#forgive any errors i havent edited yet

[trickstarbrave]

actually i wanna post this part as a lil preview for moon and star bc ow pain

nerevar past life pain and house indoril being dicks

Nerevar could only stare in confusion, feeling like he had been bashed in the head all over again. 

He knew House Mora was known for the rumors of mixed blood, but he had assumed it was just that: rumors. Maybe some people were, that was obvious, but not Nerevar. Wouldn’t Nerevar know if he was? 

He held his head, one eye closed as he winced in pain, a memory long buried coming back. 

“What in oblivion are you even talking about?!” Nerevar shouted, his whole body shaking in rage. “Choosing someone else from House Indoril as the heir?!”

The elder from House Indoril wasn’t phased by his outburst, only looking at him with a slight glare of contempt over the fact he couldn’t control his emotions. House Indoril were the ones who ruled over law and religion after all, and took great pride in their measured reactions. Just another thing that separated Nerevar from them and made him feel like an outsider when he was supposed to be their king. 

“We just believe it would be for the best. After all, your relationship with Queen Almalexia is…” The elder looked aside briefly, “Detached.” The man finally settled on a word to describe it, still failing to fully encompass the complex relationship and struggles they had. “Not to mention the matter of your heritage--”

“What about my heritage?” Nerevar’s nostrils flared with anger, his mouth twisting into a scowl. The elder was nervous about his anger just as everyone was; Nerevar was known for his terrifying face, after all. His hands trembled slightly despite the brave, impassive face he put on in front of the king.

The elder heaved a deep sigh. 

“Control yourself, Hortator.” The mer replied. “We just don’t want the blood of men being mixed with the bloodline of House Indoril.” Nerevar’s face twisted even further in rage as his fist connected with the wall, making the stone crack. 

“What is wrong with my blood?!” Nerevar shouted. “This filthy mixed blood king is what liberated our people. It’s what slayed the damn nordic king. It’s what has brought us so many years of prosperity--” Nerevar’s whole body was trembling. “But now I’m too fucking filthy to mix with House Indoril?!”

Nerevar’s eyes darted to Almalexia who was still seated, looking to her for support. They didn’t have the most passionate marriage, sometimes arguing incessantly, but they always made peace at the end of the day. They were bound by oath to defend and support one another, after all. Yet, he couldn’t find any warmth in her golden eyes, instead meeting only a hardened wall that made him feel like all the wind had been knocked out of him. 

“Think of what is best for Resdaynia, Hortator.” The elder reminded him. “You don’t even enjoy visiting your queen’s bedchambers, this should be a relief to you.” 

A relief? Relief his ass. He gave a bark of angry laughter in response. He was king but couldn’t even put a child of his own on the throne. He couldn’t name his own offspring his god damn heir. How was he supposed to be relieved?! What was even the fucking point of making him king then if they would take this from him too? What was the point of closing off his heart and marrying a woman he didn’t love if he was going to be stuck in a childless marriage anyways?! He should have just taken the plunge and married Voryn--

No. He shouldn’t let his thoughts carry him that far. Voryn was a good friend, yes, and the long standing object of his affections, but romance was beyond what he could expect from the other mer. Gods dammit, Nerevar couldn’t even ask for romance from his own wife it seemed, why would Voryn be any different? No doubt Voryn saw him the same exact way as House Indoril did; House Dagoth also cared about blood purity after all, and were even more insular than Indoril. Voryn would just as likely scoff from his advances and laugh it off, saying that while Nerevar was a fine friend he would never bed someone who was half-nord, even if it was impossible for their union to produce a child.

The Hortator was good enough as a warlord, but as a lover or a husband? Not in the slightest. He only existed to rip people apart, not love and be loved. Voryn swore loyalty to him only because he knew Nerevar was the best mer to unite Resdayn with his strength and clever tongue. No more and no less for the pragmatic grandmaster of House Dagoth. Nerevar was good only as a weapon, not a lover, nor a loving spouse, nor a father either it seemed. All his hands were good for destruction; why did he expect anything less than being treated like a wild beast?

Nerevar continued to scowl as he turned on his heel, stomping toward the door. 

“Do as you fucking please then.” Nerevar growled. “Don’t expect me to ‘appreciate’ it though.” He gave one last look at Almalexia. “And don’t expect me to keep up appearances by going to your bedchambers either.” 

He slammed the door on his way out, ignoring the tears stinging his eyes.

#forgive any errors i havent edited yet #my writing #nerevar