#hahahhahha who would have thought that avoiding going to a therapist for years would suddenly make it

[woosansang]

.

#jazzy talks #delete later #hahahhahha who would have thought that avoiding going to a therapist for years would suddenly make it #extrmeley difficult for you to go back to a therapst hey #how does one even do therapy i dont remember #like hi hello nice to meet you i dont even know whats wrong with me half the time but sometimes i go mute and i think i have autism and #and ive been having a gender crisis for about three years also i want to date girls but dont want to talk to people #and i dont know if i actually had a crush on someone who lives on the other side of the world of if im just that lonely that ill make up #feelings but also every day that goes by when i dont speak to them i feel strange like not sad but i just want to talk to them #or anyone but also i dont want to talk to anyone lol how does tjat work #and i sort of hate my job but i sort of love it sometimes and im way too scared of change to move schools but i dont think #i can survive another year and a half at this school #also someone i havent seen in a few years told me yesterday that i look like ive lost weight which i have #but i drink like an australian and ive started snacking constantly again and i know that's going to reserve everything i worked so hard for #and i am self aware enough to know this yet i cant seem to stop lol #im moving out with my sister and her bf in a few months and idk if thats just going to make me realise even more how lonely i am #with my three and a half irl friends who never make the time to see me #who all tapped out of my birthday party bc they were tired or busy or whatever #when my sister and her bf want to do things without me i feel sad except thafs their relationship not mine #so instead i live on tumblr and photoshop and do badically nothing else for days in a row until the two of them want to do smth with me #im not improving in one of my dance classes and want to drop out of that class #and the dance class i teach is horible sometimes and also makes me want to stop taking them #i work at least an extra working day every single week if not more which is basivally seven days a week #and i want to use my money to travel and do things but the idea of taking that much time off work makes me feel #almost as anxious as actually going to work every day #i want to call my friends but i cant #i want to text my mutuals but i cant #i want to go to sleep but i cant stop thinking about whats going to happen tomorrow #where does the part come where you actually start living instead of just getting through the day bc its been like this for too many years #and i am just tired of it. i am so tired of it yet im going to do exactly nothing to fix it. sigh.