#hes ancient so he barely makes it to class (he hasnt been on time once all semester) and hes sick all the time

[silverislander]

so after the prof cancelling like 8 classes in old english, losing quizzes and assignments and grades, never making expectations clear, barely explaining what he was teaching, etc, we didn't complete all of the things on the syllabus and i don't think i can. calculate my grade going into the exam?

there's supposed to have been 9 quizzes with the lowest mark of that 9 dropped; at my best count there was 6 and i have no idea if we can still expect that lowest drop

there was supposed to be two tests and no exam, but i suppose the exam is the second test bc having an exam was his plan from the start and the dept wouldn't allow it so he's doing it via loophole + we did do one test already

we completed 2 translations as expected but i won't have the second one returned before the final exam is due, so no idea how i did on that since i felt ok abt the first one and only got a 50

i also don't have my essay back, which was like 20% and the only thing i've felt confident abt all semester

multiple quizzes and assignments were returned with random numbers on them with no indication of what they were out of (i was given a quiz back with "12" written on the top? 12 out of what? 12%?)

can't find half of the quizzes- i don't think i even have them. i have 1, 3 and 6. we were emailed some of the marks, so they might be in my inbox somewhere? but i don't have the physical quizzes and can't use them to review or like. learn from them

also the prof is out of province rn i think. this is the third time this semester. so i can't meet w him to check up on this

like i need a 65 average in every course to stay in honours, if this course fucked it all up for me i'll lose it i really will. i THINK i'm over that but i have no fucking clue. and not to catastrophize but if i don't get a 65 i can't do my essay next semester and everything is completely set up for me to go do that already, and ofc then i won't graduate in spring and won't get the degree i worked my ass off and paid a fucking exorbitant amt of money for that i am almost finished. i hate this fucking school man

#its a miracle im even passing. i shouldnt be i dont know shit #but it genuinely is not my fault this prof is the worst #hes ancient so he barely makes it to class (he hasnt been on time once all semester) and hes sick all the time #he can barely hear us talk and keeps losing and forgetting crucial shit for class #almost every time he cancelled class it was last minute and i mean within an hour of class starting. i was already in the building #he doesnt really teach so much as say shit and then act confused when we dont understand immediately #he Stated that he knew we wouldnt understand basic grammar bc we werent taught it. which is true and was said kindly #and then acted surprised when we didnt fucking know what a preposition is or the difference between that and a conjunction #hes also just. super boring. but thats just me i can see how he would be fascinating to someone else #and thats the worst part hes not even a terrible guy hes just a bad prof. hes nice hes just absolutely clueless #he literally gave us each a different translation of beowulf from his own collection for a project and let us keep them #shame i cant fucking read it! bc its in old english! and i still cant read old english! #its way beyond time for him to retire but he just. wont fuckin leave apparently #levi.txt #i couldve taken middle ages and the movies. middle ages and the movies gets to write a screenplay as a final assignment #middle ages and the movies gets to go watch the green knight and is taught by a prof i think is really cool #but noooo intro to old english is the only medieval studies req that fit into my schedule bc i live in a fucking hell dimension

[ailvn]

i am strong but also destructive. i’m restless and harsh and hopeless. though i have love inside myself. it’s just that i don’t know how to use love.

✧*:･ﾟ✧ merlin! is that ANTOINETTE ROBERTSON? no, it’s just AILYN WILKES the SEVENTH YEAR SLYTHERIN ( PUREBLOOD ). we’ve heard rumors that SHE ( CISFEMALE ) is INTELLECTUAL, ADAPTABLE & AMBITIOUS but can also be very INDIFFERENT, SELF-SERVING & HAUGHTY. if i had to pick one song to describe HER it would MEDUSA BY KYLIE MORGUE. Good luck with the rest of your time at Hogwarts.

INSPO: pinboard and stats page.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: emotional and physical abuse, manipulation, parental alcoholism

AESTHETIC: pink velvet, lipstick stains on wine glasses, correcting mistakes in books with a red pen, perfectly manicured nails, expensive lingerie, stolen champagne, fake fur coats, the smell of old books, high heels, waking up at dawn.

history!

ailyn’s youth was filled with lies. her parents were skilled liars, pretenders, people who bended the truth because the truth was something nasty. her father said his business was booming, while unpaid bills kept piling up, and he kept reassuring them with alcohol on his breath and an unshaved face, that nothing was wrong, that he was fixing it all. when ailyn turned ten, he had gone bankrupt and visited the pub every day, rather than his job, and when his mother kissed him on the cheek every morning and told her kids that she loved him, she was lying, too. she smelled of others when she came home, and she was having not one, but two affairs.

and so ailyn learned that truth is a relative thing, something to bend to your own will. she learned it from her parents and continued it when she went to hogwarts, where she spoke of her father’s wonderful business and her parents happy marriage as if it was nothing but truth. she learned of their secrets before she left (and they weren’t that hard to figure out, in all truth, if you looked well — all it took was following her dad to work one day and bursting in her mother’s bedroom out of nowhere) and kept them, but added in some aspects of her own. if she had to live a lie, why not make it a good one?

besides, her family was doing a good fucking job at keeping the truth quiet: her maternal grandparents supplied enough money for them to continue living in their home, to afford the bare necessities, to make sure that ailyn and her brother would not show up at hogwarts looking like the poor kids they were without their grandparents. gotta love that classicism! :)

her parents had been supporters of tom riddle for a long time, but her father losing his riches and business, kind of made him an ... embarrassment. he still joined the death eaters, when the time came. he used his power as a death eater to steal money and get some of that money that they’d lost because of him, not bettering his reputation among other death eaters, but regaining some of his pride.

[ abuse, alcoholism tw ailyn’s dad was furious at his wife, at the world, at himself. he hated that he relied on his parents-in-law for money, hated that it was his fault, hated that his wife was fucking everyone but him. he drank too much, lashed out at his wife when intoxicated, both verbally and physically. his anger turned to his kids at times, too, but was mostly aimed at his wife.  end of tw’s ]

going to hogwarts was good. ailyn got to get away from home, and surround herself with others, with people who came from different places, who weren’t stuck in purist beliefs. ailyn was sorted into slytherin, for her cunning and ambition. a booksmart kid, she found herself more interested in the library and all it offered than what her classes tried to teach her. besides, ailyn found out pretty soon that she was rather bad at practical magic; she was soon behind in charms, transfiguration and DADA. she wondered if something was wrong with her wand, for a moment, wondered what was causing her to perform so poorly.

it took a while for her to accept how it was; she was brainy, not brawny. she wasn’t good at magic, but she was good at analysing texts and understanding motives and looking at things objectively and writing killer essays. ailyn kept her grades up by using her brain, planning to drop most practical subjects once she could --- who cared if she wasn’t able to tickle someone with a charm when she was one of the best in ancient runes, and was one of the few people who could impress binns? she knew where her strengths lied.

it was during these realisations, during her time away from home, that she started to step away from the purist idealisation she’d been raised with. she’d never subscribed to them much, to start with, but she hadn’t distanced herself from them, either. being away from home, surrounding herself with muggleborns, halfbloods and ‘blood traitors’, as well as her whole journey with ... being rather shit at magic made her realise how fucking stupid it was

doesn’t fully share her feelings at all times, though, out of self preservation. besides, she’s not out here to fight for muggleborn rights either --- she thinks the war is bullshit, frankly, but she’s also self serving as fuck, and will not do anything to endanger herself. she’s very true neutral, in that sense? can fairly judge situations, but is good at sitting back even if she disapproves. will start debates on blood purity, but isnt about to fight a war over it, on either side.

history soon became her favourite subject. sure, the subject could have been better, had there been a better teacher, but binns wasn’t the worst if you paid proper attention and actually read the material. ailyn found herself staying up late in the common room, learning about muggle history, but also delving into obscure parts of magical history.

this is where her ambition lies, where her strengths lie. ailyn wants to work under a historian, learn about how to write about history -- because it’s happening all around her -- how to interpret it, how to connect the dots. she’d love to intern under bathilda bagshot, or someone similar. she’s such a NERD.

her relationship with her family has become strained. ailyn hates her father, and despises her mother. her brother is a different story --- there’s more love there, i suppose, a healthy relationship, but they disagree on many things. he’s a death eater, whereas she’s not planning on even supporting the organisation (which she hasnt said out loud to her family, of course, but her brother isnt stupid: he was raised by liars, is one, and so knows when she’s hiding something.)

the reason things are strained are mostly because ailyn has been turning her back on her family slowly but surely. not publicly, of course, but privately? she’s not in contact a lot, avoids them when she’s home. she’s come out of the closet to them, told them that there’s no way she’s marrying some ugly pureblood boy to further the bloodline (trust me when i say that ailyn was holding a monologue when this was happening that was iconique), and if they ever thought about pulling that shit, she’d drag their family name through the mud, because she had a lot of shit on them. 

not in the business of being labeled a blood traitor, but also not in the business of sticking with her ugly family and supporting the death eaters. ailyn cannot wait to graduate, start making money of her own and achieve her goals and move the FUCK out so she can start a life for herself.

tidbits!

ailyn is a true neutral, powder pink lipstick lesbian who will drag your ass through the mud while speaking to you sweetly with a :) smile :). or she’s just charming and chill, depending on who you are tbh.

anyway. ailyn is very outspoken on certain topics, like racism, sexism, homophobia, etc --- she’s generally tired with the men of the world, too ( her studying history is mostly her sighing at men ). 

hyperfeminine & unapologetic about it. think elle woods!!! 

kind of really selfish when it comes down to it? like. ailyn is just self serving as hell. there’s exceptions, of course, and there’s room for more people to be added to that list, but still: she’s not here to be the hero, nor a martyr. she’ll save herself, and if she has the time to save you, too, she might.

loves mythology a lot. a lot a lot. will talk about it for hours if she COULD.

feminist af.

likes red wine a LOT??? will gladly drink with you and badmouth people for a whole night because? it’s fun.

her morals are a mess, so dont even ask me about it?? she’s very indifferent on the surface, and to a certain extent she really is indifferent about a lot of things, too. still, ailyn isn’t cold or heartless, either? very emotionally driven? she hardly understands her own motives and morals tbh, so neither do i!!! it’s a mess!!

#vulneraintro #fkjdsf HERE WE GO i love a queen