#fyodor dostoesvky x y/n

[ashthemadwriter-archived]

Frustrated For You

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs Pairings: Fyodor X Fem!Reader Genre: Fluff, Comfort, Angst Format: Short Fic Warnings: Reader sitting on Fyodor's lap, not in a suggestive way Word Count: 0.8K A/n: I'm not falling for him I'm not falling for him I'm not falling for him- Dammit; I think I've fallen for him 🚶🏻‍♀️

The light sounds of turning pages was the only thing filling the room, and was the only reason you felt this miserable at the moment. Your eyes were located on the dark-haired man sitting farther on his chair with his back facing you, thinking when was he going to stop working and pay attention to you, who had been waiting for him since… how long? You didn't exactly recall, since you always lost track of everything once you became alone with him. Nobody could understand how you loved him this deeply, to the point that you were happily willing to give up on anyone and anything just to help him fulfil his goals, not even you yourself; but you did knew something,

That he definitely didn't plan on doing the same thing.

God you felt so stupid, always waiting around for him, thinking when would he finally take a glance at you. You hated how naïve and dumb you were, clinging onto him all the time, begging him to spend some time with you for a while, and it was never enough; not because you were asking for too much, but because the only thing he did was using you to his advantage, and then leaving you behind, broken. How could you expect anything more from him? You being so pure and unsophisticated was probably the reason he got attracted to you in the first place. You deserved more than that; more than being manipulated into doing things against your will, more than sitting in a dark, empty office at 3AM, hoping that maybe your busy boyfriend would spare you a glimpse, probably out of pity or worse, by accident. You hated how desperate you were for his attention. You hated how your cheeks heated up every time you spotted his eyes on yourself. You hated how the slightest touch of him sent shivers down your spin. You hated how your body ached for him, and you hated how he never satisfied your cravings. You hated that all you could think about was how you wanted him to cage you between his arms, squeezing you as hard as he was able to as you melted from the inside. You hated this. You hated him. Unlike him who was rigorously concentrating on whatever he was reading, your expression was blank; staring at him for a long time without even blinking, like you were some type of statue. You kept telling yourself how much you loathed him, and how much you loathed yourself for being this frustrated for someone like him; but deep down, very deep down, you knew it was a lie; another lie you told yourself, just to keep your dignity from breaking any further. You knew it was nothing but some meaningless words you told yourself to maybe feel a little bit better, but it was all a lie, because you were aware of his condition. You could tell how pale his skin had became, after days of nonstop working without taking a bit of a rest, how he always had dark circles under his eyes in in the morning, and how he nearly fainted doing the tiniest bit of physical activity. Maybe he was suffering as much as you were, but he was just a pro at keeping it all to himself, thinking it's better this way for the both of you. Maybe he cared for you, more than you could ever imagine; or else there would never be a reasonable explanation for how you always woke up covered in a blanket after falling asleep waiting for him at the office. Just… how much complicated and mysterious could he be already…? You slowly got up, walking toward the man you adored with your whole life. The sound of your gentle footsteps made Fyodor raise his head a bit to see why you were attempting to distract him from work as you usually did, but he was surprised when he felt your hands on his shoulders, depending on them to make place for yourself on his lap.

"Myshka?…" You didn't answer to his call. Instead, you wrapped you arms around him like your life depended on it, inhaling his addictive scent as your tears found their way to your cheeks. His body tensed a little bit from your sudden arrival, but relaxed in advance, once he got used to the delightful warmness of your small figure curled up on his lap. Your fingertips slowly running around his skin felt so nice, making butterflies fly in his stomach. "I'm sorry, Fedya… I'm really sorry…" I'm sorry for falling this hard for you, to the point that I want our souls to become sole. It was a matter of time when you felt his right hand delicately holding your waist, slightly drawing unmeaningful patterns. His only relief was that you couldn't see how much of a blushing mess you made him to be, since your face was buried in the crook of his neck. You planted a small, but affectionate kiss on his temple, pressing yourself to his chest wishing everyday would end in something like this. If only time could stop when I buried myself into you… Your negative or maybe substantive thoughts could never matter at all; as long as you get to be stuck with a glorious mess, like him.

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