#i have a job interview tmrw should i be more anxious abt it

[girlwithfish]

Having no external maladative coping mechanisms is so crazy like ofc i still do the rumination stuff emotional numbing avoidance but like more outward actions like getting high every day or self harming i dont do either its kind of weird esp at times when i am really emotional in a bad way and dont know what to do like . i need a pen rn or i need a nic addiction or to become an alcoholic or maybe i should just start [redacted] oops! but no im gonna. play guitar or something i guess

#i have a job interview tmrw should i be more anxious abt it #im anxious but im also not preparing at all really lol just gonna wing it #maybe i shld care more #its a barista job and they called me super quick so i feel they need staff as long as im normal n stuff i dont feel they're that picky #bc of how quick they reached out to me #im gonna b so tired working full time again but i need to get my ass off and it wont be as tiring as the daycare job probably #itll b tiring but in diff ways and at least im not in charge of sixteen little two yr olds so i can prob manage #but being on my feet all day is gna make me wanna die my back is already baddd #its good though i need to get on w my ljfe and move forward and i need money and to be doing something 👍 #employed girl soon hopefully #and then i tell myself im gna still look for career~ jobs while i work but i probably wont bc ill b tired from working full time👍so

[botchienqueen]

thurs, july, 15th, 2021 //

today has just been a rollercoaster, i feel so stressed and anxious abt everything rn. i have experience applying to jobs and diff positions but idkwhy this time around it’s just been so stressful, like why is it so hard to get a damn job???? Whybbb???? the whole process and all from the application to referencessss to interviews. omg i cant even start to think abt references rn, as someone who constantly feels like a bother to others, the whole process of getting references has been a nightmare to say the least, I feel like such a NUISANCE!’ To everybody’s lives. And the uncertainty of everything is exhausting, one moment it seemed like it would be guaranteed and one moment it’s not?? I know I should be feeling more blessed than anything tbh bcoz at least I have options, but im a LIBRA YALLL, im not good with choices, more choices just gives me headachessss. not to mention all the change happening at my current job, ughhh what is this bad timing. just when I thought it can’t get anymore stressful than last week, this week hit me like a train, esp today, i feel like the meter has rlly peaked today to a point where i noticed myself getting irritated by anyone and everyone. mom went shopping n bought me a few things but I was just so done and grumpy and tired that I rlly came off as ungrateful and wasn’t able to show her I appreciate what she does. I’ve wanted to break down a couple times today and for a few moments I’ve thought you know what if I just stay in my spot in my current situation at my current workplace everything would be fine, and I wouldn’t have to deal with all these issues rn. but altho that may be true, I would never learn if I stay in the same place. ik at one point, all of this will smoothen out, things will work itself out and I’ll learn from all of this, whether or not i get the position, this whole experience will be a great learning opportunity. i just need to chill out, calm down and take each step at a time, each day at a time. Breathe girl breatheeee, you can do this. cant seem to turn my mind off rn but im gonna try to go to sleep, i need to wake up early tmrw for my interview because that’s the next step i need to take among the gazillion other things I have to do but it’s okay don’t look too far, just one step at a time...

#tues jul 15 2021 236am #im sorry if I sound crazy n overwhelmed bcoz that’s exactly what im feeling rn #I just needed to get this off my chest #and my mind so maybe now it can quiet down in there (my mind) so I can catch some zzz coz I’ll need it for tmrw for sureeeee #wow just reread this whole thing and it’s just so chaotic sounding #and that’s probs coz my mind is so scattered rn and my thought process is just jumping from one train to another #it’s okay you can do this girl hang in there #just talking to myself don’t mind me #also my anxiety has been the main factor suppressing my appetite the last few days but I’m on a diet so maybe that’s not a bad thing #coz haven’t had any cravings so far