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#i feel more justified after it I guess ‘cause she’s the one who allegedly approves the messages her husband sent me when we had our fight
gandreida
·
3 months
Text
hheeeuuurrgghppbbtttt
#my dad messaged me today sayin’ he hopes to see me soon and it honestly ruined my day luke
#like please leave me alone ://////
#then some general normal Every Day BS happened at work and I just had to dip I almost walked off the job no word to my sups
#Just makes me think of my mom which
#i feel more justified after it I guess ‘cause she’s the one who allegedly approves the messages her husband sent me when we had our fight
#tbh life is better w/o her messaging me daily like I spent basically all of 2023
#wanting to cut her off and she gave me even the lightest reason to do it so i did and it’s been nice
#the pointless guilt I felt for not wanting to see my family has turned into general resentment and annoyance
#i don’t even miss her or him like I straight up just don’t want to see my blood relatives they’re not family to me they’re just people
#i happen to share genes with like if you really wanted to build a relationship with the person
#you forced into this stupid world then maybe you shouldn’t have been such insufferable assholes for the first 18 years
#i spent most of my conversations with them over the phone last year basically just saying life sucks and that i want to kill myself
#I need them to feel bad for conceiving me i need them to regret it
#my cousin Aaron has the right idea tbh like last I heard he wasn’t talking to my uncle or anyone w/ blood relations really
#following in his footsteps. I legit just got so full of rage and frustration when my dad messaged me it’s been like 3 weeks since we spoke
#it was so obvious that I didn’t like my mom growing up everyone knew it and berated me for it like how am i supposed to accept that?
#How am I supposed to take the hate and anger she exhibit and put out there in that unhappy home
#and turn the hate and anger her and her family felt towards me for not loving her
#and turn that into love? How am I supposed to turn unending anger and hatred and bitterness and just be like ‘yeah i love you’
#I love my parents in the sense that I am familiar w/ them and they have had a constant presence in my life up this point and when I was like
#8y/o I had some pretty good times w/ my dad that were DIRECTLY related to my mom being out of the house
#my mom was just so abusive to that man for 20+ years
#and he took the love I had for him and made me hate him by just shoving jesus down my throat
#We used to have CONVERSATIONS he & I but then he got his head stuck so far up his ass that he couldn’t see
#how he was just ruining everything. Me: Hey so this thing thats goin on?
#him: haha yeah that thing thats been goin on!! You know what tho
#[starts pitching JC to me again]
#that was all I could get from him from 12-18/19
#he killed whatever relationship we had together and now it’s a decade later and I have no interest in talking to him
#I don’t care to try and rebuild. I don’t want to rebuild anything with him I don’t want him to want that either
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