#i could always write it down on a journal but. its 1am. im sleepy

[bixiaoshi]

not having someone older than me telling me that im still young and i can still start doing things at whatever age rlly got me fucked up

#no but why do i feel im running out of time when im just 23 like im literally JUST 23 #maybe its bcs im not doing everything i want to do? maybe bcs i feel like i have limited time? idk #maybe bcs everything is a constant u get old by the time u reach x age and u Cannot Do Stuff when u're old? #IM SORRY FOR THE EXISTENTIAL POSTING i dont have therapy for another 3 weeks and i need it out #i could always write it down on a journal but. its 1am. im sleepy #idk if it has to do w the fact that i literally lost my entire teenage years to processing my dad emotional abuse or whatever #i feel like i missed out so much and idk where to start now plus idk HOW to start and that overwhelms me and #by not know shit abt anything makes me feel like im losing my time and w that comes the im running out of time while figuring other stuff #and wishing i get to do what i want to do will take me nowhere but i rlly dont know where to start plus i know right now is almost #impossible bcs i dont have like the minimum things i would need and i dont have the money either like #asking for money is like the thing i least would want to do bcs my mom has a million other things to pay so i feel like im not rlly a #priority. and i could always work but again. working and studying is a big nope for me so . idk where i would get money #and u know what i feel incredibly naked and vulnerable rn and idk where im going w this so i'll just stop here. good night everyone 🫶 #jo.txt