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#i cannot recall a singular time you’ve apologized for being a complete bitch to me over something so fucking unimportant.
flippedorbit
·
5 months
Text
do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?
#“oh you and your sister never listen to me and blah blah blah” we fucking do (or at the very least i do)
#“you guys never help out” does me doing the litter and taking out the trash and on occasion hand washing the dishes mean
#fucking nothing to you? does me sweeping the floor every once in a while because you chose to keep us in an area that is ALL SAND/DIRT ROAD
#for whatever stupid ass reason also meaningless? does me doing my damn best to help out mean fucking nothing?
#do you want me to kill my self. do you want to lose your eldest child to something YOU could have fucking prevented all because you can’t
#stop being a bitch to him all the time? do you really fucking want that mom? because at this rate i am once again on the road to fucking
#attempting it. i’m so god damn sick of how you treat me. the only time i can do anything i want is at night. i stay up super late playing
#games with my friends because its the only time in the day when you aren’t bitching and whining for me to do something you don’t want to do
#for the past several days i’ve been up until five in the damn morning just to do something that makes me happy.
#you misgender me. you deadname me. you refuse to accept any aspect of my identity. you don’t treat me like a god damn person.
#i have so many different ways i can consider attempting if i truly wanted to. the only thing keeping me alive is my friends. because they a
#least show that they fucking care and actively want to do things with me. like group drawing or playing video games.
#YOU on the other hand; mother; yell and get mad at me over the stupidest shit and never fucking apologize.
#i cannot recall a singular time you’ve apologized for being a complete bitch to me over something so fucking unimportant.
#and yet i’m expected to be completely fucking fine and happy all because you provide me with the bare fucking minimum.
#”i clothe and feed and provide a place for you to live” THAT IS THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM. sure you could argue over the fact i’m 18 and
#should be out working somewhere. but you give me so few opportunities for going places and even considering getting a job or finally gettin
#my driver’s license. plus i would rather fucking die than work any food service or customer service job. because i’d be going somewhere
#where i’d mostly get talked down to or yelled and then come home and have the same shit done after working for hours and getting minimal
#pay. i’d rather work on my own fucking terms with commissions than go into any job where i have to interact with others in public for any
#reason. where i’d be treated just the same as at home. like someone who isn’t a person and doesn’t deserve anyone to be nice to them.
#i constantly so desperately wish that maybe one day soon i’d find someone to be with romantically and that i could maybe live with them and
#get out of this hell hole that i’m supposed to call home. to go somewhere and have my efforts appreciated. to go somewhere where i’d
#actually fucking be loved. i shouldn’t have to wish so god damn hard for a better life all because my mother can’t fucking treat me like a
#person with hopes and dreams and thoughts and feelings.
#i’m ending this rant here before i get too angry and upset. see you all in maybe an hour.
#suicide mention
#ask to tag
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