#for so long i “had no internalised homophobia bcz it felt so natural and was never rlly portrayed as a bad thing” or whatever

[autistic-katara]

the urge to text him at 2am and tell him i love him nd then kill myself bcz im scared of his reaction

#stg i did not sign up for the internalised homophobia this crush has brought me #for so long i “had no internalised homophobia bcz it felt so natural and was never rlly portrayed as a bad thing” or whatever #but suddenly this happens and the moment i think of him in any way my brains like #“kys u fucking fag stop being a perv he probably knows nd is def uncomfortable as hell just be normal ffs” #LIKE BRO I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS #I THOUGHT ID BEEN SPARED #AT LEAST WHEN IT CAME TO SEXUALITY (genders its own thing) #BUT NO MY BRAIN IG SAW HOW MY BLORBOS REACTED TO THIS STUFF IN FANFIC AND UNIRONICALLY COPIED IT OR WHAYEVER #he’s literally gay too but i still feel gross as hell abt it yk #like when he IDed as aroace it made a bit of sense for me to feel like that but he’s literally into men yk- #idk i can’t fully explain it #ryan shut the fuck up