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knowledge-eutopia · 4 years

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undfnditz-blog · 7 years

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09.05.17 Journal

Here I am. Two for two. It always seems like Monday has to be my reset, and I do well up until Friday, and then the weekend just ruins me. I’ve got to check that. This week’s challenge is to do my best to avoid the reset process. Stay consistent all week long.

I liked yesterday. I was just about to be hard on myself, but I have to acknowledge all I got done. It was Labor Day - surprise - and I spent it at home all day organizing myself for this next month. I emailed my parents about a loan to start an Online Digital Marketing Certificate. I created a daily Social Media Marketing To-Do List for myself as well as documents to record and track my progress. I began going through my notes but that was later on in the day and I was running out of steam. That was my one point I was going to start reprimanding myself. I didn’t take up too much time avoiding what I wanted to do, but instead when I needed a break I relaxed and worked on something a little less demanding and soothing to my organizational pleasures - going through my emails. I mean, it needs to be done, but I only went through the easy ones to digest, so hey - it was something, but it just left the dirty work for later.

This morning I’m going to start with the dirty work first, to save myself the future trouble of having to do it later. Don’t worry you, I got this one. Taking it for the team. It’s also another day off for me to get things done. I do plan on meeting people later on to play some board games because I’m a fun one, but I want to get there a couple hours earlier to read some of my marketing books. Oh yeah! I bought $160 dollars worth of marketing books. I think I said that yesterday.

Quick look. Yep! I guess I journaled after I woke right up and get to it. I’m definitely a morning person. If I can get right up and set my focus on some things, I can really get stuff done. So far I’ve done yoga today and that felt great, and I also cleaned the house and played with my cats, and that’s a major item off my to-do list. The most important want.

I’m going to fast today. I think I want to do that to really give my body a second to recover. I’ve discovered a pretty clear gluten sensitivity in my body and I’m also lactose intolerant so guess what I ate a whole bunch of in the last 4 days? THat’s a problem I have a really hard time staying aware of - dietary choices. Really, anything that gets offered to me I say yes to and I don’t really take a second to pause and question if it’ll be a good idea to have it. As soon as it’s offered, if even I don’t really care for it, my brain just switches on and says “I WANT IT” and I never feel guilty about it, there’s just nothing in me that’s really fighting for something otherwise.

Here’s what I want - I want to tone up, and bulk up. I have a good body that I’ve put a lot of exercise into - albeit half assed - but it’s still resulted in a nice package. I see it in the mirror. I’ve just got a layer of fat in the way that isn’t that ridiculous but it sets me at like 18% body fat or something. SoI have this layer all around me of fat that I don’t really want there. I’m a perfectionist. I just touch it all a time. It’s a fixation. I want to stop fixating. I feel my hips and I squeeze the fat and feel the frame underneath and I want to be closer to it. I want to just feel more of me and see more of me when I look in the mirror. I mean, I guess that’s an unhealthy outlook to disassociate the fat as a different part of me that doesn’t make up the whole. Fat is essential and it’s there for survival. But I’m not an animal on the run, I don’t need fat stores. I’m safe, secure, and well groomed. I have every capacity to get to where I want to be physically, it’s just a long term excursion that I’m definitely not built for.

I don’t do well long-term unless there’s some external force that creates structure that’ll keep me in line for that long. That’s why I definitely need to find a marketing job fast and that’s why I probably should join a gym. Paying for a gym makes me go to one. I definitely don’t waste the money. I know myself enough to plan to go to the gym 5 days a week because I like to do overkill in planning and preparation just so that I can flake out one or two of those days and end up with 3 to 4 days at the gym. Or sometimes, I don’t at all and then I feel really good and also really sore. I may sign up with Planet Fitness because my friend’s signed up for one right now and it’s only $10 a month, but it’s also 9 minutes away and for the exhaustion that I’m going to feel during it, I can’t have it be that far away. I may stop by the YMCA on my way to read. I think I’ve just set myself on that right now. I just wish it were 24 hours. The only time I have to go to the gym is either really early or really late. I just don’t like people, so I’d prefer less of them around while I make myself look like an idiot. I just had a daydream of going to the gym and I’m definitely in a place to want to really just go there whenever I could to meditate and pump. I heard someone else liked going to the gym while listening to audio books and I’m SOOOOO there for that. You have no idea. This could be the new me y’all.

So yeah, for today - I’m going to do the hard work and go through all of my notes, then I’m going to do some Social Media Management for my channels and try some scheduling apps, I’m going to pay rent on my way to check out the YMCA that’s 2 minutes from me, then be at the coffee shop around 2 or 3pm to just sit and read for 3 to 4 hours and enjoy some learning and edumacation for a bit before I game it up. Then when I come back home I just want to go through more of my emails and look at all the marketing blog subscription emails that are piling up. I’m someone who usually is obsessive and compulsive about checking notification and right now I have about 350 emails that have gone unchecked. It’s been a good test of my character to be relaxed about it but also I’d rather stop being tested and just fix it, so I will.

Thanks for another great day of journaling. I like the time spent here and I will take these lessons with me as I go. Today, the thing to stay cognizant of is that I’m doing something that I love that will take me places that I really want to go, so enjoy it, and know it’s the start of something good. Always fresh, always new, always beginning. And then, maybe one day, I’ll end up where I wanted to be.

#gymmotivation #hardworkfirst #preparation #keepatit #todolist

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