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swampgallows · 6 years

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i just woke up, it’s close to noon here, five hours is good enough i guess. i keep thinking about college and how fucking suicidally depressed i was then and how ive spent half of this year being unemployed and generally just struggling to take care of myself in the most banal and basic ways possible, and how depression really does just delete years from your life. you live through them in a daze, you’re already a ghost, you’re already dead. questing in wrath of the lich king is honestly some of the last shit i remember concretely before going into a two year gray area of passing my classes and nothing else. i remember breaking up with my boyfriend because he chose raiding over me. i dont want to talk about it again. the memory is still painful. still, even still, ten years later. and in late 2008 i was attacked in my dorm room and i was screaming and my roommates thought i was being a big ol slut. they thought any guy that came over was someone i was fucking. when i went to blizzcon in 2008 and my brother stayed in my dorm they thought i was fucking him too until i told them he was my little brother. they tried so fucking hard to suppress my interests and make me “like them”. “there’s more to life than world of warcraft and pokemon” they said as if going to college basketball games and rewatching disney movies has any more enrichment or depth beyond what i was fucking doing. my life is so full of hatred, from myself, from other people, just being fostered in me in general, and it’s only within the last few years that i’ve gotten to heal from it at all, all the time being hurt more and more

i was talking to a friend yesterday who is just 19 and thinking about where i was when i was 19, which of course puts me in 2009 again, the year i dropped out of existence, and i was telling them about how i was essentially raised by the ilk of 4chan and the piece of shit community on wow that, like, since i’m around ~liberal genderqueer~ tumblr-type spaces all the time, genuinely shocks me to remember still exists, of those fucking hypermasculine overcompensating military dudes. and we were talking about how like, nerds in general tend to have shit social skills or anxiety or are Othered in ways that have them reinforce this piece of shit pecking order where the loudest and meanest proclaim themselves the Leader and everyone just follows them because theyre too meek to challenge them or they mistake arrogance for confidence and assume any asshole crowing that loud about how Right they are all the time Must Be Right.

and i thought of my own life, my ex QP, my old friend groups, my abusive ex boyfriend, how i mistook so long their malice as strength, how i was duped by their self-aggrandizement. they had no skills, no talents, no girlfriend (except when i dated them), no women in their lives in general, no real friends they could count on (except, for my abuser, an older man with 3 children and a brand new divorce whose house he muscled and manipulated himself into—”i cant even bear to be in the old master bedroom anymore”—and my abuser promptly MOVED HIMSELF INTO IT) no hobbies, and the one or two hobbies that they had—fishing, video games—they were fucking less-than-passable at. my ex-qp wasn’t good at video games. he would use cheat codes or just play the strongest character and rely on everyone else to pick up his slack. warrior, carry, tank, what have you; all of us his underlings to support him to victory—”I’m doing all of the damage and getting none of the kills”—he would whine, oblivious to the concept of teamwork and seeking credit within the only realm he had a semblance of succeeding in.

anyway so when i first joined tumblr i swung the pendulum in the other direction because i absolutely had to, it was for my survival to become a virulent feminazi as they put it, and i was obnoxious about it, and i reposted rape statistics all the time and challenged people all the time because i had to. i had to let it overtake me in order to purge all of the 10+ years of toxic social conditioning that places like 4chan and their little infestations in WoW and all of my abusive partners instilled in me. i had to be vocal about rape this and sexual assault that because i spent the better part of my adolescence trying to laugh away the fact that i was raped as a child, trying to make jokes about my “delicious flat chest” and pedobear and “surprise buttsecks/it’s not rape if you yell surprise” and “delicious loli”; some of the images i had willingly saved on my ancient hard drive are absolutely harrowing to go through now as an adult knowing my mushy impressionable 14 year old traumatized mind was trying to cope with and gloss over what had happened to me and with the future i was facing as a budding adolescent in this kind of environment. men didnt want to be responsible for what happened to me or with what would happen to me, it made them uncomfortable for me to talk about it, so i was told to laugh it away, that nobody cares that i was raped, that i was stronger if i could just laugh about it, that no topics were beyond reproach or off limits, and that if i wasnt desensitized to my own suffering then i was weak, i was a sheep, i was a burden, i was letting my emotions get the better of me.

obviously, tumblr as a whole DIRECTLY acts in opposition of this: everything is rooted in our traumas, which we are expected to lay bare for all to be taken seriously: 4chan demanded that we invalidate the trauma by making a joke of it and allowing the masses to pick it apart for their own entertainment, to become part of the anonymous “legion” by offering up our individuality to be consumed by the group (as a currency of “lulz”, basically); tumblr, reflexively, demands we validate the trauma by making it an open and public integral asset to our identity, to have easily digestible and categorized characteristics so as to fit into the tumblr hierarchy of needs, their own misinterpreted facsimile and microcosm of existing systematic oppression, and obtain a sort of fixed currency of privilege or “woke points” dependent on identity politics. so i definitely needed to purge my previous conditioning with this reclamation of my identity as a survivor, etc, and had about 7 years of misplaced anger and fury condensed into a good two or so years instead, and even now im still parsing details.

it wasnt until i was 22 that i had even heard the term asexuality and it wasnt until i was 25 that i realized i was bi (or “could be” bi), even though i had already been in love with and sexually active with women years prior lmao. i had been told by every possible source that having a dick inside me would change my life and change my outlook and change me into a better person or whatever the fuck, that i would “understand” and “grow up” and “become a woman” or whatever and guess what it did fucking NOTHING, just like every teen drama romance or whatever tries to stress over and over, sex is not a magical lifechanging event that hands you a million dollars and a healthy brain. it changes your life in some ways and it’s definitely not something to be taken lightly but in no way is it a cure for anything.

i dont know where i’m going with this, im just fucking pissed off about my life, im pissed off that healing takes so long and that i had to do any of it in the first place. im so pissed about all of my time wasted with this fucking piece of shit body and fucking piece of shit brain and i wish i could just go back to work and be a functional human being but im like just a short leap away from doing any of that. i have to get in touch w my previous HMO once the new year starts now that im confirmed for medi-cal, and i should have done it months ago, but i have to just accept that this whole time ive been not USELESS but just utterly CONSUMED by self-preservation, that it is taking most of my effort to want to be alive and stay on this planet any longer. especially now with my teeth bugging me so bad because i cant fucking take care of myself so im grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw and i guess eating improperly or what have you idont fucking know. im going to buy a waterpik even though it’s fifty dollars and i have not made ANY MONEY in the last 6 months or done ANY of what i wanted to do and i still have a number of commissions needling at me that i genuinely like cant fucking even look at withotu fucking hitting myself and crying, and im seriously not trying to make fucking excuses, i am so fucking ashamed and consumed by self-hatred about this, this has been a problem for me SINCE COLLEGE where i was an ART MAJOR that i had to fucking beat the shit out of myself to try to draw anything “seriously”, and i do mean literally beating myself, bludgeoning myself with my morris sticks and smacking myself in the face/head and clawing at my skin, and i fucking hate it

i just know i need like SO MUCH recovery or healing or whatever the fuck, i feel so long overdue for very basic shit, and part of me feels like a withering plant, like pouring water over dry leaves thinking it’s just going to saturate itself and be instantly rejuvenated. im losing leaves in the process, as it were, and getting no “water” all this time. i feel like i’m in drought mode. these last six months are me basically conserving all i have, toeing away from the edge of the cliff because iw as so ready yall i was so fucking ready, i was ready to jump off, i spent whole lunch hours just ready to fucking leap, staring down the void, staring at the winding road that went up the mountain, staring at the deer who stared back at me, hiding my face from Adults who treated me like a wind-up doll, i just couldnt take it, ic ouldnt be somewhere that sterile, i couldnt be spending so much of my life getting so little back, i coudlnt see my friends ever, i couldnt breathe, but in general my brain is sick and i need to heal from all of these things, i need to figure out how i can cope with being alive because i am going to be alive at least a little longer and i need to not fear and crave death simultaneously. i do not want to die, I DO NOT want to die, but i cannot live in a constant state of recuperating. my life has just felt like the Shutting Down... screen for the last 2 years.

NEED a new dentist NEED my teeth fixed PLEASE GOD open the stem cell dentin treatment to clinics worldwide GOD fix my TEETH PLEASE let me REGROW my TEETH NEED therapy NEED to fix my brain NEED to figure out how i can cope with being unable to support myself in this shit fucking economy NEED TO RECOVER NEED TO GET BETTER PLEASE IM FUCKING SUFFERING

#blathering

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elizabethleslie7654 · 6 years

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The Anti-White, Post-Christian Church

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by Gaius Marcius

John Piper is the preeminent evangelical proponent of White guilt. To overcome his own guilt about growing up as a privileged White in the segregated South, Piper inculcates self-loathing in White Christians who may not know how much they have to be sorry for. To atone for the sin of being White in America, Piper has, among other things, adopted a Black child of his very own, organized his Bethlehem Church to actively promote non-Whites into leadership positions, and praised the so-called music of Christian rapper Lecrae. Piper also regularly condemns Donald Trump and White identity politics while making excuses for Black identity politics, even after his favorite non-Whites abandon him for explicitly racial reasons.

Unlike many anti-White activists who are liberal or secular, and therefore immediately suspect within the evangelical community, Piper is relatively conservative on many social issues, and he preaches an anti-racist Christianity that makes religious conservatives reluctant to defend their own culture and race, even though many evangelicals share with the Alt Right an emphasis on tradition, personal virtue, community, and spiritual, as opposed to materialistic, values that should make the two groups natural allies.

Piper structures his articles around some basic anti-racist talking points, generally ones that could be refuted even by a novice race realist, and then squeezes in some non sequiturs and a few cherry picked Bible passages. Piper’s articles conform to the inoffensive, socially acceptable opinions most Christians have been taught since childhood; they are plausibly religious without being intolerant. Unfortunately, Piper’s method is entirely lacking intellectual content and so can be used to make a Christian virtue out of literally any ridiculous, self-destructive behavior. In the following essay I will use Piper’s logic to show that chopping off your hands and feet is a Christian virtue. This essay was inspired by a piece that Piper wrote to commemorate the Loving v. Virginia Supreme Court case, and will be more interesting after you slog through Piper’s tendentious article. There really is no substitute for experiencing the original.

Celebrating the Beauty of Weakness

Forty years ago, on June 12, 2020, the United States Suprema Corte de Justicia de la Nacion declared unconstitutional all state laws that prohibited Voluntary Amputation (VA). The case was called Smythe v. Iowa. Mark and Katherine Smythe were determined to have their hands and feet surgically removed, but every doctor in their home state of Iowa refused to perform the procedure, citing Muslim religious objections to “self-maiming” other than female genital mutilation.

After losing an initial lawsuit against the AIMA (American Islamic Medical Association), the Smythes wrote to Attorney General Latifa Washington to start a legal action for violation of their religious liberty. Latifa referred the case to the American Civil Liberties Union. The original judge, Athanasius Martel, who had handed down the verdict, refused to reconsider his earlier decision. He argued,

Almighty God created the humanity with a body with discrete parts and powers and placed them in a natural world suited to their bodily condition. But for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such amputations. The fact that he joined the body together by nature in the mother’s womb and by providence in his divine plan shows that he did not intend the body to be unnaturally divided.

The Suprema Corte was unanimous in favor of the Smythe family, observing that laws against Voluntary Amputation were “designed to maintain ableist supremacy”.

At the time of the Suprema Corte decision, sixteen states of primarily European demography still enforced laws prohibiting VA. New Hampshire did not amend its state constitution on the issue for thirty years (2050), and Idaho took until 2052.

Important as Ever

This is a court decision worth celebrating. But far more important than the legalization of Voluntary Amputation in one nation is the fact that God’s revealed will for the world is not undermined but advanced when men and women of different abilities choose to become weak for Christ. That is a startling and controversial claim in the face of diverse opposition to Voluntary Amputation in our own day.

From the White community, a spokesman says, “How can a White man fulfill his obligation to provide for his family when he has intentionally handicapped himself? Call it what it is: Selfish, self-imposed genocide and extinction of the White work ethic.”

From the White evangelical community, another says, “I would never Voluntarily Amputate. Why? Because I believe God made each person fearfully and wonderfully, knitting them together in their mother’s womb. (Psalm 139). He made them uniquely different and intended that these distinctions remain.”

From the Black community, one spokesman says, “Voluntary Amputation undermines [African-Americans’] ability to win athletic scholarships and introduce our children to Black role models who accept their physical identity with pride.”

Against all of these objections, I believe it is as important as it ever has been that Christians settle it in their minds that Voluntary Amputation in Christ is not only a beautiful picture of Christ’s sacrifice for His Church, but also a flesh-and-blood imitation of the strength in weakness Christ exhibited by submitting to Incarnation (Philippians 2:7-8).

Moreover, the common cultural ban on Voluntary Amputation lies at the heart of the physical division in the church. I would go further and say that opposition to Voluntary Amputation is one of the deepest roots of distance, disrespect, and hostility in the world. Show me one place in the world where Voluntary Amputation is frowned upon, and yet the able and disabled groups still have equal respect and honor and opportunity. I don’t think it exists.

Add to this that, since the recent presidential election, the ugly forces of hateful and angry ableist supremacy have felt empowered to show their colors in America more openly than for the last forty years. Just two weeks ago, I spoke with a friend whose double amputee (by choice) parents have lived as American citizens in the same neighborhood in California for decades, only to find their house, soon after the election, for the first time ever, spray-painted with slurs telling them to “give themselves a hand.”

Search Your Heart

I remember from the time I was a teenager growing up in South Carolina how the arguments from “nature” were used, and carried the day for most of us in our blindness to the fullness of biblical truth. “Birds have wings, cats have tails, and humans have hands and feet. This is the way God meant it to be. So, it’s against nature for people to cut off their own healthy limbs.”

Flowing from all these arguments against Voluntary Amputation is an inevitable pressure on all social structures to institutionalize ableist supremacy, especially among young people who might choose the noble path of VA if they hang out with the disabled. So, that includes neighborhoods and schools especially. No matter how much love or goodwill you may have, if my son or daughter with a self-imposed “handicap” is unacceptable as a spouse for your son or daughter, then you will keep your family at a distance from mine. And the social order will reflect that distance. And the desire for that distance will inevitably breed disrespect, suspicion, and antagonism. For all these reasons, Christians of every physical ability should search their hearts and search the Scriptures, and bring their hearts, by the power of God’s Spirit into line with God’s word.

Biblical Beauty of Voluntary Amputation

Let me simply give five summary pointers to the kind of arguments that show the biblical beauty of VA in Christ.

1. The biblical description of how so-called physical differences emerged from one pair of human beings, Adam and Eve, shows that VA does not contradict God’s purpose for diversity in this world and the next.

I agree that physical diversity is God’s good plan for humanity, and that it serves to glorify God more than sameness would have. This physical diversity will mark the people of God in the age to come. Our salvation in Christ does not obliterate all differences. He redeems, refines, and enriches them in the togetherness of his kingdom. The final image of heaven is “every tribe and language and people and nation” (Revelation 5:9; 7:9).

Some have argued that God’s will for diversity, therefore, rules out Voluntary Amputation, which “rebels” against the differences. They speak of the disabled as “deficient” and lacking the “benefits” of intact bodies. They speak of the “dissection room” where all God’s intentions for physical differences are destroyed.

The first thing to say in response to this view is that we must not overlook the fact that all ability levels and disabilities came from one human pair. God “made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth” (Acts 17:26). This is important because in the sad history of ableist “science,” which justified prejudice on the basis of VA’s having a different ability than non-amputees, the message of the Christian Scriptures constrained the development of merit based ideals of human achievement. For all the misuses of the Bible to justify normative physicality and subjugation, the teaching of a single common ancestor for all humans has been a massive deterrent to such abuses. In other words, “ability” is a fluid concept with no clear boundaries.

God seems to delight not just in three or five, but in thousands of variations of human beings. In fact, many today would argue that the concept of ability is unhelpful altogether because there are no clear lines that can be drawn, and the ones that are drawn are not genetically or morally significant. It is significant that when God foresees the physical diversity of the coming kingdom in Luke 5:31 and Matthew 11:28, he speaks not of the strong and powerful, but of “the sick,” and “the weary” and those “bearing heavy burdens.”

After the flood, God set in motion a process of increasing diversification of humanity. “From these the coastland peoples spread in their lands, each with his own language, by their clans, in their nations” (Genesis 10:5). He is not concerned with limiting diversity to a few groups. According to the text, he planned the multiplication of increasing numbers of peoples.

This leads me to conclude that the Voluntary Amputees add to the diversity of the human race, rather than diluting it. The scope of the world’s peoples is so huge that there is no serious possibility that VA will reduce the diversity of peoples. There is no melting pot. There is only a stew pot. And there always will be.

2. The Bible forbids the independent pride in one’s own abilities that is increased by physical prowess.

The instinctive, “natural” concern for our own physical well-being is part of the sin nature Christians are commanded to strive against. The goal is not to maximize ability or perfect physical appearance. The issue is this: Will there be one common allegiance to the true God in this life, or will there be divided affections? The prohibition in God’s word is not against VA, but against selfishly viewing your body as your own possession to do with what you will.

We see this most clearly in Christ’s teaching in Matthew 5:29-30, “If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” This is the New Testament application of the Old Testament ritual of circumcision practiced by Israel as a sign of the self-denial that God requires.

3. In Christ, our oneness is profound and transforms ability and “disability” from barriers to blessings.

In Christ, physical differences cease to be obstacles to deep, personal, intimate fellowship, including marriage.

You have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all. (Colossians 3:9–11)

When Christ is our all, and when Christ is in all, differences of ability change from being barriers to become blessings. Even “handicaps” — and the most severe of them — are present in the new “race,” the church. The head of this race is no longer Adam, but “the last Adam,” Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 15:45). God aims that in this new “race” of humans, all types in the world will be included: “Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.”(Luke 14:21). Voluntary Amputation in this new humanity is one manifestation, and one means, of Christ being all in all.

4. God severely disciplined the able and blessed the “disabled” in Scripture.

God’s servant Elisha possessed a trait that would mark him as “deficient” in his day.

“Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!” When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number.” (2 Kings 2:23-24)

What is most significant about this context is that God does not get angry at Elisha; he gets angry at the boys for criticizing Elisha for his perceived “weakness”. God was not pleased with this criticism, and his punishment was swift and startling.

Likewise, the blessings of God come to those who are “disabled” like the blind man healed by Jesus.

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. (John 9:1-3)

Arrogant use of modern medicine has deprived Jesus of opportunities to display God’s glory. We should change our perspective; so-called disabilities are not problems to be solved but chances to share in God’s work.

5. In Christ, the good effects of Voluntary Amputation are worth the challenges it can bring.

Will it be harder live a comfortable daily life as an amputee? Will it be harder for the children? Maybe. Maybe not. But since when is that the way a Christian thinks? Life is hard. And the more you love, the more painful it gets.

The risks are huge. It’s hard to take a child and move into a diverse neighborhood where he may be teased or ridiculed. It’s hard to help a child be a Christian in a secular world where his beliefs are mocked. Whoever said that living with no feet and no hands was supposed to be trouble free? It’s one of the hardest things in the world. It just happens to be right and rewarding.

Here is where Christ makes the difference. Christ does not call us to a prudent life, but to a God-centered, Christ-exalting, justice-advancing, countercultural, risk-taking life of love and courage. Christians are people who move toward need and truth and justice, not toward comfort and security. Life is hard. But God is good. And Christ is strong to help.

Who knows what blessings through pain God may have in store? Voluntary Amputation has an amazing potential for great joy and peace. Yes, there are exceptions: a self-reliant father may never speak to his bedridden son-in-law. But another wonderful possibility exists. Indeed, it comes to pass over and over through VA.

A once-bigoted group of relatives is forced to see as a person the “burden” who just joined their family. The newcomer into the family is not just a burden any more. Over time the suspicions and prejudices and hostilities die away, and something beautiful is born: reconciliation and respect and harmony, spreading out in ways no one thought possible. The once-angry father now views all his disabled colleagues at work differently.

Shine with the Glory of Christ

It is good that laws against Voluntary Amputation have disappeared in America. But civil laws are not the main concern of the church of Jesus Christ. Our primary citizenship is in heaven, not America (Philippians 3:20). Our main aim is not to constrain the behavior of unbelievers by laws. Our aim is to bring the new, redeemed humanity — the church of Christ — into conformity with his will.

Our aim is to magnify Christ in this world. The freedom and the beauty and peace of Voluntary Amputation is one ray of the glory of Christ that should be shining from this new humanity — this “chosen race” (1 Peter 2:9) — which Jesus Christ died and rose again to create.

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portfoliyothings-blog · 7 years

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Essay Series: Writing Down the Road to Discovery

Writing has always been an integral part of my life. At best, writing serves as therapy. At worst, writing stands as a road block- only further proving my inability to express myself in a concise and clear way. Despite this difficult relationship, writing is imperative to my being. Throughout my life it has played an important role in my activism, artistry, and therapy which is why I believe literacy is an essential part to any movement or lifestyle with purpose.

Writing began to intrigue me at a young age. My father, with English being his second language, has a way with words but not with speech. As a child, I watched him stumble over incredible passages that he birthed, but were still unfamiliar to his tounge. He often tells me, “Usas tus palabras para mejorar el mundo, hija”, and I am prepared to make my Papa proud by any means necessary. If it weren’t for him telling me to use my voice for the betterment of the world, I don’t think writing would be the companion it is now. My Mom influenced me just as strongly, but her extroverted personality and willingness to give extemporaneous speeches contrasted my father’s introverted demeanor greatly. For her, I would write song after song in attempt to show her I would be just as creative as she. My parents never caught me without a pen or pencil in my hand. I even went as far as proclaiming my desire to be a writer professionally to anyone who would listen. This all began to change when I entered middle school and I could no longer find myself in the books we read. We read tales of heroic White men and women, singers, families, builders, travelers, lawyers- all as white as the girls sitting at the table around me. It is not that the stories were not compelling. They inspired me and some even made me weep under the covers with a rose pink highlighter in one hand and a pack of Kleenex in the other, but they did not reflect the blackness that was steadily evolving within me. This discomfort lasted until high school. I was writing essays and reading my assigned literature in order to achieve the grade I wanted, not for the enrichment of my soul. I found myself going through the motions as I scribbled marginalia and quickly flipped through the pages searching for the point of it all. This all changed on April 19, 2015.

I did not have the pleasure of knowing Freddie Gray, or Pepper, as his friends and family called him, but I had the pleasure of allowing his legacy to mold me as a writer. After the Uprising, I was literally at a loss for words. I did not speak or eat for days. I was having trouble engaging in discourse with the daughters of upper-class White families, so I muted myself. I saw my opportunity to break free with the Edith Hamilton Scholars Program at my school. The program allows a small group of students to do independent interdisciplinary research on a topic of their choosing with total financial, critical, and academic support of the Edith Hamilton committee. We did not receive a great for our work, but the satisfaction of curiosity was more than enough. For my Edith Hamilton project, I chose to study the art of intentional choreography with a focus on telling the story of the Baltimore Uprising through modern dance. I interviewed members of the tri-school community (consisting of three single-sex independent schools in Roland Park, Baltimore) and the greater Baltimore community to tap into their perspectives about the city and the unrest. Alongside the questions about race in Baltimore, I asked questions about music and the artistic heartbeat of the city to gain inspiration for the three movements of my dance piece, Baltimore: A City in Motion. I had a few different goals for my project. First, I wanted to amplify the voices of Baltimoreans who may have felt silenced. It was extremely difficult to “allow the voices and experiences of people that I care about deeply to be taken and handled so carelessly and without accountability” by media personalities that did not care to cover Baltimore until it was burning (Royster, 5). Second. I wanted to use the powerful medium of dance to dig into emotions previously unexplored. I wanted to show that the problems in Baltimore started way before Freddie Gray made international news. Lastly, I wanted to pay homage to Alvin Ailey. He is a man whose vision has changed my life for the better. I learned so much about what it truly means to choreograph real life. My art was an imitation of life, but I had goals of influencing the way the audience sees and thinks about the world which would pour my piece back into the city. The Baltimore Uprising forced me to pick my pencil up again for something other than a 95% on a paper or a beaming comment on a report card. My project taught me an important lesson that even when “no one is listening to me or is curious enough to try to understand my voice, it is still better to speak” (Royster, 9). During my year of working on my Edith, I had a sort of “rememory” like those described by Toni Morrison in Beloved. I remembered what it was like to write for myself and for the ones I love. Through activism, artistry, and research, writing became my most important tool. It was also during this time that I was forced to write my way to recovery.

Depression has a funny way of crawling into someone’s life. It was like a monster hiding under my bed. I always had an unnerving feeling that it was there, but it was not until I pulled the comforter up that it was able to engulf me. In the winter of my senior year, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, or clinical depression. I began writing to try to save myself. Depression is a very thick state of being. I wrote journals, letters to myself and my family, and intentionally searched for positive news in order to get through the suffocating muck that consumed me each and everyday. This was a time in which I also found light in poetry. Here is an excerpt from a poem I wrote in March after going through a particularly rough episode,

Hello, Dark Monster

You are like waking up early to see the sunrise

And missing it

Every

Single

Time

Oh to wait another 24 hours

Hoping to catch the rays with my spirit

Please don’t leave without me

In Toni Morrison’s essay, Playing in the Dark, she writes about capturing our “lush and fully blossomed existence in the rhetoric of dread and desire”, and that is exactly what I was attempting to do by writing as much as I could to free myself (64). My main goal was to offer myself “the right to inquiry and discovery”, which could only come from my attempt to learn something new about my mind at any given moment (Royster, 5). It was my personal creation of therapy through literacy. I have not been able to truly measure how much it helped me, but i know that without writing, my emotions may have eaten me alive.

In my lifetime, I have written 12 songs for my mother, cinco cuentos para mi Jefe, hundreds of poems about love and life, countless essays for a position at the top of my class, 17 suicide notes, too many happy thoughts to count, and a work that nurtured my passion for social justice. This is why writing is so important to me. I am eager to see how I expand under all of this new instruction and my new environment at Howard, but I hope to maintain all that writing has been for me. I know that since I plan on expanding as an artist, activist, scholar, and human being, my writing and relationship with literature will be forced to expand as well. For all of those interests are reciprocal to one another. I know that I can only go up from here.

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magdaleneswift-blog · 7 years

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THE PA BISHOPS EXPLAIN LAW TO THEIR CONGREGATIONS

PA State Attorney General’s Office Child Protection Department Strawberry Square Harrisburg, PA 17120

RE: PA BISHOPS BLATANTLY LIE TO PROTECT PEDOPHILES AND THEIR POCKETBOOKS - PA Bill 1947

Dear Sir or Madam:

The bishops in PA, from what I can tell, led by Chaput (Slap you) of Philadephia, are falsely claiming that PA Bill 1947 bill unfairly targets non-profits. They say that the bill excludes those in the public sector. The bill says the exact opposite. It specifically waives sovereign immunity so those in the public sector can be sued. They forced all the parishes in the state to publish their lies in their bulletins, thereby deliberately shredding any credibility the local parishes may have left. I talked to my local legislator. Luckily, most parishioners completely ignored the notice.

From what I have seen, Cardinal Dolan is also joyfully jumping at the chance to further trash Church credibility with the upcoming NY State version.

An old saying is, “If you throw a stick into a pack of dogs, the one who is hit, yelps.” Please track down who is behind this campaign. If they are putting so much effort into protecting pedophiles, you are likely to find the highest concentration of predators under their protection. Chaput recently published a mostly gibberish column on the need for Catholics to become politically active. I agree, but most of my activism is against what is preached on the altar.

Ever since the previous entity in possession of the vatican proudly proclaimed the church’s preference for pedophiles seven years ago, I have been actively protesting. Benne Dick’s statement comparing women who want to be priests with pedophiles highlighted the vatican’s policy and practice. Promote the pedophile – Excommunicate the woman. They just hired a new one this May.

I do not want creatures who prefer pedophiles to women on the same planet as my children. The vatican has continued to promote their rape culture as theology since then. I am furious that these proud pagan pedophiles continue to claim they are associated with the Catholic Church. You go after them on the legal front and I will go after them on the theological. I have already written the papal nuncio.

The Washington Post recently had an excellent editorial on the need for men to fight the rape culture in order to eliminate it. Too many men prefer the power trip. The vatican enshrines it as holy.

(Note that the ‘bishop’s campaign against the bill came out AFTER Francis’s tour of Philadelphia. I have heard they disagree on issues. So is Francis in favor or against this practice?) How long do the Cardinals and Bishops think they can flat out lie to us before they lose all credibility? William Donohue’s Catholic League’s website had a big tirade saying the only purpose of the bill was to “stick it to Catholics” Legal opinion expressed by a sociologist. . My local pastor endorsed his site as a great source of Catholic Truth and handed out one of his articles that essentially said that women who dress provocatively deserve to be raped. I have been telling these ‘pro-Catholic’ protestors that their actions are shredding the credibility of the Church. The Catholic League shut down for awhile afterwards. I don’t know if it was my e-mail to them or the hierarchy shut them down I have heard that the legislator who sponsored the bill was a victim of pedophilia and was literally crying for justice. . My main objection is the bill is a very inefficient means of distributing funds to ‘solve’ the problem. Lawsuits mainly benefit lawyers and their few chosen clients. The majority are left to suffer & the law changes nothing. The law would strip the organizations of the funds they need to function. It would also hamper their ability to rectify the problem. Most of them were only guilty of blind trust in their staff. Unfortunately, the bill would more likely punish the innocent rather than the guilty. They are all dead or retired, leaving the charitable non-profits and government schools having to cut services to enrich the lawyers of the victims. It would be more practical to sue for the release of the records so that active pedophiles could be tracked down and stopped. The below is a cogent argument for a new policy that would avoid frivolous lawsuits about clerical pedophilia, but bring justice to victims. http://ncronline.org/blogs/faith-and-justice/extending-statute-limitations The law SPECIFICALLY covers children abused by ANY person. In that aspect, public school victims have the same rights as all others. However, when it comes to SUING an institution (a legal recourse after the fact), the law has also to address existing statutes on sovereign immunity; a protection not afforded private institutions. It does not do that retroactively because such would be clearly unconstitutional FOR GOVERNMENT. There is now an argument that it is unconstitutional FOR PRIVATE AGENCIES as well. Now ‘Cardinal’ Dolan is jumping for joy at the opportunity to further trash the Church’s reputation with the similar NY bill. He is already hard at work trying to pre-settle to limit costs. Then all the lying depraved thugs decided to endorse the lying depraved thug for President because it says it is “Pro Life.“ I’m sure the same way it “Digs Coal.” Coal is dirty, expensive, and inconvenient compared to natural gas. Who in their right mind is going to buy coal? Even if they did, the coal industry is like nearly every other industry in the world – automated. My brother – in –law looked it up. 90% of the active coal companies hire about 5 people because of people doubling up on job descriptions and automation. So to double production, they would hire 5 more? The NYT had the article on the bagel basket makers. They used to hire hundreds; all missing fingers. They hire a fraction of what they used to and production jumped via automation. It is the same worldwide. The Boston Post editorial about the Republican “nanny state”. The Republican Party endorses small government while demanding totalitarian powers. Trump advocates using Second amendment rights to eliminate First Amendment Rights. The First Amendment “prohibits the making of any law respecting an establishment of religion.” Trump wants to bring back the Inquisition for screening refugees and immigrants. Who you can marry Which bathroom you can use Artificial price control on consumer goods and wages (Communism) Reversing the technological advances that resulted in cheap natural gas and expensive coal Medical Marijuana – (All Republicans have medical degrees) political prisoners (Stalinist) Breaking up the banks = communism. Funerals for miscarriages Width of hallways in reproduction clinics So Trump, using Adolf Hitler’s Slogan – “Make America (Germany) Great Again advocates destroying everything that makes America Great. As President, he would be required to swear to uphold the Constitution while campaigning to destroy it. I am fed up. You stay with Benne Dick’s elect of the church, the pedophiles, the penis worshippers, and the sub standard Latin scholars and I will acknowledge I am part of the walled out where it is safe. I have never seen an organization work so hard to achieve the theological, religious and moral credibility of child pornographers. That will give me at least 6 hours more a week in which to write these letters and to pray for the conversion of the vatican from paganism to Christianity. I feel like the little boy crying out that the Emperor has no clothes! I will, however; continue writing to everyone I can think of to protest this policy of pedophilia until I see some believable evidence that the Vatican looks at Christ and sees something other than a penis and looks at our children and sees something other than prey. Unfortunately, I have seen no evidence that the current pope has implemented policies for papal senility. In all my life, I have never seen a more dangerous mental handicap than the male ego. Put Another Log on the Fire Tompall Glaser

Put another log on the fire Cook me up some bacon and some beans And go out to the car and change the tire Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe And then go fetch my slippers And boil me up another pot of tea Then put another log on the fire, babe And come and tell me why you're leaving me Now don't I let you wash the car on Sunday? Don't I warn you when you're gettin fat? Ain't I gonna take you fishin' with me someday? Well, a man can't love a woman more than that Ain't I always nice to your kid sister? Don't I take her driving every night? So, sit here at my feet 'cause I like you when you're sweet And you know it ain't feminine to fight So, put…

SD FARMER EXPLAINS FAMILY LAW TO ME

I can also tell you about legal opinion expressed by a SD farmer that is giving me an ulcer. My two adult autistic spectrum children stayed with my brother for over a year while my daughter attended college. My son couldn’t drive and needed to be chauffeured back and forth into town for work 4 days a week for about 4 hours of work a day. When my brother tried to teach him to drive, he took the door off the truck backing it into a yard pole. After over a year of trying, my brother realized that Nick was not capable of obtaining a driver’s license. It is incredibly easy to learn to drive in SD. The roads are dead flat, straight, and have almost no vehicles on them. He had better luck teaching my daughter. She got her driver’s license. He took her halfway across the state to be evaluated by a psychologist so she could get counseling services which she blew off. She took advantage of my brother’s hospitality and chauffeur service, then cut contact when she got to college. All in all, he did wonders for them. My son had never held a job before and my daughter had refused to learn to drive until being out there forced her to. The college counselors told my brother that they couldn’t talk to him unless he was a legal guardian, which is bogus. Students only need to sign a release form to allow counselors to talk to family members. I wouldn’t want to keep track of 700 release forms either. My son got homesick and decided to come home after the second winter. My brother told me, that neither of my children were allowed back on his farm unless I IMMEDIATELY got guardianship on both of them; like guardianship is something you pick for your children like a pair of underwear at K-Mart. Guardianship is NOT easy. An adult child has to be essentially passed out on the street to get it. This here is American where you have the God given right to starve to death on the street if you want. The courts are legally obligated to take the least restrictive action. Guardianship is the nuclear bomb of the options. It involves 2 lawyers: 1 to prove the child is competent and one to prove they aren’t. It cannot be done across state lines and it is expensive, potentially taking resources away from the adult child. It does NOT happen IMMEDIATELY. It can take several months. I tried to explain this to my brother. He said he was tired of trying to talk sense into me. Guardianship is not a magic spell. If not done correctly, it can make the situation WORSE. It can cut the child off from social services. If you do not have physical control on the adult child, they can destroy people or property in protest of the guardianship and drive you into bankruptcy. It took months before I could get a lawyer to call me back. The one who did is legally obligated under his contract to reply within 24 hours even to say he cannot help. In the support groups, I am usually the one explaining to the lawyers and other parents how the system works. The transitional counselor (new to the job) said I knew more than she did and was the most organized parent she had seen. So in effect, my brother told my children to leave and not come back. I am sorry that they were not enough help to him for him to want to have them around. I can well understand he is fed up and I am grateful for what he did for my children, but don’t say it is MY fault for not doing the legally impossible IMMEDIATELY.

#vatican

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