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#how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg
zebratimw
·
10 months
Text
#svsss
#scum villains self saving system
#shang qinghua
#how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg
#I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg
#how nice it would be to not exist
#everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate
#time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times
#I haven't felt real in most of those years either
#Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times
#tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias
#I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it
#but at the same time I really want to do more too
#I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person
#and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig
#I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg
#priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore
#idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things
#like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing?
#Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything
#I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me
#I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha
#ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so
#chug chug going along
#I also have to make wushi before I die. haha
#god my life is so empty
#what am I even doing
#I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this?
#so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much
#I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more
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