#fearne needing to serve a function in protecting their love while she stands on the outside of great emotions is..

[yashley]

thinking about ashley’s insight on why fearne was so desperate to save imogen, that she couldn’t bear telling laudna they’d lost her, that she didn’t want to lose imogen’s use to the team against dangers, and while i find the way fearne has this tendency to bypass visceral emotions in favor of something’s functionality, (which is like god. of course that’s how fearne makes sense of emotions. though her parents loved* her so, they still used her entire existence transactionally for a favor, and while nana morri loved* her so, kept her as a part of her collection for her ruidusborn fey status; that’s what love is, right? fearne steals as morri steals but always with the intent of functionality; fearne trying to steal a coin or a pendant of a god, to use that power for later, and that’s the formula of love* that fearne understands while never having to be vulnerable to love), and i just really do wonder just how much of that compulsion for “functionality = importance = love” nurture really resonates with the nature of fearne.

fearne’s nurture dictating how she processes emotions is just so fascinating and yet heartbreaking because it’s like, yes she desperately wants to serve a function for the people she loves, she needs to be of value, otherwise she’ll deserve it when they leave her behind. but it’s just something to me that when her best friend asks something of her, lays a task at her feet, she doesn’t immediately take it, she grows quiet and promptly smooths that worry away so she doesn’t have to admit that this opportunity to be of use, this favor being asked of her, fearne can’t even hypothetically accept it… but how is that possible when that’s who* fearne* is*?

fearne never knowing deep, difficult emotions until she met the crown keepers and bells hells makes it easy to point at moments of great emotion for fearne (laudna’s death, imogen’s dream) and see the way she processes them right then right there than when she recontextualizes later against how emotionally vulnerable she was when it was happening. that ashley’s insight for fearne’s desperation to wake imogen was said to just be about wanting to preserve the precious relationship of other people and then potentially utilizing functionality of a team member’s power for later. that was the only driving force fearne was really valuing when she cried out for imogen to wake up.

yes, fearne sees imogen’s power and equates that to usefulness and that’s the sole motivation in keeping her safe. for them. that’s all. but then it’s the trembling way fearne speaks out that they shouldn’t let imogen go. because imogen… serves a function. they could use her one day. that’s what love is, right? that’s the only reason fearne can be so protective of her. an impulsive fey just cares about practicality. and if imogen needs someone to comfort her until fearne can get her back to laudna then of course that’s all it is. she just wants to see them. happy. that’s what she’s there for.

#imogearne #fearne needing to serve a function in protecting their love while she stands on the outside of great emotions is.. #you really want to see imogen safe and happy you really want her to have everything she possibly could #but emotions are far too much and you see how much imogen loves her so you have to do everything for her to keep that #apparently it’s not the intention at all but fearne coming off a little in love with imogen as imogen’s in love with laudna is.. #pike pining for percy yasha pining for beau fearne pining for.. all the while never rocking the boat. opting out #the I Need You Safe……. for her! heartbreak of it all got me maybe #thinking of fearne smiling thinking How Could I Be Sad? Look How Happy She Is as a single tear streaks down her face