#heavensward is about dragonfucking.

[outeremissary]

oh oh for the dashboard osmosis thing especially since u mentioned it i gotta ask about xiv. what do u reckon is the plot of heavensward

Oh wow this is like FFXIV challenge mode. I think it's the expansion I know the least about. It was right before Endwalker, right? So it's gotta be. State of the world for Endwalker. Can I reverse engineer Heavensward from that and random guesses.

After doing lots of politics in Stormbringers (Stormlord???), tensions remain high in the reborn realm. Our hero, the Warrior of Light, continued their quest to restore peace to Eorzea and stop the muscular scythe bishie once and for all. But because this isn't Endwalker, they aren't going to make it very far! Instead, they meet a bunch of other guys instead, possibly including an absolutely fucking sick assassin lady who turns into a moon rabbit and tries to kill everyone (I have it on good authority that it was fine for her to do this so I say: good for her!) and the bishop of elves, who is bisexual and has an emotionally intense whirlwind relationship with the WoL for the two months they know each other. In the background, shenanigans continue with the monocle detective and his trusted magician's assistant looking sidekick as their rivalry with a guy from other Final Fantasy games reaches new heights. The red elf teen learns martial arts but continues to shafted by the plot in favor of fan favorite blue elf teen. Unfair! Let her bite and kill, I say. There's a guy named Curious George who for many, many months I thought was a super duper popular WoL but is actually just a real guy. As far as I can tell, Curious George is a romance option who is wooed via fishing trips. A humble man! I respect it. And of course, the redemption arc of the most dark knight looking ex-major villain of a past expansion continues as that guy finds himself in the desert and adds a major character to his roster of new adopted children. This protagonist (I forget which one) begins to reflect that maybe the dark knight really has changed, and they part ways on good terms. Hooray for friendship!

Oh! Also there are girls in love in that one, I think. I'm pretty sure that's the one with the girls in love! The girl who is an ancient being like the WoL and reawakens because of an abusive ex or something? But through the power of yuri he is made to fuck off and she continues to just be the person she is in the present. Yay!

Overall, Heavensward is an expansion worthy of its popularity, adding vibrant new characters, great beaches and rivers, and continuing to ramp up the plot of the critically acclaimed MMORPG with a free trial up to level 60. Emet Selch is presumably there, but I don't know where. Just imagine him in the distant background of every shot.

#I'm hoping that at least one thing I described. is in heavensward. #ask me emithing #ask game #kuroimarzipan #edit: just checked my work with a local expert and I am wrong. #heavensward is about dragonfucking.

[blur0se]

Another fun thing about heavensward being about dragonfucking is how two of the oldest dragons on the planet get into a fight and one calls the others elf wife a wench

#something about the way the wol walks away from that exchange gets me everytime

[friedesgreatscythe]

the one (1) thing i’m hoping for from Stormblood is that i get more to see about the empire and finally have some villains who are more real worldy in their shitty behavior instead of like, popes who want to become ff7′s craziest summon or magitech godeating machines.

i like BOTH of those villains/antags, don’t get me wrong--there’s nothing “wrong” or bad about either of them--but man. just. give me an antagonistic force that is a bit less melodramatically shitty so i can enjoy seeing the problems they create BEFORE they try to eat god. because so far the behavior of the major antag forces in ARR and Heavensward have been far removed from emotional resonance. x person in power wants to keep that power because they want power. ok, that works. final fantasy has absolutely done that before, and that’s fine! but, (1) the ascians are already like that on the surface (i know they get a bit more development as time goes by, but what you know about them in ARR and HS is essentially this) and (2) what i want is a villain or antag force that also shows emotional motivation, even if that emotion is pure spite.

which is why i’m so hype about Shadowbringers because apparently that? will have it?

also i would have preferred it if Heavensward found a way to tie space pope’s megalomania into some kind of pressure to join with the eorzean alliance. if it did that, i must have missed it so mea culpa on that one, but from what i recall it was a bit more like, “i want this power so i can become as gods [also i will erase dragonfucking from our nation’s history]” instead of like... “i want this power to ensure our nation has a significant edge over the rest of the alliance to secure ishgard’s supremacy [all the while not knowing i’m being played like a fiddle by an eldrich cabal whomst sows chaos throughout eons].”

the tiniest glimpse we saw of the empire in azys lha suggested something like this--clearly they were there to secure the facility for themselves, but it was them taking advantage of the archbishop’s ambition (and the heroes’ quest to thwart him), which shows cunning! that’s an emotion! regula was an interesting dude who ended up having a moral center and code of nobility and putting aside his emotions for the scions in order to do something for the greater good! the emperor made an appearance to the scions directly and was INTRODUCED to us both donning the crown of his grandfather and then SPITTING ON HIS GRANDFATHER’S COFFIN

LIKE

THE EMPIRE IS HOPEFULLY WHERE ALL MY... HOPES ARE GONNA BE SHOWN/ELABORATED ON and i’m really stoked to see where they go with it so i can watch it all go to hell lol. give me more than just a megalomaniacal force to fight against!! give me people! people with motivations and goals and flaws and desires!! make my heroes pause for a fucking SECOND to question themselves!! let the villains talk as people instead of as their roles in the narrative!

#krist plays ff14