#him: some kind of time lord and/or robot controlled by aliens playing the Sims

[thunderheadfred]

partner is going through old photos and sent me this one of him at 18

he is 33 and has not aged. not one day. this is not a joke. I'm going to get arrested???

I am 36 and married to a Goofy Teen Boy. He has a masters degree and teaches teenagers who try to emasculate him all damn day and it doesn't matter because he does not fucking care?? lmao try again losers? he likes Gilbert and Sullivan and fixing typewriters and dressing up like a church-going senior citizen every day and his softness is The Whole Point

when we go to our prenatal appointments together the nurses are always looking him up and down before asking, "...and who is this?"

as if he's my fucking nephew or something

when actually this tween-looking megadork impregnated a six-foot tall giantess Viking woman on like, the first try

#bride of fred #my fucking SPOUSE #tmi maybe? idk spoilers but we fucked and that's how I got pregnant weird I know #yes I can and do carry him princess style because he deserves it #I swear to god when he had his wisdom teeth out as an adult man in his 30s the dental assistant mistook me for his MOM #she didn't SAY IT but I could just TELL #he is THREE. YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME #that's IT #me: ages fairly normally I think I look fine #him: some kind of time lord and/or robot controlled by aliens playing the Sims #at least he'll never die and our children will never be lonely I guess