#he straight up said he didn't like the movies and was tired of the shakespeare speak etc | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

goongiveusnothing · 10 months

Text

so my policeman came up on my streaming service the other day and i figured it's now so far out from when it was released that i could watch it with fresh eyes and let me just say, this is a fucking terrible movie.

first thing is, everything about this movie is a tired cliche. from the opening scene where we see old people staring at younger photos of themselves, old timey music singing about nostalgia, flashback sequences, the whole thing felt like a special flashback episode of a soap opera tv series.

i remembered that the reviews had mentioned that the whole premise of harry's character getting married to corrin's while having this gay affair and that it seemed unnecessary and cliched. when reading those reviews i was a bit confused and gave the author and writers of this movie leeway because this was in the 60s so obviously gay guys were more likely to settle down with women and fake being straight while having affairs.

but having watched it i totally get what they meant, because the entire premise of this movie with harry deciding to make this a threeway relationship and get married made absolutely no sense. it would've been way more interesting for harry's character to already be married and then to catch dawson's character in the act of something and then become fascinated and obsessed with him in that way. anything to make these relationships to feel urgent and interesting. there didn't feel like any real pressure for him to do all of this. no pressure from his family, no pressure from the policing agency, nobody almost catching them forcing him to need to do this. once again, instead of creating urgency or a genuine reason to care about this dilemma, it came across forced and stupid and you just didn't care about it, because why should you.

also his whole interest in art and how they first meet feels really dumb. like i said, it would've been way more interesting for them to meet because dawson was caught with dudes or committing some type of offense. but having them sort of know each other casually because he's a cop even though his character obviously hates cops and then they start talking about art is just boring. why not have harry's character be interested in art and be pursuing it on his own and making mistakes and not really knowing what he's doing and maybe he then meets dawson and then sees him in an art class or vice versa. have this interest feel real. have harry's interest in him feel like something he's needed for a while. every piece of this story could've been made more compelling and instead we got the most trite unbelievable narrative instead.

harry styles is a terrible actor. when i saw people describe him as "just being there" in a scene i assumed they meant that he was sort of a background presence and didn't detract from the air in a scene, but he fucking punches the oxygen out of every scene we see him in. it's like he gives every scene covid oxygen depletion. i cannot believe there's anyone who gave him any positive reviews on his acting. he has zero screen presence. zero charisma. he's a vacant black hole of personality. there's no body language, no facial expressions, you will find soap opera actors who give more and feel more tempered when they're walking in the background of a scene than in this.

but the absolute worst thing about him is his voice acting. he reads scripts like the kids in class would read out shakespeare when they could barely read. it's all just chunks of dialogue and there's zero emotion, zero passion, zero nuance. he says everything in the same flat way. he is a fucking disaster of an actor. so many moments that were meant to be serious and you have to laugh because he's so fucking diabolical. that first blowjob scene between them where harry says "i don't know what's happening" just fucking hilarious. i cannot believe it's possible to say those words in a supposed passionate tense sexy encounter where we're meant to feel propelled into their chemistry and he's sounding like a child called up in class to explain quadratic equations. every romantic scene in this movie is a disaster when you can see his face and hear his voice. everything becomes hilarious. that other scene of him being drunk and yelling. it's all so fucking goofy. "don't. please". how did anyone on set just let these things keep happening?

HARRY IS A TERRIBLE KISSER. we've seen him giving three major kisses so far in public or onscreen and they're all fucking terrible. the first kiss he gives here is that weird face devouring one. it's like he thinks trying to demonstrate huge passion will create sexual chemistry and a beautiful onscreen relationship. instead he's like some alien character trying to deskin other living beings. and that would've been a way more interesting movie. the first sex scene in bed and he does his face devouring thing. he doesn't let kisses build up, he doesn't let this seem shy or timid or awkward, he doesn't know how to engage and respond and flow with the other person which we saw too with emrata, it's just full on face devouring and this rapid passionate stuff that doesn't feel like it goes with the vibes of the characters or scene. the kisses are always about him and him acting like he's trying to win some type of contest. the other person barely exists to him. it's another moment where you either cringe or laugh.

i also get why all the reviewers critiqued his queerbaiting in general in this and how it perhaps explains why he's incapable of showing any undercurrent or complexity or turmoil or second layer to his character in any of this. there's absolutely no credibility to the idea he relates to this character or to any part of this storyline. he really doesn't even pretend to struggle in this movie. you never feel any sort of complexity or yearning or undercurrent. this man just walked into the scenes every day and sat there and got paid and went home. the fact he thought and was told by so many people he could become a famous actor is symptomatic of how nothing fucking matters anymore in society. your connections and industry swagger is all that people need.

anyway, it's not a good movie. don't know why anyone even took part in it outside of the value they knew it had in queerbaiting harry's fans. i also get why none of his fans even obsesses or talks about it to this day the way people did with great movies like call me by your name or other queer tv shows. there's nothing about this movie that any normal person would ever rewatch again or feel interested or in love with these relationships or characters.

#harry styles #my policeman #actorry #EGOTist

19 notes · View notes