you never know what someone is going through. for instance i didnt know i was going through anything until about 2 years later. i thought i was just chilling
speaking of siblings thinking about how agonizing it is that violacesario deliberately dresses like she remember sebastian as doing, knowing they look practically identical. like can you imagine how insane it must be to have lost a sibling and then look in the mirror and see him perfectly reflected back at you every day. to grieve your brother while also being him?? oaugh.
If you want to be the kind of person who would do something, then just do it, and you'll be that kind of person. There are no pure personality archetypes for you to fall into, they're an illusion that your brain constructs out of partial datasets and media prerogatives. Let the radical unknowability of the Other set you free.
you have to stay alive. you're going to be such a beautiful middle aged freak. young freaks will see you in the street and know that things can be okay.