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bewareofchris · 6 years

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@chamiryokuroi, i have so many feelings and so few of them are good that i almost don’t want to go into it on the internet. but,

(This turned into a dissertation) OBVIOUSLY THERE ARE INFINITY WAR SPOILERS BELOW THIS POINT.

first off let me say that I walked into this movie with the expectation that marvel was going to behave in a predictable marvel way. and what exactly is a predictably marvel way to act?

Cap is the Hero, Tony tries but fails, Thor can’t understand that reference but he’s super powerful, for reasons unknown powers that worked yesterday fail today, a critical part of the plot hinges upon a relationship or a decision that the audience hasn’t had enough time to form a bond with and so the critical emotional peak of the movie falls flat

so what happened in Infinity War?

Lets get started by saying that I don’t honestly care if Loki dies, but I am 100% disappointed that he didn’t have a better plan, more action or a real shot at doing anything. I mean. This little shit is basically a cockroach that’s been alive forever and he’s done all kinds of shit in that time but the BEST IDEA he had was to try to stab Thanos right in his stupid face?

I see that the Bifrost works however it wants now. Good to know.

WOULD YOU FUCKING MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND ABOUT TONY FUCKING STARK’S GLOWING FUCKING CHEST MY DUDE.

Look, I don’t think its a leap for Tony to wear nanobots and a hoodie that turns into a suit. I think that’s 100% in character, but Marvel you’re a bunch of morons that took the shiny thing out of Tony’s chest several movies ago you can’t just show up now and act like that didn’t happen because he looks better with it. This is like 0% relative and 100% nitpicky but it’s part of a greater Marvel Realized That Was Silly So They Changed It and Acted LIke We Wouldn’t Notice issue.

Bruce exists in this movie basically as a cheap joke and a town crier. THANOS IS COMING, THANOS IS COMING. Its like someone in the group writer meeting was like: dude, the Hulk is too much. We’ve literally seen the Hulk take on everything. We’ve established he’s undefeatable. We can’t go back now. How are we going to deal with the Hulk being a thing? And the guy sitting next to him, balancing a pencil on his nose was like IDK what if we just like, inexplicably and for no reason we ever need to explain, make the Hulk not show up? What if the Hulk gets hurt or scared by Thanos? And he doesn’t show up? OH DUDE then Bruce can use an Iron Man suit and we’ll do the trailers and make it look like the whole group is there!

You know else is too fucking powerful to let loose too early in the movie? Thor. You know they did this in Age of Ultron too, they were like: lets give him a vision of Ragnorok and send him to a sparkle pool to take his shirt off and see things, so he could not be present when Cap was fighting Ultron. Here they send him off with a Rabbit (this genuinely amused me no lie) and Groot. And Thor speaks Groot. A language he learned in high school. He’s 1500 years old. How does he remember high school Groot? but that’s not important, what is important is that he’s off on a side quest waking up some dead star to forge some Thanos-killing weapon because as we see in the final battle as soon as Thor shows up looking hella fine, the show is basically over.

COULD SOMEONE PLEASE SLAP THE FUCK OUT OF STEVE GOD DAMN ROGERS. Look, I understand that its upsetting when someone randomly suggests that killing themselves is the only way to save the planet but Rogers, if you aren’t the single most annoying hypocrite that ever walked the earth. (At least the movie did point this out. At least it did that.) “We don’t trade lives?” FUCK YOU STEVE. It was ONE FUCKING LIFE versus HALF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE. Everyone can do that math. One Life < Half the Universe. SEE, THE OPEN MOUTH GOES TOWARD TEH BIGGER NUMBER YOU SANCTIMONIOUS FUCK.

Honestly, Steve at the end, collapsing as he said ‘oh God’ is the only part of the entire MCU wherein Steve seems to sort of grasp that just because he wants the world to work a certain way doesn’t mean it will. I hate to be a petty bitch but I’m 100% okay with everyone dying because at least Captain Fucking Rogers was wrong AND THE STORY CANNOT DENY IT.

This is going out of order, I’m sorry.

Lets talk about Thanos. I actually liked Thanos. I bear him no ill will. He’s completely insane, but he’s doing what he thinks must be done for the greater good. (*COUGH* THE SAFEST HANDS ARE STILL OUR OWN */COUGH*) He is consistently insane which is nice.

but honestly. I mean, honestly, if this bastard was this set on doing this shit and this capable of it, why the fuck didn’t he show up earlier? Was it because he didn’t know where all the stones were? I feel like it’s been a couple of movies now that he should have known where most of them were? Why not collect them one at a time? Why not send out his assortment of assassins to collect them individually? He could have gotten all of the not-earth stones and then shown up to the party like HAHA BITCHES GUESS WHO THE FUCK I AM and 0 people would have known.

but this way is good too. I guess.

This plot hinges entire on a string of inconveniences. If not for bad timing, this series of events would not have unfolded in this way. I try not to get bitchy about conveniences because things happen in real life that would seem a lot like the cosmic writer whose dictating our lives never took a writing class, BUT if it progresses your story and makes things easier for you (the writer) to accomplish what the plot (and not necessarily the characters) needs/wants to happen next it’s lazy.

The iris mechanism breaking?

Thanos having already found the reality stone?

Gamora secretly being the only thing he loves?

Nebula only escaping after it’s too late?

Cap’s abilities being literally ‘whatever the story needs, is he mortal, is he not?’

Bruce and Hulk’s domestic issue

Dr. Strange apparently being able to not only tolerate 14 million alternate futures but also remember them with enough confidence to make decisions for everyone without consulting them

Everything that happened when Quill found out about Gamora

The end part where the axe to the chest didn’t stop Thanos

the convenient core-member survival of the Avengers

I truly believe in my heart that Marvel decided to kill Black Panther before they realized how popular that movie and character would be and fuck them.

While we’re at it. Fuck them for that whole thing. Like I get that T’Challa was leading his people, but the movie is framed in a way where he’s kind of an afterthought?

They definitely underestimated him, that’s all I’m saying. And Shuri.

THEY MISUSED THEM. THEY DID NOT TREAT THEM FAIRLY.

Look, I love Tony and I”m super happy that the MCU finally, finally stopped treating him like he was insane. Don’t get me wrong here, having Thanos show up and having Tony be like I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS is great.

What’s not great? Is the fact that Tony who literally has been waiting for this this whole time suddenly had very little back up plan? He had enough time to send Peter Parker a suit but he didn’t have a trove of alternate suits, or weapons, or anything that he could have sent along with it? I know he had a few minutes to think but ALIENS ARE INVADING IS LITERALLY THE THING HE’S BEEN FRETTING ABOUT SINCE AVENGERS 1.

I’m just saying, they could have had him be slightly more prepared.

Having said that, Tony was amazing.

One of the best parts of the movie is that twenty seconds where it looks like he’s having a stroke when he realizes he’s working with idiots.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU LET THEM GET THE GAUNTLET OFF IF YOU WERE JUST GOING TO HAVE QUILL FREAK OUT?

No I’ll tell you. Because it’s Marvel.

Honestly that fight V. Thanos in space was amazing. 10/10. Until Quill.

I have never been more furious about anything in my life than I was about Thanos trying to smash Steve Rogers into the ground and being unable to. Like, even his face seemed to be conveying some kind of ‘what is this bullshit happening before me’

(IS HE MORTAL? IS HE NOT?)

I also hated Steve’s shields, but I appreciate that they went with a pointy design so that he could more directly murder his helpless victims in combat. Someone needs to introduce Steve to Jeff Goldblum because I feel like he’d either invite Cap to join the harem or the gladiators or both and it would be glorious either way.

Gamora’s death shouldn’t have won the soul stone because Thanos is a piece of shit. He’s nuts. The Soul Stone should have just thrown her back up there while laughing hysterically something like “AHAHAHA MY MAN, YOU’RE A PSYCHO, HAHAHA, YOU DON’T LOVE ANYTHING.”

That moment when you realize that if even one thing had changed in this movie the entire sequence of events would collapse. That moment.

Also, how the living fuck did Tony live through getting impaled? How? HOW.

Dr. Strange: LET TONY LIVE Thanos: like, aren’t you a medical doctor? Dr. Strange: yes, but that’s not important Thanos: I’m not a medical doctor, like I’m just a crazy man, but he is definitely definitely dead. Dr. Strange: ok, yes, but. Thanos: no wait, I’m just--you’re really going to give up the time stone, a stone that as of this moment is basically impossible to get off you, just because you want Tony to live? He’s definitely going to die. I stuck this whole sharp thing through him. Dr. Strange: I KNOW IT SEEMS UNLIKELY BUT ROBERT DOWNEY JR SELLS MOVIES, OK. HE’S ADORABLE. Thanos: ...whatever dude. Give me the green glowy thing

NO HUMAN BEING CAN COMPREHEND 14 MILLION ANYTHINGS. This isn’t a number people can relate to. It’s meaningless. Why do all these movies have to overact? Lets blow up a whole planet, lets kill half the universe, lets act like a human mind can comprehend 14 million alternate timelines

The fanservice in this movie was incredible. Like, I’m now convinced there’s a whole team of interns at Marvel scouring the internet for more jokes.

“Hey boss, they seem to think Rocket trying to steal Bucky’s arm would be hilarious. So should we do that?” “GREG MY BOY WHAT A FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC IDEA.”

I loved Tony’s whole outfit. I loved the nano bots. I even loved at the end when he was running out and he had to redistribute them. It was amazing

“Home” says Steve Fucking Rogers, the international war criminal that was like ‘but he’s my friend’. BITCH THAT ISN’T YOUR HOME.

I’m actually 100% furious just at the fact that Rhodey who supported the accords immediately didn’t give one fuck about them as soon as it was convenient to want to be on Cap’s side instead. I’m FURIOUS that the Accords didn’t matter. They never did, but the fact that Rhodey was the last man standing that believed in them and he handwaved that shit away as soon as he laid eyes on Steve’s gruff unshaven face, its just like getting kicked in the nuts.

I just looked it up apparently Black Panther and Infinity War were filmed back to back which meant that Marvel had 0 idea how well Black Panther would do in theaters and honestly that must have been why they were like “ah yes you guys remember T’Challa? Well. basically he just gives Steve some shields and that’s fucking it.”

(I know he did more than that, but he was still treated like a convenient secondary character who had convenient abilities, like Groot who couldn’t be bothered to do anything until someone needed an axe handle.)

C O M M U N I C A T I O N. It really could have solved so many things. Dr. Strange: 14 million alternate futures Tony: cool. how many did we win? Dr. Strange: 1. Tony: wait what? TELL ME EXACTLY WHO DID WHAT Dr. Strange: I’m sorry I can’t just tell you the plot I’m not Mark Ruffalo.

Peter Parker did break my heart.

this is just personal preference but since I don’t find Chris Pratt funny at all, basically all the minutes that were put into his character were wasted on me

This movie cannot stand on it’s own. That’s not a negative. You don’t go see a movie like Infinity Wars if you haven’t already spent the last decade on the others leading up to it.

but, my dudes, you did not set up Wanda/Vision well enough. And so much emphasis was put on this. SO MUCH. She’ll have to destroy him, it’ll have to be her. Ok. Cool. So lets get to it.

I may be heartless.

Gamora crying when she though she’d killed Thanos felt more authentic than Wanda’s entire crisis about Vision.

But, hey, I’m sure in the next one they’ll do something stupid as fuck that’ll make the emotional punch of this movie completely fucking worthless.

#Infinity Wars #Avengers Infinity Wars #the american dreamsicle #whats bigger than an atomic clusterfuck? an infinite clusterfuck!

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berserker-official · 7 years

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Then allow me to be the one who does it. -ahem- Answer all 200 questions, please.

YOU

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now?

199: I was born in: A hospital in Colorado

198: I am really: Really tired

197: My cellphone company is: Cricket

196: My eye color is: Blue

195: My shoe size is: I think 12?

194: My ring size is: I have no fucking idea

193: My height is: 6′2

192: I am allergic to: Nothing that I know of

191: My 1st car was: I share a Jeep with the family

190: My 1st job was: A pizza man at Little Caesars in Texas

189: Last book you read: All You Need is Kill by Hiroshi Sakurazaka

188: My bed is: Small.

187: My pet: She a good girl and like 6 different breeds

186: My best friend: I have too many

185: My favorite shampoo is: Whatever’s cheap

184: Xbox or ps3: Both but I’m a sony man at heart

183: Piggy banks are: Neat

182: In my pockets: I don’t have pockets right now

181: On my calendar: Nothing special today but I have the Danganronpa V3 release date on it in a couple of weeks

180: Marriage is: Neat

179: Spongebob can: go steppin on the beach

178: My mom: is neat but I’m mad at her right now

177: The last three songs I bought were?

Silence by Marshmello & Khalid, OTONA HIT PARADE and Emotional Literacy by Bradio

176: Last YouTube video watched: Oney Plays D. Premonition WITH FRIENDS - EP 6 - Minesweeper175: How many cousins do you have? I honestly don’t know. My parents don’t really keep in touch with immediate family. My mom is an only child and my dad doesn’t talk to her sister.174: Do you have any siblings? I have a little brother who’s a fucking loser going for an astrophysics degree.

173: Are your parents divorced? Nope

172: Are you taller than your mom? By two feet.

171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play percussion in middle school

170: What did you do yesterday? A bunch of stencil work[ I Believe In ] (I’ve already answered these but here u go)169: Love at first sight: Not really168: Luck: Heart of the Cards167: Fate: No166: Yourself: Nope165: Aliens: Yeah164: Heaven: Not really163: Hell: Not really162: God: Not really161: Horoscopes: No but I look at them randomly160: Soul mates: Yeah159: Ghosts: No but not yet158: Gay Marriage: HELL YEAH157: War: No it bad156: Orbs: I BELIEVE IN THE ORBS155: Magic: No but not yet[ This or That ] (I’ve answered some of these already but here u go)154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs153: Drunk or High: Neither152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Black hair but I don’t really care?150: Blondes or Brunettes: Blonde cuz I’m ready to have fun149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Apples143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight hair142: McDonalds or Burger King: Doesn’t matter141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heals: I hate showing off my feet and I actually wore high heels once so HIGH HEELS138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I’m sweet and poor so that one137: Coke or Pepsi: Neither one I actually don’t like carbonated drinks136: Hillary or Obama: Thanks obama135: Burried or cremated: Cremated it’s better for the earth134: Singing or Dancing: Singing even I fuckin suck133: Coach or Chanel: I have no idea132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Neither?131: Small town or Big city: Big City130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller128: Manicure or Pedicure: Whichever is the hand one127: East Coast or West Coast: I’m in the middle so doesn’t matter126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas cuz my birthday is in the summer so I’m dying of heat.125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: Neither cuz going outside sucks123: Yankees or Red Sox: Cubs cuz they finally won the world series[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: It bad121: George Bush: He did Nine Eleven120: Gay Marriage: It’s great why the fuck do people think it’s bad119: The presidential election: In general I used to not care but NOW GO FUCKING VOTE118: Abortion: I think it’s important117: MySpace: I never had a myspace but bring back the grunge emo shit116: Reality TV: It’s obviously fake so115: Parents: Parents are good without them I would not be here (But if they’re abusive fuck them)114: Back stabbers: Drop them faster than you can say bye bitch113: Ebay: I’ve only used it once and it was good so I say sure112: Facebook: Needs to chill the fuck out111: Work: Work is good you get money and gain retail horror stories110: My Neighbors: One of them is a drunk so meh but The Best Neighbor is a guy that used to build his own motorcycles but has heart problems so he had to sell them but he’s a chill guy and I love him109: Gas Prices: TOO DAMN HIGH108: Designer Clothes: Too rich for my blood107: College: A good choice for your future but it’s not for everybody106: Sports: The only sport I care about is MLG Gaming105: My family: They cool but highly problematic104: The future: I’m at a big turning point right now so[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Last Saturday?102: Last time you ate: A couple hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Last week I think I hung out with a friend and we watched Willow100: Cried in front of someone: Months probably99: Went to a movie theater: I went to see Spider-Man Homecoming when it came out but next month I’m going to see Jigsaw with @warlord-official so that’s fun98: Took a vacation: I don’t know? When I got out of school for summer vacation?97: Swam in a pool: 2011?96: Changed a diaper: I actually never changed a diaper95: Got my nails done: Never94: Went to a wedding: Two years ago93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Sophmore year I got my lip pierced so...2008?91: Broke the law: I think I ran a red light once so a couple years ago?90: Texted: A day?[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Me cuz I do the dumbest shit88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My dog87: The last movie I saw: I was watching the Rugrats Movie on Netflix a little while ago86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Danganronpa V3 and then Jigsaw in October and the Ixalan MTG set at the end of the month.85: The thing im not looking forward to: The next time I have to go to jury duty84: People call me: by my name83: The most difficult thing to do is: Be an adult82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never81: My zodiac sign is: Leo80: The first person i talked to today was: My dad79: First time you had a crush: Probably in elementary school? She was partially deaf and my teacher told me to help her out for the year and we got pretty close78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: My friends cuz I gotta let my baggage out77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: I don’t remember cuz all my friends think the same way76: Right now I am talking to: No one75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I wanna do photography maybe teaching74: I have/will get a job: When I graduate73: Tomorrow: I gotta get up early for school72: Today: I did a bunch of school readings71: Next Summer: I’m gonna die from heat again70: Next Weekend: Hopefully I can hang with friends69: I have these pets: A good dog68: The worst sound in the world: When a racist opens their mouth67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Roman from the FH team cuz he’s NOT FUCKING NERFING CENT66: People that make you happy: All my friends65: Last time I cried: Just now boi we goin in hard64: My friends are: Good boys and girls63: My computer is: I have an 5 year old ASUS laptop that I should try to upgrade cuz it runs Overwatch poorly62: My School: MSU Denver61: My Car: I share a Jeep with the family60: I lose all respect for people who: Treat my friends like they’re subhuman59: The movie I cried at was: Death Note cuz it was fucking awful58: Your hair color is: Dirty blonde57: TV shows you watch: The only stuff on now that I’m watching is Rick and Morty and AHS: Cult56: Favorite web site: Tumblr even though this hellsite is full of sin55: Your dream vacation: Japan?54: The worst pain I was ever in was: My wisdom teeth were pretty obnoxious53: How do you like your steak cooked: Rare52: My room is: Very messy and small51: My favorite celebrity is: Gal Gadot50: Where would you like to be: Anywhere not stressed out49: Do you want children: Only if I have an S/O that wants kids48: Ever been in love: Yeh47: Who’s your best friend: I have too many to count but @warlord-official is one of them46: More guy friends or girl friends: I think it’s a tie?45: One thing that makes you feel great is: when my friends are happy or I eat a good burger44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My friend that’s in Japan I miss her43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Nope42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Nope41: Have you pre-named your children: I did when I was dating someone and thought we were pretty serious but then I found out she was cheating on me so not anymore40: Last person I got mad at: My mom39: I would like to move to: Japan or somewhere that is cool all the time like Washington maybe38: I wish I was a professional: Photographer[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Pay Day36: Vehicle: Reasonably priced car is one of the new Jeeps. Super expensive car would be an Aston Martin or Maserati35: President: Obama34: State visited: Georgia was nice33: Cellphone provider: Cricket cuz it’s the only one I’ve had32: Athlete: John Elway31: Actor: Chris Evans30: Actress: Gal Gadot29: Singer: Kesha28: Band: Bradio or Starset27: Clothing store: DXL cuz it’s the only store that sells clothes for Big Boys26: Grocery store: Safeway25: TV show: Hannibal or Future Diary. Rick and Morty is always good24: Movie: Saw, Pacific Rim, Back to the Future, or Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift23: Website: Tumle dot hell22: Animal: Dog?21: Theme park: NONE OF EM20: Holiday: Halloween19: Sport to watch: idk18: Sport to play: I used to do tennis so that one17: Magazine: Shonen Jump or Game Informer16: Book: The Disaster Artist15: Day of the week: Friday14: Beach: I’ve never been to a beach13: Concert attended: Either PVRIS or A Perfect Circle with @warlord-official12: Thing to cook: It’s like a mix of pizza and spaghetti11: Food: A nice burger10: Restaurant: I like Smashburger9: Radio station: I don’t remember the one that plays rock music here but that one8: Yankee candle scent: Something about rain?7: Perfume: There was a vanilla one that I thought smelled nice a long time ago6: Flower: idk?5: Color: a deep blue4: Talk show host: Ellen DeGeneres?3: Comedian: Bo Burnham2: Dog breed: Mutt1: Did you answer all these truthfully? I hope so

#long post #rexudagawa

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