#had for various reasons a huge anxiety attack yesterday and kept digging my nails into one of my thumbs in

[thisisadecisionimayregret]

hm.

#delete later #had for various reasons a huge anxiety attack yesterday and kept digging my nails into one of my thumbs in #what i should probably admit is self harm #uh #self harm tw #and i didnt bleed like i had wanted to at the time but i did still manage to fuck up my skin there and #now here i am with Consequences of My Actions and trying to do what i need to do today is very daunting when my thumb hurts like this #its been rough since yesterday when the anxiety attack happened. i've slept like. 12 hours and still feel alternately tired and stressed #i just. ugh. one moment youre going to an art museum and then before you know it youre sobbing in the museum bathroom #having done sth you said you'd never do again Years ago. and yeah it wasnt as serious an action as it had been years ago #(which. if we're being honest. the fact it wasnt 'as serious' and could be passed off as not being a conscious action is part of #why i didn't stop myself sooner) #but it still hurts and it still feels like such a loss of progress and healing i've done for so long #and now we're pretending everything is Fine cause i dont want to upset my roommate with this or make them like. feel guilty or anything #and i want to move past how last night went for me and how awful my first trip to that museum was and guess what #my stupid actions means my thumb is right there hurting and reminding me of everything that went wrong. #anyway. i think the next museum trip i make will be made on my own #samantha talks