#hard to blame lark when everyone knows making bad decisions is in his nature | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kaseyskat · 1 year

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hi good morning everyone today i am going to talk about henry oak.

henry, through the course of s1, goes through a massive arc of self-discovery. he also takes some of the worst beatings of any of the dads, arguably, with very little time to process some of these hits in comparison. part of that is the oak family tradition of burying negative emotions until they come out by force, but part of it is also henry and his themes of blaming himself viciously for things that are completely out of his control- because he was raised to think that everything that goes wrong in his life is because he wasn't good enough.

"nyx, what do you mean?" lets look at the fucking pyramid. look at me and tell me who of the dads suffered the most from that pyramid. henry. it breaks my heart that henry both blames himself the most and so do the other dads? when it was just another thing out of his control. between sparrow getting stabbed in the fight and lark actually getting buried by said pyramid, henry had the most to lose and maybe that's why he blames himself so hard: those were his kids who snowballed this fight, he takes responsibility for them because before the events of faerun, taking responsibility for the actions of his kids is all he knows how to do when they're misbehaving.

and thus starts this mentality from henry: someone in the party makes a mistake, and henry blames himself just as equally, even if it wasn't something within his sphere of control. again, this makes SENSE given what we know of his childhood- barry spent years hammering it into henry's head that if he couldn't be perfect, everything bad to him was his fault. he could be better, could be greater, could make a difference. every single thing he couldn't do was a flaw on his own end, and like... i feel like barry's parenting of henry tends to be overlooked a lot when discussing henry's character and also how he ends up parenting lark and sparrow. barry was overbearing, so henry is lax. barry was hyper critical and judgemental, so henry established very quickly that he would never be harsh, never be mean, never overstep. and the lack of boundaries he gives his kids is a parenting style i personally heavily disagree with, but given what we know of henry and his examples of fatherhood, it makes sense. it feels hard to fault him too hard when we see the other dads go through this as well- being the opposite of your father to a fault, two different extremes.

what gets me. so bad? about this? is that at every turn, henry is punished for trying to be better. beyond just losing the twins when he would've punished them for the stunts in neverwinter. beyond learning new truths about himself and fighting his father and never having the emotional space to recover from that - yes, i will forever be a little salty about the timing of deck picks, because it takes away most of henry's agency and he doesn't get the opportunity to process any of the fight before getting swept away in the deck and then right into glenn's arc. and even with the deck; glenn would've gone to the trial anyways, which means the only person the deck actually hurt? that affected him in the long run? was henry. and then, with the gloves: it kills me, it KILLS ME!!! that henry's decision to step up on his parenting game, be a little stricter and give his kids hard boundaries, finally start trying to mend the broken edges his own father left him with and be a better father. IS PUNISHED! IN THE LONG RUN! it's natural that a kid with loose rules will get angry when those rules are actually enforced, but oh my god i think i will forever be angry at anthony for using the rogue card to inflict this very, "you wanted to be better? suck it! now your kid hates you!" mentality by making lark specifically angry at henry for trying to be better and then never resolving it.

when i say henry was doomed by the narrative, this is what i mean. he suffers and suffers and every step to become better just ends up hitting him in the face. and still he tries. still he pushes on. and i think this is kind of why i disagree with the more popular post-s1 henry takes: it's pretty easy to get attached to the twins and then try to paint henry as the reason why each twin has their issues. lark is angry? henry has done him wrong. sparrow has no self-esteem? henry neglected him. but both of these concepts involve the idea of henry being overbearing like he was pre-s1, and that actively contradicts the father henry was trying to be during the season and denies him the chance to get better, and i really, really don't like that!

henry angers easily, but he swallows it down until it bubbles over. henry finally is allowing himself to feel negative emotions as they hit him, because despite what the narrative paints, he has learned! that it's unhealthy! he knows he fucked up with the twins by not giving them boundaries in the past, so why would he keep doing that? why do we as a fandom believe that darryl managed to salvage his relationship with grant and ron stepped up to become the emotionally available stepfather we all wanted him to be, but henry has to not learn from his mistakes for the sake of the twins and their characterization?

it really gets to me. from what we've seen briefly and what we know henry is like - and what we know sparrow is like too, he does a lot of things in a very henry manner when it comes to parenting normal - he is not overbearing. he is not neglectful. he is maintaining a boundary. he will not overstep because he loves his twins so desperately but also knows if he pushes too hard they'll hate him. so he keeps himself distant. he gives lark space. space, and the grace to make his own decisions: boy doesn't that sound familiar? (it's the same logic sparrow uses with normal: sparrow learned it from somewhere). and that is why their relationship never mends: because lark wants henry to hate him for his decisions, so he keeps lashing out, intentionally trying to provoke henry into admitting he doesn't love lark anymore: and it fails, because henry is loving and he is forgiving and he will not let himself overstep but he also will always be there for his sons. sons, plural, because sparrow too ends up distant: not because henry is neglecting him, but because sparrow chose lark. sparrow internalized henry's "love your brother first" very hard, and that immediately puts him at odds with his father too: because he can't reach for henry without "betraying" lark, so he pulls himself away. the most he can do is try to assure henry that lark doesn't mean what he's saying when lark is poking at henry's defenses and henry takes it, takes the insults and the jabs and the "why aren't you better"s and accepts them. henry already knows this after all: it all goes back to his childhood. to barry. and that destroys me.

TLDR: i think both the narrative of the show and we the fandom tend to do henry some major disservices outside of his relationship with the other dads, and i say this as a major sparrow apologist! was his parenting perfect? no. but his entire arc is about accepting that you can't be perfect and sometimes things happen outside your control and it's not your fault so all you can do is hold onto the people around you and keep your heart open. and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can appreciate both henry and the twins more: after all, as i stated, sparrow is going down a very similar path with normal, and i for one am very, very excited for it.

#god this was so long im so sorry i just had SO MANY FEELINGS #dndads #dungeons and daddies #henry oak #shoutouts to cal btw: we went on big tangents last night which really helped me fine tune my thoughts #i simply think that people give henry SUCH a hard time #when he has one of the most tragic arcs in the show

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