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#he's seen the rs wbtwn his parents and hes simply afraid of somoene loving him for his outward appearance and then getting to actually know
yuexins
·
3 years
Text
me every time i get prompts that trigger jc’s 23834738294 page grief/emo backstory & his feelings during those 13 yrs + after guanyin temple
#the hand that steers others / ooc .
#tbd .
#i haha enjoy writing jc so much haha
#GOD HES FULL WITH LSDSNJHJ GRIEF......................... AND HE SHOVES IT OFF BC OF HIS TOXIC ASS MOM
#bc she was so insecure she shoved it onto her son like constantly and now look what happened
#a lof of fics portray jc to be like this sect leader who doesnt care if his disciples are afriad of him or if the townspeople fear him bc
#they should fear him and hes proud of that
#which like yeah. yeah okay. but thats the OUTWARD appearance he holds up
#like my friends............... what is Stopping you from going deeper............
#he flaunts his fearsome rep bc it keeps people away. it keeps them out. and jc wants to keep them alllll the way out for fear of them
#getting close and getting hurt bc of him. he knows he hurts ppl and he knows its gotten worse over the course of those 13 years and
#he's seen the rs wbtwn his parents and hes simply afraid of somoene loving him for his outward appearance and then getting to actually know
#him and hating that. he has a fear of abandonment whcih he sees as weak and vulnerable (thx mom)
#but... like. he wants to be like his dad- like how he made lotus pier feel so loving and warm and how there had been no
#clear class differences- poor/young/old/rich were all welcome to yunmeng ;; jc is so desperate to bring that back to life and i
#just know. i just Know. that he's so fucking depressed abt how he /is/ that he cant even achieve that
#sure hes sect leader but it doesnt even feel like it and hasnt for 13 years and he thinks hes not even up for this task.
#he probably thinks that wwx would be better suited to be sect leader and it just drives those deep-seated insecurities further
#god... yu ziyuan u rly messed up ur kid lmfao
#yu ziyuan AND jiang fengmian- he was the youngest in their family and having to grow up with That... god.
#i might be really biased bc i wholly understand where hes coming from and it hurts seeing him being treated that way but tbh
#he's kind of always left out in his family :< even w jyl he's always left out lol its sad bc jc has the biggest heart & would do literally
#anything 4 his fam but they just.........
#anYWAY ILL STOP RAMBLING i just care him very much its sickening
#long tags /
#rambling in tags /
#????????
#idk if thats even a tag ppl blacklist but jic
#ok wait i should add that hes not always left out w jyl butshe shows a weird preference for wwx a lot and it can be seen as favoritism
#jc doesnt say anything abt it bc thats his a-jie but coming from someone who uhhh knows & goes thru the same thing i can confirm
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