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#he's literally the man condemned to death that myshkin talked about
viiinz
·
25 days
Text
everyday I think about him (Ippolit Terentyev)
#idk why of all characters he's the one that has left such an impression on me but oh boy
#it's been over a year since I've read his 'explanation' and everything that followed and it hasn't left my mind since
#ippolit terentyev
#the idiot
#god all he wanted was some sympathy and recognition
#and they just make fun of him
#literally all this boy wants is to be taken seriously and no one does
#they either laugh at him or beg him to shut up
#because his vulnerability and the fact that he's dying makes them so uncomfortable
#and he's so ashamed as well over his own vulnerbility
#that even when people aren't laughing at him he'll imagine they are
#and people blame him for being self absorbed?? like of course he is!!
#he's EIGHTEEN and DYING
#this is a teenager who's just come to the realisation that he has no agency over his life whatsoever
#and that all that awaits him are the cruel laws of nature
#he has a right to be upset about that
#he's literally the man condemned to death that myshkin talked about
#and yes he's ridiculous and awkward and not always right and incoherent and all that
#and he can really be insufferable and contemptuous and unfeeling towards others
#and even the state he's in doesn't really serve as an excuse for that
#yet i feel bad for him
#and he's such a teenager too he's so insecure and just wants to impress the people around him
#and yes he's doing it for attention
#of course he wants attention
#can you blame him??
#all he wants is to be heard
#to feel like his life mattered
#but instead everyone's just begging him to shut up
#like they're just waiting for him to kick the bucket so the uncomfortable ordeal can be over with
#sorry i just have a lot of thoughts about Ippolit and I'm being very incoherent because i didn't plan on typing all this lol
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