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#i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections
dreamlogic
·
3 months
Text
2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)
#ctxt
#i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70%
#i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections
#to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh
#going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long
#while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time
#but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed
#to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach
#and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me
#and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually
#i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op)
#but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever
#i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it
#money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out
#but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now
#genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year
#and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough
#to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last
#in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was
#bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive
#and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there
#but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety
#it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself'
#and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time?
#and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it
#i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults
#i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed
#instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things
#and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need
#chronic blogging
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