#guys i actually cannot stop thinking about oda and dazai someone save me PLEASE. the day i picked up dazai ruined my fucking life

[lotus-pear]

do you ever think about how in the day i picked up dazai side b dazai had to lie emotionless and soulless—like a corpse, almost—beside the man that gently brought him in, nursed his injuries, held him while he was in pain? he had to keep those suffocating bandages around his entire face, lest this man gain some sort of recognition for the little boy he saved. he had to lay there curled in the fetal position, bleeding and in pain, perhaps thinking about how, in another life, this man cooked for him, tried to build up his strength. read to him to pass the time while he curled up against him like a child listening to a bedtime story. played cards with him. saw through the heartless mafioso. the ruthless killer. and instead saw a boy.

imagine knowing this man, the man who saved you in more ways than one, was going to die one day all because he knew you. because he reached his hand into the darkness and plaintively, like a small child wanting a parent's touch, you grasped back desperately. imagine thinking all of that while that man is just a stone's throw away, making coffee in the next room just like he used to for you in another life. the scent, although you've never been here before, is reminiscent of home. and the tune he's humming? it's the silent melody that plays through your mind seven years later, for the last time as you fall backward off the building with your arms out like an embrace. but, hey. that man is alive. he's happy, although he never knew you. you can die with no regrets.

#guys i actually cannot stop thinking about oda and dazai someone save me PLEASE. the day i picked up dazai ruined my fucking life #dazai makes me so fucking miserable every time i see him in beast i just start fucking sobbing #absolute TRAGEDY of a character #he was fucking fifteen in this. and he knew the entire time. he knew oda would die. before even meeting him #bsd #the day i picked up dazai #ermmm found this in my drafts and i wanted to post it sorry guys i sound emo asf