#genuinely i forgot that that was a thing written on every teen blog years ago

[happylittledoorbells]

five minutes into the ep and i choked on my drink

welcome to my twisted mind...

#genuinely i forgot that that was a thing written on every teen blog years ago #i welcome this blast from the past even as it took me right out of the horror and straight into cackling #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #i think this is probably vague enough it does need the spoiler tag but the ep is new so it gets it anyway

[mentalisttraceur]

Y'all ever get just like, very jealously possessive of your followers?

No? Hopefully not, hopefully you don't have my emotional damage.

I, however, am blessed with the hell of occasionally slipping into a state of being validated/"fed" by a follower and attached to having them that way, so then seeing them interact with any blog I don't see as basically part of a very loyal-to-me/aligned-with-me in-group causes me to instantly emotionally be... like:

No. Bad. Wrong. Angry. Why would you betray me like this? How could you let them influence you? Tainted. Cannot trust again. At least not until proven that my influence is strictly stronger and takes precedence. Maybe I can scrub it out of you? What post or private interaction can I do to scrub it out of you!? How do I make you cleanly exclusively mine again? Why do you not see their errors and flaws? I do not like that you don't see how much Worse they are! (You might as well be on their side now. Part of their tribe. *shudder* Theirs. You will side with them. You will eagerly give them what I want or need from you, but not me, especially not if you had to pick. In the end you will go with them over me. I cannot trust you to do otherwise in any time that it actually matters to me.)

...

I think it's time to acknowledge that I actually have two root insecurities. The one I've already identified years ago and wrote about extensively, summarized as "when others are wrong, I am not safe", and what I've written out in that parenthetical above.

I think for a long time I kinda convinced myself that the latter only mattered because of the former... Or I just forgot about it in the focus on my other issues. But the latter truly does stand alone.

Because even without any of the wrong -> unsafe learned predictions/fear, it's there. My desire/need to bond is more fundamental/primal than assessment of wrongness or rightness. It craves the satisfaction of having people who I like and want reliably on my side and available for what I want with them, and it doesn't give a fuck if the person getting that instead is righter or better in every way so there's no unsafety.

In fact, it hates that. When someone isn't in wrong, not in any way at all, that is was the one thing that kept it from the only angle of resolution it had available for most of my life, due to

lack of genuine deep confidence (until very recently I did not believe/know I could be so attractive, good in the relevant ways, and earning of love/loyalty that I don't even need to worry about losing to others to the point of being left unfulfilled), and due to

me not permitting any of my selfish and unempathetic cognition any room to move for like a decade, since as a teen I went hard into being an ethics sperg to supply my narcissism needs through the moralistic path until just... like five years ago (which left no self-acceptable way to win except ethical merit or stuff compatible with it, which of course required pushing my ethics values/rules onto everyone else in the unacknowledged motivation to beat them at my own game instead of whatever actually made them more appealing than me to others).

Anyway, I guess I'm finally ready to see it this way, because I've worked through all the other pieces. I have embraced and integrated and accepted the all the selfish and not-empathetic-enough stuff in me as valid parts of the whole that I should let influence things, so I am free of the internal hard-line stuff that was getting in the way of even seeing myself clearly. But more importantly, I now have the confidence, I have the axiomatic self-worth core and the evidence that I can indeed get everything I want.

#my root insecurity #mentalisttraceur personal #moralistic narcissism #ethics #sperg

[fortunatelylori]

❤️ Hi. I am so sorry for bothering you. I was wondering why Theo James hasn't been nominated for the best actor yet? It's beyond my understanding. How do you think, why? Because I think he made Sanditon a hit as well. He is a Treasure.

Hey!

You could never bother me with Sanditon related questions. Talking about this show has become pretty much a regular part of my life at this point. lol

I’m not sure what you meant by being nominated for best actor … I checked online and I couldn’t find any news about Sanditon nominations. I am curious if this show and/or any of its cast are going to be nominated for the Baftas or the Emmies but that’s going to be a conversation for 2020. Given the lighter tone of the show, I tend to think it won’t garner much critical acclaim. Not in the way Downton Abbey did. But I hope I’m wrong because I genuinely think the show has great storytelling, acting and production values. 

Now, speaking in general, I’d like to point out that award nominations/wins are not indicative of an actor’s talent. Case and point: Gary Oldman is considered one of the greatest actors in film history and, arguably, the most naturally gifted. He is among the top choices of actors most actors say they admire and want to emulate. It took him 36 years of consisted brilliant work to win an Oscar. On that note, Glenn Close still hasn’t won one. 

Being nominated and winning awards is a political business. Your image matters, the topic of the film you’re nominated for matters (playing in a film about the Holocaust or playing a gay character when you’re straight are tried and tested Oscar formulas), the company that produces the film matters as does the people that represent you. 

This is a bit off topic but I’d recommend to anyone interested in the film industry and award events to check out this video talking about the success of Miramax and Harvey Weinstein, known as the King of the Oscars until he became the King of the Disgusting Underbelly of Hollywood: 

Coming back to Theo James … Simply put he hasn’t had the type of role in a big enough production to catch the awards eye. This doesn’t make him less of an actor, just a non-nomoinated one. lol

He has won 2 Teen Choice Awards and  a People’s Choice Award for his part in Divergent. And that’s the only thing I will say might work against him.

Staring in a teen franchise like Divergent is tricky business because on the one hand it gets you lots of exposure. On the other it also makes people think you’re not a “serious” actor. And he’s not the only one that has to deal with that. Robert Pattison struggled with it (and still does), Jaime Doran probably made the biggest mistake of his career with 50 shades and so on.

I’ll tell you a funny little Divergent story and then I’ll finish off: I actually saw Divergent in theaters. I was working for a on-line cinema magazine and we regularly got invites to film premieres. I wrote a pretty bad review of Divergent in which I did mention, however, that I thought Theo James was very charismatic and quite effective in a poorly written part.

And yet … every time the opportunity to watch one of his films came up afterwards, I dismissed him with the “Oh, he’s the guy form Divergent” because the bad storytelling stuck in my mind more than his performance (not his fault; it’s just not a good film).

Sanditon has made eat some much needed humble pie. Theo James is fantastic and Sanditon is lucky to have him, nominations or no nominations. 

Edit: Thank you guys for posting about the National awards. I think I blogged something about it a few days ago but I completely forgot. I went and I voted. :) 

#sanditon #theo james