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macbetha · 3 years

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So very excited to share this! It’s a playlist for my upcoming Free! fic, This Heart of Mine, the rewritten sequel to Eyes Wide Open All the Time. You can listen to the playlist on YouTube; this list simply helps define who or what a song represents to me. This list also includes some lyrics that you may want to pay special attention to. I recommend reading the lyrics by themselves before listening to the playlist. Mind you - some of these lyrics only act as symbolism. Some mean more. Some songs have connections. Some don’t. ;) *go girl give us nothing* List below!

THIS HEART OF MINE: PLAYLIST GUIDE

Theme: Bring Me The Horizon feat. Halsey - In The Dark (MTLT / amo version) Oh so tall, it broke the fourth wall Guess our fairytale had a few plot holes Don’t you know you’ve lost control ↳ Honorable Mentions: ✧ grandson - Bury Me Facedown When I go into the ground I won’t go quietly I’m bringing my crown I won’t get tired Set the town on fire Thinking that they’ve won It’s only just begun ✧ Lorde - Everybody Wants to Rule the World ✧ Ry X - YaYaYa ✧ Rihanna - Goodnight Gotham

CHARACTERS

✦ Haruka ✧ WDL - Monster vs Angel Got my own monster Nobody but me Got my own angel I would never call him enemy He’s the good god I need But both of the sides Fight for me ✧ Mumford and Sons - Broken Crown I’ll never be your chosen one In this twilight How dare you speak of grace But in this twilight Our choices seal our fate I’ll crawl on my belly till the sun goes down I’ll never wear your broken crown ✧ Lia Marie Johnson - DNA Dark as midnight 6 Pack Coors Light You don’t look the same Past my bedtime Blue and red lights come take you away I won’t be like you Fighting back, I’m fighting back the truth Eyes like yours Can’t look away But you can’t stop DNA

✧ Cat Power - Sea of Love Come with me, my love To the sea, the sea of love ✧ Al Green - Love and Happiness (side note: this if my favorite song of all time) Love and happiness Something that can make you do wrong And make you do right

✦ Makoto ✧ The Oh Hellos - Soldier, Poet, King There will come a soldier Who carries a mighty sword He will tear your city down Oh ley, oh lei, oh lord ✧ Labrynth - Still Don’t Know My Name I took your heart I did things to you only lovers would only do in the dark I made you a god Priests, popes and preachers would tell me I did wrong ✧ The Civil Wars - Devil’s Backbone Don’t care if he’s guilty Don’t care if he’s not He’s good and he’s bad and he’s all that I got Oh lord, I’m begging you, please Don’t take that sinner from me ✧ Sleeping At Last - Make You Feel My Love (Cover) I could make you happy Make your dreams come true There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do Go to ends of the earth for you To make you feel my love ✦ Sousuke ✧ Angel Haze - Detox You dance in a cage with some rats in it I’m about chemistry, you just react to me God might turn us to ash, baby I might just taste your last stars tonight We were gods in a world that did nothing but doubt us But fuck it, I got us, from the dirt with the flowers Put in work in the shower ✧ Kaleo - No Good You better start runnin’ When you hear the man coming It won’t do you no good Kiss your baby goodbye Come on love, it’s all right Heaven knows they wanna break you apart ✧ The Oh Hellos - The Lament of Eustice Scrubb Brother, forgive me We both know I’m the one to blame When I touched the water They told me I could be set free ✦ Rin ✧ Halsey - Young God (Lullaby / Music Box Intro, Live from Webster Hall) Running, running, running And we’ll be running, running, running again ✧ SZA - Good Days Tell me I’m not my fears, my limitations I’ll disappear I gotta keep from losing the rest of me Chasing a fountain of youth that’s in the present I’ll await my armored fate with a smile Still wanna try, I still believe in good days ✧ Lola Blanc - Angry Too Does it get your blood boiling? Does it make you see red? Cause it gets my blood boiling It would eat you like poison if you knew what I knew I don’t wanna drink the venom they made me I don’t wanna be controlled by the past But boy, if you were me Could you really blame me? ✧ Kendrick Lamar - u And if this bottle could talk: I cry myself to sleep, everything is your fault Because you shook as you knew confinement was needed I know your secrets Don’t let me tell them to world About the shit you thinking And the time that you - I’m ‘bout to hurl I’m fucked up But I ain’t as fucked up as you ✧ Halsey - More Wooden floors, little feet Flower bud, concrete A little screen, a photograph Mine to take I still believe it won’t be like before I’ve loved you for all of my life ✦ Nao ✧ Johnny Hollow - Worse Things Anger grew like ecstasy And Leda threw the swan on me There are worse things, perverse things You should answer when the phone rings There are worse things I could do ✧ Young Heretics - Bones of a Rabbit You play with wolves But you sleep with the bones of the rabbit You have conquered cities And torched the mighty sea You may keep yourself afloat But you cannot outswim me ✧ Phantogram - Black Out Days (Future Islands Remix) Hide the sun I will keep your face out of my mind I’m hearing voices all the time And they’re not mine Haunting my mind ✦ Natsuya ✧ Gang of Youths - Achilles, Come Down Remember your virtue Redemption lies plainly in the truth Where you go, I’m going When you jump, I’m jumping There is no me without you Today of all days See how the most dangerous thing is love ✧ Florence + The Machine - Cosmic Love The stars, the moon They have all been blown out You left me in the dark ✦ Ikuya ✧ Penelope Scott - Cigarette Ahegao So like, I guess I call it the sophomore slump Always crying and always drunk A few dead, more gone, the rest well on their way Thanks! I hate it Everyone that I love is stuck Because this, that, the other, and the state fucked up We covered it in a class that I’m about to fail ✧ 100 gecs, Laura Les, Dylan Brady - Money Machine Tell me what's the deal, I've been trying to go to bed I've been up for days, I've been trying to get ahead Said it all before, and I'll say it once again I'm better off alone ✧ Halsey - Clementine Through a breakdown or a blackout Would you make out with me Cause I don’t need anyone I just need everyone and then some ✦ Hiyori ✧ Florence + The Machine - Seven Devils Holy water cannot help you now A thousand armies couldn’t keep me out I don’t want your money I don’t want your crown See I’ve come to burn your kingdom down ✧ Michael Buble - Feeling Good (Cover) It’s a new life for me This old world is a new world And a bold world for me Freedom is mine And I know how I feel I’m feeling good ✦ Asahi ✧ Sam Henshaw - Broke If I wasn’t broke Would you spend more time with me Like you said you’d do Tell me what I’m supposed to do Cause the only thing I need Is to be loved by you ✧ Mikky Ekko - Smile Smile, the worst is yet to come We’ll be lucky if we ever see the sun ✦ Aki ✧ Aly & AJ - Church I did bad things, can’t you see it on my face? I get caught in every lie I need redemption for sins I can’t mention For all the things I can’t reverse For all the places where it hurts ✧ ZZ Ward - Ghost Here the devil call out my name I’ve broken promises, burning flame God knows, darling God knows I gave Now the truth cuts like a knife ✦ Nii ✧ Of Mice and Men - My Understandings Keep in mind that I’m a sore eye With blurry vision ✧ Neoni - Outlaw They say that I’m wanted Hear the whispers in the street You better start running Cause nothing scares me Faster, faster You’re the one I’m after You built a fortress But I’ll never kiss the ring I’m my own king

✦ Gou ✧ Melanie Martinez - Lunchbox Friends We can be friends if you wanna be But only till the clock hits three I don’t want no lunchbox friends, no I want someone that binds the ends, no Come to my house, let’s die together Friendship that will last forever ✧ Maroon 5 - Come to the Water Come away little light Come away to the darkness Away from the life that you always knew Come away little lamb Come away to the water To the arms that are waiting only for you ✦ Isuzu ✧ Jessie Reyez - NO ONE’S IN THE ROOM Spent my whole life being graded, being told I’m not enough Being told go find the one and sit and wait for death to come I don’t want to I need to talk to God There’s things I just don’t understand Like who am I when no one’s in the room EMI - Bad Friends Yeah, I got some bad friends No you cannot have them If you wanna talk to them You talk to me, yeah We don’t fuck around with just anybody, yeah

✦ Takuya ✧ Imagine Dragons - Ready, Aim, Fire Off in the distance, there is resistance Bubbling up and festering Here in the casing Shaking and pacing This is the tunnel’s light Blood in the writing, stuck in the fighting Look through the rifle’s sight ✧ Billie Eilish - you should see me in a crown (acapella) Bite my tongue Bide my time Wait till the world is mine, ocean eyes Count my cards Watch them fall Blood on a marble wall You should see me in a crown I’m gonna run this nothing town Watch me make ‘em bow One by one ✦ Kinjou ✧ Urban Country - Knife and Stone Tell me, have you ever seen a mirror Mirror in the middle of the forest Just waiting for the rain or the crown I’ve been up for thirty days Someone point to lost and found Ain’t no blood in the temple Just a knife and stone

✦ Mikhail ✧ Elsie Lovelock - Friends on the Other Side (Cover) The cards, the cards The cards will tell The past, the present, and the future as well I got voodoo, I got hoodoo I got things I ain’t even tried And I got friends on the other side I hope you’re satisfied, but if you ain’t Don’t blame me You can blame my friends on the other side ✦ Ryuuji ✧ elbow - Grounds for Divorce I’ve been working on a cocktail Called Grounds for Divorce Down comes him on sticks but then he kicks like a horse There's a hole in my neighborhood Down which of late I cannot help but fall ✧ Mumford and Sons - The Enemy I am not the enemy It isn’t me, the enemy I came and I was nothing So why did you choose to lean on A man you knew was falling? ✦ Nadia ✧ Halsey - Castle (Orchestral Version) They wanna make me their queen There’s an old man Sitting on the throne Saying I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut I’m headed straight for the castle

THEMES: GROUPS

✦ FREEBIRD ✧ Kaleo - Way Down We Go Oh father, tell me Do we get what we deserve They will run you down Down till you fall They will run you down Down till you crawl Till you can’t crawl no more And way down we go ✦ ROUGH RABBIT ✧ Imagine Dragons - Who We Are Up on the mountain Down in the king's den It's who we are Doesn't matter if we've gone too far Doesn't matter if it's not okay Doesn't matter if it's not our day ✦ DIAMONDBACK ✧ Florence + The Machine - Bedroom Hymns This is good a place to fall as any We’ll build our alter here In the wine, the women, the bedroom hymns Such selfish prayers, I can’t get enough I’m not here looking for absolution Because I’ve found myself an old solution

✦ HONEYBLADE ✧ Megan Thee Stallion and Normani - Diamonds I love me this much My pear-shape all dripped up He want me to be a little more lady-like? Come through with my girls and beat your ass on ladies night ✦ BLOODHOUNDS ✧ Angel Haze - The Wolves Nothing left out there for me I left my fucking heart out at the sea This shit sounds like the danger zone I’m the big bad wolf Gonna take the throne

THEMES: PAIRINGS

✦ Makoto + Haruka ✧ Phoebe Bridgers - Smoke Signals One of your eyes is always half shut Something happened when you were a kid I didn’t know you then and I’ll never understand why It feels like I did ✧ Radical Face - Welcome Home Peel the scars from off my back I don’t need them anymore I’ve come home ✧ The Track Team - Heart Chakra ✧ Blackmill - Redemption ✦ Sousuke + Rin ✧ Kaleo - Bang Bang (Cover) Seasons came and changed the times I grew up, I called him mine He would always laugh and say: “Remember how we used to play? Bang, bang.” ✧ Zayn - Good Guy I’m not a good guy But I know you’re mine (bang) I know you’re mine (bang, bang) ✧ L'Orchestra Cinématique - Crazy In Love (Instrumental Cover)

✦ Natsuya + Nao ✧ Cosmo Sheldrake - The Moss But have you heard the story Of the rabbit in the moon? Halsey - Colors Your little brother never tells you But he loves you so I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old

✦ Hiyori + Ikuya ✧ Elvis Drew - Where Are You I been trying to figure out where you from Is it the moon? Is it earth? Is it this place, where nothing is worse? Nothing can compare to the life we had My dear just grab my hand and let me take you To my wonderland ✧ Swae Lee - Sunflower Some things you just can’t refuse I’m not tryna lose

✦ Isuzu + Gou ✧ Snow Patrol - The Golden Floor I’m a peasant in your princess arms Penniless with only charm

#thomfic #free! fic #thomplaylist #thom

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daccys-blog · 6 years

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hello angels ! wink wink. i'm kit, i'm nineteen and i ( never fcuking learned how to read ) use them/they pronouns. to keep it short, i can be really shit at ims or blast u w/ mssgs .... there is no in between and i'm srry ! also, i have discord so if anyone wants to plot or chat on there .... BTSLetMeKnow.mp3 ..... anyway, i've been highkey in love with harry styles for like six years and i'm also very into anime and even more into kpop ! talk 2 me abt bts ? pls.

to learn all about the muse i'll be playing ( i won't promise this intro is any good .... but when have i ever been good @ intros fhsidguh ), pls continue under the cut !

Is that [ HARRY STYLES ]? Nope, that’s [ DACEY WARD ], the [ TWENTY-THREE ] year old human who is [ A PART OF ] the resistance. [ HE ] works as a [ REVEREND ]. People say that [ HE ] is pretty [ + MAGNANIMOUS ] but can be [ - BROODING ]. ( kit / them/they / mdt )

so ! joining this rp is a pretty Big Deal for me bc i get to play ward in a universe where he makes absolute sense. also for the first time. thank u. although the plot has made things challenging in regards to his beliefs, it's honestly so fresh and he can brood Even More ? thank u. anyway .... i'm kinda just jumping into this without a specific format in mind .... just hope i find it along the way ! n hope i don't make it all confusing fhiusdhfg whatever happens after ur finished reading this .... my ims r open and i am up 4 explaining anything necessary to make a plot/connection w/ our charas.

HIS PAST ///

ward was born on feb 1st, 1994 ( yes this is harry's exact birthday fsdghuih thEY'RE BOTH AQUARIUS ?? MIGHT AS WELL )

two hours after his birth, he was handed to an endless system of foster care , being removed from foster home to foster home and waiting to be processed into a new , unknown family . as his age increased , his chances of adoption decreased , and by the age of twelve he convinced himself into forgetting about the idea of having parents , and siblings , and a house where he didn't feel like a stranger .

coincidentally , the year after that he was placed into a long-term home , with a family of three other foster kids and a couple in their forties who had children that had already married and moved away - they needed the money , but that didn't mean they treated ward and the other children like emotionally neglected pets .

these foster parents taught him the word of the lord . ward had grown up around so many people , each with different opinions and views towards angels , that he hadn't formed an opinion of his own . he just felt pain from the suffering of others , and that was enough to breed hesitance when agreeing to the way angels were captured and held against their will . in one occasion , when he was twelve and hadn't been moved to his long-term home , he shared his views about disliking the way angels were treated ( because in the words of a twelve year old: "it's not their fault they were born that way" ) , and his foster dad at that time ( who had been sharing his own opinions regarding angels which entirely contradicted ward's feelings ) beat him with a broom stick to ' knock some sense into him ' . this is what resulted in ward being moved out of that home .

he quickly learned that his new foster parents would never do something like that , though . a huge part of him was relieved to learn that they were part of the resistance although he didn't know what it was at that time .

he didn't share their beliefs right away , though ... it was one thing to be glad about not being beat with a broom because he disliked the way angels were treated , and another thing to accept god into his life . so he didn't , for years .

as far as he was aware , god was gone . this is what they taught in history classes . he knew that there were groups of people which still believed that god would come back , but there was never much room for thought about them .

instead , he became an unruly teenager with massive abandonment issues . in his own quiet way he would be defiant of authority and his foster parents , thinking he owed nothing to the world because nothing owned him . nothing really owned him . not like a parent would . nothing like a real parent .

in his rebellious years , ward experienced a taste of utterly wild youth , until the cancer was detected . he didn't tell anyone about the pain because a part of him wanted it to be a sickness . a part of him wanted to die . a part of him wanted to see what else there was , or wasn't . a part of him always felt like it was living in darkness , anyway .

he was rushed to the hospital after collapsing down the flight of stairs in his house , effectively fracturing a wrist along the way . after hours of waiting for test results , the news was broken that he had bone cancer in his lower right leg -- right below his kneecap . in the end ward didn't know what to do with the information . he was both terrified and trying to convince himself that it's what he wanted . he was eighteen , about to turn nineteen .

his foster parents offered the support they could . it wasn't their obligation to pay for ward's hospital bills , or to make sure he was receiving the right treatment , or to make sure he was fine at all , but they took a bit of the burden upon themselves and tried their best to give him mental and emotional support by using the lord's word .

it was determined that he'd receive almost immediate surgery to remove the cancer before it spread any further -- and through this process ward thought he reached the lowest low with his mental health , but he hadn't been told the surgery had failed yet . that came months after .

the pain subsided for a while , just for a few months , and then it grew unexpectedly . on his next long stay at the hospital , he was scheduled for an amputation . this was both a period of a total darkness and the appearance of a blazing light . it was when he lost a part of his body but gained a powerful part of his soul when he opened his heart to god .

after his surgery , ward began recovery and got fitted with an artificial leg . it felt like a beginning , more than anything . in a way he felt like accepting god into his life was almost like being reborn , and he had to learn to walk again .

when he left the hospital , his entire focus went to studying the word of the lord . his faith grew everyday , praying to god and having the hope that he was listening , praying for his return -- learning what true desire meant .

his plans to fuck pursuing an education were replaced by the drive to get into a college and major in bible studies . he had the support from his denominational committee to become a reverend for the church he had been occasionally attending during his long term stay at his foster home to indulge his foster parents , but more recently visited several times a week to pray and attend sermons .

the church was about to close its doors due to the pastor falling ill and unable to tend to it -- there weren't many believers who could fill up the spot , and the church did close for three years while ward studied and did all of the requirements , until a new pastor had it reopened at the nick of time for ward , who right after started working there as a reverend under the guidance of his new pastor .

nowadays you can find him in the church , giving studies on the different teachings of the bible and occasionally given the opportunity to deliver sunday sermons .

HIS BELIEFS //

i wanted to include a section for his beliefs since they are a massive part of his life !!

ward has faith that god did not forsake the angels , or humans , and that he will come back . he prays everyday for his return , having the faith that he is listening .

he tries not to question god for the things that have happened , but sometimes he gets a desperate feeling in his chest that has him crying out ' why ? ' . the angels .... rlly haunt him . he prays a ton for them , but he also can't help but wonder why they fell ... why god left . why would he allow the angels to suffer as much as they have ? as much as they are suffering

it ... really fucks him up so bad . he often has breakdowns about it . there are two opposite sides playing tug of war inside of him -- one of them is the one that's winning most of the time , the one that doesn't dare question god , and the other side is one who only has small victories but tugs with the force of tidal waves that literally leave him shaking -- the secret side that contemplates whether god is good .

it burns him a li ve haha a

although that secret side of him exists , it's something he also prays about . he doesn't want to question god , or have his faith waver , but goddamn ... it's tough when he sees all of the shit the angels are put through ... it really hurts his heart so much .

that being said , he is not hostile at all toward angels . or thinks he is above them in any way form or shape . he actually worships angels , and hopes for their safety above all else . that is why he is a part of the resistance and would not hesitate to help an angel , in whatever form . he believes they are god's perfect creations that have been tainted by human sins .

regarding other aspects of his life, though: ward repents for allowing god into his life only until he needed it and not when he was at his doorstep . he repents for all of the sins he's committed in the past and for the sins he continues to commit . he no longer drinks , smokes , or parties . he also doesn't get tattoos anymore unless they're connected to god or religion , and even then , he has only gotten a small tattoos of crosses on his chest and another cross on his right hand .

HIS PERSONALITY/SMALL FACTS ///

although ward is welcoming of other people and relationships , especially in a church setting ... he can also be hesitant . he will give advice and try to guide anyone who seeks his help with the word of god , and he will listen to people's troubles and be with them in times of need ... but he doesn't do this himself . he keeps it all pent inside and really only speaks to god about what's going on inside of him .

he has a very long past of abandonment and trust issues that it's almost like an instinct to close himself away but he's trying to heal those parts of himself . just needs some time and all the faith he can have !

with that being said , if you meet him outside of the church , he can come off as very withdrawn , especially in a mundane setting . he tends to be soft spoken and serious , though he's also got some wild in him that loves to laugh and have a good time . you just kinda have to figure out how to get to it .

it's not really easy getting to know him . he's very private about his personal life and it's very rare when he opens up about something personal , unless he's talking to his pastor .

he doesn't really talk about his experience with cancer either . it was a really tough time in his life that he hasn't healed from and part of him probably never will . the only times when he openly talks about it is when he's retelling his experience of how he let god into his life .

also ! he uses a wooden cane . at first he needed it during his recovery , because it made standing up so much easier and he didn't have to lean on people or tables or chairs . then, he decided to keep the cane with him at all times after one occasion in which he supported himself on a glass table as he stood up and the glass broke and fell on his foot ........ but thank god it fell on his prosthetic foot because that would've hurt like a bitch .

so now his cane is like .... an extension of himself . kind of like how people can't leave their house without their phones , except more important to him .

he also never mentions it unless someone asks why he uses it . he'll just say he has some leg problems , and if they continue to ask , he'll wonder why they're being nosy and reluctantly say he's got a prosthetic leg . talking to people about it or easily saying he has a prosthetic leg just doesn't come to him .

going into a new topic, ward doesn't really have a sexual preference , and he doesn't have many sexual tendencies . or romantic ones . he's very unconcerned about a love life in general right now . the closest he gets to experiencing romantic love is when he's performing a wedding ceremony . he has dated in the past though , especially during his teenage years , but he hasn't been in a relationship for a few years now .

he doesn't tend to go by dacey . there's no real reason why ... he was just called ward as a child by teachers and some foster parents so it stuck around . he introduces himself as ward but doesn't really mind being called dacey ... just throws him off a bit at first , he's not used to it .

so ! i think i'm gonna leave it off there !! this entire post was pure word vomit fhiusdhf but if you have any plots/connections in mind don't hesitate to hmu , i'll be very excited about them . i'm sorry for the massive mess this was fhdsui but i'm rlly excited to get rolling !! see u on the dash/ims my friens

#winged:ooc #⦁ — › OwO ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴛʜɪs? — ⌜ ᴏᴏᴄ ⌟#( iTS HERE !! )#( honestly ... u dont have 2 read fhsidghu )#( im gonna jump on the starter tag probably !! )

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bandcloud · 7 years

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Bandcloud - DDR - 20-08-2017

Eric Holm – Andøya (Subtext)

The closing track from this magnificent album was the perfect start to this show. Scratching noise and hints of dank squawk, it makes for a great intro.

Handpicked Tyrant – Into the Clouds (Unreleased) This is a track I made. An old track that's very dear to me features blissful moments of ambience yet is essentially a shuffling hip-hop groove. So, I took those elements and fashioned this strange beast from them.

Beast Nest – Tired AF // Pluto (Ratskin Records) This is wonderfully expansive and life-affirming, a section of true wonder in the middle of an excellently strange release. Also, I'm always tired af.

Leama – Melodica (Ambient Version) (Platipus) My major entry point to ambient or chillout music was a series of compilations under the Euphoria banner. The series was also my entry point to club and DJ culture but that's another matter. Their Chilled editions, mixed by Red Jerry, utterly confused and fascinated me. My expectations of what I would find on that first compilation were so far away from what they featured I was dumbfounded. This track featured on Deep & Chilled Euphoria, as well as appearing on the Beginner's Guide To Platipus. It's airy and blissful, yet these elements are undermined by a repeated arpeggiated melody and the reverbed vocals stating "a journey".

Ideoforms – Bjorklund Drones (SoundCloud) This is a track from Daniel Jones, who made those amazing slowed-down edits of the various Windows startup sounds. This is an old algorithmic drone composition. It's strange in that the description makes it sound so clinical, yet the music itself is beautiful, I would almost say heartfelt. But I guess I can't.

Nadia Khan – Milky Sweat (Where To Now?) This tape on Where To Now? has some of my favourite pieces of music of recent years. Nadia has been quiet since, unfortunately. Hoping for more music from her soon!

Perc & Passarella – Fast Forward (Passarella) A lengthy piece that featured on a brilliant album of Lynchian horror. After allowing the next song float alongside it I slowed it down to bring in the thick noise of BFTT.

Jasmina Olsson – Jasmina's Song (Short Mix by Second Break) (Stray Recordings) This is a very short version of a beautiful track, a solitary melody that seems to fit perfectly with the track above.

BFTT – iOSMIDI4_Orbit (Unreleased) Out to BFTT, who's about to appear on a Cong Burn tape.

Lancashire Folklore Tapes Vol.IV – Memories of Hurstwood (Lancashire Folklore Tapes) This short excerpt has haunted me for more than two years. I believe this section is from a side by t/e/u/ that's called 'to rescue things beyond recall-soon-when the reaper-time-has garnered all-the ears that hear now-and the feet that stand-yet in the fields where once in fold and hall-echoed the voices of our fathers' band’.

Circuit Rider – What Others Are Saying (J&C Tapes) This is from one of the first tapes I ever bought, back in 2013 I believe. Just before I started Bandcloud and really got into ambient tape life. Soaring beauty undermined by a sinister bed.

Wiley – From The Outside (Actress's Generation 4 Constellation Mix) Perhaps this was a step too far. This strange remix takes Wiley's introspection and tears it apart.

Declan Synott – Soft Container (Bandcamp) A palate cleanser of strange noise that paves over the abrasive harshness provided by Actress. A delicate release of sounds from Irish producer Declan Synott.

Endless Melancholy – Still (Bandcamp) A fitting title and artist name, this is a slow piece of scorched ambience, elegant in its execution.

Black Thread – Pyre (Amplified Gravel) This artist's music often appears on Cascading Fragments, but somehow this release has disappeared from the web. It's frayed and distorted, heartbreaking in its evocation of imagined nostalgia.

In Media Res – Aurum Vitae (Exo Tapes Inc.) Beautiful choral work reverbed to bits.

Moving Still – Placid Saturn (SoundCloud) More scorched sounds over a blissful bed of ambient wash, this is a great piece from a brilliant Irish artist.

M Geddes Gengras – Passage (Leaving Records) This album is incredible, I remember the first time I listened was when I was hungover and it seemed to go on forever. I was lost and confused, wondering how to escape the music.

Sam Mullany – Smell The New World Coming (Blue Tapes & X-Ray Records) Really dark stuff, this feels like stretched noise and what could be a trumpet announcing coming dread – the new world of the title.

Percival Pembroke – Darklands IV (Herhalen) This is very Boards of Canada, almost like ‘Kid For Today’ stretched to pieces and cast out to sea.

Shaahin Saba Dipole – Remembrance (Flaming Pines) The compilation this comes from is an excellent collection of experimental noise and ambient from Iran. This track felt quiet and strange at home but you could really feel the pulse of the beat in the studio.

Minced Oath – Ferric Appetite (Countersunk) Another Irish artist, this is an ambient project from Sunken Foal. A minced oath is when you say something like "fudge it" or "sugar" instead of.... well you know. The album is excellent, it really was hard to pick which track to play.

Sealadder – Interlaken (Power Moves Library) I love the conflation of soft, drifting tones and harsh buzz electricity here. It's from a limited-run tape by Toronto's Cheryl Fraser.

Moopish – Death Throes (SoundCloud) A wonderful SoundCloud find, it reminds me of something between Silent Hill and Wagon Christ's ‘Glass World’. Shout out to Al Shadow Dancer and his incredible ambient mixes, which were truly inspirational for me.

Nothing Natural – Skin2Skin (Bandcamp) Ilana from Wisconsin released this supremely dark and unnerving track recently. It could be sweet but there's something quite sinister about it. She's a wonderful voice on everything from politics to the history of clubland, and her music is excellent.

Park and Tamirisa – Untitled (A) (Private Chronology) I came across this almost by accident. The pair have some incredible work together, including a brilliant live recording, but this tape is a gorgeous piece of work.

李松 - Nib (Zoomin' Night) Taken from a compilation bringing together experimental non-music disproving the album's title, this is an amazing track that's almost nauseating in its construction. I'm not sure if it's the panning or the frequencies but it's just loopy. See here for more on the artist.

Pan American – The Terrace (Geographic North) There's something so beautifully open-ended about the title of this track. The terrace. I imagine it to extend from a balcony in a kind of Hollywood home (see Mulholland Drive), looking out over the hills at icy climes. I know that doesn't make sense.

Christine Webster - A Bird Meme (Hylé Tapes) This one comes from the excellent self-identified non-male artists making experimental electronic music on Hylé Tapes. It's quiet and beautiful and it's got meme in the title.

Calico Jak – I Felt A Funeral (Bandcamp) A sparse and haunting track, this comes from a collection of soundtrack pieces by Irish artist Eoin Mac Ionmhain, aka Calico jack.

Emily Berregaard – Yucca (enmossed) Up there as one of the tracks of the year, this slow burner is a thing of beauty.

Jake Muir – Indian Pipe (Bandcamp) A kind of outtake from when he was making his album for Further, this is a nice wistful number. Check out his superb Acclimation if you get the chance.

Elodie Lauten – Relate (Wilde Calm) I played another track from this retrospective work a few months ago, I'll probably play all the rest too eventually. It's a gorgeous modular jaunt.

John Atkinson – Falls (Bandcamp) This was inspired by a trip to Snoqualmie Falls outside Seattle, Washington, site of the iconic "Great Northern Hotel" on Twin Peaks.

Beauty Parlour – Cylch (Unreleased) This is part of the soundtrack to a documentary about extreme Welsh nationalism.

Baltra – Where Do We Go From Here (RVNG Intl) This lengthy piece comes from a release for RVNG called Peaceful Protest. It came about when Moogfest asked artists to soundtrack a meditation space, and was further inspired by the opposition to the House Bill 2, which hoped to prevent transgender people from using the bathrooms of their choice. The release featured six sides of music, including some long, freeform pieces of ambient movement, opening with this amazing lilting piece. All proceeds from the release go to the LGBTQ Center of Durham. This piece in particular is such a delight, a change from the lofi house associated with its creator.

rkss – Watched (Seagrave) This is a short piece that shimmers beautifully as we reach the end of the show.

Boards of Canada – Corsair (Warp) The grandmasters of not-quite-ambient-but-not-dance-music-either here, from their scariest album, Geogaddi. Tomorrow's Harvest is chilling in a scorched earth/nuclear winter kinda way, but this one is darker, creepier, hotter, weirder. ‘Corsair’ is the moment of light that follows the utterly terrifying 'You Could Feel The Sky', but it's just ambivalent enough that it's hard to tell whether it's a reprieve or an elegy.

Matt Nida – The Same Way That Bricks Don’t (Unreleased) A slow burner that wouldn’t be out of place in a Nolan film, it’s got a dark edge.

Jonathan Scherk – Quench (ft Broshuda) (Videogamemusic) This artist also features on Peaceful Protest! Here he collaborates with the ever-frivolous yet eminently talented Broshuda for a playful gem of a track that's coming soon on videogamemusic, on what will be one of their last tapes.

#ambient #ddr #Dublin Digital Radio

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chalklit · 6 years

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BLXCK VXLVXT

Ten years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn't settle for it. Death isn't the only way to lose someone you love. I lost my closest friends when i graduated high school. I lost. When is the right to stop? When is the right time to stop waiting for something to happen that isn't going to happen? I know you do these little things for me that imply go unnoticed, not always but sometimes. Art is how we decorate space, music is how we decorate time. There's really no shortcut to forgetting someone. You just have to endure missing them everyday until you don't anymore. Rather than miss it is better to reminisce. If you try to be something you're not, you'll end up being nothing. My brain has no heart, and my heart has no brain. That's why when I speak my mind I appear heartless, and when I do what's in my heart I seem thoughtless. Normal is overrated. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. I could recognize your silence, even in a million screams... Theres something so magical about summer evenings. The still warmth, the smell of sunscreen and fresh, blooming flowers, the rich colors of the nine o'clock sunsets. The world is entirely at peace. I sleep with an arm around me, yours, as I try to ease the pain. Tell me how can I survive this, dear, you’re both shelter and the rain. let me tell how I fell in love with you. since the very moment I saw you. only that was enough to make me think about you day and night, dream of your magical smile and your eyes full of worlds. then I got the balls to manage talking to you, and at that moment I fell in love with your calm, kiddo lovable voice and gosh the way you shined when you smiled. short time passed till I felt your warm hugs and those hot, red exquisite lips of yours on mine, your hands on my waist and heard your tiny go like lightning heartbeats of your enormous pure heart.

Let me tell when I will stop loving you. only at the moment when all the stars above heaven stop shining and there’s nothing left in the universe, that day the love I feel for you will no longer be love, it will be much more than that The demands of life accrue. Don’t forget to take care of you. I could be treated so well and looked after so well

…Yet I chose you

If you keep playing it safe, you’ll never know who you are. I know who you are, and I love who you are. Why don’t you trust me? You don’t want me but you still haunt me. The Bible, as a revelation from God, was not designed to give us all the information we might desire, nor to solve all the questions about which the human soul is perplexed, but to impart enough to be a safe guide to the haven of eternal rest. I still remember our conversation. So, I hear tell that you got quite the interesting Hunter recently. Who told you that? I don’t know what you are talking about. Do not try and hide him, plus, given his unique physiology and stature. Alright alright. It’s kinda hard to deal with someone who has been modified with extra arms, talks and walks like a Fallen, and growls at anyone who tries and touch him. I’ve already had to talk out a few over curious Hunters from trying to see who can touch the guy’s cloak.

"What is his name?"

"You forgot his name, haven’t you?"

"I Would never forget someone’s name! I just,, it’s on the tip of my tongue,, if I had one really,,"

"He’s a very ‘live in the moment’ person, and I’m a very ‘capture the moment’ person and something about that is so undeniably perfect."

"I want to be with someone who is afraid of losing me."

"Your lips are poetry, and I an eager student of the written word."

"Stop overthinking about something. If it feels right, go with the flow. If it feels wrong, don’t think about it too hard and just walk away."

Friends should warm you like the sun not freeze you with contempt. The only downfall of having a good heart is that you’re constantly looking for angels inside of demons. And they wonder why the good know so much pain. I wrap poetry around me to shield me like a shawl, to warm my cold shoulders, lace over fears with awe. The words crawl down my neck fold and sprawl out on my back. Some of them run in circles and some lie down to nap. I wrap myself in poetry and you can too, you know. See words shape over time like water cuts the ground. One day I’ll wake to find words softening the now.

“Why would I build a house made of cards when you could blow it down any time you’d please? Why would I say those words back when you could change your mind and leave me behind?” Is it too late to tell you that I love you more than I can ever say, or will you leave me hanging? My favorite part of my morning routine is sitting in bed for 15 minutes and thinking about how tired I am. You feel like soft sheets and hot coffee. Timber floors and lazy mornings. Like sun rays and droopy eyes. You feel like home. Loosing someone who was never even yours hurts like hell. When you feel like you don’t belong in a place or with some people, just leave. sometimes you won’t get the chance to escape again, that was the only opportunity, and, then, you’ll start losing yourself trying to blend in. You’ve got to live for the little things. Like sunsets, your favorite song, a good book, flowers, or being with friends. They’re all that matter in the end. The little things like napping together is my kind of date. I miss you when I can’t sleep. Things that can feel relaxing if someone isn’t telling you to do it: cleaning your room, mowing the lawn ,washing the dog ,reading a book ,going for a walk ,planting flowers ,organizing a shelf. I'm okay but what I love the most is holding hands. My future partner must be of the utmost logical mind and not trip over a plant and apologizes to it. That is the kind of person I want. A black velvet sly girl. One with the strength of a soldier who survived mustard gas in battle, and then stood tall while being pepper sprayed by the police. To me that is a seasoned veteran. They are a bit dangerous but loyal, honest, and protective. I mean sex is all right but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having a rock solid proof that a problem is someone else fault but everyone thought it was yours? Unlike most people I like to keep everyone on their toes by constantly varying the weird things I do, so I don't become predictable. I met a beautiful woman who was always blamed for other peoples problems and could never explain or prove that they weren't hers. I discovered that she wasn't who people portrayed and now I love her so much I can’t breathe and I always will. No matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. If ever situation that her and I had endured did not happen we would have never crossed one another's path. Sometimes you can't explain what see in a person. It's just the way they take you to a place where no one else can. We don’t realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone. How do you ever know for certain that you are doing the right thing if you never even try? You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from. Make sure you don’t start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don’t value you. Know your worth even if they don’t. Be the light in the darkness. But always remember we have all got both light and dark inside of us. I love my life like I love my mom no matter what goes through, no matter how much we argue, because I know, at the end, she’ll always gonna be there. Remind yourself that sometimes the kindest people are the ones who are easily broken. If you’ve heard it, sing along, if you haven’t heard it please, don’t try to sing along because it sounds horrific, just stand there and clap when it seems relevant in time. Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse for some. It’s family moments like these that I’ll never forget and sometimes you may need a good therapist to help you not only see but embrace love and forgiveness. Remember I am both worse and better than you thought. Memories capture my hear the way the gossamer cobwebs catch sunlight.

For every night, there is a dawn. For every question, there is an answer. And for every door, there is a key. All you have to do is wield it. For every night, there is a dawn. For every question, there is an answer. And for every door, there is a key. All you have to do is wield it. I was your cure and you were my disease. We saved one another by killing our past selves. I dreamed of this moment every day, I said I want you, I can’t let you go, I waited for this moment endlessly. Now I wish i could wake up next to u every morning and I do. Our love is unconditional. And even though we endure the toughest situations we fear not, because we are of the nature of the lion, and us together cannot descend to the destruction of mice and such small beasts. So remember not to say sorry and do it all over again. All though all our hearts have been broken the cracks allow light and love to enter again.

I fall too fast, crash too hard, forgive too easily, and care too much. However much you love somebody, you should always keep a part of yourself to yourself. Never give it all. You can never be yourself otherwise.” Fall in love with someone who deserves your heart. Not someone who plays with it.

“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever. I love my mom no matter what goes through, no matter how much we argue, because I know, at the end, she’ll always gonna be there. Just like I will always love and be there for you.

The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die. For every night, there is a dawn. For every question, there is an answer. And for every door, there is a key. All you have to do is wield it. We will always create, always strive, always be humble, always be kind. You’re soaring above the clouds, and ahead of you, galaxies await. Let’s keep going up together!

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lifebooksloves · 7 years

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SINGE by Aly Martinez

Life, Books, & Loves Presents: SINGE by Aly Martinez

SINGE is the first book in an ALL NEW smokin-hot standalone series by Aly Martinez NOW AVAILABLE!

Amazon US: http://amzn.to/2kfNgXh Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/2kfyRdL Nook: http://bit.ly/2kQyB5S Kobo: http://bit.ly/2kC4kru

Blurb

She was my nightmare. Every time I closed my eyes, I watched her fall into that inferno. Over and over, I failed to save her.

I hadn’t been able to reach her, and the guilt only burned hotter over time. Four years later, I was the unreachable one.

Heroes aren’t always saints. Sometimes, we’re nothing more than jaded sinners driven by sleepless nights and hearts full of darkness.

And then I met her. She was a dreamer who managed to soothe my scars and heal my wounds.

But, as the flames closed in around us, I feared I wasn’t the right man to save her. That is until I realized she was the one woman I’d burn the world down to protect.

Chapter One Jude

“Tomorrow, it’s on me,” I said, standing up off the barstool. Behind the bar, Carmen waggled her eyebrows, seductively calling out, “Funny, I could be on you tonight if you stayed awhile longer.” I laughed at her innuendo and tossed her a wink. “I gotta get home, babe. Seven a.m. comes way too early.” “Well, offer’s on the table,” she purred. It always was with her. And, if I wasn’t careful, I’d eventually take her up on it. Not that sleeping with Carmen wouldn’t have been good. But, when you find a cheap bar only five minutes from your house, you don’t fuck that up by dipping your cock into the bartender. “Later, Carmen,” I called, pushing the door open and heading to my car. I wasn’t out of the parking lot before I heard, “Officer Levitt? We’ve got an alarm going off in Park Hill. You mind taking a look on your way home?” Banging my head back against the headrest, I groaned to myself. Park Hill was about as “on my way home” as swinging past California on the way to Maine. Switching my radio to my other hand, I complained, “I’m off the clock, Jocelyn.” I had been for several hours, even if I hadn’t made it home yet. She laughed. “I’m sorry, but you’re the only one remotely close. I had to send two cars out to the Laslows’ to break up another argument between Cam and his old man.” “They at it again?” I asked. “Apparently, Cam told Lindsey he didn’t want the baby. Lindsey told his dad. Old Man Laslow lost his mind.” I chuckled, putting my blinker on and then doing a U-turn in the middle of the empty road. “Christ. I bet he did. I know the man’s seventy-five, but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to go toe-to-toe with him.” “I’m with you on that. So…you gonna head out to Park Hill?” she asked in a sugary-sweet tone. I grumbled deep in my chest. “You’re gonna owe me some of that banana bread for this. I missed it the other day when you brought it up to the station.” “I don’t owe you anything.” She giggled. “However, as a personal thank-you from the state of Illinois, Park County, and the owners of Park Hill, I’ll bring you in a loaf on Friday. Deal?” “Deal. I’m en route now.” “Stay safe, and radio in with your report.” “Yes, ma’am,” I replied, knowing exactly how much thirty-year-old Jocelyn loved being called ma’am by a twenty-five-year-old man. “Don’t you—” “Gotta go.” I turned the volume down to mute her, grinning to myself as I flipped my lights and siren on. I’d been a cop for two years. And, in that time, I’d been out to the privately owned Park Hill estate at least a dozen times. It wasn’t unusual for the alarm on the mansion to get triggered. It never amounted to anything. The expansive estate was on the very edge of the county, and trouble didn’t usually travel that far out. More often than not, a bird at a window or a bumbling new member of the grounds crew would accidentally trip the alarm. Truth was, no one actually lived in Park Hill. The owners visited sporadically. But, for the majority of the time, it remained empty. Some minutes later, I cut my siren as I pulled up to the entrance. The cold air assaulted me as I stepped out of my patrol car with my flashlight in hand and aimed at the keypad on the massive security gate that blocked the driveway off. That damn thing alone had to have cost more than I’d make in a lifetime. Forget about the house inside. The smell of wood burning in a fireplace wafted through the night air. I guessed someone was home for a visit. I typed in the emergency code on the gate panel and then climbed back in my car and made my way down the tree-lined driveway. I’d spent the day on patrol, and, with the exception of some minor vandalism across town, it had been a slow one. Though, in the blink of an eye, that would change. Along with my entire life. “Oh fuck,” I breathed as the main house came into view on the top of the hill. After throwing my car in park, I jumped on the radio at my shoulder. I could barely get the words out as I slung my door open and took off at a dead sprint. “This is Officer Levitt! I need fire support at Park Hill immediately!” And then I froze as a wave of adrenaline crashed into me like a tsunami. An inferno roared in the night sky, but it was the small silhouette of a woman perched outside a third-floor window, smoke pouring out all around her, that knocked the breath out of me. My heart stopped, but my feet continued to pound against the pavement. Jocelyn’s voice caught me. “What’s going on?” “I need medical too!” I barked as I got closer. “The whole damn place is in flames and there’s a woman trapped!” The woman’s long, black hair blew out behind her like a battered flag whipping in a storm. I couldn’t make out her face or her skin color or even guess at her age for the black soot covering her, but her fear was unmistakable. And unforgettable. “Hang on!” I yelled up to her. “Oh my God!” she screamed before it turned into a fit of coughing. “Help me!” “Hang on! Don’t let go!” Frantically, I searched the perimeter for a way in, but it wasn’t only her house that was on fire. Flames were encompassing her. The yard and all the surrounding flowerbeds. Top to bottom. The first and second floors were completely engulfed, and if the sound of shattering windows was any indication, it was quickly making its way up to the third floor—to her. “No! Don’t leave me!” she screamed, panic thick in her garbled voice, as I started around the side of the house. A wall of heat stopped me in my tracks. Throwing an arm up, I did my best to block my face while scanning the building for any possible entry—or, in her case, exit. But there wasn’t a surface of that house that wasn’t ablaze. Except the roof. Son of a bitch. I spoke into the radio. “I need an ETA on fire.” Jocelyn replied, “They’re on their way. Five minutes out.” I didn’t have one minute, much less five. Fuck. My pulse quickened, sending blood thundering in my ears. I was a cop. I’d trained for chaos. I should have been able to come up with a solution for a situation like this, but they didn’t teach you how to conquer the impossible at the Academy. And, as I took inventory of the flames dancing beneath her, I knew that was exactly what I was up against. My gut wrenched as I helplessly sped back around the house. She appeared almost childlike, hovering barefoot on that narrow brick ledge, but her long-sleeve top and her loose-fitting pants clung to the body of a woman. Jesus Christ! Where was that fucking fire truck? “Is anyone else in the house?” I yelled up to her. Not that I could have helped them, either. Short of running into a burning building, on what would surely be a suicide mission, there was not one thing I could do. And didn’t that little reality feel like a wrecking ball to the chest. “No!” she cried, a loud sob lodging in her throat. It turned into more coughing, her body shaking violently with every heave. I fisted my hands at my sides as my anxiety spiraled higher. “Please. Do something!” she begged. I ground my teeth together and once again glanced around as if a water hose and a ladder were going to suddenly appear out of nowhere. “Hang tight, okay? Fire trucks are on their way.” “I can’t hold on much longer!” she cried. “Yes, you can,” I demanded. “I…I think I need to jump,” she coughed out. I assessed the massive fire below her. I’d never be able to reach her before it swallowed her. But there was no way I’d be able to stand by and watch her burn. No. If she jumped off that ledge, she was going to get us both killed. “Don’t you dare,” I barked. “Don’t even think about it. Two minutes. They’ll be here.” “I…I can’t.” “Two minutes,” I repeated. “Hold—” Suddenly, a window to her left exploded, shooting glass and flames in all directions. I covered my face as she screamed in a paralyzing mixture of fear and agony. It cut me so deep that I knew I’d bear the scars for the rest of my life, and that had nothing to do with the glass and everything to do with the heavy weight of my failure already lingering in the smoke-filled air. When I opened my eyes again, I caught a glimpse of orange flickering in the window behind her. Panic built in my chest. “You need to move!” I yelled. She shook her head and continued to cough and cry. But it wasn’t an option. I couldn’t help her. Though I damn sure refused to watch her die. “Please. Just listen to me.” I swallowed hard. “You can’t stay there.” I looked to the roof. Sending her higher seemed wrong and went against everything I’d learned in my limited fire training. But fuck, my options were having her jump into a conflagration or scale up the side of a building in hopes of buying us the precious minutes needed for the fire department to arrive. Drawing in a smoke-filled breath, I made a decision that would haunt me for the rest of my life. “You need to climb up to the roof.” “I can’t!” she shrieked. My stomach twisted, but I gentled my voice. “Look, I know you’re scared. But I’m right here. I’ll help guide you up, but, sweetheart, it’s bearing down on you. You gotta move, and I mean now.” She choked on a mouthful of smoke as she attempted to look over her shoulder. “You’re going to be fine. I swear to you,” I lied. “But you have to move.” “I’m not going to make it!” She had to have yelled it in order for me to hear her, but I felt her defeat slither over my skin like a whispered goodbye. I took a long step forward, too focused on her to feel the heat singeing my skin. “Yes, you are!” I declared. “Move your ass up to the roof and we’ll both be out of here in time for breakfast.” Her gaze landed on mine, tears forging paths down her soot-covered cheeks, her disbelief obvious even from yards away. “Are you sure?” It was a ridiculous question. It wasn’t like I could make any guarantees. It was fire, for God’s sake. But that didn’t stop me from covering my heart with my palm and vowing, “I swear on my life you’re going to make it through this.” Her hesitation was evident, but with one last sob, she inched her small body farther out onto the narrow ledge, reaching the tips of her shaking fingers out for the windowsill above her. “Good girl,” I praised, a fraction of relief washing over me. And then I sucked in a sharp breath as one of her shaking legs slipped out from under her. “No!” I yelled. On instinct, I rushed toward the flames, my arms stretched out in the air as though I could catch her. A scalding heat blistered my face and forced me to stop, but the real pain was in my chest. I watched in horror for what felt like a lifetime as she fought to right herself, her dainty arms flailing like a wounded butterfly frantically trying to catch the wind. But there was none to be found. My heart lurched into my throat, and my breath seized in my lungs. And then a deep, guttural sound tore through me, shredding me from the inside out, as I watched her fall.

I woke up in a cold sweat. It wasn’t exactly something new. I’d been dreaming of Butterfly for over four years. She always flew directly into the flames, screaming as I stood helpless to save her. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I cradled my head in my hands and tried to pretend I was okay. That wasn’t exactly something new, either. I could still feel the heat on the back of my neck. My lungs were still thick with smoke. The pressure in my chest never left me. The distance while I was living in LA had helped. But, in the week since I’d been back in Illinois, I’d woken up every morning at that blazing house. I didn’t even have to be asleep for the memories to assault me. I should have gone back to sleep. It was my first day at my new job, and the last thing I needed was to show up haggard and sleep-deprived. But, as I’d learned over the years, another fiery butterfly awaited me on the other side of REM. No way I was volunteering for that. I pushed myself off the bed and tugged a T-shirt on, preparing to head down to the hotel gym with hopes that I could outrun the mental fog that had been hovering over me since I’d returned. There was a reason I’d thrown all of my shit in my car and driven as far as I could all those years ago. Yet, somehow, I’d come full circle. But I’d come back a different man. At least that’s what I’d told myself as the deafening roar of doubt had overwhelmed me the moment I’d driven across the state line. Regardless, it had been time to go home. I’d been gone too long. Or, as I’d decided as I’d passed the exit to Park County, not nearly long enough.

About the Author

Born and raised in Savannah, Georgia, Aly Martinez is a stay-at-home mom to four crazy kids under the age of five- including a set of twins. Currently living in South Carolina, she passes what little free time she has reading anything and everything she can get her hands on, preferably with a glass of wine at her side.

STALK HER: Website | Facebook | Twitter | Goodreads

Disclosure: This information was provided by TRSOR Promotions and Aly Martinez. This is NOT a compensated post.

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