through to the end and what just wont work. Which is probably why everything he’s ever put out to the public is god tier shit lol, he wont spend time on anything less than perfection. Another placement that favours tradition, you wont ever catch him slipping up on any honorifics or social formalities lmao.

Venus (how we are in love & romance, creativity, what brings us joy) - Capricorn: Kang Hyunggu perfect husband material confirmed. Capricorn is the sign that cares most about traditions and stuff in relationships. Not always like old school kinda traditions, but he cares greatly about anniversaries and stuff lol. Very cautious in love, he wont open up or admit his feelings easily and he wont even bother pursuing someone he doesn’t see at least somewhat of a future with. Insanely loyal and steadfast in love. He’s someone you can always count on no matter the time or place, and he wants someone who’ll do the same for him. He wants a fairy tale romance lol. He wants to be remembered for what he does, to leave a legacy that lasts forever. Big on validation, he loves to be complemented and revered; then he’ll feel like all the hours of work and effort he’s put in actually meant something lmao.

Mars (sex, passion, anger, what drives us) - Pisces I feel like this placement is the reason why Hyunggu can get so mushy and emotional. Pisceans are totally driven by their emotions, sometimes to a fault. So when it comes to something that he’s so so passionate about: ie. Pentagon, his emotions can just totally overwhelm him and before we know it hes sobbing on national TV (im looking at u rtk...). Sex isn't something he takes lightly at all, if there’s no emotion or love involved, it just doesn’t feel right to him. He views sex as something that’s good for the soul lol, its very much an emotional thing for him, as opposed to just a physical need. Very much a hopeless romantic; the type to write poetry for their significant other and cry whilst they read it to you lmao. He’d really give his all to someone he loves, to him self sacrifice is the grandest gesture of love lol. Just remember that it was him who wrote Die For U...yeah...he’s very that. It’s all or nothing with Hyunggu lol, if he chooses to give you his heart, you’ll get his soul too. (Side note this might also be what makes him sensitive and sulky lol)

Jupiter (optimism, luck, philosophy & just good vibes lol) - Aquarius To me, this placement is what makes him so agreeable like, he accepts everyone no matter what. He doesn’t care about gender, race, orientation, religion, anything like that. If someone piques his interest, nothing else matters to him other than getting to know them. He’s always ready to question authority, to break away from the norm and try new things. If he wants to do something, he’s gonna do it the way he wants to, not necessarily the way he’s been told to do it. He’s not afraid to be different, he likes to be a bit of a pioneer lmao. Mostly enjoys being with a lot of people, he loves having many different personalities to bounce off of, ig he got lucky being put in such a large group lol. But he still likes to have his freedom; or more so he wants everyone to have their freedom, so he can for sure be a bit of a philanthropist. Lowkey wants to change the world for the better lmao

#pentagon #ptg #pentagon kino #kang kino #kang hyunggu #pentagon hyunggu #ptg kino #kpop astrology

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all-the-heart-you-cannot-see · 4 years

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Things i loved about season 4

- The Nun scene. Honestly the sheer level of galaxy brain Ludo Besse has when writting these seasons lol. It was a very clever pararell to have the nun mistake Sana for another Sister, in a country as catholic as Italy, its al simple way of putting the hijab into perspective, no one sees a nun and thinks the same things they do when they see a muslim girl wearing a veil, even when they are essentially pretty similar: an expression of their religion. I really liked it (and the conversation under the candlelight just felt a whole other level of intimate so thats a plus)

- The Luai storyline. Man i loved this bit of the season, can we talk about the scene where Nico and Luai see each other at the club? The song choice? The shots? GOLDEN. I like that there are no real villains in this story (except for Luai's parents) what happened between them wasnt the result of someone in the baloon squad being homophobic, they were both victims of the circumstances and i love that Luai currently has a boyfriend, i've never been happier for a side character in my life.

- Sana. I enjoyed Sana a lot, she is sweet, she is akward, is a different take on her character and i liked it very much. What i loved the most was that the side plots from the og are still mostly there but this time they are constructed so they still revolve around Sana and her struggles. After the fight with Marti and the Rose Squad when she stays there alone with blood on her hand and both of her worlds (the contrabandieri and the Rose Squad) just walk away from her and she is just crying...that hit me hard (kudos to Bea, her acting was also very good), it made the scene more about her and what it meant for her than about the external drama, and then she justs keeps getting hit when she hears the UFB talking about her and finally Eva and Malik kissing... i could feel the weight of everything that had happened that night just falling on her shoulders and my heart shrank...her character was so well constructed im glad she got such a great season.

- The Rose Squad. I loved them, three out of four of them have clear characterization and it just placed them really high on my list...Ludo managed to make me care about Luai who has a total of like, 5 lines so i think its safe to say they are very well written and very well used.

-Filippo. At this point Filo is the father of half of that school i swear, it laughed so much with his scenes, from drunk Rami to Martino being a mess and just giving up on life in Filo's bedroom, also the fan service with Elia, i would've enjoyed it more had they not implaid that Elia was going to date Emma there at the end. (We stan safe sex kids)

- Episode 8. Was such a beautiful episode to watch, Martino and Sana are one of my favorite Isak-Sana dynamics after Amira and Cris, i loved their conversation cause it was more about understanding each other, Sana was right about some things and Martino was right about others, it was nice to see her finally open up to someone after just botteling up her emotions for the entire season, it was really sweet. Her message to the girls was heartbreaking, i legit cried and had to rewind the video cause my vision kept getting blurry and i kept missing parts of her speech, again Bea's acting really helped here, episode 8 was Sana not only opening up to her friends, but to us as the audience, that even after 7 episodes on her POV, still didnt understand her actions very well, it was a nice way of complementing the new perspectice her convo with Marti had given us, i loved it. (Also hide and seek to reunite Niccotino? I love Ludo Besse)

- The girl squad. I always thought Eva was very underapreciated (which is why i adore Skam España for giving her more to do after her season), i dont know why, but since the first time i saw norweiang Eva's season she stayed in my heart, and this version of Eva is one i love as well, i enjoyed her character and honestly her last scene with Gio? GOLD, her letter? One of the best things to come out of the Skam universe, i want to thank Ludo for handling her with such love. Silvia i really liked, her clip really puts things into perspective and i love that they kept her cat as an actual consistent plot device, she's had a nice character development, from wanting desperately to be noticed by the school coolest boy, to simply not caring about boys to finally opening up to someone, truly letting them in and accept herself, no only her body, but who she was. Finally Fede... the backstory of why she spoke to Sana was something i really appreciated, as well as the fact of her being so ashamed of what she he had done, i like that story because it shows how people can change once their prejudice is deconstructed, specially at that age we are the product of the education we were given, things like homophobia, sexism or xenophobia althought still not acceptable for a teenager, dont mean that they can't be redeemed, that their world view can't change in the future and that they can't grow. It was nice, you may have been an asshole in the past but as long as you understand what you did wrong and geniunly apologize, there is no reason for us to think someone cannot be redeemed.

- Every. Malik. And. Sana. Scene. Was so amazingly shot and constructed that even when i understood 30% of the dialogue the first time i watched it without subtitles i was smiling like an idiot, the date scene, those last few seconds? Them just staring into each others eyes? No kiss scene would've made us feel what that made us feel and that is a testament not only to good acting, but to the amazing direction of Ludo Besse.

- Ludovico Bessegato. This man has so much love for this project it shows on the end result, Skam Italia is pretry similar to the og in terms of plot, but Ludo made it stand out with his characters, his cinematography and some minor changes. The result is a story most of us already knew and loved with characters that some of us might love more than the originals in a setting that for me personally is more relatable than the norweiang one and has earned a place in my heart. I still can't believe he alone had to manage social media for the first seasons and had to fight with Timvision to get the show done, im so happy his work, and the work of all the other people who poured their hearts into this project (including the actors) got rewarded in such a way.

- The final speech. I understood very little of it while watching the first time, but that didnt stop me from crying like a baby while Gio read the letter, i found i cared for every person on that screen, from all of them i had good memories on the show and i couldn't believe that a fictional story could make such an impact in me, specially since this is the second time i see it, i'm probably way to biased with this show and the truth is idk why,i couldn't pin point the things that make me love it the way i do, i just do, and i am very satisfied with this ending, if this is the end.

#skam italia #skam italy #skam italia s4 #skam italia spoilers #skam italia season 4 #skam italy spoilers #sana allagui

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freddiesaysalright · 4 years

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Tale as Old as Time - Chapter 4

Rami!Prince Adam x Reader

Summary: A prince cursed. A young woman aching for adventure. The classic tale of seeing beauty within.

Word Count: 5.5k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural, @someone-get-a-medic, @bensrhapsody, @deakyclicks, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession, @minigranger, @crazyweirdocalledfriday, @the-moving-finger-writes, @assembledherethevolunteers, @rose-writes-prose, @queenlover05, @26-7-49, @drowsebaby, @im-an-adult-ish, @xviiarez, @rogerina-owns-me, @brianssixpence, @mirkwoodshewolf, @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye, @queenmylovely, @queen-paladin If you’d like to be added, let me know! There’s only one chapter left!

A/N: Time for the most famous part of the story!

Warning(s): None!

Moodboard

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 4 here we go!!!

In the morning, Rami was true to his word and he retrieved you at nine. Then, you walked together to the garden. He told you that he spent every morning in this place because it always put his mind at ease. That made you question even more.

“Why do they mean so much to you?” you asked. “The roses.”

He reached out for one and delicately touched the petals with the pad of his paw.

“My mother planted them,” he said.

“Your mother?”

He nodded. “She worked hard at maintaining them because roses were her favorite flowers. She was a bit of a romantic.”

You smiled. “She sounds wonderful.”

“I’m sure your mother is equally wonderful,” he replied.

You looked away sadly and paused, remembering what you could of your own mother.

“She passed away, actually,” you said. “When I was still a little girl.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “What happened to her?”

“Pregnancy complications,” you told him. “My little brother didn’t survive either.”

“That’s horrible,” he said. “I see now why you’re so close to your father.”

“I see now why him taking a rose upset you so much,” you said. “If he had known, he would never have -”

He held up a hand to stop you. “Don’t. I...it’s done now.”

You nodded.

You walked together a little further.

“Do you like gardening, Y/N?” Rami asked.

“Oh, yes,” you told him. “I started last year after reading about it. I like to grow things I can turn into something else.”

“So, food?”

“Yes,” you said. “I’ve really enjoyed helping Daisy out.”

“Daisy is a kind soul,” he said. “She’s been a joy to this castle.”

“She told me how you saved her,” you admitted. “It was so...compassionate. It surprised me.”

“Yes, I...I’ve been very bitter about my fate, and I never wanted to burden anyone else with it,” he said. “But Daisy resonated with me.”

“Well, what about the servants that remained after your parents died?” you asked.

“I tried to dismiss them, but they refused,” he explained. “Mrs. Carson insisted I needed looking after since I was still so young.”

“It’s a testament to you that they’re so loyal,” you said.

He looked away bashfully and you smiled to yourself.

“Tell me about you,” he said, facing you again. “About your life in the village.”

“The trouble with talking about my life in the village is that I barely had one,” you said with a sigh. “Every day was the same. Go to town for the day’s needs, come home and fix breakfast, get Papa to take his medicine and see if he needs help with his new invention. Then, spend the afternoon reading.”

“Mrs. Carson did tell me you love books,” he said.

You nodded. “Yeah. Ever since I was a child, I’ve longed for adventure. To have something magical and unexpected happen. To see far off places. Books were my primary form of travel.”

You both chuckled.

“My mother loved to read,” Rami said. “She always had something on hand. And she read to me a lot. My father wanted me trained in more sporting things like riding and archery, but mother insisted on my studies as well.”

“She sounds like a wise woman,” you replied. “And a bit like my mother.”

“It’s a shame they never met,” he said sadly.

“They probably would have been great friends,” you agreed.

A beat passed. The wind blew through the garden, making you shiver. It was a crisp autumn day, but winter would arrive before you knew it.

“Let’s go in,” Rami suggested. “I’ll have Mrs. Carson get a fire going.”

“That sounds lovely,” you said, pulling your shawl tighter around your shoulders.

“There’s something I’d like to show you first,” he said.

You raised a suspicious eyebrow at him as he offered you his paw. Smirking, you took it. He led you inside and toward the dining room. It was too soon for lunch, so your curiosity was piqued.

“Where are we going?” you wondered.

“You’ll see,” Rami replied mischievously. “It’s a surprise!”

You giggled and continued to follow him. You were going around a corner when he suddenly stopped.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed.

“Why?” you returned.

“Just do it!” he insisted with a grin.

You shook your head and obeyed. Rami took a moment to admire your face as you stood there. The sunlight pooling through the window struck it just right and for a moment, it appeared you were glowing.

“Well?” you questioned. “Are we going to continue?”

He shook his head and cleared his throat. “Yes, of course.”

He took your hand again, and he began to slowly lead you down the hall. You couldn’t be sure how much further you traveled with your eyes closed, but it seemed only a few seconds passed before he stopped you again.

He dropped your hand, and you resisted the urge to crack open an eyelid and peek at what he was doing. You squeezed your eyes further shut instead. You heard a metallic click and the rattling of a chain. Then, the creak of rusty door hinges.

“Rami?”

“Just a few more steps, Y/N,” he replied, guiding you forward.

You knew you had entered another room because the smells changed. It was a bit musty, but there was the distinct scent of parchment and leather.

Even with your eyes closed, you felt the room brighten as some curtains were pushed back and the sun began to warm your skin. A smile began to part your lips.

“Can I open my eyes yet?” you asked eagerly.

“Just one more second,” he told you.

You heard his footsteps come up behind you and his paws fell gently to your shoulders.

“Okay,” he said. “Open.”

You opened your eyes, squinting at first at the brightness, and then looked around. Your mouth fell open.

There were books everywhere, on every wall from floor to ceiling. And the ceiling was as tall as a cathedral. Sliding ladders covered whatever height one might need, but there were also staircases up about halfway, with a path going all the way around the room. It was as appealing to you as a Christmas feast, and you couldn’t wait to sink your teeth in.

“Rami, I - I’m speechless!” you cried. “I’ve never seen so many books!”

“This is our library,” he said, a pleased smile on his face. “But I figured it could be your library, if you like it.”

“I love it!” you exclaimed. “You’re really giving it to me?!”

“Of course!” he said. “Friends give each other gifts!”

“Oh, but I could never return the favor!” you said. “This is….Rami, this is the sweetest gift I have ever received. I can’t thank you enough.”

“That smile is all the thanks I need,” he replied. “Besides, it’s I who should be thanking you.”

“What for?” you asked.

“Life was so dark for me before you came here,” he said. He glanced out the window and then back at you. “You brought me sunshine, Y/N.”

You beamed. That made you feel warm and fuzzy from your head to your toes.

“Can we have lunch in here today?” you requested. “Please?”

The look on your face made him realize in that moment that he could never deny you anything. You owned him.

“Whatever you like,” he assured you. “I’ll let Mrs. Carson know.”

You began exploring the shelves and Rami told you the books he’d read, so you pulled a few of those first.

“After I read them, we can talk about them,” you said.

“We can try,” he chuckled. “I haven’t read in so long…”

“We can read it together then,” you said. “And jog your memory.”

“That’s perfect,” he agreed.

Thomas came up and got a fire started in the fireplace. Then Mrs. Carson and Daisy brought up your lunch within the next hour. Daisy was also amazed by the room, since - like you - she had never seen it before.

“Wow!” she gasped. “This must be every book in the world!”

You smiled. “Do you like books, Daisy?”

“I dunno,” she said. “I never learned to read.”

You blinked. “What?”

“No one ever taught me,” she explained. “I learned how to cook and sew and speak, but never reading or writing.”

“Would you like to learn?” you offered. “I can teach you.”

She grinned. “Oh, yes please!” She looked nervously at Rami. “Is that alright, sir? I’ll still do all the cooking, it won’t interfe-”

He held up a hand to stop her. “Of course, Daisy. Take all the time you need.”

“We’ll have our first lesson tonight, after dinner,” you said.

She giggled. “I’m looking forward to it!”

She practically skipped out of the room. Rami looked over at you.

“That was a kind offer,” he said.

“It’s important for people to know how to read, especially women,” you replied.

“I agree,” he said.

You smiled at him. “So, what should we read together first? Shakespeare?”

“Goodness, no,” Rami said. “He’s dull.”

“Shakespeare?” you questioned. “Dull?”

“Yes!” he insisted. “Let’s start over here…”

In the coming weeks, you made excellent use of the library. Every morning, after your walk, you settled in for tea and reading. You made things exciting by reading aloud and acting out whatever you could. Mostly, you liked hearing Rami laugh.

In the afternoons, he would take some time to himself, and retreat to the west wing. You remained in the library. You decided to do some research into curses, hoping to find some way to break the one on Rami.

Unfortunately, the queen’s collection had little information on such matters. The books about magic mostly warned against its use and the ones who practiced it. Most solutions to magical incidents were unhelpful. You needed a concrete way to break this spell. But it seemed that Rami’s case was unique. You could find no other record of a similar curse and how it was broken.

After one afternoon of difficult research, you heaved a frustrated sigh and pushed the book away from you. Now that you were spending so much time with Rami, you pitied him all the more for his situation. In fact, you rather liked him. If you were his sunshine, he was your moonlight - soothing and peaceful, with a touch of mystery.

With another defeated sigh, you picked up the book and returned it to the shelf. You got the same hopeless feeling you had when you first arrived at the castle, only it wasn’t for yourself. Rami was a prisoner in this cursed body. And there was no key in sight.

Tears began to well up in your eyes at the injustice of it. You sniffled, but were unable to stop them from falling down your cheeks. Even the warmth of a crackling fire couldn’t soothe your aching heart.

You looked out the window. Snow was falling gently from the sky, adding onto the already thick blanket on the ground. The snowman you and Rami had built in the courtyard looked rather lonely, but then you watched as Rami appeared and walked over to it. You smiled to yourself when he put a hat and scarf on the head. At the same time, it broke your heart.

Rami actually had such a tenderness to him. He deserved to be a man again.

A soft knock on the door diverted your attention. Daisy stood in the doorway.

“Y/N?” she asked, brow furrowing. “Are you alright?”

You wiped your face and nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. Just getting sentimental, that’s all. Are you ready for our lesson?”

She brightened and nodded. You sat together beside the window to begin. Daisy was learning fast, but there was still a long way to go. You never realized just how important it was to learn early in life. Though, Daisy told you few girls in her village ever learned to read. Only the rich ones.

It made you grateful for your home. Your town had its issues, but you were able to attend school and choose your own way. That was nice. The thought also made you miss your home terribly.

You and Daisy studied for about an hour when Mrs. Carson came to get her to start dinner. You could tell Daisy was disappointed that her lessons couldn’t be longer, but she never complained. You were just putting the last book away when you heard a hard and sudden thunk against the glass of the window.

Startled, you examined it. Snow was splattered over the glass. You looked out and saw Rami standing several yards away, tossing another snowball up and down in front of him. You opened the window.

“Is that a challenge?” you called out.

“Only if you’re not chicken!” he returned.

You snatched your cloak off the back of your chair and wrapped it around you. Since the library was on the first floor, you climbed right out into the yard. Immediately, you knelt down and packed some snow into a ball.

“You’re on,” you said.

You hurled the snowball directly at him. He turned his back and it exploded across his cape as he laughed. You couldn’t waste any time, so you crouched again to make another. Rami launched the one in his hand, but you ducked, so it collided with the stone of the castle walls.

Mrs. Carson and Daisy returned to the library. Daisy decided she wanted to try something new in the kitchen and test her reading ability by consulting a cookbook for dinner. They were coming to ask you where to find one. They were surprised to find you absent from the room, even though they could hear your voice nearby. Then Mrs. Carson spotted the open window.

Both women went and looked out of it. There you were, down in the snow, wrestling with Rami. Both you and the prince had collapsed into a fit of giggles.

“Well, things have changed between them two!” Daisy laughed.

“Yes, Daisy,” Mrs. Carson agreed. “I think...there may be something there that wasn’t there before.”

“What’s that then?” Daisy wondered.

Mrs. Carson watched as you brushed snowflakes out of the hair around Rami’s face.

“Affection,” she said.

That night, as Anna helped you dress for bed, you accepted the loss of your life in the village. There was a pang in your heart at losing your father, but you found what you were looking for.

“What are you smiling about?” Anna teased as she draped your dress over the chair for your vanity.

“I’m just happy,” you replied innocently.

“Tell me,” she insisted.

You sighed. “It’s silly since it’s been months, but...I finally feel at home here.”

She smiled. “I’m glad to hear it, Y/N.”

You gave her a quick hug before crawling into bed.

Rami was being helped out of his things by Thomas. The butler had served as butler and valet to the king, and now served Rami the same. As Thomas gathered Rami’s wet clothes from the floor, he noticed that the prince was….humming.

“You’re in a fine mood tonight, sir,” he remarked.

“Things are changing, Thomas,” Rami said. “For the first time since my mother and father died, this palace feels like a home.”

Thomas blinked. “You’re falling for her, aren’t you? Y/N?”

Rami shook the excess water off his fur. “I...I am.”

“Well, that’s great!” Thomas cried. “The spell should be broken!”

Rami’s face fell. “It’s not that simple. She has to love me too, remember?”

“Don’t get discouraged, sir,” Thomas said. “There’s hope.”

“How?” Rami wondered. “You’ve seen her, haven’t you?”

“Of course, she’s a beautiful girl,” Thomas said. “And I think she’s beginning to see you, too, sir. To really see you.”

“You mean, you really think she’s starting to love me?” Rami wondered. “I’m still a beast!”

Thomas shook his head. “No, sir. You have always been a prince.”

A beat passed as Rami tried to gather himself. He had no words to express his gratitude for Thomas in that moment.

“I…” he began, but trailed off, unsure.

“You ought to do something romantic for her to let her know how you feel,” Thomas suggested.

“Like what?” Rami wondered.

“The New Year is coming up,” Thomas said. “Have a ball.”

“A ball?” Rami questioned. “Who would come?”

“Make it a private ball,” Thomas said. “Just the two of you, but get dressed up - you in tails, she in a gown - go all out.”

“You really think that would work?” Rami wondered.

“It can’t hurt to try,” Thomas said. “And you are on a time limit, sir. Now’s the time to take a risk.”

Rami looked over at the rose. Thomas was right, time was running out. The rose was curved over itself as it wilted, and more petals were all around it. He watched as another came off the stem and fluttered down to join the rest.

“You’re right,” Rami said. “It is time to take a risk.”

He straightened up. “Talk to Mrs. Carson. I want the main ballroom cleaned as soon as possible. I’ll help. I’ll need new clothes, so speak to Anna about tailoring some of my father’s old things. And Y/N will need a gown. Let her pick anything she wants from my mother’s collection.”

“Very good, sir!” Thomas praised.

“Oh! And Y/N is to know nothing about it, only that it’s a surprise,” Rami said. “The cleaning, the preparation, is all to be done as quietly as you can.”

“You are truly a romantic, sir,” Thomas said with a grin. “We will have it done.”

“Thank you,” Rami said. Then he swallowed. “For more than just this.”

Thomas nodded with understanding. “We will always take pride in serving you, sir. Good night.”

“Good night, Thomas,” Rami replied.

With that, the butler bowed and left. Rami sank down onto the bed, thinking of you. He really did have hope now. Whether or not you fell for him romantically didn’t matter as much to him. Just to know that he had you as a friend, someone who cared about him that wasn’t a servant or family member, was enough to make him optimistic. Not just that he could be a prince again, but that there was a life for him as he was now.

The new year was in a week. During that time, you noticed that the staff were unusually busy. Mrs. Carson was barely around when you needed her, Anna seemed flustered, and Thomas might as well have vanished. You only saw Daisy during your lessons. Even Rami was spending more time away from you.

“Is something wrong?” you asked him as you went for your daily walk through the garden.

You still took the walks, despite the frigid air. Rami found it refreshing and you thought roses were particularly beautiful in the snow.

“No, why do you ask?” he returned.

“Everyone has been rather...distant,” you explained. “Have I offended the staff?”

“Certainly not, they adore you,” he said. “There’s nothing to worry about, Y/N.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you sure?”

“Believe me, I’m sure,” he chuckled. “Everyone loves you.”

You did not shy away at the word love, so he didn’t regret saying it. Instead, you smiled.

“I love everyone here too,” you said. “That’s why I’m worried.”

“I know it’s odd, but just trust me,” he said. “You haven’t done anything wrong. There’s just...a little more work than usual to be done.”

“Why?” you pressed.

“If I told you, then it wouldn’t be a surprise,” he said.

You rolled your eyes. “Ugh. You and your surprises.”

You glanced over at him and met his gaze, confirming to him that you were teasing. You loved his surprises because they kept your life at the castle interesting. A little adventure.

The following day, Anna took you to the queen’s old closet. You were astonished by the size of it - it was almost the size of your whole room! - and got a little overwhelmed.

“The master wants you to pick something elegant,” Anna said. “For your surprise.”

“I don’t have much experience with clothes like this,” you admitted. “It all looks elegant to me.”

“I’ll narrow it down for you,” she offered.

She walked toward the back and selected four dresses. Each of them was stunning. The first was emerald green and velvet, and you thought it would be appropriate for the time of year. The second was a deep red, with white lace accents around the collar, which you also thought very wintery. The third was a sapphire blue, with jewels adorning the waistband. Then the fourth one really grabbed your attention. It was golden-yellow, made of satin, with a stunning sweetheart neckline and cap sleeves.

“Which do you like?” Anna asked.

“The yellow one,” you decided. “It’s like sunshine.”

You would never forget the day Rami told you you brought him sunshine. Well, now you’d make it as literal as you could.

“Good choice, Y/N,” she agreed.

“Anna, aren’t these a bit formal?” you asked as she helped you out of your day dress.

You’d need to try on the new dress since the queen was a little taller than you, with slightly broader shoulders, so Anna needed to make adjustments.

“Of course,” she said, looking up at you with a smile. “They’re ball gowns.”

Your brow furrowed. “Ball gowns?”

“Yes,” she said. “Stay there while I grab a petticoat.”

“Petticoat?!”

When Anna had the dress on you - petticoat and all - you were stunned by your appearance in the mirror. Anna gazed at you as well, and you saw her eyes begin to water.

“Anna!” you cried. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” she sniffled. “You just...you look like a princess.”

You turned back to your reflection. You did look like a princess. You felt like a princess. But you were still yourself. Though this was something you never even imagined in your future, it felt right. You smiled.

“I look beautiful,” you said, half to yourself. “I never thought I could look like this.”

“It’s not just your sweet face, you know,” Anna said. “It’s you.”

You blushed at her words, feeling humbled by their sincerity.

“Thank you,” you said.

She grinned. “Come on. Let’s pick out some shoes and a tiara.”

“Oh, I couldn’t wear one of the queen’s tiaras!” you insisted. “It feels...wrong.”

“Y/N, if she were here, she’d lend them to you herself,” Anna said. “After everything you’ve done for her son -”

She stopped herself. You took her hand.

“Anna, what do you mean?” you questioned.

She shook her head. “I’m just being silly, but you’ve made a change in him. A great one.”

“How so?” you continued.

“It’s difficult to explain,” she said. “But you’ve given him hope.”

You let that sink in. You had given Rami hope? Well, he had given you a new life - a life filled with more than you even thought of. You had your own library for goodness sake! That was always a dream of yours.

“I...I don’t know what to say,” you told her. “I’m glad he’s happier. I’m actually happy too.”

She hugged you. You closed your eyes in her embrace, letting yourself feel and accept her appreciation. It was an odd feeling, but a good one.

“Now,” she said, pulling away. “Shoes and tiara.”

“I really don’t feel like I can wear the tiara,” you said. “I’m not a princess.”

“Very well, if you insist,” she conceded. “At least let me give you this.”

She picked up a comb from the shelf to her right. It was a beautiful hair comb made of gold. It had diamonds and rubies across it, but they were so delicate and dainty they reminded you of freckles.

“That will be perfect,” you said.

New Year’s Eve arrived, and you were in your room most of the day preparing for your surprise. Anna had tailored the dress to fit like a glove, and it looked impossibly more beautiful. You took some time to walk around in the heels, since you had never worn shoes like that before, but you took to it quickly. Then, Anna and Mrs. Carson showed you the basic waltz steps.

Rami was fidgeting as Thomas helped him dress. The prince had not worn anything new or tailored in many years. He hadn’t been trying to see or impress anyone. But tonight, he wanted very much to impress you. To show you how much he cared for you.

When everything was ready - your hair was done, the dress was on, and the final touches were finished - you walked to the main hall. There, you saw Rami. You beamed. He looked dashing in his suit with tails. It fit him exactly, so you could see his whole form. He stood up straight as you approached, his smile widening with every step you took.

“Welcome, madam, to the New Year’s Ball,” he said when you came to a stop in front of him.

“A ball?!” you gasped. “I’ve never been to a ball before!”

Your cheeks reddened with bashfulness, and Rami saw your concern.

“Don’t worry,” he assured you. “It’s just us two.”

You brightened. He offered his arm and you took it. Carefully but confidently, he escorted you down the stairs and into the room to the left. What you saw took your breath away.

The ballroom looked brand new. The gold and bronze decor gleamed in the low candlelight of the bright chandelier. The floor was waxed and it shined beneath your feet. It all sparkled and glittered, making you feel like you were truly a royal. You had never seen such grandeur in your life.

“Rami!” you cried, stepping forward to take it all in. You spun around to get a proper look. “Oh, it’s beautiful!”

In the corner, sat a string quartet. You shot Rami a questioning look.

“There can’t be a ball without dancing,” he said.

He nodded to the players, and they began a soft, slow melody. Then, he looked back at you. He lowered himself at the waist, bowing. Then he offered his hand.

“May I have this dance?” he asked.

You blushed. This was like something out of a book you had read. Only, Rami looked quite a bit different from the heroes you were used to. You smiled to yourself because you realized it didn’t matter one bit.

“You may,” you replied. “My prince.”

He rose to his full height again, grinning. You took his hand and he led you out onto the floor. One hand was in Rami’s. The other was on his massive shoulder. His free paw went to your waist. Then, he took that first step. The music crescendoed, and you began to dance.

Your heart swelled with the music and the sway of your body. Rami was a patient and helpful partner, so you felt like you had been waltzing since before you could walk. No step was out of place. You didn’t miss a turn. Your cheeks began to ache from smiling, but you couldn’t feel it. All you knew was the sense of belonging right in Rami’s arms.

Tale as old as time True as it can be Barely even friends Then somebody bends Unexpectedly

Just a little change Small, to say the least Both a little scared Neither one prepared Beauty and the beast

Ever just the same Ever a surprise Ever as before Ever just as sure As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time Tune as old as song Bittersweet and strange Finding you can change Learning you were wrong

Certain as the sun Rising in the East Tale as old as time Song as old as rhyme Beauty and the beast

Tale as old as time Song as old as rhyme Beauty and the beast

You and Rami slowed to a stop as the music faded down. You were out of breath as you looked at each other, each of you enthralled by the other.

“Y/N, I…” he began, but trailed off.

“Could we step outside?” you asked. “It’s suddenly quite warm in here.”

He chuckled. “Sure.”

Taking his arm again, you walked out to the balcony. The night was bitterly cold, and you shivered as the wind hit your warm skin. Rami removed his jacket and wrapped it around you. Together, you walked over to the edge and looked out over the woods. The stars above you looked like jewels across the sky.

“What were you saying?” you asked.

“Y/N, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind for quite some time now,” he said. “You see, after getting to know you, I…”

“Yes?”

“I want to know if you’re happy here,” he said. “With me. In the palace. I...are you?”

“I am, Rami,” you told him. “Truly, I am. There is one thing, though.”

His heart skipped a beat. “What is it? Whatever you need, I’ll do.”

“I miss my father,” you admitted. “I miss him so much it makes me ache sometimes. If I could just see him and make sure he’s okay, I could…”

Rami’s mind went right to the solution.

“There is a way,” he said.

Your eyes went wide. “There is?”

“Come with me,” he said.

He led you back to the west wing. You had not returned there since the incident with the robbers out of respect. It felt like a milestone that he was inviting you up this time. You went to his room, where the mysterious rose still stood, only looking worse than the last time you saw it. Rami picked up a gold hand mirror and held it out to you.

“This can show me my father?” you questioned. “I thought it was from the enchantress.”

“It will show you anyone,” he said. “It’s how I found you when you were in the west wing that day. Just tell it who you want to see.”

You were skeptical, but you trusted Rami. So, you held the mirror before you.

“Show me my Papa,” you said hesitantly. “Please.”

The mirror glowed, so brightly you had to look away at first, and then a picture formed. Your father was in his bed. Little crimson stains lined the collar of his shirt. He was white as a sheet and sweat covered his forehead. He coughed violently and you winced as you saw more blood dribble into his beard.

“Papa!” you gasped quietly.

Rami heard the cough and saw your face. His heart began to sink. The situation was dire.

“Oh, Papa,” you sighed, tears welling up in your eyes. “He’s so sick.”

You looked desperately at Rami. He looked back at you. He knew what he had to do, but his heart was hammering fast against his chest in protest. He glanced at the rose and then back at you.

“He needs you,” he said.

Your brow furrowed. “I…”

“It wasn’t a question, Y/N,” he continued. “Your father needs you.”

He took a deep breath. You watched him, holding yours as you waited for what he would say next.

“I release you,” he said. “You’re no longer a prisoner here. Go home and look after your father.”

You blinked at a tear slid down your cheek. “I’m free?”

“You’re free,” he confirmed.

His heart stopped hammering. Now, he felt it breaking. You would leave here and never return.

“Rami, I...I don’t know what to say,” you replied.

“Don’t say anything,” he said. “He needs you. Be with him.”

You took his paw between your hands.

“Thank you,” you said earnestly. “You’re a kind person, Rami.”

He looked away. Mostly because he didn’t want you to see his own emotion. You started to hand the mirror back, but he stopped you.

“Keep it,” he said. “It’s a gift.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I don’t need it anymore.”

A beat passed. You chewed your lip to think of something else to say. But what do you say to the person that you had this unique experience with?

“Take care of yourself, Rami,” you said.

“You too,” he returned.

His paw fell out of your grip and he went to the window. Feeling a terrible sense of dread, you left him there. You hurried to your room so Anna could help you change and pack.

Rami listened to your footsteps die down the hall. Then, Thomas and Mrs. Carson entered.

“Well, sir,” Thomas said. “How did it go?”

“She’s leaving,” Rami replied dully.

Mrs. Carson gasped. “How could you let her leave?”

“I had no other choice,” Rami answered. “I love her.”

When you were changed and packed, you hurried out to the stables to grab Dotty. You got her ready as quickly as you could with your shaking hands. As you galloped out of the courtyard and away from the castle, you heard a mournful roar echo from the west wing. Rami’s cry. Your heart shattered.

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hollyhomburg · 5 years

Text

Call me Yours Pt.4

(Ot7 x Reader) (Hybrid Au!) (Blind! Reader)

Summary: You never would have imagined that more love was hidden right next door, just over your garden fence.

Pairings: (Human! Hoseok) x (Human! Reader) x (Wolf hybrid! Namjoon) x (Dog hybrid! Seokjin) x (Cat hybrid! Yoongi) x (Tiger hybrid! Taehyung) x (Bunny hybrid! Jungkook) x (Cat hybrid! Jimin)

W/c: 8.6k

Tags/Warnings: Implied hybrid abuse, mentions of hybrid heats, oral, brief sexual content, in heat! Jimin, Sub! yoongi, Dom! Seokjin, slow burn,

Note: The poem briefly referenced in this is typewriter series 2091 by tyler knott gregson, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter thats way way way too long. what even am i trying to do anymore with this series. next part won't be for a while (cuz im going to try to get some other things from different series out in the next few weeks.)

- It’s kind of a lazy day, you’re in between work assignments and Seokjin is on the phone talking with someone about the possibility of a collab. Namjoon and Yoongi are upstairs (you’d heard muted moans coming from Yoongi’s room though- and though initially you’d had half a mind to join them- you realized that you where a little not in the mood after hovering by the door for a few seconds.)

- So you’d made yourself a cup of tea and put your cellphone in the pocket of your fuzzy cardigan and been intent on listening to the news on your back porch with only the company of the birds so as to not disturb Seokjin. It’s a sunny afternoon.

- You can tell from the warmth and the little bit of light you can see that it’s going to be a nice day. The muted shape of the bird feeder hanging, aware of it from the flick of movement that can only be a bird, Fast and quick- it flits across your small field of vision, and you feel your brain relax a little always hungry for any bit of visual stimulation that it can get.

- You hear something shift- someone more likely, the shlick of fabric against the wood of the stairs. You know the listless sound of hybrids enough to not be startled. “Taehyung?” you guess out loud.

- “Nah it’s me” Jimin answers, and you hear the sound of something furry hitting wood, probably his tail flopping in a light flick, and then the scratch and of a pencil on paper. A bird chirps at you from the birdfeeder as if suddenly startled/ “Where you waiting for Yoongi?”

- “Kind of” he says, and you can hear the pout in his voice as you take your seat at the glass table, wrapping the blanket more firmly around your shoulders. Jimin offers no more explanation for his appearance, but you don’t ask after it. “Will the news bother you? I’m trying to find a quiet place to listen because Seokjin is on the phone.”

- “It won’t- you can play it.” You click on your phone and set it on the table, kicking your feet up on the opposite chair, the drone of your favorite newscaster voice soft and quiet against the melody of the birds and Jimin’s scratching. The first segment ends, and then the next ends too. Your teacup ended.

- You can still dimly hear Seokjin’s laughter as he talks to the person on the phone- you think it was some other cooking YouTuber who has a fox hybrid partner that wants to start some kind of cooking show with Seokjin. So you stay outside, content to listen to the birds and puzzle along your own thoughts. That and the sound of Jimin’s pencil scratching along a pad of paper.

- “What are you working on?” you ask about a half an hour after you first sat down. The scratching stops at your question. “I’m ugh- just drawing Namjoon’s garden- since it’s so pretty, and because Jungkook and him aren’t working in it and like moving stuff around yet.”

- “Oh can I see it?” “Uhm- sure?” Jimin says, not really sure what you mean, but he brings his sketchbook over regardless, he’s nearly done anyway, he takes a second to darken up the spot by the fence that’s in early morning shadow. The hedge a muted dark shape.

- Your fingers glide over the paper feeling where the divots are in it- the oblong shape of a leaf; there is something gorgeous about the careful pattern of strokes. You feel under the paper too- trying to feel the parts that must be the most heavily shaded.

- “You know I can’t really tell when things are beautiful from a visual standpoint but this- it seems really nice.” Jimin is so thankful that you can’t see his blush (and then instantly feels guilty for feeling thankful for your blindness) but really- he doesn’t show his drawings to like anyone yet, it’s still a new thing that he’s exploring. He takes his sketchbook back from you after a moment stuttering out a thank you.

- Hoseok only sees the sketches because Jimin has the unfortunate habit of leaving his papers around in Hoseok’s spare room. He keeps his sketchbook (the first thing he’d ever asked for from Hoseok) shoved in a drawer in the spare room back home and closed with a large rubber band when he’s not drawing in it. He’s only had the book for a few months but already he’s almost completely filled it up.

- He’s sketched everything, the moonlight shifting through Hoseok’s kitchen and the reading nook, Hoseok’s favorite mug that he uses every morning, the blue and yellow polka dots sketched in painful detail.

- The line of the buildings that Jimin can see from the roof- a full panorama of the city limits. Their front door and the old empty window boxes (Now full of pansies from Namjoon), the sleeping face of Taehyung- his cheek pressed to a pillow mouth almost open. Jungkook’s ears laced through his curly hair as his back is turned to Jimin as he plays his video games.

- The line of Hoseok’s legs and arms slung over the leg of the couch, his sharp nose and equally as jagged jaw, his eyelashes cushioned against his high cheekbones. The curl of his hair against his forehead and endlessly Hoseok's delicate lips. the downturn curve of his brow as Hoseok sleeps.

- Jimin doesn’t draw any of them when they’re awake, doesn’t ask them to sit for a portrait. He isn’t confident enough about his skills to show anyone, at least not yet (and maybe not ever). Jimin noses along the edge of your shoulder and it’s a testament to how use to affection from hybrids you are that you don't even shift when he begins to cuddle up against your back.

- “I could… draw you? If you want?” Jimin mumbles against your scapula, cheeks warm, fingering his pencil in his hands. You lean back in your chair, “sure just let me like- start a new podcast or something.” You flick on a podcast and lean back in your chair.

- “Turn your face a little bit to the left” Jimin says, so that he can sketch your profile better. and you do, but a little too far, so he gets up and moved it himself, his fingers gentle as he moves your chin into position. You pretend you’re not blushing, and Jimin, for once, decides to pretend too and not tease you (though you’re certain if it was Yoongi he would- but you don’t blame him- Yoongi is so fun to rile up).

- The podcast starts with the usual intro and Jimin sketches. Not for the first time- Jimin wishes he’d had Hoseok buy him some colored pencils so that he could get the shade of your eyes right. Like thin clouds on a summer day. Your face isn’t so sever like Hoseok’s, but there is something quietly beautiful about the slope of your cheeks and the curl of your hair against your chin and shoulder.

- Jimin makes a line and then instantly erases it- wrong wrong wrong- for the adorable curve of your nose that Jimin wants to immortalize because it’s just that- adorable- so adorable he could almost kiss it. Though he’s certainly not the only one in his house that wishes it.

- The first podcast ends and the second one startup. Jimin’s foot brushes yours where it’s propped up as Jimin dots his pencil in the spots that you have beauty marks. “Y/n I’m all Fin- oh Jimin! That looks gorgeous!” Jimin has never blushed or moved faster in his whole life. Closing his book with a sharp thump and hugging it to his chest and turning away from Jin in the doorway. Cheeks absolutely flaming, he stands so quick that he almost knocks over the chair he was sitting in.

- “u-uhm thank you Jin- I should-”Luckily at that moment, Yoongi pops up behind Jin, his hair all wet and a little spikey. The smile he gives Jimin is so wide and gummy that Seokjin runs his fingers through his hair at the nape, not that Yoongi pays him any mind in the wake of seeing park Jimin in the morning- he’s nearly as starry-eyed as Jungkook is when he looks at Namjoon. “Hey Minnie! Ready for that movie?” he asks.

- At that same moment that Jungkook and Tae call Namjoon’s name from over the garden fence, Then appear after a moment. Jungkook stumbling half-asleep into Taehyung shoulder. with his sunhat in one hand, Tae smiles down at him, hugging Jungkook to his side to keep him up straight, his puffy cheeks proudly on display.

- Yoongi and Jimin disappear inside of your house while Seokjin still stands behind you, Namjoon replaces them in the doorway, stopping to press a kiss to Seokjin’s lips and then to yours. Namjoon gives you both a dimply smile, wordless fondness in his eyes and joins the Youngers in the garden, not before the other two have both hugged you in greeting of course.

- Jungkook stumbles when he hugs you, putting his full weight you’re your arms, murmuring “slept so weird last night- still feel half asleep,” making you giggle, his tail twitching a little then falling flaccid as he starts to list in your arms making you giggle when Seokjin steps in to keep both of you upright.

- “Why don’t you dose in the sun then bunny” Seokjin says, concerned because Jungkook nearly just fell asleep on his feet and he definitely shouldn’t be handling a pair of clippers today. The older skims his fingers across Jungkook’s built shoulders, Jungkook leans into the touch, happy to be doted on.

- “I’m sure I could find you a blanket” Seokjin plies as Taehyung scent marks along your neck, and gives a wide purr in hello, Both of you oblivious to the way that Jungkook’s heart jumps at the affection of his hyung. He blushes and looks up, remembering the other day when they all piled happy onto a blanket and Seokjin’s chest had been pressed to his back, Namjoon to his front, and Jungkook had felt snuggled down and closed up in the best way. “oh” Jungkook plays with his fingers, “please hyung.”

- The blanket is sent for and retrieved. Hoseok is at work- he’d already sent you a voice message- telling you that the others might be over a little late- they’d all stayed up watching some movie marathon last night- Jungkook was intent on showing Taehyung and Jimin the entire collection of Avengers movies- despite the fact that neither of them are as into the movies as the youngest is.

- And you find that the early morning coolness has faded by the time Seokjin has returned to hand over a thick knit blanket to Jungkook, which he fluffs out on the grass, and promptly curls up on. the straw hat over his eyes to give him some darkness (not to mind that he’ll wake up in about 50 minutes feeling too hot and listless and in need of cooling off- for now he’s glad for he leisurely heat)

- Tae is content to help Namjoon and talk to him about planting, and what new things he’s planning on getting from the garden centre in the next few weeks once the summer starts in full swing and the last cold day has passed. Somehow you end up listening to a podcast in the kitchen, moving around Seokjin while you fold some laundry and he washes some dishes and chats to you about the collab. you help him with some wording on a contract that he wants to set up, and before you know it it’s well into the afternoon.

- Hoseok is going to be back from work sooner than later, it’s an early day, and it’s become enough of a habit for him to come hang around after work with his hybrids at your place, that Seokjin finds you fussing with a brush and your hair, and instantly takes it from you- as he always does, tugging it through your hair.

- The sound of Jimin’s giggles (and a movie that he and Yoongi are definitely not watching) in your living room filtering through along with the shrieks of Taehyung and Jungkook in the garden. And the unmistakable sound of the hose hitting the side of the wall- it is a pretty warm day outside. You’re not surprised that they got out the hose.

- “My skin is so dry from the change of seasons I really need to go get some facemasks” you whine patting at your face (and the many dry spots) sat at the kitchen table. Jin’s feet propped up on your lap.

- Yoongi steps into the kitchen depositing the now empty bowl of popcorn into the sink before he leans over the table to tilt your face this way and that. “Yeah you do” he scoffs, mirthful. His hands cupping your cheeks tenderly and squishing them in a little, you pout making it more comical and Yoongi grins, “Don’t tease- you won’t like it when I’m looking like the loch ness monster in a few weeks.”

- “Did someone say face masks?” Jimin says, hovering by the bottom of the stairs, his ears perked up. Making both Seokjin and Yoongi look up at him. His eyes are wide cheeks pink.

- “Yeah my skin is so dry” you whine, tilting your head into Yoongi’s side. Jimin comes to rub along him too. And Seokjin finds himself besotted by how snuggled down and protective Yoongi looks, with each of you under each arm, he catches Seokjin’s look, his eyes glassy and thankful. the resounding purr vibrates against your cheek.

- “I love facemasks,” Jimin says, voice vibrating around a purr in answer to Yoongi's, launching into a discussion of the various kinds and- “oh my god the ones from nature republic are like so much better than the etude house ones and the skin food ones are okay but don’t get the chemical peel ones.”

- Taehyung and Jungkook stumble through the door, yelping when Seokjin immediately pulls them under each arm, Jungkook crumbling instantly when the elder starts scent marking him.

- Taehyung relaxes a little uneasily- still tense and tired from what? Seokjin doesn't know. Eventually listing his weight into Seokjin’s shoulder, pliant and a little uneasy as Seokjin's hand slides down his back to his waist Seokjin nuzzles at his neck in hello.

- “Needy” Jungkook says, a little bratty, smiling something small and delicate. “Oh shush” Seokjin says, words strangled by the whine in his throat. “Like you don’t get twice as bad on the daily. Like you weren’t worse earlier”

- “Oh,” Taehyung catches the scene behind them, you and Jimin snuggled down by Yoongi, talking about going on a shopping trip sometime soon. “Yeah- they’re cute, now snuggle me because I am also cute” Seokjin whines. Taehyung and Jungkook are only too quick to oblige him.

- It’s only then that Seokjin realizes that Taehyung is actually complexly covered in mud, even some of it on his shirt and not on his pants, but mostly dry, when some of it cracks and falls onto the floor. Jungkook is a little less muddy.

- “Jesus Christ Taehyung. You need a fucking shower,” Taehyung extricates himself from the indignant Seokjin, who turns to continue chopping the salad that he’d started to work on, for an early dinner, the heavy ceramic blue bowl half full of shaved carrot and tomatoes.

- “Take off your shirt too! I don’t want your tracking mud around the house.” he says as Namjoon comes inside to see where his two helpers have gone, as Jimin and Yoongi recede back into the living room. There is already the understanding that Taehyung will help Seokjin cook dinner for all of them when he gets out like usual, Jungkook is leaning in the doorway of your bedroom- talking to you or Namjoon- who probably slipped in there to get something.

- Taehyung smiles at Seokjin as he starts to move to the now unoccupied dinner table. “Okay hyung” he says, and starts stripping. Seokjin tries not to be flustered at the immediate drop of Taehyung’s pants revealing his impossibly small boxers, stuttering out a few words before Taehyung smiles up at him, something about his heavy stare learned from Jimin and his endless flirting- but less self aware.

- “Don’t worry hyung I’ll keep my boxers on” he laughs as Seokjin splutters and rolls his eyes, and goes back to cutting tomatoes as his face also resembles a tomato. dear lord this boy would be the death of him. Next door, Seokjin can hear the car door slam, Hoseok must have just gotten home from work.

- Taehyung turns to walk to the shower upstairs- not to the one in your bedroom, and and Seokjin drops the bowl.

- It shatters against the tile floor loudly, lettuce and glass glaze mixing, sending shards this way and that and tomatoes rolling. But Seokjin almost misses it- especially when it narrowly misses his feet.

- Standing in the middle of a cacophony of shards is the least of his issues right now because Taehyung- Taehyung’s back- Seokjin feels like he can’t breathe.

- Taehyung’s back is… for lack of a better word… mutilated.

- There are probably 4 or 5 vertical stripes of scar tissue crises crossing across his back. Old and healed a light pink, but gruesome nonetheless- erupting the tan skin of his back and puckering the line of a shoulder inward, curving along the edge of a shoulder blade. Even as he turns startled and rushes over. More worried about Seokjin’s feet then at whatever had been done to him.

- Even as Taehyung stoops to pick up the back and starts picking up the careful, Seokjin can see them cresting over the tops of his shoulders. As bad as Namjoon’s or maybe a little worse, Seokjin is not one to weigh one pain against the other.

- Hoseok chooses that moment to appear at your back stoop- looking a little tired from work and a little warn, his black button-down rumpled and pushed up at the elbows, his tie missing. He makes eye contact with Seokjin “are you okay? I thought I heard a crash.”

- You and Namjoon come rushing to see about the crash, Seokjin flinches when the door opens, and slams into it’s casing, tail jumping. “What’s wrong? Oh Hobie! I didn’t realize you got back” you ask, as Hoseok makes a noise in the back of his throat and starts helping Tae pick up the shards, taking one look at Tae, then Seokjin and understanding.

- Hoseok waves Tae back, since Hoseok is the only one with shoes. Dumping the remnants into the wastebasket. As Yoongi gets the broom from the closet appeared to question after the sound as well. If Taehyung is intimidated or uncomfortable with everyone being able to see his back he doesn't show it. he holds Seokjin's stare, the same tiredness from earlier returning to his eyes.

- “What- what happened to you?” Seokjin lets out the words a near hiss. Taehyung looks up at Seokjin under his fringe, but doesn’t answer. The words are directed at Hoseok anyway, A little accusatory. But Hoseok’s eyes get this far away look in them, his jaw tensing he shakes his head at Seokjin.

- Seokjin knows that Hoseok couldn’t have done this- Taehyung’s only lived with Hoseok for a few months and these marks are years old at least- and some even look older than others- which means this was more than one event- and Seokjin’s thoughts are rushing over each other angry like a river building into a tidal wave of anger, a growl bubbling with is throat.

- Taehyung wraps his arms around Seokjin’s mid-drifts, and folds his shoulders thighs and small, lets Seokjin’s hand lace through his cinnamon hair and hold him close. Hoseok leans back against your kitchen table half of the bowl in his hands, watching Seokjin and Taehyung with half-lidded eyes. Sighing and holding Seokjin’s gaze.

- By your side, Namjoon’s eyes are dark, your hand twined with his but his arms are still stiff. Yoongi’s hands brush down his arms in passing to the wastebasket, soothing away the memories there. No one but Seokjin catches it.

- But Seokjin still feels- angry, angry that soft, gentle and quiet Taehyung would have been subject to this kind of hurt, that people still treat hybrids like this in this day and age. Seokjin’s hands are shaking, even as he smooths down Tae’s back and skimming over the marks lightly. Anger licking up the walls of his chest. He can tell his scent must be making the other hybrids in the room agitated by how Tae’s tail hangs and Yoongi’s puffs up like he can’t control it.

- “They use to use whip on the elephants. And on us when we misbehaved-“ Seokjin blanches. Thinking about that- about how deep the marks look. “I tried to run away once- the ringmaster didn’t like that.” Is the only explanation he gives.

- “t-there's scar cream in my room” Seokjin definitely does not say that it’s for Namjoon- he’s not sure that any of them have seen him without the sleeves on. Though it’s summer soon, so they’ll probably find out sooner or later.

- “Do you want to take a bath and I can put some on your back?” Seokjin has to swallow through the thickness- through shining eyes, he turns to Hoseok. “If that’s okay.” Hoseok nods, “we’ll finish dinner” he says the same moment Yoongi says “I’ll re-make the salad.”

- Taehyung looks a little put-upon and little unsure, but Hoseok’s nod is enough to reassure him that he can accept Seokjin’s affection. Tae eyes are wide and a little glassy as he looks up at the elder. He looks so so small and so unsure and Seokjin wants to wrap him in a million blankets and put Taehyung where no one can ever hurt his delicate mushy cookie soul again.

- You stand just inside the door of your bathroom, setting down two plush towels on the double sink counter, as Seokjin starts the tap. “I’ll get Namjoon and Jungkook to help cook too You guys take your time.” you say. Seokjin can already tell that you’re going to ask Hobi exactly what went on when he leaves- because as sharp as you are you’ve probably put two and two together but you still like to ask and know for sure.

- The warm air starts to turn Tae’s cheeks pink. “hyung” he says, eyes lidded, “hyung this is so nice,” “hush,” Seokjin says, hand fluttering across Taehyung's hip. The bath is hazy and warm and Seokjin leaves for a few minutes taking Taehyung’s clothes and putting them in the washing machine.

- Jungkook brings by a fresh pair of clothes for Tae from his house without much preamble. Taehyung and Seokjin come out of your room all snuggly and clean from the bath (that Seokjin may have put a vanilla scented bath bomb in for good measure).

- Namjoon and Yoongi are prepared to smother Tae and lav him with all of the attention they can after he gets out, Yoongi grooming him and Namjoon lining himself snugly along Tae’s back. But Tae doesn’t look scared, or hurt, or any version of upset, only all happy and soft, the purring quickly sounds up. Yoongi returns it as does Namjoon with a contented rumble.

- It’s strange for Seokjin to have nothing to do in his own kitchen, but you and Hoseok move around each other like you’ve cooked together before, even though Seokjin knows you haven't. laughing and bumping each other with your hips by accident and then on purpose. You almost send Hoseok flying and Jimin laughs and throws himself on your shoulder, and hugging you sideways.

- And Seokjin just Sits for a bit, as you get dinner ready, watching his dance of the new and the old, and feels like the luckiest hybrid in the whole city, maybe the whole world.

- (the old- Yoongi nosing into the back of your hair Namjoon smiling at you and running out to his grab a little rosemary. And you, oh, endlessly you. Your hair that’s come undone a little bit, the way you carefully run the tips of your fingers along the edge of a cutting board, around a tomato, things you never used to do until Seokjin came and built himself into your heart like a trellis or like a fine tree, every small leaf a different moment of sweet loving,

- It seems silly that you never used to cook- all those years ago, Seokjin and you in your kitchen that had felt so so big back then with just the two of you in it, and now seems too small with the eight of you.

- Who would have known that one day it would be full like this. Full of Hoseok’s little side to side movements arguing with Yoongi about what to play out of the portable speaker that you’d gotten him for his birthday, “come on hyung you can’t even dance to this song at least give me something I can shake my booty too”

- “What booty?” Jimin teases, raising an eyebrow as he blatantly stares at Hoseok’s behind, and makes Namjoon and Jungkook erupt into giggles, and Yoongi send this little half smirk half toothy grin over his shoulder at Jimin.

- He remembers you saying back then that you weren’t much of a cook and oh, if that you could see you now- Seokjin thinks they’d be very very impressed)

- (And the many new things- Jimin’s tail getting all fuzzy when he smells the rosemary and makes him aggressively rub at his nose, and Hoseok’s wide laugh at Jimin’s bushy tail, his mouth making a heart shape as Hoseok smiles as Jimin complains it makes his nose feel all prickly.

- Making Taehyung and Jungkook smell it only to have the same reaction. Jungkook’s bunny ears tied behind his head with a bright green scrunchie so they don’t fall in his face. His nose twitching with the smell as he recoils and sneezes, making Hoseok coo at him. Carrying 2 chairs at a time and grinning at Namjoon’s protest “I’m a strong bunny hyung” showcasing those adorable teeth.

- Seokjin sits Until Jungkook and Namjoon enlist his help in getting the tables set up outside. Since you definitely don’t have enough room to fit everyone on the kitchen table or the patio table- they need to be combined to fit all 8 of you.

- And there is something comedic about the amount of food on the table (let's be honest- half of it came from pre-prepared packages that where Hoseok’s staple) because how could they eat so much but Seokjin knows there will barely be any leftovers.

- Seokjin sits between you and Taehyung and holds your hand the entire time. While Jimin and Yoongi cuddle up on either side of the table. And you and Hoseok sit close, your legs brushing as you ask him about work and he tells you about the printer that exploded on the third floor today.

- The aftermath, Hoseok washing the dishes, and you sitting on the counter next to them while Jimin dashes around making a game of putting them away with Taehyung. Hoseok’s soapy hand on your knee whenever you say something he loves (ie. Every sentence) his hand brushing yours when he passes you a plate and lingering when he does so.

- Every second more domestic than the last, their lives twining with yours weaving their way like vines or maybe like threads in a tapestry- so close and snug that it seems like it would be impossible to untangle them now.

- Eventually Jimin brings up the idea about the face masks again, and You promise you’ll take him the next free day you have. You, Seokjin, Namjoon, and Jimin go on a trip downtown later that week to the shopping district where skincare shops line both sides of the streets and Jimin can spend forever debating each of them with you and he buys a fair amount with his own money and you buy more than a few too.

- Jimin buys a lot for Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jungkook to try too because they’re in his words “crusty ass bitches that don’t know a thing about skin care” to which Namjoon flicks his cheek and says “stop talking like you’re an American high school student” which makes Jimin whine and say “really it’s your fault for making me watch mean girls and translating for me hyung- how did you even learn English so quick-”.

- Namjoon trails along behind plopping the ones that smell like foods into your basket when he thinks you aren’t looking. He’s always been fond of the ones that smell like honey.

- You end up having a skin care facemask night with everyone (Taehyung too- though he shrivels his nose at the chemical smell of the masks and says that his skin is fine thank you very much).

- Hoseok’s careful fingers pressing down the edges of your mask against your neck where he sits next to you on the couch, His Hand slick with the serum, giggling as you cry “oh it’s so wet- it’s gonna slide off- help- Hobi help” Yoongi throws popcorn into Taehyung and Jungkook mouths, missing as often as he gets it in. Jungkook jumping up quickly to catch one that went far too high, powerful thighs straining against his pants.

- the mask on your face almost does slide off much to the delight of both Hoseok and Jimin, who giggle on either side of you while Seokjin ties up your hair better to keep it out of the way and then moves to pull Jungkook into his lap on the floor.

- Next to you Jimin fidgets closer, unable to find a spot that’s comfortable. Yoongi too can’t seem to keep his eyes off of the other hybrid (though that’s nothing new- it is particularly bad that day he straight up throws popcorn into Namjoon’s hair making him whine about getting the literal butter in his hair.)

- “oh my god I remember why we don’t do this.” You laugh. As Jimin tucks a lock behind your ear. Lifting his hand to his face. “Oh this smells good!” he licks his fingers. “And tastes good too!”

- Seokjin snorts. rolling his eyes “Only you would think that tastes good.” Having recently discovered Jimin’s favorite habit of dunking French fries in milkshakes last week at a drive-in diner that Hoseok had taken both of them too late night (‘sue me it tastes good hyung you just have to try it’ ‘Jimin my taste buds are delicate and sensitive and I am not sullying them with that concoction’

- ‘Would you do it for a kiss?’ Seokjin spluttering, as Jimin leans forward and presses his strawberry and salt flavored lips to Jin’s and oh- he’s not sure if it’s the cat hybrid that tastes so good or if it’s the combination but he lick’s it out of his mouth regardless)

- Jimin licks the stuff that’s on his fingers. As Hoseok checks the package, “It is all natural and edible- so I don’t think you’re going to poison yourself.” he finishes what’s on his hand and licks at the edge on the mask and what’s on your skin, licking up the Coolum of your neck, laving wide flat strokes of his tongue.

- You squeak at the sudden affection- though you’ve seen the hybrids mock groom each other to know that this is kind of what this, Yoongi’s done it to you enough times, though the resounding purrs and rough tongue laving at your throat give you little cause to push Jimin away, he sounds happy.

- You straighten one moment going rip rod straight, before your body turns to Jelly under Jimin’s mouth, and his lips that occasionally drag against your skin and leave with a smacking sound- you hadn’t realized how plush and puffy they where. There is no mercy under Jimin’s mouth, your own lips parted, breath escaping you like you’d just run up a flight of stairs as he licks harder.

- He licks up to the corner of your jaw and then down again switching to the other side, nosing along the place where you know your scent gland is (or at least wherever it exists on hybrids)

- You knew humans had some sort of natural accumulation of it on their necks, Seokjin and Namjoon have taken in a deep breath at the corner of your neck time enough. Jimin noses along that line, purr increasing with volume before he bites down.

- It’s half gentle, and with nowhere near enough force to actually hurt only ache, and it still makes you let out A small noise- half whimper and half surprised squeak. Every hybrid turns, Taehyung drops a facemask rapper when he sees what’s happening on the couch.

- Jimin half in your lap caging you in, and your absolutely wrecked expression, neck shining, and Jimin looking equally as flustered, with Hoseok’s hand in the back of his hair, forcefully pulling his head away from your neck.

- An instinct, some rudimentary part of Hoseok that felt possessive- Jesus Christ- Jimin was his own hybrid and he was worried about you because-because- “Jimin you need to ask consent before you bite someone.”

- Seokjin barks a laugh, and below him between his legs, Jungkook smiles, the sentence is a funny sentence, and of course Seokjin would think its funny.

- “Sorry hyung” he murmurs, Jimin’s eyes are cracked and as hazy as yours are looking at you with a hot gaze, Hoseok gulps- Jimin looks like he wants to eat you “sorry Y/n-ah” instead of releasing Jimin’s hair outright. Hoseok loosens his grip running his hand down Jimin’s neck and onto his back in a long stroke trying to calm him down.

- Jimin chirps and wiggles. Carefully moving from your lap to Hoseok’s. No matter the fact that he’d started on your opposite side (and eventually settles in between you two for the duration of the movie).

- Seokjin leans over from the other chair and flicks Jimin’s forehead. “Bratt” Jimin’s pout Is lethal. “I said I was sorry.” No one wants to say-” but neither of you look it” but they let it slide. Yoongi setting up the computer, next to him, you put your hand on Hoseok’s arm the contact startles him, his hand grabbing at yours before it lets it go. “It’s okay really.” Is the faint blush there because you’re embarrassed? Or is it there for an entirely other reason?

- They spend the entire movie night like that. Jimin sat sideways across Hoseok’s lap, hugging one of his arms close to his chest his nose in Hoseok’s necks. Your and Hoseok’s hands sitting an inch away While Seokjin and Jungkook relocate to your other side, taking Jimin’s spot.

- When they get home that night, closing the back door and filing into the kitchen, Jungkook immediately going to get carrot juice from the fridge. Hoseok sighs and turns to Jimin, Jimin folds himself into his owner’s arms, rubbing his face into Hoseok’s soft sweatshirt and hugging one of his arms. All in all- it’s not as needy as Jimin gets sometimes- but it’s still- this level of affection is a tiny bit out of character.

- “Jiminie- you sure you’re okay? First the thing with Y/n and then you snuggled me like the whole time babe” Jimin’s forehead is warm against Hoseok’s exposed throat. And when the hybrid pulls back his cheeks are flushed pink. Had he been like this the whole night? Had Hoseok not noticed under the dim light in your living room? Was Jimin getting sick? Hoseok inwardly curses at himself- what kind of owner was he letting his hybrid gets sick and not doing anything about it.

- “Just feel like- super supper needy today.” Jimin supplies, his words slurry, and half asleep- but it is nearing midnight, thank god Hoseok doesn’t have to work tomorrow. “Okay if you say so-“ Hoseok starts to take a step away, to get a glass of water and go up to bed- but the yowl Jimin lets out is so pitiful that Hoseok and his other hybrids freeze and turn to a suddenly very tearful Jimin. Hoseok practically throws the glass on the table and envelops his hybrid in his arms. Shocked at the sudden onset of actual real tears rolling down Jimin’s cheeks.

- “Minnie-baby what’s wrong?” Hoseok is at a loss “I j-just- I saw you walking away and it made me so upset- I’m being so irrational- and” suddenly, Taehyung steps behind Jimin, tilting the others neck all the way to the side, and giving a hard sniff. “You’re in heat- or about to be” the hybrid says, voice deep and assured. No way around it.

- “Oh Jiminie-“ Taehyung folds himself harshly along the back line of Jimin so that he’s caged in between Hoseok’s chest. And Jimin instantly looks more aware of his surroundings but no less apprehensive, looking up at Hoseok imploringly bottom lip quivering.

- It’s not like Hoseok had been completely unaware that this could happen, he knew that prior to and during Jimin’s time at the adoption facility that he’d been mandated to be on suppressors, after he’d started to be healthy enough to have actual heats, Jimin had wanted to go off of them almost immediately when he’d been adopted by Hoseok (as they’d made him vomit most mornings, and made him grumpy and irritable the other half of the time.)

- Honestly Hoseok hadn’t seen the point in keeping Jimin on them- it’s not like birth control is exactly necessary when you can’t get pregnant. And Hoseok had agreed to let Jimin stop taking the pills instantly (it shouldn’t really have been Hoseok’s decision in the first place- it was up to Jimin what he wanted to do with his body)

- Hoseok remembers saying that and the way that Jimin had looked up at Hoseok, Awestruck and thankful, and later confessed that it was when Jimin realized that Hoseok was going to treat him like an actual human being.

- And then the doctors visit to discuss a few weeks of lower dosage pills to ease Jimin off of being on suppressants for the better part of his life. What to expect from the first few heats that he’d have- a little more intense, and probably only a few times a year.

- Hoseok had stuttered and blushed when the doctor had straight up insinuated that Hoseok would help Jimin through them, but then again- that was in the first week knowing Jimin and it had felt strange to agree to that. And now…Hoseok can’t imagine letting Jimin go through it alone.

- and it’s not like Jimin hasn’t pulled Hoseok into bed before either, like they haven't been intimate, though that part of their relationship is new, Taehyung and Jungkook have too.

- Jimin’s hands are fisted in the front of Hoseok’s shirt, his knuckles brushing against the skin of Hoseok’s chest. Jimin squeaks then crumples further into Hoseok almost needing to be held up with how his legs are starting to shake.

- He doesn’t even want to ask what Taehyung’s large hands are doing, or what’s making the tiger hybrid look like that, languid and predatory, the smile quirking his lips as Jimin huffs a sigh into Hoseok’s neck. “you smell so good Minnie” Taehyung purrs. “It’s okay Minnie we’ve got you-you're gonna be okay” Jungkook sidles over, leaning to nibble on Jimin’s ear, making the hybrid collapse further his knees all jelly and no muscle.

- His body feels small and hot against Hoseok’s, and when Taehyung’s arm flexes he can feel Jimin’s hips jump against him. “Poor Jimin” Jungkook says, hands smoothing over the elders shoulder. “Let us take care of you.”

- It’s totally totally weird that Hoseok hasn’t come over by midday the following Saturday, you mill about in the kitchen after waffles, wondering where they could be. Jin puts the extra waffle mix away scolding himself for feeling forlorn. it’s not like he’d invited them over, but he’d gotten so used to the other hybrids from the house next door turning up that he’d started to make extra of every meal as a precaution.

- Yoongi himself is the most agitated out of the bunch, pacing in front of the door and then extending his track to the living room not stopping no matter how much Seokjin tells them to quit it. Namjoon too, is a little flustered, his ears standing to attention.

- Something strange and heady scent tickling at his nose, just not close enough to really figure out what it was sets him on edge. The wolf hybrid is Seokjin’s shadow, not letting him get more than a few feet away before he starts whining. “What’s gotten into you Joon” Seokjin asks, when he gets up suddenly and is immediately pulled back to Namjoon’s side. Namjoon flushes, and lets Seokjin get up for real this time, murmuring out a “sorry.”

- You try your best to go about your day as you normally would as does everyone else baring Yoongi. You check your phone and find your voice message unanswered. It’s not until just before lunchtime that a very ruffled looking Jungkook comes knocking at your back door.

- “Hey Jungkoo-” Seokjin says as he opens the door- voice dying in his throat when the scent on Jungkook hits him with full force, Seokjin is only dimly aware of Yoongi full on tripping and Namjoon sitting straight up and growling. Jungkook blushes, somehow, abashed. Namjoon can’t stop staring at the ring of hickeys and full on bite marks that encircle Jungkook’s neck like a collar, the dark two circles from canines on his neck nestled in the semi-circles.

- Jungkook’s bunny tail twitches. “Hey hyung- I-I’m not here to hang out- just, Hoseok though I should tell you, Jimin went into heat last night so you might not see us for a few days. Hoseok wanted to come over but he was uhm- too occupied.”

- Jungkook’s cheeks are absolutely flaming by the time he finishes the sentence and Seokjin blushes too, Yoongi’s tail is bushy and full as Jungkook quickly leaves again, Yoongi makes to follow almost instantly blocked by Seokjin.

- ��No.” Seokjin says, and Yoongi’s spine shivers, “you gotta- heats are something you gotta ask about Yoongi- you can't” and logically Yoongi knows- knows that he can’t go over hand help Jimin through it the thought of sultry Jiminie, and the smell that clung to Jungkook, two parts liquid temptation and one part peaches and creamy Jimin softness.

- Just thinking about smelling that from the source and not just Jungkook who was drenched has Yoongi thinking with his instincts and not with his head, that's the only real reason why he got up to follow, his alphas voice cut through that tension like a knife and suddenly Yoongi’s focus is razor sharp.

- he looks up at Seokjin already looking strung out, “please” Yoongi’s fists on Seokjin’s forearms around you his chest heaving, reaching to pull you close too as Namjoon runs a hand down his back. “Please- I need- I need all of you.” his pupils are wide and glassy. Leaning his head over to nestle in your neck, trying to drown Jimin’s scent out with yours, and groans shifting listlessly.

- Hand gripping your waist and sliding down to your ass, his favorite part of you, groaning into your mouth when he squeezing and feels it’s weight, prompting as Yoongi lifts you up and puts you on the table. He starts to kiss along your jaw, the same place Jimin kissed yesterday, biting down like he would have, but a little harder. Yoongi trembles. Thoughts of the other cat aren’t completely out of his head until Seokjin tugs his tail and Namjoon nibbles on his ear, all the while you start stuttering out heavy breaths and slide your palms down Yoongi’s chest and he sucks hickey after hickey onto your throat.

- “There now” Seokjin growls, Yoongi’s heady scent mixing with the leftover remnants of Jungkook’s visit. As intoxicating as it is dangerous for Seokjin’s self control. “let us get your mind off this kitten.”

- “Mmmnot a kitten” Yoongi mumbles,”Seokjin laughs diminutively, the shame and arousal in equal parts licks hot down Yoongi’s spine, “right now you are.”

- Saturday is a mess of clothes on the floor, sighed names pressed against skin, and marks sucked, claiming, mine mine mine. Jimin is chanting that when Jungkook finally stumbles back into the bedroom. Both him and Hoseok a mess of sweat, saliva, and other bodily fluids. Taehyung is passed out on the bed, bite marks littering his neck as well and his hips, But Hoseok does a good enough job of holding Jimin through an orgasm. Teeth gritting as his hips cante upward.

- Jimin’s eyes are almost black, his cheeks red and his blonde hair curling against his forehead. Though Jimin’s only just come, he whines and holds out his arms for Jungkook- the only one of them who truly has enough stamina to compete with Jimin’s heats.

- “Smell like alpha” he murmurs into Jungkook’s neck biting over a mark he made, as Hoseok pulls out and falls back onto his heels, “Want alpha and Yoongi- want them all- please Kookie- please-”

- And then your house, clothes on the floor and the blankets from your bed too. Seokjin’s legs languidly spread and bare, length brushing his navel, leaning back to watch and bark orders, As Namjoon whispers straight filth in Yoongi’s ear, and holds his arms down and to his sides. A strip of fabric tied around his eyes making him blind to the movement of your mouth between his thighs a mystery, sucking hickeys and hollowing out your cheeks around him to make his hips twitch and his chest heave.

- Seokjin makes a tisking sound, standing, to hold Yoongi’s hips down. “not yet- you still have a long while to go” Seokjin warns, Yoongi whines, looking strung out and already half wrecked. He can feel you smirk around him as his orgasm backs off from the threshold of tipping over.

- Seokjin takes a moment to wipe away the drool on Yoongi’s chin. “color?” he asks, always caring, always making sure the members of his pack are okay, even as he gasps around the sudden but slight intrusion of Namjoon’s fingers, and you continue mouthing along Yoongi’s length, not sucking, just teasing.

- “Green green green” he chants, tongue licking at his lips obscenely. Even as Seokjin leans forward to kiss him and gives you to go ahead to continue, a soft touch on the back of your head guiding you. It is hours before you let Yoongi cum, doing so with the taste of you on his tongue, spilling into you with a shout as Namjoon moves behind him.

- The four of you don’t actually see Jimin and the others again until Sunday night- the whole weekend gone by and the light hanging hazy in the afternoon when Hoseok finally calls sounding tired and a little bit embarrassed but you’re none the less happy to have him over, a little endeared that he felt the need to check and make sure it was still okay.

- All of them are hickeyed and sated and shy, but they’re too happy to see each other. Jungkook curling up near Namjoon and laughing punch drunk while Taehyung shadows a stumbly Jimin who looks like he hasn’t slept a wink all weekend, making sure he doesn’t trip over the steps or his own tail.

- The first thing Jimin says when he steps onto your back lawn is “need to cuddle, Yoongi and Y/n, now.” It’s pouty and an order, and he points a finger at Namjoon and Seokjin and says that they’re next- prompting giggles because of course cuddles are a threat. Tae cracks a boxy smile and goes to beg sweets off of Seokjin (which always works- because Seokjin’s soft spot is fluffy tiger hybrids who are so hungry that they eat whole boxes of girl scout cookies in one sitting)

- Jimin ends up tugging both you and Yoongi back over to Hoseok’s side onto Hoseok’s hammock, where the redhead doses in the sunlight, an arm over his eyes, his wet hair curling against his forehead after a much-needed shower. He grunts when Jimin chirps in hello, and suddenly sits when Yoongi helps you onto the hammock and Hoseok realizes that oh- you’re going to come on too, the swaying ness startling you a little.

- The hammock isn’t exactly big enough for four people but you make it work by having Jimin sit in between Yoongi’s legs. Jimin holds the other around his midriff his tail flicking this way and that. content to nuzzle into each other.

- The hammock also doesn’t allow for any distance- every time Hoseok tries to inch back and give you space, gravity pulls him right back snug against your side, and eventually he gives up, settling with his side up against yours, he’s too sleepy to roll back to the other side as exhaustion starts to truly settle in.

- Yoongi and Jimin are wrapped close enough in their little world that Hoseok is offered the rare pleasure of being able to look at you without being scrutinized by anyone. He falls asleep looking your hair is a little frizzy against the green fabric, and he murmurs to you half asleep, his eyes fluttering closed.

- Sore in more ways than one, he falls asleep easily, dimly aware of something soft tickling his cheek, and warm breath against his neck as he falls back asleep. He’s unsure when he wakes- or how much time has passed, all he knows is that when he opens his eyes, you’re the only two on the hammock, and his back yard is quiet and shadowed only the top of his roof yellow.

- It’s a little chilly without the sun but you make up for it with your head nestled close to Hoseok’s chest, forehead up against his soft cotton shirt, his arm around you and his other hand resting close to yours, your legs and feet in between his, Hoseok wonders if you can hear his heart pounding through his cotton tee-shirt, wonders if you can feel how he stiffens when he realizes how close you two are.

- In your time knowing each other- you’ve very rarely been totally alone and never for any long amount of time. Hoseok wants to reach out, hold you closer, but doesn’t know if you want him too. You haven’t- neither of you have ever broached knowing where this is headed, and suddenly the weight of that- feels like its going to pierce through the bottom of the hammock and toss both of you away from each other and onto the ground.

- Before Hoseok can do anything- whether it be pull you closer or push you farther away, you turn onto your back, and yawn, eyes fluttering awake, “Yoongi?” you ask, though you can tell by how it’s shifting that there is only one other person on the hammock with you, “they must have gone inside” Hoseok says, his low and sleep roughed. You mumble something and turn back towards him, returning your head to the position it was before.

- Hoseok decides you can definitely hear his heartbeat when you ask, “you okay?” “Yeah it’s just-” and maybe its because Hoseok is half asleep and you are too that he feels like he can say these things. “Do you ever wonder what kind of hybrid you’d be if you were one?”

- You nod against his sternum, “I’d be a cat definitely, you?” you ask, voice lilting and mirthful in a way that makes Hoseok’s chest light, his fingers play along your sides a little, making you shift in ticklishness, moving closer to him and he stops it after a moment.

- “Fox probably- though Tae called me a chipmunk the other day when i put too much popcorn in my mouth” you huff a quiet laugh at that, make a humming noise, eyes close again and lapse back into a comfortable silence. “Do you ever think this would be easier if we were hybrids?”

- “What do you mean?” you ask. Hope curling up at the edge of your mind.

- “I think it would be easier, if we were hybrids and could uhm- smell each other like them, like Jimin and Yoongi, and Jimin and Tae. That night when we came home from your house Tae just like- instantly knew what was wrong with Jimin and now that I’m thinking it, this would just be easier if we were like that too,” he sighs out the last word into your hair.

- Hoseok bites his lip, unsure for a moment before he breathes out, “They never have to guess what the other one is feeling. ”

- His hand pulling you a little more snug against him, you push back and rejection stings him for a moment before your hand finding the bottom of his jaw to skim across it- wow his jaw is a sharp you realize, you can feel the way his jaw tenses and rolls- not unlike the same movement you’ve felt Namjoon make when he’s concentrating,

- Hoseok is- Hoseok is absolutely glowing with this feeling in his chest, all his wanting hazy and unfocused but present as he sighs against your fingertips and feels your warmth around him, the only He thinks of that poem that Namjoon showed Hoseok on his phone last week- paint me in the soft focus fog of your tenderness, pull me from myself,

- You pause for a moment, muddling over Hoseok’s words, waking up a bit and thinking on his words through your haze of dreams, Hoseok is not a dream, he is solid and warm and soft, his arms around you, the embrace new but not foreign. You only start things so many times before you begin to recognize the pattern.

- “You don’t have to guess, I think we both know, and I think we’ve both known where this is headed for a while” you breath out, your breath tickling across Hoseok’s lips, his parting too, the hammock sways under you has Hoseok leans up on his elbow to hover over you a little and stare down.

- The moment is interrupted by the sudden appearance of Jungkook coming over to his side of the fence to get some more lemon thyme out of his garden as Hoseok leans forward, tilting up at the last moment to kiss your forehead a fleeting touch. “Oh you’re awake!” he cries flashing Hoseok that smile as he hops over. Your eyelids fluttering as Hoseok sighs and leans back, his hand still entwined with yours.

- “Dinner's almost ready and Seokjin’s making like- a super large amount of garlic bread Cuz like we all didn’t eat enough this weekend and he showed me how to do it and you gotta tell me if it’s any better than his Cuz we’re having a competition and-“ his foot thumps against the ground in excitement for food and he starts to walk away and then looks back when he realizes that neither of you are following him. “Well what are you waiting for?”

- Hoseok makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat then gets off the hammock, helping you off of it after a moment. Steadying you when you stumble with a hand on your waist.

- Jungkook talks a mile a minute as you file onto your side to find the others already set up for dinner. Jimin sitting to the side looking fidgety, sipping at some lemonade. Taehyung is quick to tell you that he stood up too fast and nearly fell over and has therefore had been banned from dinner preparations by Namjoon and Jin.

- Namjoon actually growls at him when he makes to stand and help carry the food onto the tables. Yoongi wonders out loud if they’ll ever all get used to these family dinners, making Hoseok laugh.

- And if anyone notices your and Hobi’s hands are linked at the Pinky on the way over and under the table throughout the entire dinner, no one says a thing.

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