Tumgik
About
Privacy Policy
Removal Request
Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Fun Fact
Tumblr has been banned in Indonesia for providing people with access to pornographic content.
#has simply blocked and not brought back after a social media blackout; i've stayed. i genuinely believe he wants to be friends and i am
drowning-in-neon
·
2 years
Text
yeah it’s another vent in the tags post sorry lmao ill try and spam reblog stuff to make up for it
#vents
#i've just been missing a lot lately. like. memories and places and people and shit.
#i really miss my cat
#but i also miss seph (name changed for privacy) like. a lot. and that's almost worse than missing my cat
#because at least with her; yeah of course i miss her and it's normal even if it sucks ass but with seph; missing them is almost worse
#because i also end up so pissed off that i miss them because jesus christ. i love them so godamn much and things aren't the way they used to
#be; which is arguably a good thing - they've grown so much and have come so far and are living their best life and i'm happy for them
#for that; but despite still seeming to want to be friends they don't feel the way they used to for me and they are allowed not to but it
#fucking hurts like hell to be the one who still loves him so goddamn much and somehow be unable to get over it. like. i want to get over him
#so bad; so i can just let myself be friends with him without all sorts of little things reminding me of the pain but nothing seems to work
#i've tried going on dates with other people and just generally trying to see other people; i've tried journaling and i've tried all sorts of
#shit and nothing works. and i can't bring myself to step away either because like. one i don't think it's gonna work because even
#though seph has BPD spells where he splits and blocks everyone on social media - sometimes for months on end - it never
#helped; i still felt exactly the same after a separation like that. so even that doens't work and even if it did work i wouldn't want to do
#it because i'm just. i'm afraid i'll lose them. i'm afraid thta one of these separations; whether by him or by me; it'll be the last time
#hell i just went to instagram and found out that his account was private and i somehow wasn't following him anymore so i'm assuming i just
#missed another split. but he genuinely seems to want to stay friends; if only for the fact he always comes back. despite how many people he
#has simply blocked and not brought back after a social media blackout; i've stayed. i genuinely believe he wants to be friends and i am
#okay with that; i want that too; i don't want to imagine a world that he isn't in. but it hurts. i don't try and force it because that's
#fucked up but even so; it's hard to let myself enjoy a friendship when i'm still heartbroken that it isn't the same connection we used to
#have. i wish i could just forget but i can't; every time i think i've gotten over him; every time i think 'oh hey i havent been
#in much pain about seph lately; i think i've finally moved on hell yeah' my stupid brain is like SYKE lmao you dumbass you really thought
#you were done? nope every little fucking thing reminds you of him and it's gonna still hurt because like. fuck you that's why
#and some nights i just can't stop thinking about all the littlest damn things. the way he took a greyhound nine hours just to come visit me
#in person for the first time after we connected so deeply on fucking faecbook dating of all places; the way we were so awkward
#sitting at a booth in a pizza and bar combo place that night; the way he would tease me about how i tasted like castor oil because i was
#trying to solve a bad case of chapped lips but even so he couldn't stop kissing me; the way his eyes sparkled every time he got passionate
#about music; sitting at his feet while he wrote a short poem in golden marker on my brand new guitar
#and it. it just hurts. and i wish it was the way it used to be. but i also don't because he's so much healthier now. i guess i just wish i
#could have the good stuff but not keep the bad. i dunno. it just hurts. i miss him so fucking much and i hate it.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
dryhgfyjn
Dt
griffsin
we're legends
ukcameraclub1
Untitled
dharmaphoto
Dharma Photographer
limitiv
【LIMIT░IV】