#i dont remember if it was outright stated in the books but alex wondering the entire time if ian even loved him?

[jenna-louise-jamie]

i cannot stop thinking about ian rider. more specifically, how alex had so many unprocessed feelings about him after his death. imagine being an orphan, getting adopted by your uncle as a baby, having him raise you for 14 years then discovering he lied to you your entire life. that he [unintentionally or not] trained you to be something you never wanted to be under the guise of bonding with you. never being able to ask him what his actual intentions were because he's dead. never getting closure for it. im going to throw up.

#i remember reading stormbreaker for the first time and i could not stop crying the entire book #i have big emotions dont blame me #but seeing alex follow in ian's footsteps quite literally seeing and living through what lead to his death #it fucked me up #i dont remember if it was outright stated in the books but alex wondering the entire time if ian even loved him? #it wasn't framed directly but thats how i interpreted it #i cant even coherently put into words all my thoughts about this #ontop of everything else this is one of the core things that makes me so emotional over this silly little book series like holy shit #alex my son i just want to give you a hug #alex rider #alex rider books #ian rider #please don't get me started about my thoughts of whether or not ian did in fact love him #my head might explode #these books fucked up my brain chemistry permanently